Marilyn Monroe said:
"The most important thing in life is to find happiness and self-worth."
When a woman reaches middle age, how to find the code of happiness, position her self-worth, and take the "hero's journey" in the second half of her life is a life topic that cannot be ignored.
walked through the confused, chaotic, and rampage youth;
Young people who have entered a left-handed career and a right-handed family;
Women will eventually usher in a plump, calm and calm middle age.
A middle-aged woman should bloom like a flower and be as quiet and beautiful as jade.
The best blessing for a middle-aged woman is enough to cultivate the word "hidden".
Hide dependence, sober self-love
In his book "Spending the Long Years with Anthony", Anthony says:
"The longest love I've ever had is narcissism, I love myself and have no rivals."
Not knowing self-love and blindly relying on it is a taboo for middle-aged women to pursue a happy life.
Because dependence will make women more and more vulnerable, more and more mediocre, and more and more unbearable.
Therefore, when women reach middle age, they hide their dependence and do not pin their hopes of happiness on the outside world.
Knowing how to love yourself is the greatest sobriety.
Xiao Ying is the principal of an eloquence training institution.
Today, she has a happy family and career.
Although her daughter is adopted, she is still grateful and enjoys the joy of being a first-time mother.
It's hard to imagine that Xiaoying was once a seriously ill depressed patient.
She was infertile for many years after her marriage.
After the mother-in-law's wish for her grandson was repeatedly disappointed, she gradually became mean to Xiaoying.
Although her ex-husband was extremely tolerant, this matter still weighed on Xiaoying's heart like a boulder.
She frantically begged for medical advice, but to no avail.
At that time, she was very frightened, women don't have children, what do you use to tie her husband's heart?
As the family business grew, her husband came home later and later, and Xiaoying became suspicious.
She often calls for no reason to inquire about her husband's whereabouts, peeps on her husband's phone, and even develops into stalking in serious cases.
She is like a helpless child, every day in addition to suspicion and self-doubt, she has a tendency to depression.
Looking at Xiaoying, who was almost crazy, her husband's eyes were gradually getting colder.
At the age of forty, Xiaoying was diagnosed with cervical cancer, and a major operation announced that she was completely unable to have children.
The husband's family filed for divorce, and the once loving husband became an ex-husband.
The bitterness of the body and the pain of love made Xiaoying taste the taste of the cone, and also overturned the boulder that pressed on her heart.
Writer Bai Luomei said:
"The sword of life cuts us every day, slices off the flesh, and leaves the bones thin."
This sharp sword also completely cut off Xiaoying's obsession, and made her have great courage in the pain.
She actively cooperated with the doctor's treatment, and at the same time stood on the stage of elocution training again.
Xiaoying understands that only by being financially and spiritually independent can she repair her ability to love herself.
Although she is middle-aged, Xiaoying, who has rejuvenated, has gained love again.
She said:
"Although I am hurt by love, I still believe in love, but I will no longer use it as a lifesaver, stupid enough to rely on it completely."
Because Xiaoying knows better than anyone that the root of a woman's happiness does not come from others, and the acceptance of her own life is the first element of happiness.
Calmly facing the imperfections of life and calmly accepting everything in the present moment is an indispensable basic cognition of a woman who longs for happiness.
Mr. Yang Jiang said:
"After all, it's not that eight-sided delicate woman, who can't please the joy of the world.
Only to be surrounded by a silent fireworks, to be alone and peaceful, and to be in harmony with everything. ”
A woman who is not stubborn, does not screw, is at peace with solitude, and is at peace with herself is a wise woman.
Because they know best:
Keep the core of happiness firmly in your heart, accept yourself, and be self-consistent.
Hide the decadence and awaken the love
Feng Menglong said in "Xing Shi Hengyan":
"Beauty is in the bones, not in the skin."
Age should not be a reason for a woman to let go of growth and self-decadence.
The real happiness of a middle-aged woman lies not in how much material she has, but in whether she can continue to improve herself.
Giving up growth and letting the spirit have nothing to rely on is the beginning of a woman's real decline.
After graduating from university, Xiaoxue married her husband, who was fifteen years older than herself.
Five years after their marriage, she gave birth to a daughter.
The privileged life and the bond of her daughter made Xiaoxue give up her career and return to her family.
A few years later, she found that instead of bringing happiness to her family, the career shutdown was caused by the widening gap between husband and wife.
Once, she and her husband were traveling to Japan, and she really wanted to eat a matcha ice cream, but she gave up because of one of her husband's impatience.
Xiaoxue can't forget the contemptuous glance that her husband inadvertently revealed.
It was like a knife that gently cut away her self-esteem.
Another thing that hit Xiaoxue hard was that she attended a college reunion.
In the splendid hotel hall, those male and female students who are leading in their respective fields talk eloquently, and the atmosphere is sincere and warm.
