A few days ago, a friend called me late at night and cried, saying that her girl is 14 years old this year, just because the two of them had a quarrel over a trivial matter a few days ago, and as a result, she ran away from home, and when she found her, she was living with a 19-year-old boy in a rented dilapidated house, and she refused to go back to school.
My mother cried bitterly and said: "The 14-year-old phenomenon" is by no means alarmist, and she does not pay attention to regretting it for life.
It turns out that the girl has always been a very obedient child since she was a child, and she began to change after she went to junior high school, and the girl began to be rebellious, willful, and lost her temper, and resisted all the arrangements of her parents.
Some time ago, the girl met the brother of a classmate in the cram school, that is, the 19-year-old boy, the boy sometimes asked her to go out to play, but was stopped by her parents after she knew, and then had a big fight, originally after going to junior high school, she often bumped into her parents, and this quarrel became the last straw that broke the camel's back, and the girl broke with her parents completely.
My friend cried and said: "My biggest mistake is to treat my '14-year-old' daughter as '4-year-old', lack of correct communication with her, make decisions for her in everything, never ask her opinion, thinking that it is for her own good, and as a result, she becomes more and more disgusted, she may not particularly like the boy, but it is to go against us, so she deliberately stays with him." ”
Listening to my friend's words, I couldn't help but sigh.
"Terrible 14" is not alarmist
There is a phenomenon in child psychology called the "14-year-old phenomenon", also known as the "second year of junior high school phenomenon", during this period of the child is in an important stage of puberty development, physical and mental changes will undergo great changes, at this time the child has the same emotions and perceptions as adults, but due to the immature development of the prefrontal cortex, can not control their emotions and behaviors as well as adults.
A small thing for us can become the trigger for an emotional breakdown for a 14-year-old.
British researchers have done a survey of a group of men aged 9-35, the audience was asked to play computer games, the researchers analyzed everyone's emotions from the process of playing games, and later found that among these audiences, teenagers are more keen to play stimulating games, especially 14-year-olds.
From this analysis, adolescents are more able to weigh the pros and cons of their own behaviors than children, but they are more concerned about the happiness and stimulation that these behaviors bring to them than safety.
In other words, adolescent children are very prone to doing things out of the ordinary because of pleasure and excitement, although these things may have great safety risks.
Many adolescent researchers have also found through a number of surveys that the age at which adolescents are most likely to be rebellious, bad at school, and fight is 14 years old.
The occurrence of the "14-year-old phenomenon" is a normal phenomenon of growth
The little one who has just started to toddler, as soon as he steps into the "terrible two-year-old", immediately begins to mumble "don't, don't"; When he was seven or eight years old, he began to stomp his feet, hum his nose, and lose his temper; When you reach adolescence, as long as you click it, it will explode like a bomb, slam the door and leave, or even run away from home.
In the face of this child who talks back, slams the door, or even runs away from home at every turn, parents often ask: Why is the child rebellious? In fact, it is very simple, because they are "more capable", because they have grown up and want to seize power.
With the outbreak of the War of Independence, a symbol of freedom and civic consciousness, children who had felt oppressed and constrained in the shadow of their parents began their courageous rebellion against their parents' authority.
The War of Independence is not only a military operation filled with gunpowder, but also a long process of showing courage and pursuing freedom for children to show themselves and pursue independence through the awakening of self-consciousness.
It also marks the growth of these children, who have gradually learned to be independent and strong in this war.
Adolescence is the most energetic and rebellious stage in everyone's life.
During this period, children's physiology begins to undergo significant changes, their bodies begin to gradually mature, their emotional world is increasingly rich, they begin to yearn for more freedom and independence, and are unwilling to grow up under the strict constraints of their parents.
Therefore, they choose to rebel against the authority of their parents, choose to talk back, have a short temper, choose rebellious ways such as vandalism, as a way to assert their inner sovereignty, try to defend their psychological space, and strive for greater autonomy.
In this process, as a parent, you should fully respect your child's independence and avoid unnecessary conflicts with your child.
