There is a question on Zhihu:
"After a long time, what will be the state of marriage?"
Some people say:
"At that time, one was willing to say and one was willing to listen, but it became one unwilling to say and one unwilling to listen."
In the TV series "We Are Not Kind Enough", the couple Jian Qingfen and He Ruizhi are like this.
They have been married for 12 years, have a house, a car, and children.
To outsiders, they are undoubtedly a model of happiness.
However, Jian Qingfen chose to cheat.
Just because the other party is willing to listen to her, he will respond when she chatters.
But in fact, Jian Qingfen loves He Ruizhi very much, but their relationship seems to have fallen into a fog.
Although both men tried to find a way out, communication became the biggest obstacle between them.
Upon closer inspection, it is not difficult for us to find that when the relationship between two people begins to come to an end, the following three signs often appear.
Suffering from "hypochondria"
I've seen such a sentence:
"Doubt is like illness. You can't be safe unless you trust, because doubt means swaying, and swaying is uneasy. ”
Jian Qingfen was plagued by a deep doubt.
She always felt that He Ruizhi did not love herself, but her ex-girlfriend.
In order to confirm her conjecture, she frantically searched for the so-called "evidence", and she was also full of suspicion when she talked to He Ruizhi.
He Ruizhi's ring when he proposed, because it was bought a little smaller, was thought to have been bought for his ex-girlfriend.
The Momiji birthday cake prepared for her every year, she also thinks it is out of the preference of her ex-girlfriend.
She even deliberately imitated Zhang Yijing's hairstyle, trying to find clues from He Ruizhi's reaction.
However, her various actions made He Ruizhi feel confused and tired, and said bluntly:
"Jian Qingfen, you are really sick."
Slowly, their chats always break up unhappily, and the relationship becomes stiff and fragile.
It wasn't until later, when the truth was revealed, that Jian Qingfen realized that she was wrong.
It turned out that the ring with a small circle was He Ruizhi who saw that her original ring was easy to fall off, so he deliberately bought a small one.
The annual red leaf cake was also ordered because she heard her mother say she liked it.
It's a pity that her doubts and suspicions have left an indelible rift in the hearts of the two, and the relationship is difficult to return to.
Nina O'Neill once said:
"Trust is the most important trait shared by two people in a marriage relationship, and it is indispensable for building a happy, growing relationship."
Marriage is like a pas de deux on a balance beam.
The two of them stand at each end, and only by trusting each other can they maintain balance and stability.
Once someone has doubts and looks at their partner with suspicion, the otherwise peaceful life will fall into turmoil.
A relationship without trust is like a tree without roots, and it is difficult to last.
To love someone, you must learn to trust, even if you have doubts in your heart, you must communicate openly and honestly to resolve the estrangement.
Only by protecting and trusting each other can husband and wife go through the long years hand in hand.
became each other's "bad reviewers"
There is such a couple, they have spent four years together, but they always label each other with all kinds of bad labels, and every time they speak, they are full of gunpowder.
In the husband's opinion, the wife has low emotional intelligence, has a lot of things, and always loves to offend people.
Once, my wife was isolated by everyone because of the tension with her colleagues, so she had to choose to leave her job.
After losing her job, she was aggrieved and hoped to get some comfort from her husband.
Not only did her husband not give comfort and understanding, but instead responded with cynicism and blame, believing that her unemployment was the inevitable result of low emotional intelligence.
Later, Ms. Liu opened up a new life path by visiting the store through self-media.
But a small mistake - leaving the selfie stick at the hotel - sparked a heated argument between the two men that lasted for 20 minutes.
The husband's accusations and complaints made this incident another rift in their relationship.
Marriage is a wonderful journey that brings together two people with different backgrounds, habits and life trajectories.
However, the purpose of this journey is not to find fault with each other and blame each other, to be each other's "bad judges", but to grow and support each other, and face the challenges of life together.
In married life, the most taboo thing is endless accusations and criticism.
Because every aggressive rebuke and complaint may become the last straw that crushes the relationship.
Suffering from "marital aphasia"
I've heard this passage:
"In a relationship, the most important thing is not appearance, nor bread, or even loyalty, but sharing.
Because whether you are in the passionate period of your relationship or in a stable marriage, if you don't share, or forget to share, then even if two people live under the same roof, they will be like a stranger, and that strong sense of emptiness is the killer that hurts the biggest feelings of two people. ”
For couples, the most terrible thing is not quarrels and contradictions, but gradually becoming speechless to each other.
When words become scarce between the two, silence becomes daily, and no matter how deep the love is, it is difficult to maintain that tenderness in indifference.
I've seen such a help-seeking post:
If you talk less than ten words a day with your husband, should such a marriage continue?
Netizens said that her husband would go into the toilet as soon as he entered the door every day when he came home, and he stayed for an hour.
After eating, I nestled on the sofa and played games, and I played until midnight.
Often she sleeps and her husband is playing games; When she woke up, her husband was sleeping again.
This difference in the pace of life makes them feel as if they are living in two parallel worlds, and the distance between them is gradually distant.
On one occasion, the wife was full of joy and shared an interesting story with her husband.
However, the husband's reaction was like a cold stone, and he responded perfunctorily with "um", "ah", "oh", etc.
The wife's enthusiasm was extinguished, and resentment and anger arose spontaneously in her heart.
She scolded her husband and said, "Are you dumb? Is it that hard to talk to me? ”
Who knew that my husband didn't care at all, turned around and went out.
As time goes on, the wife also begins to feel tired and exhausted and no longer takes the initiative to communicate with her husband.
The two live like roommates, not interfering with each other and doing their own thing.
After a long time, she began to question the meaning of this marriage, and wondered whether it should continue.
I've heard a word called "marital aphasia".
It refers to the fact that in the process of getting along, the husband and wife gradually lose their interest and willingness to communicate with each other.
They would rather immerse themselves in their personal world than share each other's lives with each other.
From nothing to talk about, to nothing to talk about.
Most of these marriages go from silence to death.
Surveys have shown that in marriages with a high happiness index, couples will dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to chat with each other.
The desire to share is the highest level of romance between partners.
When a person is keen to share with you, even the trivial things of daily life seem to have little meaning and value.
But know that this is the first thing the other person wants to share with you.
In this age of increasing importance of material exchange, we tend to overlook the heart that cares deeply about each other.
However, for your partner, every response you give is the most sincere care and care for your partner.
Not to mention the depth of understanding of our partner in the response, at the very least, we must be willing to understand the other person's mind.
Write at the end
Writer Xi Murong once said:
"Marriage is not just two people face to face, marriage should be two people holding hands to face the world together."
On the journey of marriage, a good partner will not always look at each other with a magnifying glass, let alone reject people with silence.
A happy marriage is the warm support of the two side by side, and each other is each other's starlight and a harbor for listening.
The rest of my life is long, may love and understanding always accompany each other, heart to heart, whisper warmth, and build a better future together.
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