If mom was no longer mom, what kind of life would she live?
It's Mother's Day, and I've seen a lot of sensational discussions on the internet about how sometimes I think if my mom wasn't my mom, she'd probably be happy.
Some people say that my mother used to be a teacher and resigned for herself, if it weren't for herself, my mother might be full of peach and plum all over the world;
Some people say that my mother was a singer when she was young, beautiful and independent, but after giving birth to a child, she never picked up the microphone again;
Some people say that her mother always wanted to go out to do business in the past, but after getting married and having children, trivial matters made her never go out of the province again......
After seeing more of these "ifs", what we want to say more is that when we grow up, when a mother can have is no longer a mother's choice, when a mother only starts the second half of her life as a woman, can she develop more exciting?
We have seen the stories of these mothers from many children.
A mother's life can also be a wilderness
Before the argument "Mom, life is a wilderness" became popular on the Internet, Little Bear felt that this sentence should be read backwards.
Mom is not just a calling, mom can also be her own wilderness.
"When I came home on May Day, I found that my mother had started to learn the accordion, and there was no teacher in the small county, so she watched the video to learn by herself."
Little Bear flipped through the photo album of her mother's youth, when she was on the school volleyball team, with short hair, hugging the players around her and smiling brightly.
Mom also had short hair, but that was to make it easier to do housework, to go out on duty, and to wash her hair five minutes in the morning and make breakfast for the bear.
The accordion was a heroic dream of her mother's girlhood, and she wanted to play the song "Birch Forest".
Xiao Xiong said that when she watched her mother squint at her presbyopia and read a pair of notes, she realized that her mother's dream as a teenager must not be just to be a mother.
When I was a child, I thought my mother knew everything, but when I grew up, I realized that the "limitations of the times" in history textbooks are about my mother who wants to go to the wilderness, but she doesn't even have a track.
In my mother's time, there were no female role models to refer to, and no female power to tell. Mom's dreams were never encouraged to come true.
Growing up, the words my mother heard the most were:
"A woman should look like a woman."
When she looked around again after the first half of her life, she found that there was more than one "woman's appearance".
So the second half of my mother's life is to pick up her dreams again and learn to be free.
Last year, Zhezhe's mother officially became a star-chasing girl, in the words of talk show actor Xiaolu, from a mother in the candlelight to a mother in the light sign.
She has never left the provincial capital in her life, and suddenly opened the door to a new world from idols.
Zhezhe said: "Finally, I was generous to myself with peace of mind. ”
Now, Zhezhe, who is engaged in the screenwriting industry (and has a little bit to do with the entertainment industry), is "forced" to become his mother's intelligence officer.
Do idols have any new film appointments recently? Is there a chance to go to the idol crew? Can you help mom get a ticket to the meet-and-greet?
Zhezhe said that he couldn't help it, and his mother couldn't count on it, so she had to generate electricity by herself.
used to watch short videos, but now I cut videos for idols; used to watch dramas as background sounds, but now I learn to do data; I didn't know anything about my daughter's work before, but now I have one theory after another about character settings and plot progression-I can also teach my daughter how to publicize the second creation.
When asked, my mother smiled and said that she had learned from the fans of the fandom.
Zhezhe also chases stars, and also lists his female idol control reviews on Weibo, and is occasionally complained by his mother: "Your words are not professional enough." ”
Two days ago, Zhezhe received a message from his mother, and when he clicked on it, it was the idol's concert ticket grabbing procedure.
It doesn't matter how far or near the distance is. That's my idol-
's mother, who has been picking the door all her life, asked for two of the most expensive infield tickets this time. After all, my mother didn't have a partner, and for the first time, I had to let Zhezhe accompany her to watch offline.
Mom also said, I won't need you next time, I can meet other fans when I go to the scene.
You see, mom can shine anywhere, even if she is chasing stars, she is also the most motivated and popular mother fan.
Don't want to be traditional moms, are they wrong?
The wilderness of mothers is wonderful, and I want to talk about women who "don't want to be traditional mothers anymore" in the second half of their lives.
They almost have one thing in common, they used to be eldest daughters, older sisters, filial daughters, daughters-in-law, virtuous wives and mothers.
Cikey said that the first half of her mother's life was really tiring.
When she was a daughter, she had to pull her younger siblings in the family, and after she got married, she became a "servant" of two families.
The younger brother and sister-in-law quarreled, and she went to be a lubricant; My sister was going out to work, so she brought her sister's children over to take care of her.
When her mother-in-law had a physical problem, she accompanied her every night; When her husband and brother started a business together, she accompanied her to count the goods all night long, and came to apologize.
Later, Cikey and his brother grew up, and the brother had a wife and a child, so he naturally left the child in the care of his mother, but his mother picked on.
The family accused the old lady of being ignorant, and Cikey came home from Shanghai on leave, only to see her mother sitting on the sofa wiping endless tears, repeating over and over again what seemed to be a memorized line: "I have brought children all my life, and I don't want to take children anymore." ”
My husband said that she watched a short video and lost her brain, and her son said that you don't have children, should we resign? Even her younger brothers and sisters who used to be taken care of by her came to "persuade" her: bring most of your grandchildren to be happy and enjoy the joy of family.
Mom said, "But I don't want to enjoy it."
Now, the house is deserted.
Her son and daughter-in-law complained about her, her husband ignored her with her mobile phone, and her younger brothers and sisters who used to come to the door also worked for their own small family. In the cold pot and cold stove, my mother always cooks a bowl by herself.
Everyone waited for their mother to compromise, but their mother said that this was very good, and it was also leisurely, and they just wanted to rest according to their own wishes after being busy all their lives.
