This article is from the WeChat public account: Ge Zhijun (ID: Yourgezhijun), author: Ge Zhijun's back garden, original title: "The Trap under Parenting Anxiety: "Outsourced Parents" with a monthly income of 40,000 yuan are hollowing out their children's childhood", title picture source: Visual China
This year, it seems that the gold and silver are a little colder than in previous years, and the job market is deserted, but there is a category of positions that are not only high salaries but also in short supply.
This is the "Child Growth Companion". It sounds like a bluff, but it's actually supervising and tutoring homework, preparing for various competitions inside and outside the school, and picking up and dropping off children to various training classes.
To put it bluntly, it is to outsource the work of the parents at a "high price".
But there seems to be an obvious bug in this matter, parent-child companionship, and it can also be outsourced?
One
As the name suggests, "child growth companion" is to accompany children, and at the same time, it may also have multiple identities such as tutor, nanny and even psychological counselor.
To put it bluntly, it is to clearly mark the price of "parental duties" in the traditional sense and outsource them.
At present, the demand for this emerging industry in the market is very strong, and even a little "in short supply", especially in the economically developed areas such as Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, Shenzhen, Jiangsu, Zhejiang, Shanghai, and the Pearl River Delta.
Most of the employers of these companions are middle-class or affluent, and the main reason for looking for a companion is that they are too busy to spend time with their children, but they want to give their children some high-quality companionship.
I went to a recruitment platform and found that there were many posts recruiting child growth companions, some of whom were housekeeping companies, and some were intermediaries, with salaries ranging from 5,000 to 40,000 yuan.
Most of the applicants are teachers in public and private schools, or teachers in the education and training industry, and there are also some "high-end" nannies.
However, the so-called "child companion and growth teacher" is not included in the relevant occupational directory of the Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security, so it is not an officially recognized profession.
Without official recognition, there is naturally a lack of relevant industry norms. There is a mixture of all kinds of institutions, and the quality of services is uneven.
Qualifications of chaperones also vary, with professionally trained teachers likely to provide systematic and professional accompaniment, while lower-end candidates may only be able to provide a simple upgrade to traditional housekeeping services.
Some institutions even change the door-to-door "private teaching" of subject training teachers into vests and package them as children's growth companions, which is actually playing the edge ball of "education and training", and under the banner of companionship, they are actually making up classes.
And more importantly, this kind of outsourcing companionship is essentially a substitute for the parent-child relationship rather than an enhancement.
In the long run, this can lead to a misalignment of the child's emotional attachment and a further weakening of family functioning. Because what children need is not an "outsider" who is always by their side.
In fact, except for the time spent at school, the time for children and parents to spend with each other every day is limited.
If you outsource even the period after class, and always want to solve it with money, it is likely to cause alienation of parent-child relationship.
Once the child encounters problems such as adolescent rebellion and school weariness, he still has to rely on external forces, find "experts", and get money to settle things. Because you don't know your children at all, and they don't listen to you at all.
Two
Recently, Zhao Juying, an "Internet celebrity" who has become popular on the Internet, is a "family education expert" who specializes in solving this kind of problem.
Compared with the accompanying teacher who often has 20,000 or 30,000 yuan, Mr. Zhao's threshold is much lower. Parents who are eager to cultivate top students and are obsessed with success may become Mr. Zhao's "customers".
Let's take a look at the "famous work" that turned Zhao Juying from an ordinary primary school Chinese teacher into a top-notch education expert - what is his prodigy son doing now.
This gifted child, who can read more than 2,000 Chinese characters at the age of two, fluently recite 14 English world classics, and translate in four languages in Jiayuguan, is currently studying at Binghamton University (SUNY) as an undergraduate, and is ranked around 1000~1200 in the QS world.
Obviously, this super cow baby, which has been reported by many media, has returned to the mean, and it is no different from ordinary post-00s youth.
However, his mother's "education career" is in full swing, and many parents ask for help, hoping that Mr. Zhao will visit their homes so that their children can fall in love with learning.
Teacher Zhao's education method is simple and rude, first oral education, telling children to have dreams, and then putting into action, smashing children's toys, not only smashing themselves, but also forcing children to smash together, and finally throwing them directly into the trash.
