撰文 / 木木
Editor / Tommy
Do women have to get married, different people have different answers.
My best friend Xiaolan is a typical high-quality older leftover girl, who graduated with a doctorate and stayed in school, at the age of thirty-four or five, a solid one.
In her words, "I earn my own money, have a job I love, have close family and friends, and like to be alone."
I have been in love for a few paragraphs, and I have already experienced everything between men and women. Besides, different people have different ways of living, and women don't have to get married. ”
However, my other best friend has a different view on getting married. She entered married life early,
In her cognition, "when a girl reaches a certain age, she should follow the steps, she should get married, she should have children and have children, after all, marriage represents a girl's transformation into a mature woman."
Marriage allows people to leave their family of origin and start a life journey that they can create on their own. Besides, how lonely a person is, isn't it good to have one more person to love yourself. ”
For her, getting married meant halving the painful things and doubling the joy. So, that's why she got married as soon as she graduated.
Some women depreciate when they get married, and they live as verbose and selfless people.
What marriage brings to them is a reduction in personality and IQ. However, there are many women who have been trained and grown in marriage, and marriage has achieved their wisdom and pattern.
01. Get married because of demand
Why do women get married and have children?
The most intuitive reason is because of them, they.
Behind this liking, there is a woman's inner and latent needs.
In the psychologist Maslow's eight-stage model of needs, in addition to the first one, to meet people's basic survival needs, the second and third basic needs are the needs of security, belonging and love.
Among them, the need for security refers to the need for stability, security, protection, order, and freedom from fear and anxiety.
The need for belonging and love refers to a person's desire to establish an emotional connection or relationship with other people, such as making friends, pursuing love and marriage, etc.
Security needs to be provided by a guardian in the family of origin at an early age.
However, many original families, because of their own defects and problems, cannot fully play this role. Children who come out of these families generally desire to seek and make up for the lack of security in adulthood.
Therefore, these loveless people, when they become adults, are very eager to leave their original family and quickly get married to establish a stable marital relationship, so that someone can provide protection, security and stability.
In the recent fat cat incident, the male fat cat is from a broken original family, and he lacks a sense of security, so he is eager to establish a marital relationship, eager to get safety and warmth, but because he met someone unladylike, it led to a tragedy.
In real life, there are also many unhappy women in their original families, who find their other half the day after tomorrow and are healed in marriage.
There is a very popular movie in Japan called "My Husband Has Depression", which tells the story of a husband and wife who go through the most difficult days together.
The male protagonist suffered from depression because of work pressure and sleep problems, but he was afraid that his wife would worry, so he deliberately concealed his wife.
Later, he was discovered by his wife, who tried all kinds of ways to help her husband come out and experienced hardships. During this period, I was discouraged and thought about giving up.
In the end, the two persevered, and the male protagonist finally recovered, and the two of them cried with joy.
From this movie, we see marriage at its most beautiful.
The need for belonging and love prompts people to instinctively seek a reliable love, with the aim of entering the palace of marriage.
When two people are together, they can snuggle up to each other, help each other, and be each other's companions, not only a physical need, but also a kind of companionship in the depths of the heart.
Therefore, most of the women get married simply because they like, because of their needs, and because of their love.
02. Marriage promotes women's value-added growth
The two highest levels of Maslow's theory of needs are the need for self-actualization and the need for transcendence.
Among them, self-actualization needs refer to people's pursuit of realizing their abilities or potentials and perfecting them.
And transcending needs means that a person's motivation is to transcend personal, ego values.
The need for self-realization, simply put, is the process of pursuing self-growth and self-appreciation on the basis of the original.
Under what circumstances does a person grow the fastest?
The answer is in and.
John Guttman said, "Love is not the whole of marriage, and contradiction is not the only theme of marriage".
From the famous quotes of this famous person, we have summed up the truth of marriage: marriage produces love, feelings, as well as contradictions and chicken feathers.
From the most beautiful love at the beginning, to the firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea in the back, children's homework and housework quarrels are trivial, and a woman's youth and age will always be ruined.
One of the most common phrases heard is:
Wang Nuannuan, the prototype of "She Who Disappeared", was calculated by her gambling husband and pushed down from a mountain cliff and almost died; A beautiful teacher in Shanghai, who was killed by her demon husband and dismembered her body; There is also a Hangzhou lady who was killed by her husband and dismembered her body.
All kinds of things have made many women lose confidence in marriage.
However, this is not the whole truth, in real marriage, ordinary and trivial days can make women grow the most, and in love and affection, women learn to accompany.
Accompany your partner, your children, and yourself.
Marriage also sharpens a lot of women's edges and corners, allowing them to deal with interpersonal relationships more wisely, and at the same time allowing them to summarize the meaning of life in the ordinary.
Marriage prompts women to bring out the best in themselves, because in the face of their husbands, in the face of their children, who would not be sincere to the person they love in the world.
Especially in this utilitarian society, love and family affection in marriage are precious, and women can calmly write disguises and masks in marriage.
In order to manage a marriage and establish a good parent-child relationship, women also need to keep learning to recharge.
Children's homework and children's play all need a mother who keeps pace with the times. And in order to catch up with her husband's footsteps, a woman will continue to learn and improve, and keep pace with her husband.
I have seen many women who are still delicate little girls before marriage, have no desires, and after getting married and having children, they have the desire to make money, and under the impetus of this desire, they will deliberately experience their abilities and not be out of touch with society.
Therefore, marriage promotes the growth of women, and it is also a period of value-added for women.
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords in this article: woman, marriage, psychology
The picture comes from the Internet, please contact for infringement
WeChat public account: First Psychology