Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
In the journey of marriage, we all want to grow old with our partners and spend a lifetime together.
But the reality is often not satisfactory. Sometimes, we have to face the cruel fact that our partner has changed her mind.
When this day really comes, many people will choose to stay and try to find their former love.
It's just that many times, instead of dwelling on the warmth of the past, it is better to face the reality bravely and take a more sensible approach.
Just because, twisted melons are never sweet.
When the other party's heart is no longer with you, even if you try your best to keep it, or even beg hard, it only temporarily delays the arrival of the breakup, but you can't really save the other party's heart.
As the ancients said: "You can keep people, but you can't keep your heart." ”
This kind of retention is not only a kind of torture for yourself, but also a kind of restraint for the other party.
So, what should we do in the face of our partner's change of heart?
01
Analyze calmly and figure out why
When we find out that the other person has changed their mind, the first thing we need to do is to calm down and figure out what the problem is.
Was it a spur-of-the-moment decision or a deliberate decision? Is it the temptation of external factors, or is there a rift in your relationship?
Only by understanding the root cause of the problem can we take targeted measures.
After finding out that her husband was having an affair with other members of the opposite sex, Ah Xin did not immediately make a fuss, but calmly communicated with her husband in depth.
Through the exchange, she learned that the reason why her husband did this was because he felt that he did not get enough attention and respect in his marriage.
After figuring out the reason, Ah Xin began to adjust her attitude and behavior, worked hard to improve the relationship between husband and wife, and finally succeeded in saving her husband's heart.
02
Self-reflection and self-improvement
After figuring out the reason for the other person's change of heart, we need to do deep introspection on ourselves.
Is there something that isn't good enough for the other person to feel disappointed or bored? If so, then we need to work hard to improve ourselves and make ourselves more attractive.
Mr. Yang Jiang once said: "At any time, you must believe that the only one who can truly heal yourself is yourself." ”
We must understand that the problem of marriage is often "a slap in the face". While blaming each other, we also need to face up to our own shortcomings and strive to change.
When you become more confident and attractive, the other person will rediscover your value and even take the initiative to come back to you.
03
Communicate openly and find solutions
While we reflect on ourselves, we also need to have a good chat with each other.
Be open with each other, find out the crux of the problem together, and then discuss solutions.
Doing so can not only enhance mutual understanding, but also create more possibilities for retrieving feelings.
Xiaoxi and her husband have been married for many years, but because of the pressure of work and the troubles of trivial matters in life, their relationship gradually cracked.
It wasn't until Xiaoxi was on her husband's mobile phone and saw him chatting ambiguously with a colleague that she realized the seriousness of the problem.
After that, she found a quiet night and sat down to have a good chat with her husband. The husband said some dissatisfaction with the marriage, and Konishi also confessed his negligence.
They realize that they still have deep feelings for each other and get to the root of the problem. So together, the two of them made a plan to improve the relationship between husband and wife.
Eventually, their relationship was effectively repaired.
04
Accept the reality and be brave enough to let go
Of course, not all feelings can be recovered, and some changes of heart are actually planned for a long time.
If the other party is determined to leave, then no amount of retention will be in vain.
At this time, we must learn to accept the reality and be brave enough to let go.
You have to understand that letting go does not mean giving up, nor failing, but giving each other a new beginning.
After letting go, you can be sad or you can sink, but not for too long.
Next, you need to devote more time and energy to yourself. When we become better, we naturally attract more suitable people.
As Zhang Ailing said: "I want you to know that there is always someone waiting for you in this world, no matter when, no matter where, anyway, you know, there is always such a person." ”
So, even if you lose a relationship, don't be discouraged and believe that there will always be a better person waiting for you in the future.
In marriage, in the face of your partner's change of heart, don't blindly keep it, but calmly analyze and deal with it correctly.
In this way, you can not only protect yourself from more harm, but also make more correct choices.
No matter when and where, we must learn to cherish ourselves, treat ourselves well, and believe that the future will be better.