Since I was a child, I have been overly sensitive to criticism, and often when I receive negative responses, I will start to self-examine and internal friction.
It may be because of the long-term lack of self-confidence in the relationship, when encountering objections from others, sometimes I feel very panicked in my heart, and sometimes I am like a hedgehog, defending myself by fighting back against others everywhere.
Although when I grow up, as I slowly accumulate experience and ability, I am more able to stabilize my emotions in many things. But every time I encounter an unsatisfactory situation, I will still be silently sad at night, and even shed tears.
Recently, I came into contact with the "green light thinking" of psychological knowledge, and finally broke through my heart, no longer felt inferior, and successfully made achievements in interpersonal relationships.
The simple explanation of "green light thinking" is to hold all other people's opinions with the idea of "you might as well listen to it".
Many times, it may come from one's own pride or inner turmoil. When we hear the opposite view from others, we adopt a "red light mentality". Think that the other party is not aware of the situation, or that they are in opposition, and adopt a "defensive" response.
Over time, this situation will be developed into a bad habit.
The "green light mindset" is to practice letting go of this reaction and slowly building up your self-confidence by relaxing and accepting opinions.
However, it is difficult to successfully develop a green light mindset.
In the past, for example, I was afraid to show off what I had done. The reason for this is that in a few presentations, I presented my work with confidence. While everyone has positive feedback, there are always people who say a few more words about where they can improve. Although I looked calm on the surface, I was actually very frustrated inside, and even when I heard more words of advice, my whole body slowly became angry.
After being exposed to the "green light thinking", I realized that the first thing to do when receiving feedback from others is to recognize that "me" and "give me advice on my performance or opinions" are two different things.
In the past, it was easy for me to directly tie the advice given by others about my performance directly to the one for me. So when someone else offers a negative view, whether in good faith or in bad faith, I assume that they are denying me as a person.
Because the other party is directed at him, he has no way to digest the information he obtains.
Therefore, I began to practice distinguishing between me and objective things.
The way to do this is that every time I come across a suggestion, I tell myself that he's talking to another person with the same name as me. Do I need to be angry if he is giving advice to a stranger without malicious intent? If not, can you take it and listen to it? Of course, if the other party has a malignant opinion, I will choose to ignore it.
The other point is to keep the message in a state of no thought.
For example, when the other person disagrees, try to forget your own thoughts? It's like listening to a friend tell his story.
You and he have different growth backgrounds, and when you encounter different things, of course you will have different reactions. It is natural for him to come up with different ideas, and only after receiving them in an unsightly way can he think about the good and bad of such ideas.
Moreover, when you know that everyone has different ideas, and when you have different or even opposite opinions about others, you will be more diverse to understand the way things are.
Finally, you can use records to weaken your habitual defenses.
In the past, every time I was sad at night because I was being criticized, I would want to forget it quickly and ignore my emotions. But now, I choose to record it, and sometimes I open it every few days. Later, I often find that I am angry or sad at the moment. In hindsight, it's not very serious.
Through this process, I found that my sensitive constitution was slowly weakening. Many times, when the same criticism is encountered, it is more calm.
After establishing the "green light mindset", I found that I no longer have an overly sensitive nerve to get along with others. Not only are the people around me willing to open their hearts to chat with me, but I am also comfortable accepting praise and sharing from others. Gradually, more and more people are willing to get close to me, and the number of people who want to cooperate with me is also increasing.
This method not only gave me the green light for my own inner emotions, but also for others to contact me.