#头条创作挑战赛#
Text: Rui Dianmo (Rich Book Columnist)
What is emotional internal friction?
In psychology, it is defined as the conflict between thoughts and emotions, when too much attention is focused on the past or future, and when the self is entangled, it begins to accumulate psychological self-consumption, accompanied by obvious feelings of exhaustion and anxiety.
For example, confusion about the future, dissatisfaction with the status quo, and regret about the past.
Without direction, I don't know what to do, and my mentality is pulled and consumed in the midst of thinking too much and being entangled, and gradually moving towards negative emotions.
It is difficult to communicate with others, which leads to difficulties in work and interpersonal relationships.
Emotional internal friction will greatly consume time, energy and mind, and if you don't stop the loss in time, you will be trapped in a corner and even pushed into the abyss.
We are the creators of our own emotional internal friction, and we are also the only terminator, so do the following four don'ts and stay away from emotional internal friction.
Don't be overly sensitive
Is there such a person around you, but he cares a lot about a casual sentence, and even has some overreactions, so everyone feels very tired of getting along with him, and gradually begins to distance themselves from him.
The company has a new project, and Qinqin is entrusted with an important task.
But she was embarrassed to arrange too many others, so she could only stay up late and work overtime to catch up with the schedule.
After the submission, the leader of the early morning said in the group, "The style seems to be a little too businessy."
Qinqin instantly felt like a great enemy, thinking that the leader was dissatisfied, and anxiously changed it overnight.
The next day, she showed the leader the new plan she had kicked out, but the effect was not good, and she still used the original version.
Since then, she has been depressed and thinks she has not done a good job.
Constantly reviewing every word the boss said, I felt that I had no hope of promotion and might be made redundant.
Seeing a colleague chatting in the pantry, she also felt that she was talking about her.
She became increasingly gloomy, anxious, and did not take the initiative to communicate with her boss.
But in fact, this time the plan was completed very well, and it was originally planned to give Qinqin a promotion, but the boss saw that she was not in the right state, so he gave up.
It was originally a very small matter, but Qinqin was overly sensitive to amplify the meaning of the boss, and fell into endless internal friction and missed the promotion.
To stop internal friction, we must learn to "desensitize".
In life and work, we must learn to "desensitize", maintain dull sensitivity, and don't deny 100% of our efforts because of 5% negative evaluations from others.
In this fast-paced society, we are surrounded by all kinds of information every day. If you are too sensitive, you can easily expose yourself to harm.
Yamamoto once said, "What is more terrible than the eyes of the world is actually your own heart that cares about the eyes of the world." ”
Keep your senses blunt, don't take everything to heart, in fact, many things are not so serious, and the most important thing is always yourself.
Don't always regret it
Don't regret the decision you made back then, it's important to play the cards in your hand well.
On the Mid-Autumn Festival night of "Wulin Gaiden", everyone was sighing for the current situation, feeling that it was not the life they wanted, and they began to imagine that if they had chosen differently, everything would have been different:
Bai Zhantang believes that if he had studied medicine at the beginning, he might have become a well-known miracle doctor;
Lu Xiucai believes that if he doesn't study, but goes to business, he is already rich;
Tong Xiangyu believes that if Xianggong does not die, the family will be reunited and beautiful, and the baby will play soy sauce;
Guo Furong believes that if she hadn't stayed at the Tongfu Inn, she would have been a generation of heroines who acted chivalrous and righteous.
But when a parallel time and space appears, and the other options they expected become a reality, it doesn't seem so wishful.
Bai Zhantang became a doctor, and his master died within two days of studying medicine, so he could only set up a stall by himself, and he had no real skills.
Lu Xiucai opened an inn, not only did he have no business, but he also faced forced protection fees, forced buying and selling, and difficult to operate.
Tong Xiangyu Xianggong is not dead, but he is a scumbag who lingers in the place of fireworks and robs her of money to support other people's women.
Guo Furong became a heroine, but she was so depressed that she couldn't eat a full meal, so she could only go to the inn to ask for a bowl of porridge.
When they live an "ideal life", they regret not choosing the current life, and fall into a vicious circle in the repeated regrets......
There are no ifs in this world, and reality cannot give you another choice in life like film and television dramas.
As Tong Xiangyu said: "There are many unsatisfactory things in life, if you are unhappy, you hope that if you are at the beginning, then you will never be happy." ”
There is no such thing as the right choice forever, you can only try to make the right choice. Don't let the past get in our way, and don't let regret get in the way of our present life.
The past cannot be recalled, enjoy the present, do not consume yourself, do not consume others.
Don't get too tangled
When all your thoughts stop at figuring out how to do it, you won't get anywhere.
During the epidemic, the company's business plummeted, and Brother Li's department faced a layoff crisis.
He wants to learn to be a self-media, but he has been struggling with lack of time, fear of appearing on camera, inability to write copywriting, etc.
