I've seen such a sentence:
"What really crushes a marriage is never the small things, but the emotions behind the small things."
The two of them walk together in the long river of time, live a dull daily life, and taste a beautiful life.
What we are looking for is nothing more than emotional understanding and tolerance with each other, rather than careless perfunctory and indifference.
For a marriage to last, love alone is not enough
Zhang Ailing once revealed the reality of marriage:
"Although love is beautiful, it can't last a lifetime alone."
Especially when husband and wife enter the second half of marriage hand in hand, those once intoxicating romance and passion are often gradually consumed by the dullness and triviality day after day.
Stress, responsibility, and the endless chores of life are all pouring in.
Relying only on the fiery love at the beginning, it is difficult to support the warmth and harmony of the marital relationship.
In Qian Zhongshu's "The Siege", Fang Hongjian and Sun Roujia's marriage is like this.
Before marriage, they were attracted to each other because of each other's unique charm, and their feelings were sweet and strong.
However, once they enter the palace of marriage, they have to face differences in personality, perception, and the way they handle family matters.
Sun Roujia is independent and has a strong desire for possessiveness and control, while Fang Hongjian is a little hesitant and lacks the necessary decisiveness and responsibility.
These differences make it difficult for them to reach a consensus when facing problems in their marital life, and the two people are constantly at odds and quarrels.
Their marriage is like a besieged city, in which both people feel sorry for themselves and hurt each other.
In the end, after a fierce quarrel, Sun Roujia chose to run away from home, and Fang Hongjian also left their common home.
At the end of the day, love alone is not enough for a long-lasting marriage.
It requires each other to be able to hold each other's hearts in the face of contradictions and differences, and to understand, communicate, and reconcile with a rational and tolerant attitude.
In the face of life's trivialities and challenges, we can support each other, grow together, solve problems with courage and wisdom, and meet the ups and downs of life together.
Only in this way can marriage bloom a lasting fragrance in the breath of fireworks, so that love will become stronger and more beautiful in the long river of years.
Relationships that lack empathy will only go farther and farther away
In the movie "The World's Greatest Father", there is such a line:
"I used to think that the worst thing in the world was to die alone.
It turns out later that the worst thing is to grow old with people who make you feel lonely. ”
Research has found that empathy is an indispensable ability in both social and interpersonal relationships.
Especially in intimate relationships, the role of empathy is even more significant.
It promotes the harmonious development of intimate relationships and enhances emotional connection.
And a long-term marriage often lies not in the peace and compromise on the surface, but also in the care and understanding of the subtleties.
Friend Xiaoying said that she was divorced.
The reason is simple, she can't stand her husband's indifference and staying out of the matter.
In the eyes of her husband:
The floors at home don't need to be scrubbed, and the toilet is never dirty;
The meals are cooked by themselves, and the clothes are washed and stacked neatly.
Every time he came home, his husband would lie down on the sofa with peace of mind, either watching videos or playing games, as if all the affairs of the family had nothing to do with him.
Whenever a friend complains to her husband about her exhaustion, he only responds verbally, but in his heart he doesn't take housework and taking care of the children seriously.
He can neither understand his wife's difficulty, let alone share and support him.
Xiao Ying said angrily and desperately:
"I will earn the money myself, and I will bring the children myself.
I recovered from postpartum depression and wiped away my tears.
In his eyes, I am Iron Man, capable of anything. Don't want such a marriage. ”
A long-lasting marriage must be built on the basis of empathy and understanding.
A marriage can only be lasting and full of happiness if both parties can genuinely care for each other, understand each other, and share the responsibilities and obligations of the family.
If you do a good job of understanding and empathy, your marriage can last longer
Writer Lin Qingxuan said:
"The deepest emotions are often found in the most ordinary lives."
To truly understand and empathize in our day-to-day lives, we need to listen patiently, observe carefully, and learn to empathize.
If you want to maintain a long-term relationship, the following three points are particularly important:
(1) Empathize with the other party's emotions, do not belittle or criticize
In marriage, empathy is not only about understanding, but also about being able to put yourself in the partner's shoes.
When your partner is in trouble or depressed, try to put aside your perspective for a while, go deep into the other person's heart, and feel their joys, sorrows, and sorrows at the moment, instead of giving advice or judging immediately.
Even in moments of disagreement, please maintain a respectful and tolerant heart, communicate in a calm tone, and avoid letting sharp words become emotional stumbling blocks.
"I can feel your frustration right now, I know that you have been working silently, and I can see all your efforts."
Such words not only show your understanding and care, but also bring warm comfort and support to your partner.
Through empathetic communication, two people can further shorten the distance between each other's hearts, and trust and understanding will also be sublimated at a deeper level.
(2) Reduce negative expressions and increase positive feedback
In a marital relationship, excessive negative expressions can undoubtedly damage the emotional bond of both parties.
Speech, as a communication tool in the marital relationship, is chosen and used as crucial.
Reducing negative rhetoric, such as accusations, complaints, and sarcasm, and replacing them with more positive and constructive feedback, can greatly enhance the emotional value and well-being of both parties.
Try to say, "How many times have I said this?" ”
Instead: "I think this is important to us, and I would love for you to help me solve it." ”
Will: "I said a long time ago, you just don't care!" ”
Instead: "I'm glad I noticed your efforts this time, and I'm sure we can do better." ”
In a marriage, the best strategy to solve problems is to have a dialogue with respect and need for the other person while asserting one's own point of view.
Sometimes, just by changing our expression, marriage can be a different story.
(3) Tell TA: You still have me
In life, ups and downs and unsatisfactory are inevitable, but when we firmly tell our partner:
"You still have me."
Such a commitment not only conveys deep love and unconditional support, but also gives the other party the courage and confidence to face challenges head-on.
A few simple words make the partner understand that no matter how the wind and rain in the outside world are raging, home is always their warmest harbor and a solid backing they can rely on.
In this commitment, the partners gain the armor to move forward and also draw the strength to overcome difficulties.
This deep affection of mutual support and mutual dependence is the cornerstone of a long-term and stable marriage.
Because we know that in this long journey, the most trustworthy and dependent ones are each other.
Write at the end
I saw such a passage:
"I moved the idea of divorce for a very simple reason, not because you are poor, but because you can't change it at all;
I think about you everywhere and tolerate you everywhere, but you make me feel that I am the worst woman in the world;
From joy to despair, you've drained all my passion......"
The worst thing in a marriage is that you don't feel the slightest love when you are close at hand.
For the rest of our lives, may we deeply understand each other's difficulties, learn to sincerely empathize and communicate, and work together to share the responsibilities and burdens of the family.
Cherish each other, take care of each other, and let love last forever in the long river of years.
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