The 48-minute documentary "Father" reveals the most brutal truth: it turns out that poverty is hereditary

Boy Pie

2024-05-15 09:23Posted in Anhui parenting field creators

The path under the child's feet begins with the parents.

The real "not losing at the starting line" is that parents spare no effort to improve themselves.

Author | Tomato Mom

A few days ago, I watched a particularly sad documentary "Father".

The protagonists of the documentary are a pair of rural father and son, father Han Peiyin and son Han Shengli.

In 2002, his son Han Shengli was finally admitted to Xi'an Shiyou University majoring in communication engineering, and his father sold the most valuable cattle in the family, sold the grain, and borrowed 3,000 yuan from relatives and friends, barely enough for his son's first year of tuition.

For his son's next tuition and living expenses, his father also went to Xi'an to work together, and he could earn four or five hundred yuan a month at most.

He kept 150 yuan for himself and 200 yuan for his son's living expenses.

But for Han Shengli, this money is only enough for him to eat bibimbap at school, not enough for expenses at all, not to mention some books.

Whenever he asked his father for living expenses, his father would show him the notebook he had brought with him.

In addition to recording every debt he owed, there was also what he wanted to say to his son:

"It's not easy for your parents to support you."

"These accounts are for you to borrow for school."

"You must come out in the future!"

……

Every time Han Shengli watched these contents, he was silent, and his heart was full of guilt.

It's not that he didn't want to go out to work part-time to reduce the burden on his family.

However, my father resolutely did not allow it, because in his opinion, the main task of students is to study, and it is better to study hard if they have part-time time.

So whenever he was free, he would go around the campus to pick up bottles and sell them for money.

Sometimes, for a few bottles of mineral water, he can wander around the basketball court for a long time.

Throughout his college career, Han Shengli's days were spent picking and searching, wearing clothes that his classmates didn't want, and even his watch was given by his cousin.

Moreover, Han Shengli majored in communication engineering, which required mobile phones and computers to practice, but his father regarded the Internet as a beast and did not allow him to access the Internet.

As a result, although Han Shengli has solid theoretical knowledge, he hardly knows anything in practice.

After graduating from his senior year, Han Shengli attended the job fair for the first time, and he lingered in the venue for two hours without saying a word.

Poverty, low self-esteem, and introversion have long been deeply rooted in his bone marrow, and he does not even have the most basic social skills.

This led to him repeatedly hitting a wall in his job search, and later he finally found a job in Qinghai for an outdoor cable, and he was tired and tired for 600 yuan a month.

A few years later, the director went to find the father and son again, and found that Han Shengli resigned and returned to Xi'an to find a new job with a salary of 1,500 yuan.

Facing the director's return visit, my father couldn't help but sigh.

He couldn't figure out how his son, who smashed the pot and sold iron for college, had a monthly salary of only 1,500 yuan; And the daughter who graduated from a secondary school and works in Shenzhen can earn three or four thousand a month, which is twice as much as her son.

Someone asked him if his grandchildren would let him go to college in the future?

He sighed and said, "It's useless for me to read. ”

Is it really useless to read? Of course not.

reminds me of Cai Leilei's words:

"The real connotation of poverty is what parents can never give their children, and they don't have it themselves, except for cars and houses, but also thinking, cognition and pattern."

Children are a mirror of their parents.

Many times, this barrenness of thinking is projected onto the child by the parents and passed down from generation to generation.

Do you still remember that genius boy Zhang Xinyang?

With an IQ of 140+, he entered university at the age of 10, was admitted to a master's degree at the age of 13, and studied for a doctorate at the age of 16, becoming the youngest doctor in China at that time.

He was once dubbed a "prodigy", and everywhere he went, there were flowers and applause.

Later, at the age of 28, he had no regular job, only a few thousand yuan left in his bank card, and he still needed help from his parents from time to time.

From a prodigy boy to an old giant baby, from everyone envied to no one cared about, from a teenager who was ambitious to lying down.

After reading Zhang Xinyang's experience, it is not difficult to understand why he fell from the altar to the bottom.

Because, he originally had three chances to change his fate.

For the first time -

Zhang Xinyang took the college entrance examination when he was 10 years old, and got a score of 505 points in the first battle, as long as he repeats his studies for another year, there is no problem in sprinting to 985.

But in order to keep his reputation as the "youngest undergraduate", Zhang's father forcibly pushed him into a second-class university.

The second time –

After being admitted to graduate school, Zhang Xinyang's professor specially contacted the German school, hoping to send Zhang Xinyang to study in Germany, because Germany is better at cultivating geniuses.

However, Germany stipulates that you can only study alone at the age of 14, and you need to wait another year.

But Zhang's father was anxious to let his son win the title of "youngest graduate student", and insisted on going his own way, demanding that Zhang Xinyang must study in Beijing.

Zhang had no choice but to compromise again, and thus lost the opportunity to receive a better education.