At the beginning of this year, @家住成都的媛媛分享了妈妈出家后的生活.
"My mother is a kind and simple person, but she is really bitter in this life, so even if all her relatives oppose her ordination, I support her without hesitation, because only I know what she needs, let me stop the affairs at home, you can be happy and healthy and be yourself."
Because she is a daughter, she can feel her mother's every desire to speak again and again since she was a child. She also misses her mother and wants her mother to be by her side, but she still hopes that her mother can live for herself rather than let her mother continue to be a mother.
"As long as she's here, I'll have a mother."
She gently and softly wrote at the end:
"If you go to the temple and happen to meet a master who guards the temple called Ji Hui, tell her for me, you must take care of your body, the mountain is bitter cold, be careful not to fall uphill, eat on time, take blood pressure medication on time, take medicine for insulin resistance, control sugar well, don't carry it yourself when you are sick, don't be afraid of bothering others, tell the master, tell me."
For some mothers, the second half of their lives is sometimes just a long self-help.
She's done everything she can, but there's no end in sight.
In the past, some people said that women are rapeseed life, good and bad depend on touching, and they grow in the wind everywhere; Women are working hard, running around all their lives, and there is no time to stop.
But now, we are hearing more and more mothers who are really voices in their hearts, and they never accept their fate.
When mothers are really free, we realize that mothers can also become stones, become wind, become trees, and become warriors who run for themselves. It turns out that there is more than one kind of mother.
It doesn't have to be restarted, it's the second spring
Of course, many times, mom's world is small, and mom's struggles are not so intense. The second half of my mother's life is not always a cool script to restart her life.
We just need to be glad that the mothers are a little happier than before when they cross the river by feeling the stones.
My friend Ah Nian's mother fell in love with reading novels and listening to radio dramas, and "a trace of love flashed on his cold and arrogant face" at home all the time;
Jiali's mother has a cat, and now she compares the cat to her, and walks the baby every day to show off;
Twinkle's mother fell in love with mountain climbing and hiking, and people in their fifties decided to have a mountain every week, and now there are many "little friends" lying in the WeChat list, and their physique is stronger than Sparkle.
Working for yourself can always be the first step for mothers to restart in the second half of their lives.
Reporter Zhang Xiaoman recorded her mother who worked as a cleaner: she came to Shenzhen from a small town, made money with her own hands in an office building with bright and clean windows, and relied on economic independence to gain the right to speak in the family.
Xiaojiu also talked to me about her grandmother.
After her grandfather died, her family didn't let her go out to work, because she was ashamed and afraid of being poked in the back.
My grandmother originally wanted to go out to work and couldn't be idle, and she always had to quarrel with the children at home, and in the end she couldn't do it, and the children turned a blind eye, so she went to the construction site to set up a stall to sell boxed lunches.
"Our family said that my grandmother had a bad temper, but she had a good temper when she set up the stall, and she smiled with everyone."
The hard-earned money is not as much as the pension, but my grandmother said that when she wakes up every day and has something to do, she feels that her bones have not been loosened.
Enning's mother is as social phobic as her, in today's words, she is an "I person", who has been wandering in the work she doesn't like all her life, and has a line between work and home.
Fortunately, most of the mothers are social cows, and on the first day of Enning's mother walking alone in the park after retirement, she was taken in by E people and joined the square dance army.
Now, my mother is a square dance maître d'åme. Every day at six o'clock in the afternoon, I go out on time with the stereo, wear a big flower skirt, drink milk tea with the old sisters on weekends, and do what I like every day.
I wonder if you have observed your mother when you grew up? Have you ever thought about your mother's life from our point of view?
After interviewing so many stories of mothers and children, I always wonder, how should our generation treat mothers?
When we were children, we were afraid to run away -
Mom always seemed to be the harsher person, chasing us with homework to improve our grades, but also preparing delicious meals and serving warm milk when we were tired.
When we grow up, we are confused and confused -
Why is my mother always urging me to get married and have children? Why can't my mom see the pressure on me? Can you please stop calling me when I'm busiest.
However, mother's growth also needs to be slow.
The farther our ideals go, the closer we must look; The louder our slogans, the more gentle we must be in our touch; The quicker we run forward, the smoother the rope for those who come after us.
When we are educated, we see the bigger world. When the mother grows old, she becomes a "burden" that cannot keep up with the times.
When we grow up, we will look back and find that the first woman we want to understand is our mother.
Understand her choices, respect her life, and see the second half of her life that she wants to pursue.
Sometimes she will be timid and hesitant, at this time, we need to give her a push and tell her, it's okay, I am your eternal ally, and I will always support you to find yourself.
Sometimes her joys and sorrows are not shared, and then we can stand side by side with her, as they encouraged them when we were children, and tell them: you are already great, you are still my role model.
In the past, we always encouraged mothers to be themselves. But this is probably the narrative of our generation, the cake we have nibbled on in the wave of progress. The mothers who were left behind, it was not that they didn't want to, but that they didn't know, and they couldn't do it.
So this time, it can be you growing up with your mom.
Take them to a visit to their favorite city, take them to a concert, talk to them about your career and pursuits, and share your vision of the world.
In A Woman's Tale, Anne Ernaux writes:
"In the ten months I've been writing, I've dreamed of her almost every night. Once, I dreamed that I was lying in the middle of a small river. From my belly, from my pussy, which was once again as smooth as a girl, sprang up filamentous plants, soft and floating. It was not only my pussy, but also my mother's. ”
If you want to make your mom happy this Mother's Day, encourage her to be free first.
When we encourage mothers to pursue the second half of their lives, it also means that more women can reach what kind of future.