Xiaoxue was like an outsider, sitting in a daze, not knowing what to talk to everyone about.
She suddenly realized that she had distanced herself from her classmates too far.
She felt her pride crushed like never before.
She said:
"After reading books for so many years, I ended up turning myself into a canary in a cage, and everything depends on the face of the master who feeds me."
Approaching the age of forty, Xiaoxue, who graduated from the Department of Chinese, finally firmly picked up the pen of writing.
She said:
"It's not a big deal, I'm going to do my best to use my strength to get back my pride."
Today's Xiaoxue has ushered in the explosion of her works in five years, and her novels have gained a large number of fans on major online platforms.
Many people are surprised to find that the current Xiaoxue, the whole person exudes an intellectual and confident light.
Writer Li Xiaoyi said:
"Those who 'counterattack' amazed us not with their success, but with an upward attitude."
A love and a career will always be the main battlefield for women to hold their heads high to complete self-construction and exude the charm of life.
Middle-aged women should bloom in their love, with a sincere firmness, grow their spiritual bones, and be a proud middle-aged beautiful girl.
Hide the obstacles and move forward lightly
Yu Hua's book "Shouting in the Drizzle" writes:
"I found that people can live very lightly, and this is even just a choice between thoughts.
From the desire to control and possess, to the choice not to occupy, not to be entangled. At that moment, it was to give yourself back. ”
When a woman reaches middle age, she shoulders the responsibility of being old and young, and it is not realistic to have no worries, but if she cares too much, she will suffer from it.
My colleague's daughter Xiaofan blocked her colleague twice in a row on WeChat in half a year.
The mother and daughter quarreled frequently because of differences in the concept of time.
Xiaofan believes that learning should be done in moderation and not too tightly.
Mom believes that the competition pressure of medical students for graduate school is huge, and they must seize all the time to study.
The daughter was unhappy with her mother's excessive intervention and blocked her mother.
The mother and daughter were therefore "separated and combined", and there was constant friction.
It is understandable that the mother wants her daughter to become a phoenix, but she must also understand that some experiences have to be experienced by the child himself, and some pits have to be stepped on by himself, only in this way can she refine her own life experience.
Excessive intervention is counterproductive, rather than helpful.
Middle-aged women's concerns are not only about children, husbands, and parents, but also about eating, drinking, pulling, and sprinkling, all of which involve women's energy.
Not to overly obstruct others and return yourself to yourself is the antidote for women to live freely in middle age.
The essence of the obstacle is that you can't see it, you can't let it go, and there are too many things you want to control.
Whether to be constantly involved, or to move forward lightly, this is also a choice for middle-aged women.
Advertising legend Lin Guizhi and self-media person Jiang Dora had an interview and talked about their views on the matter.
Lin Guizhi said:
"Whether you care about it or not, your child will grow up eventually.
Don't always intervene and dwell on what you think.
Everyone has their own destiny, don't add too much drama to your life role, it's enough to be yourself. ”
To be yourself and not to be in the way is to untie your shackles and be well.
When a woman reaches middle age, don't let the trivial things distract her too much energy, let go of the obstacles, be herself, control your heart, and achieve yourself, so that you can move forward lightly.
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I've seen a short commercial:
Uncle Wang, who returned from grocery shopping, asked Uncle Li in the wheelchair: "What are you doing?" ”
Uncle Li replied, "Wait for death." ”
At this time, a group of young people are speeding past on mountain bikes.
Uncle Wang looked at the young back, and there was gradually light in his eyes.
He bought a used car and started modifying it himself.
He's going to travel around China.
Uncle Li said: "You are old, looking for death?" ”
The obstruction of his family and the ridicule of his neighbors failed to stop Uncle Wang from moving towards his dream.
When I saw him finally go to the mountains and seas, I burst into tears.
The old man who has entered the twilight of autumn with tears in his eyes still retains the courage to die as a teenager.
As long as there are dreams, there is hope.
Burning yourself for your dreams is not looking for death, but being reborn.
Compared with Uncle Wang, when a woman reaches middle age, a beautiful life has just begun.
Yu Qiuyu said: "Some people confined their lives to mutual observation and mutual supervision, mutual loss and mutual suspicion, and some people released their lives in the distant mountains and seas, and the earth and the sky are eternal. ”
When a woman reaches middle age, she must remember to cultivate her courage to bloom like a flower and her confidence to be as quiet and beautiful as jade.
Heal your own wounds with acceptance, and release the beauty of life with love.
Use wisdom to make sails, use determination to make oars, calm and calm, and go to the distant mountains and seas of your own destiny, and the earth is long.
Author | Ziqiao Mo is a literature lover who is obsessed with writing, and is willing to make the world beautiful through a pen.
Picture | Submitted by Ziqiao photography enthusiasts