The third time –

In 2011, he asked his parents to buy a house in Beijing, or he would not go to PhD.

In fact, he has already calculated and evaluated through data that this year is exactly the freezing point of housing prices in Beijing, and the family can afford the down payment for the house.

However, his parents didn't listen to him, and in order to coax him to go to a doctorate, they rented a house and lied to him that he bought it.

If you bought that house at the beginning, it is expected to be worth 10 million now.

Zhang Xinyang, who was deceived by his parents again, was completely deflated and began to embark on the road of rottenness.

If it weren't for his parents' short-sightedness, he would have been admitted to 985 at the age of 11, and at the age of 14 he would have studied in Germany, and his family would have owned a set of Beijing real estate that was several million at that time and now one or two million.

The book "What the Poor Lack" says: "The terrible degree of the poor people's thinking, no less than the atomic reaction, will cause conceptual deviations to children, and affect the luck and life of a lifetime." ”

What is more terrible than poverty in a family is the poor mindset.

If parents are rigid in thinking and short-sighted, they will only use narrow cognition to lock up the infinite unknown of their children.

In the end, it will be difficult to break the shackles of class solidification by falling into the fate of poverty from generation to generation.

So, can parents who have neither a high degree nor a sufficient economic foundation have to surrender and admit it?

Of course not.

Wang Xinyi, a poor girl who was admitted to Peking University with a score of 707 and wrote "Thanks to Poverty", is the best proof.

She was born in an ordinary rural family, and when she was a child, she was often ridiculed by her classmates because of her shabby clothes.

Once she was hurt to her self-esteem and ran home crying.

After her mother knew the reason, she comforted her seriously: "Ignore them, just do things steadfastly." ”

Since then, she has understood that the road of life is not for others to see.

The journey to school every day is long and bumpy, but my mother insists on taking her and her younger brother to school every day.

Instead, she and her brother were happily playing in the snow while listening to their new knowledge.

Nourished by her parents, Wang Xinyi has become more and more self-reliant and self-reliant, and her sunshine is excellent.

The head teacher once commented on her:

"She is optimistic and cheerful, with a broad vision and a large pattern, and she is definitely not a student who only knows how to learn in the traditional sense."

I agree with the saying: The road under the feet of a child begins with the parents.

As long as there are hills and valleys in their hearts and mountains and rivers in their eyes, ordinary parents can still fight their children to fight their way out of their power to survive.

So, how should parents of ordinary families improve their educational awareness and break down the barriers of thinking?

In today's society, many parents take exams as the purpose and regard grades as the only assessment criterion for their children.

However, if you blindly study and ignore the cultivation of comprehensive ability, you can only raise a child with high scores and low ability.

Parents with real foresight will cultivate their children's comprehensive ability to adapt to society in the future.

1. Take your children to see the world

In many cases, it is not poverty that limits a child's future, but insight and vision.

Parents can bring their children on weekdays:

Go to the countryside to see how the food comes from, and experience the joy and hard work of labor;

Go to aquariums and zoos, say hello to the lively critters, and see the different life forms on the planet;

Go sightseeing to the great rivers and mountains of the motherland and learn about the local history, culture, customs and customs.

Go to the small parks in the streets and alleys, climb the mountains in the suburbs, listen to the cicadas and birds, and watch the fish play in the water.

For children, together with their parents, to learn about and explore the world is an opportunity to increase their experience.

2. Encourage your child to interact with people

People are animals that live in groups, children who can't socialize, and it is difficult for them to eat well in society.

One of the ways to educate her two sons, the "Jewish godmother" salad, who raised her two sons to be billionaires, was to ask a few children to help set up a stall to sell spring rolls.

In the process of setting up a stall, the second son not only learned the skills of dealing with people, but also unexpectedly discovered his business talent.

Take your children to deal with others and encourage them to listen, empathize, and express themselves, so that they can go further in the future.

3. Cultivate an optimistic mindset in children

In recent years, because of a setback, there have been frequent incidents of children jumping off buildings and self-harm.

Therefore, parents should cultivate their children's strong hearts from an early age and teach their children to look at problems optimistically.

Let children learn to accept reality and face life's setbacks calmly.

Including the relationship between classmates, failed exams, lost pens, etc., let him know that no one can be smooth sailing, no big deal.

Some time ago, writer Yan Zhen was a guest in Dong Yuhui's live broadcast room.

The two deeply discussed the difficulties of personal change of fate.

Towards the end of the conversation, Dong Yuhui said:

"I want to tell my friends in front of the camera that while we are telling the truth, please believe that it is not absolute.

There may be big fish in deep water and only small fish in shallow water, but if you don't go out to sea, you won't have a single fish. ”

It is not easy for ordinary families to change their fate, but if you don't make a change, it will only become a fate that will be passed down from generation to generation.

But if you're willing to change, over time, your child is the best answer.

Give it a thumbs up, break down the barriers of thinking, and send your child to see the wider world.

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