Author: Xu Zhen
"Just find someone to partner with, it's better to be with Tmall Elf"
Amin, who is nearly 30 years old, was urged to collapse by his parents to marry and love.
Her last formal relationship was when she was in college. After coming out of work, I had no less than 10 blind dates under the arrangement of my parents, but each one ended without a problem.
The best time, I watched two movies and chatted for half a month.
12 days to be exact, the chat content begins with all kinds of life trivialities, and finally the other party's sentence -
"What are you doing?" "Have you eaten it?"
Later, when Amin saw these two sentences, he suddenly felt like vomiting.
This desire to vomit is literally, a physiological response that is affected by emotions.
Later, she began to reflect on why she could successfully go to school, find employment, and get a car license, but she could never enter a marriage and start an intimate relationship?
Later, Amin concluded that the reason should lie with his parents.
Because her parents also started on a blind date and finally got married.
In Amin's eyes, his father calling Tmall Elf (an AI intelligent assistant) is more emotional than calling his mother's name.
After seeing his father's tone of shouting Tmall Elf again, Amin suddenly realized that he was in an arranged marriage between his parents-
Marriage is a must, and love is optional.
She thought it was strange, was the order reversed?
Shouldn't marriage be a union based on love?
When did it become a cold life level? Amin felt that it couldn't be like this, it couldn't be like this, it wasn't right. So later, she refused her parents' blind date requests, again and again.
I don't know if it was the 29th or 30th time, but my mother broke down and pointed at her and shouted:
"Why don't you get married! Why! ”
Listening to her mother's hysteria, Amin was silent.
In fact, Liang Yongan, an associate professor at Fudan University, said that he had already answered this question about Amin's mother, and Mr. Liang said-
Young people don't get married on the surface, but they are actually insisting on love.
"A marriage without love is unhappy."
"There is no interest in life, it is to dress, eat and have a baby, everything is like a program, that is a lack of vitality that is too great."
Amin felt very bluntly:
"If I find someone to partner with, then why don't I marry Tmall Genie (the AI that her father often talks to)?"
Love is the most important, marriage must have love, there must be love.
But with love, is the problem solved?
If you think about it that way, it's a little simpler. After having love, soon, the second problem is in front of us - the material foundation.
"I can't afford a house, what kind of marriage"
In China, the most important material foundation for marriage is undoubtedly the house.
You don't see, on the streets of Beijing, the bustling blind date corner, the uncles and aunts are pushing their hands, just like Huashan on the sword. The first form of the woman's parents is often to show their demands -
"Do you have a room in your house?"
"How many sets are there?"
"Downtown or suburban?"
"Is the house paid in full or in installments? How much is the monthly mortgage? ”
The hero is sad to pass the beauty pass, and the mother-in-law is sad to have no room.
For many young men who are about to enter marriage, the marriage room is a hurdle that cannot be bypassed no matter what.
Although the older generation said that they had nothing at that time, they got married and started a family. But now—
According to the survey data of 58.com, 76.6% of single people cannot accept renting a house to get married, and 16.6% believe that the man buys the property in full.
However, in the case of high housing prices, the threshold for buying a house in first-tier cities is 3 million, and in second- and third-tier cities, it is also 1 million.
How many years did it take for a generation to make up the house payment?
I can't get it together, so I have to ask my parents, my grandparents, and my grandparents.
Mom and Dad took the provident fund, grandparents took out the bottom book, and grandparents also took out a little savings that they had saved for more than 20 years.
100,000 here, 80,000 there, patchwork together, buy a house, and empty six wallets inside and out.
But to be able to buy a house, everyone is happy.
There are quite a few people's feelings that have been defeated by reality.
can't buy a house, and the little couple didn't move towards marriage, but towards sharing.
I once met a couple who finally broke up after 6 years of love. In those six years, they moved no less than 10 times.
When they were about to get married, they also walked the streets to find a suitable house, but in the end they broke up because they couldn't get a down payment on a 50-square-meter house.
When they broke up, the woman said:
"I don't want to get pregnant later, or when I have a baby. I also want to be pushed by the landlord, I just want to have a stable house that won't be evicted, am I wrong? ”
This kind of thing is by no means an isolated case.
Is the woman at fault?
Not at all, no one wants to be as frail as duckweed for the rest of their lives, and they don't even have a place to stay.
Life is long, and it takes decades to endure this hardship.
Is it easy for a man?
It's too hard.
And finally—
One side does everything they have, one side has the bottom line needs, no one is willing to give in, everyone thinks that their requirements are very reasonable, and their difficulties are obvious.