I went to watch some bloggers' videos, and I felt that there must be a team operation behind them, and I couldn't do it alone.
I didn't take action for half a year, and I finally started to try, but I didn't hold on for two days and found that there was no feedback, and I began to wonder if the platform was bad.
Later, he simply gave up self-media, thinking about whether to find a job, and repeatedly jumped sideways in the entanglement.
Juan Juan is his colleague, when faced with layoffs, she did not worry too much about the current situation, but immediately acted to hedge the risk of unemployment through self-media.
In less than 2 years, it has achieved 10w+ fans of Xiaohongshu, 8000+ quotations for a single video advertisement, and an average monthly income of 2w+.
At first, she didn't know anything, and there were all kinds of tutorials on the Internet, and she was dizzy.
Since she couldn't understand it, let's try it first, so she chose a few accounts and began to imitate.
Whatever others filmed, she followed it, and the lines and action scenes imitated others.
At first, no one watched it, but she didn't dwell on the past data, but summed up her experience, continued to shoot new videos, and insisted on updating it every day.
Half a year later, a small hit appeared, and the traffic and fans slowly got up.
When faced with various choices in life, we will always be entangled, and often make passive choices because of the situation.
Exhausting yourself in countless entanglements, wasting time and energy and missing out on the best opportunities.
The core reason for the entanglement is that many things are not understood, and if you keep thinking about it, you will always feel that you are not ready, you have not saved enough courage, and there are more and more problems.
In fact, as long as you take a step forward, you will find that many of the answers are in action.
Often, as long as you insist on "try it, try it again", you will find that in the attempt after attempt, the destination will be reached naturally.
There is no need to envy others
Internal friction and anxiety often start with envy.
Someone said: "There is no perfection in life, and half of the tiredness of life comes from survival and half from comparison." ”
This is Xue'er's second year of preparing for the entrance examination, she turned on her mobile phone and swiped the photos of her friends showing off their shores.
After clicking on the picture and reading it, I nodded a thumbs up lonely, how I hope the person in the photo is myself.
It was as if the whole world had gone ashore, and only they were drowned in the water.
Unconcealable envy and jealousy filled her heart, making her tired and exuding anger.
During the period of preparing for the entrance examination, she lived in internal friction almost every day, and other people's every move affected her emotions.
Some people are traveling in Tibet, some have just been promoted and raised, and some have shown off their real estate certificates.
Beautiful photos, beautiful scenery, and a bright future, everything in the circle of friends is very beautiful, and it is a life that Xue'er dreams of but can't get.
Why is it that other people's lives are so glamorous, and only their own messes are messed up?
She was in a state of great anxiety, as if she were the most failed loser in the world. She became inferior, anxious, and at a loss.
She no longer participates in any activities organized by her friends, does not want to go out, does not want to talk to her parents, and is bored in her room every day.
I don't want to read books, I don't want to do questions, I just want to watch mobile phone videos to relieve my emotions.
The once sunny and cheerful girl suddenly became gloomy and depressed, uninterested in anything, and gave up on herself in deep self-doubt.
Later, her mother took her to see a psychiatrist, and under the guidance of the doctor, she found that she was also a member of the envy of others.
envy that she can have her parents by her side, even if she can't pass the exam for a while, she won't force her to go out and find a job;
I envy her for not having to endure the PUA of workplace leaders and the yin and yang weirdness of her colleagues.
Gradually, she changed her perspective on life, began to recognize herself, and no longer blindly envied others, because people are different.
Some people are destined to shine, but there are also people who shine with a unique glimmer.
Blindly envying others will only make you tired, everyone has their own rhythm, there is no need to rush in a hurry, what should come will always come.
Focus on yourself, focus on the present, don't let internal friction consume energy and lose your enthusiasm for life.
Don't be overly sensitive and let yourself go; Don't always regret it, let go of the past.
Don't get too tangled and take action; Don't envy others, focus on yourself.
Haruki Murakami said, "Don't worry too much about the present, and don't worry too much about the future. When you go through something, the scenery in front of you is not the same as before. As long as we keep going, the sky will always be bright. ”
Big things, let it be, in fact, it's nothing more than that.
Life is only 30,000 days, and life is so short. Stop worrying about your thoughts, keep your zest for life, and don't spend your time on people and things that consume you.
May we all stay away from emotional friction, maintain our enthusiasm for life, and live a wonderful and free life.
作者简介：芮点墨，富书作者，富小书的人，热爱阅读、语言学习和写作，会英语、印尼语，一个人要想成功，你都需要一种能力来支撑你做好自己，不被阻挠，不被诱惑，这就是屏蔽力，第4本书已出版，图书《屏蔽力》正在热销中，你的生活，需要屏蔽力，本文：富小书，本文版权归富书所有，未经授权，不得转载，侵权必究
Note: The picture of this article is from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete