In this complex world, our children are like delicate but tough grasses that need to be carefully cared for and nourished. For them, home is the only haven and shelter from the wind. However, how many people are missing the warmth of their families and regret the long road of life. Parents are undoubtedly the most important people to children, and their words and deeds will deeply affect their children's growth. But as parents, we are often confined to our own education methods, and fail to truly understand our children's most innocent and simple inner desires. Today, let's reflect on what kind of words children most expect to hear from their parents.
A "fairy tale king" named Zheng Yuanjie wrote such a little story - a girl who was wrongfully accused by a teacher of stealing her classmate's money, her first reaction was "I want to call my parents over". This was quite a surprise to the teacher at the time. For most children, the first reaction to being blamed by a teacher at school is often fear, shame, self-blame, and even the desire to endure punishment rather than let their parents know about it. But when such a big thing happened to this little girl, she did not hesitate to seek help from her parents, and was confident that her parents would believe her words. From this small detail, you can see what a warm, happy family environment she grew up in with a full foundation of trust!
There is a saying that "what you lack is difficult to give to others". Many of our generation grew up in a "scarce" family environment. When our feelings were always coldly ignored by our parents, it was difficult for us to have enough ability to truly appreciate the inner fluctuations of our children when we grew up. When we were never loved by our parents, how could we overcome the ups and downs in our hearts and say the words "I love you" to our children sincerely and completely?
In fact, what children are most eager to hear from their parents is the following 4 simple words:
"Your feelings, good or bad, are important and deserve to be valued" It is precious for children to be understood and accepted. As parents, we are often accustomed to restraining and criticizing our children's negative emotions, but we rarely give recognition and tolerance. The phrase "Your feelings matter" can help children feel respected and cared for, and gradually build a positive sense of self.
"It's okay, just because you can't do it doesn't mean you're bad" Even though we all want our children to do their best to accomplish everything, too strict requirements will make children feel inferior and self-abandoning. Use a tolerant and encouraging tone to let your child know that even temporary failure is not terrible, and the key is to have the courage and determination to keep trying and not giving up. Replace negativity with appreciation, and treat people with empathy.
"Would you like to share with me what you went through?" Many times, we interpret our children's behavior too simply as "willful" and "vexatious", but we do not really listen patiently to the children's inner stories. Being good at inviting children to tell their own stories in an open and friendly way not only allows children to unload their psychological baggage, but also helps to enhance the emotional connection between parents and children. By patiently listening to the children tell about their experiences, they show respect and trust for the children.
"I love you, no matter what, you deserve to be loved and treated kindly" This is undoubtedly the phrase that children are most eager to hear from their parents. Unconditional love is the source of a child's sense of security, and it is also the nourishment for children to have the courage to try and grow confidently. Only when children can truly feel the genuine love of their parents for them can their hearts gain great strength.
In fact, when you sincerely say these 4 words to your child over and over again, you are also nourishing the "child" who has been left out in the depths of your heart. Each of us actually longs to be understood, to be noticed, to be heard, to be accepted unconditionally, which is not only the need of children, but also the most primitive call in the heart of each of us adults.
We may not be able to choose our parents, but we can choose what kind of parents we are. While healing children, we are also healing our own inner wounds. Being a good parent who listens well and gives security is a huge gift for both the child and yourself. Let us accept every emotion of children unconditionally with gratitude and tolerance, stand by the children's side at all times, wrap them with warm love, shelter them from the wind and rain, and relieve their worries.
Only when children feel the unreserved love of their parents for themselves can they not lose their way in this complicated world, no matter how much wind and rain they encounter. Love is a bridge to the heart, let us embrace each other, and use love to melt all the barriers and barriers in life. At the same time, when children learn to love themselves unconditionally, they also have the most precious strength in life.
What do you think about this? Feel free to interact with me in the comment section!