Where is this educating children? It's like being an expert, and you're bullying condescendingly. If there is not even the most basic equal exchange, how can there be education?
And when Zhao Juying marks her authority by forcing children to damage toys, this is actually a very dangerous "destructive experiment", which destroys not only the child's beloved toys, but also a childish heart that longs to be understood.
"Humiliation and punishment" education is likely to lead to extreme resistance and hatred of parents, which in turn leads to violent confrontation.
Is it true that obedience and good grades are more important than children's physical and mental health?
The reason why "Zhao Juying" has a market is essentially the lack of parents in education.
Parents are not committed to raising a child with a sound personality and a strong sense of happiness, and they only think about buying a shortcut mode to immediately build their child into the "ideal type" in their own minds, and the top student in the eyes of others.
But children are individuals with independent consciousness, not puppets at the mercy of their parents.
In the early stage, there was a lack of companionship and education, and when something went wrong, I wanted to spend money to settle it.
But I'm sorry, but this parent-child relationship is not easy to spend money; The parenting model is also not a business model and cannot be replicated at all.
Parents' over-reliance on external forces can lead to serious rebellious feelings in children during adolescence. Because they feel a life of arrangement and control, rather than an environment of growth based on understanding and respect.
To put it bluntly, the most important thing in family education is emotional communication and value shaping, which cannot be completely replaced by "external experts".
Three
I have to say that these days, parents' money is really "cut". Stubble after stubble of leeks is really inexhaustible.
Bloggers and institutions from all walks of life create parenting anxiety in various subdivisions, sell classes and products, and "parenting anxiety" has easily become a tool for them to collect money.
But the "anxiety" of parents has not been solved by half a point.
This class of parents is indeed not easy, their work pressure is high, from leaders to customers, no one is good to serve, 996 days hard to be a cow and horse, in order to keep the precarious job, there is no time to accompany the children.
Then, the school also throws all kinds of pots, assigning parents all kinds of "homework" such as punching cards and doing briefings. If the child learns at the end of the crane, he will not only have to accept the teacher's "criticism" every day, but also the family will be jumping.
But to be honest, work is to live a better life, but now it seems that the whole society has forgotten this, and everyone is wrapped up in a desperate involution. Roll it yourself, and force your child to roll it.
worked hard to earn some money, and finally recharged it all to various institutions.
In the short term, outsourcing seems to be able to solve the problem of lack of time and ability, but it ignores a big bug: love and companionship.
The real parent-child relationship requires the personal participation of parents, the ordinary days spent together, and the unconditional acceptance and understanding.
Experts and teachers who take money to do things, no matter how conscientious they are, cannot replace the emotional support and guidance of parents in the process of children's growth.
Moreover, the lack and dislocation of family education is not only a harm to the family relationship, but also an obstacle to the development of children's personality and self-awareness.
Education is never an assembly line, and every child is a unique individual, and their needs go far beyond tutoring and skill development.
After all, the companionship bought with money is only a formal "in place", it cannot touch the deep needs of the child's heart, and it is impossible to cultivate a deep emotional bond.
Parents who truly understand the responsibilities of parents, instead of trying their best to buy companionship, training, and experts, it is better to do more chicken themselves.
It's not about ignoring your children and burying your head in your career, but learning how to be a parent.
We don't mean that children are born with the intention of becoming parents. As a child grows up, the child's emotional needs rise exponentially in addition to basic material needs.
If parents just spend money to buy comfort, buy responsibility, and buy a solution, and then they are immersed in self-touching, saying "I paid XXX money to support you", forcibly pulling themselves up, fantasizing about the mutation of genes on their own to satisfy their own selfish desires, it is no different from buying lottery tickets with moral kidnapping.
Unless you have a mine at home, I advise parents who work hard to make money to be cautious, don't rush to the doctor, parental companionship really can't be bought.
This article is from the WeChat public account: Ge Zhijun (ID: Yourgezhijun), author: Ge Zhijun's back garden
This content is the author's independent view and does not represent the position of Tiger Sniff. May not be reproduced without permission, please contact [email protected] for authorization
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