Children's growth is a process from dependence to independence, and parents should guide their children, not restrain them.
Only by allowing children to experience the wind and rain in the appropriate setbacks, can they grow better and learn to be independent.
Adolescent children, they are flammable and explosive, and the rebellion in their character is like a thunderstorm that summer, unforeseen, sudden, and unsuspecting.
The reason why children rebel is very simple, because they have grown up, they have begun to mature, and they feel that they have enough power, so they start to want to be the masters themselves, to fight for their own rights.
Parents often feel helpless about this kind of "rebellion" and don't know how to deal with it.
In the face of rebellious children, we should first adjust our mentality, understand the children's emotions and needs, give them enough space and freedom, so that they can slowly learn to control their emotions, learn to get along with others, and learn to respect others in the process of growing up.
For children, we must also teach them to learn to respect their parents, learn to be grateful, and understand their parents' painstaking efforts.
Only in this way can children gradually learn to think independently, learn to take responsibility, and become capable and responsible people in the process of growing up.
When children enter puberty, their brains and bodies are changing, which gives them a higher focus on themselves.
They begin to question authority, crave independence, and hope to find their own place under the care of their parents and society.
Parents need to give their children enough freedom and support, but at the same time maintain a certain amount of authority.
How should parents deal with the "14-year-old phenomenon"?
There are several strategies parents can employ:
1. Appropriate decentralization:
We should give our children the right power to make their own choices so that they can make their own decisions under our guidance. At the same time, we also need to provide children with a certain number of suitable options, so as not to make them feel overwhelmed by the complex choices. Doing so will not only develop children's ability to think independently, but also boost their self-confidence.
2. Limited Options:
By providing children with limited options, we can increase our children's sense of responsibility and self-confidence. These choices should be within the limits of what the parents are comfortable with and that clearly express trust and support for the child. This not only makes children feel respected by their parents, but also encourages them to face challenges positively.
3. Listen and empathize:
When children encounter difficulties or challenges, we should give them an attitude of listening and empathy. Children feel understood and supported by their parents, which helps them maintain a positive and optimistic attitude in the face of challenges and reduce the resistance caused by frustration.
4. House Demolition Effect:
By breaking down the big goal into several small goals, we can help children overcome difficulties step by step so that they can better accomplish their goals. This approach allows children to maintain a positive attitude when faced with challenges and reduce resistance to difficulty.
Parents need to learn to listen, understand, and support their children as they face adolescent rebellion, while giving their children the right amount of freedom and guidance.
Through these strategies, we can help children navigate adolescence and develop independence, self-confidence and a sense of responsibility, laying a solid foundation for their future growth.
Just like the flowers in spring, they are short and gorgeous, although they will encounter storms and storms, but only this kind of stimulation can really give birth to the most brilliant beauty of the flowers.
During the rebellious period, children try to declare to the world in their own way that they have grown up and try to challenge their parents in order to declare their independence to the world.
The best way for parents to cope with this situation is to remain decent, adopt a concessional attitude, and try to understand and accept the child's rebellious period.
Parents can build a secure attachment relationship with their children by giving them the right to explore independently, providing them with a warm family haven that respects and supports their self-exploration, and also gives them a certain amount of choice so that they can make their own decisions about their own behavior and choices.
By guiding their children's growth direction, parents can help their children establish a positive outlook on life and values, so that their children can walk more steadily on the road of growth.
But this does not mean that parents will lose their control, but will win the hearts of their children and help them build self-confidence and achieve their goals in life.
The process of raising children is a process of farewell, and parents need to know how to advance and retreat, so that their children can get room to grow. Only by knowing how to let go can children spread their wings and soar freely under the vast blue sky, and eventually become an independent and responsible individual. In the process of children's growth, although they will experience labor pains, as long as they can persevere, they can break out of the cocoon and become butterflies and usher in a bright future.
Author: Wait for the wind to come
A working mother of two children, holding a pen in her left hand and a baby in her right hand, she likes to read, write, and paint, and firmly believes that even if she lives in a chicken feather, she must have her own poetry and distance in her heart.
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