So the stalemate was held, and in the end, if not to break the game, it was to disillusionment.
You can't afford a house, I don't see hope.
The absence of the marriage room ended up blocking many women from the door of marriage.
"Because of the 200,000 bride price, my girlfriend and I split it"
In addition to the marriage room, the high price of the bride price is also a major problem for women before marriage.
The woman's family will consider that when the daughter gets married, she always has to hold some money in her hand so that she will not be bullied by her in-laws;
But the man's family will think, there are endless gift projects, and if you want such a high bride price, will you sell your daughter or marry your daughter?
Before entering the door, we predetermined that we were not good for girls, and how would we live in the future?
In order to make up the bride price of 200,000 yuan, I have a friend, my father took out all the provident fund, asked relatives and friends to borrow tens of thousands, took on a large amount of debt, and even planned to sell the car used by the family to make money.
But I still didn't get together 200,000.
The parents of both sides chatted on WeChat and offline, but never reached a consensus on the bride price.
Finally, a friend's girlfriend sent him a text message -
"There is no bride price, and the house you bought has nothing to do with me."
"I'm tired, my dear, let it be."
Sun Yuhua, an associate researcher at the China Rule of Law Strategy Research Center of East China University of Political Science and Law, sighed after visiting the bride price situation in many places in China:
"The high price of bride price raises the threshold for marriage in some rural areas, which will exacerbate the problem of difficulty in marriage and childbirth."
Shanghai socialite Gu Li once had a golden sentence: "Love without material is just a plate of loose sand, and it doesn't need to be blown by the wind, and it will be scattered after two steps." ”
Therefore, many women, even after passing the marriage room, collapsed in front of the high bride price, and finally fell before the end of the marriage.
"I don't want to be treated like a wife"
Finally, I would like to say that in recent years, women's consciousness has been awakening.
This was a good thing, but slowly, the wind was a little off.
For example, "love brain" has become a derogatory term.
On major social platforms, showing affection in exchange for blessings is not necessarily a blessing, but it may also be a yin and yang weird dog head.
Or the ironic phrase "let go of the plot of helping others and laugh at the fate of others".
It seems that after entering marriage, life is only a piece of chicken feathers.
Many women who have never entered marriage see the "married life" that has been pushed over by the short video platform for traffic.
The husband was drunk and fell asleep in the living room. Women coax their young sons while tidying up the messy house.
Alone, he cleared two large bags of garbage and went out, and his husband was still dreaming soundly, let alone helping, and he didn't even pay a word of verbal concern.
Women who have watched too many of these videos have no confidence in marriage.
"The awakening of women's consciousness" has become a traffic password, and there is already a trend of overkill.
If you get married, then you are a dodder, a vassal of male power, and a spiritual man.
You want to worship your boyfriend, which is even more "heinous", and a "coquettish wife" top hat will be smashed on your head.
This kind of atmosphere invisibly puts a spiritual shackle on women.
Remember papi-chan?
After she got married and had children, the children took her husband's surname, how much scolding did she arouse? Many young women have also become related to each other in such a wave and atmosphere.
As a result, getting married has become a thing that requires courage, and even courage.
In 2021, fewer than 8 million marriages were registered in China.
What is this concept?
Let's put it this way, less than 1 in 10 of China's school-age people are married.
Moreover, the marriage rate is declining year by year.
Marriage also seems to have become dispensable for the younger generation.
But is that really the case?
No, it is precisely because we still have expectations for marriage and longing for love.
We are not willing to compromise, we are not willing to be perfunctory.
We firmly hope that there will be love in marriage, and we hope that there will be partners who can support each other and comfort each other on the long road of life, instead of splashing and rolling in the firewood, rice, oil and salt of chicken feathers.
We are afraid to enter into marriage, not because we are afraid of marriage itself.
It's just that I was bent over by the heavy pressure of life, and my eyes were covered by complicated materials, and I was afraid that in my daily life, my love would be completely consumed.
We hope to be in harmony with our partner Qin Se, and to accompany each other through the ups and downs of life hand in hand.
A marriage full of love is Shen Fu's "cloth clothes, vegetables, rice and coke for life"; It is Sanmao's sentence "Not much, not much, you can eat less in the future".
This is the most touching and innocent appearance of marriage.
Making love blossom and bear fruit is never a bad thing that people can't avoid.
I hope that everyone will not have to avoid marriage because of the pressures of the world;
You don't have to hate marriage for some gossip.
Girl, life is not easy, but if you think about it, you have to get married.
I will still bless you loudly—
Go for it, you will be happy.