Text‖ Shi Xiaohua Picture‖ Internet
I used to tease a friend, saying that I don't know if he has been in a harsh environment for too long, so that even people have become "cold". After a long time, he said that he actually had pain points, I said what it was, and after a while, he slowly typed three words "my mother" on the other end of the screen.
So, one day in late spring and early summer, sitting in front of the floor-to-ceiling window of a restaurant in Longhu, I looked at the scenery outside the window and quietly listened to him talk about his upbringing. (Want to see what the author of this article, Mr. Shi Xiaohua, wrote last time?) Welcome to click on the following link: The Wilderness of Life: One day, you will meet the appearance of your dreams in front of you)
It was an easy past. Due to his father's poor health, all the farm work outside the family fell on his mother. The burden of life made his mother's temper very short-tempered, and he was particularly stubborn when he was a child, so he would be beaten and scolded every once in a while. But fortunately, in addition to beating and scolding, he can still feel the love from his mother. Although his mother was illiterate, she also taught him a lot of principles about how to behave and behave.
Therefore, even though his life was very difficult when he was young, he still had a sound personality and a warm background when he grew up.
Because he knew his mother's hardships and the cold words he endured to support the family, he simply bought a house for his parents in a city in another province, far away from the environment of his hometown.
Now that he's middle-aged, his childhood memories have long since passed, but even as he manages project after project, he tells me that he still fears his mother at heart.
I said that maybe you are not afraid, but in fact, you are distressed, and distress is also a manifestation of love. His eyes lit up suddenly, and his expression softened, like a little boy in front of his parents.
I know that many people are like him, and their feelings for their mothers are very complicated, with guilt, pity, and perhaps dissatisfaction and helplessness.
is also a middle-aged friend, a woman who starts her own business. She is always peaceful and stable in front of others, but she has experienced a lot of pain from her unknown original family.
When she was born, she already had three older sisters, and her parents always wanted to have a son at that time, so she was given away by her mother several times when she was a child.
The experience cast a thick shadow over her teenage years. For a long time, she had to heal by studying psychology on her own, which is the so-called healing of childhood with a lifetime. Until now, she said that her mother was sick and unhappy, and seeing her mother in such pain, she suddenly reconciled with her mother, and there was no resentment in her heart, but more sympathy. I know that she has not only reconciled with her mother, but also with herself and her past.
Just like that "cold" friend, you can now feel his self-consistency.
On Mother's Day, I saw a video posted by a friend, she said that she dreamed that her mother was preparing to cook, and her mother even thought about the next meal, what to cook next. The scene in the dream made her feel warm and expectant, but the scene in the dream was different from the state of her mother in reality. However, through this dream, she felt that in reality, her mother also had a loving side, but she seemed to have forgotten this selectively, and what she remembered was that her mother was coping with life repeatedly, and did not have so much heart to care for her children.
She recalls some loving moments when her mother was in the first grade, when one day after she had gone far from school, her mother caught up with her and gave her some pocket money. For example, once when she was sick as an adult, her mother cried and cried that she must be cured. For example, her mother rarely criticizes her and rarely interferes in her life. By recalling these moments, she was convinced that her mother loved her, but it was difficult for her to put her expectations of a mother on her own mother before.
On Mother's Day, I also browsed the comments under the official account, and one of the comments caught my attention, a netizen said, you are all talking about good mothers, are there any bad mothers?
I don't know what he or she has been through, but I hope he or she can heal himself in the future.
Many times, when we do self-analysis or analyze others, we inevitably attribute it to the family of origin. However, if we are already middle-aged, we hope that we have experienced self-growth, healing and reconstruction, and have a self-responsible spirit and attitude.
Some people say that there are three realms in life, one is more difficult than the other, that is, accepting that our parents are ordinary people, accepting ourselves as ordinary people, and accepting our children as ordinary people.
When we grow up and are beaten repeatedly by life, we will gradually understand the limitations of our parents, and understand that the love of our parents is conditional rather than unconditional, and this condition does not necessarily require us to be obedient and sensible and outstanding, but that our parents also have a lot beyond our ability, or our parents do not know how to be a good parent. I used to be unable to understand my parents until I became a parent.
This kind of reflection allows us to strive to be a better parent in the face of the next generation, to be more open-minded, more relaxed, more emotionally stable, more empowered, and to allow the child to be his own parent. So whenever Big Fat says to me, you are a good mother today, and you were the same yesterday. I would say, maybe tomorrow I'm not a good mother. And then Big Fat would say, that's okay, I might not be a good boy tomorrow either.
Maybe every generation of parents has their own way of loving their children, maybe there are many kinds of parents' love, but no matter what, for parents, children are like the sentence in "Sakundaro", "No matter how far you go, you will not get out of my heart, and the shadow of the tree at dusk is inseparable from the roots no matter how long it drags on." ”
Shi Xiaohua, female, born in the 80s, from Xuchang, member of Jiusan Society, formerly worked in Xu Ji Group, now works and lives in Zhengzhou, loves yoga, dance, and table tennis.
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