As the saying goes, "Illness comes from the mouth, and disaster comes from the mouth", only when a person has suffered the loss of speaking can he understand that speaking can also bring disaster to himself.
People's hearts are separated from their bellies, and you think that she has a heart to heart with you, but in fact she is guarding against you everywhere.
If you say whatever you want when you speak, it is easy to touch the other person's sadness or bring trouble to yourself because of a distracted word.
Some words are destined to rot in the stomach, especially as parents, don't tell others these 4 things about your children!
1. Children's private affairs
I often see uncles and aunts sitting together chatting, and the topics they talk about are either the east family or the west family, and sometimes they talk about the private affairs of their children's families.
After Zhou Min retired, he had nothing to do, and often sat and chatted with the sisters downstairs.
One afternoon, Zhou Min went downstairs to chat with her sisters as usual, and happened to talk about a couple in the neighborhood who divorced because of some trivial matters.
At this time, Zhou Min may have empathized, and remembered that her daughter had recently had an awkward relationship with her son-in-law, so she said a few more words.
Zhou Min's daughter is called Li Lin, and her husband's name is Wang Ning.
Li Lin and Wang Ning have been married for 17 years, and they have a daughter who is in high school.
Recently, her daughter fell in love, and no matter how much the two of them indulged their daughter, they didn't allow her to do so.
So Li Lin educated her daughter, but verbally persuaded her, but her daughter did not listen to the persuasion, but secretly fell in love.
Li Lin found that her daughter's grades had declined very seriously, so she wanted her to break up with her boyfriend, but verbal persuasion didn't work, so Li Lin beat her daughter.
Wang Ning, who protects her daughter, believes that no matter how wrong her daughter is, Li Lin should not do it.
In this way, Li Lin and Wang Ning had a big quarrel because of their differences in the way of disciplining their daughters.
Li Lin felt that she was doing it for her daughter's good, but her husband's incomprehension and harsh criticism made her very sad.
Li Lin thought back to the past, and the more she thought about it, the more angry she became, and said to Wang Ning in a fit of anger that she couldn't go on, let's get a divorce, Li Lin went back to her parents' house after saying cruel words.
In fact, such quarrels have happened a few times in the past few years, and it didn't take long for the two to reconcile.
The two of them were originally angry, but Zhou Min chatted this time.
When Wang Ning came to pick up Li Lin home, the people downstairs pointed at him, Wang Ning was very angry, and returned without picking up Li Lin, and for a while the relationship between the husband and wife fell into an irreversible situation.
After Li Lin found out, she said to Zhou Min, how can you go out and tell others about our little couple, it's really too much.
Zhou Min knew that her words had caused trouble for her daughter, so she quickly apologized to her son-in-law, which saved her daughter's marriage.
Some parents always talk about their children's privacy and think that they are right, and it is because of this wrong thinking that their children are less and less inclined to share their own things with their parents.
The private affairs of the children's family are their privacy and should not be told to outsiders, especially parents, who should respect the privacy of their children.
Sometimes, telling your children's private affairs may be spread out and cause irreparable results.
2. Children's wages
When some parents are chatting with other people, when they hear that other people's children have an annual salary of hundreds of thousands, they become competitive, so they also begin to boast about their children's salaries, completely ignoring how much trouble this will bring to their children.
During the Chinese New Year, my aunt and uncle came to our house as guests, and something happened that I remember vividly.
At that time, the eldest aunt said that her son was a human resources manager of a private company, with a salary of more than 10,000 yuan per month, and at the end of the year, he also received 50,000 yuan in dividends.
When my mother heard this, she exaggerated my aunt's son's excellence, and said that I had nothing left after paying off the mortgage and car loan from a month's salary, and asked my parents for money from time to time.
When I heard this, I was very unhappy, and I thought that I was not as unbearable as my mother said.
Just when I was depressed, my uncle came to my house with his son.
When the uncle heard that his aunt's son made a lot of money, he wanted to borrow some money from him to make a down payment for his son to buy a house.
I just heard my uncle say, your son has a good income, he earns so much a year, lend us 100,000 yuan, and see that the child has reached the age of marrying a daughter-in-law, and the marriage house has not yet been settled.
When the eldest aunt heard about borrowing money, she suddenly couldn't get off the stage, because her son had told her not to tell her relatives about her salary.
The eldest aunt's son thinks that once other relatives know that they have earned a lot, it is inevitable that someone will borrow money, and they are not afraid of borrowing money, they are afraid that they will not pay it back, they are all relatives, and they can't tear their faces and want to come back.
When parents are chatting with others, they should never tell others about their children's salaries, because earning more will make people jealous, and earning less will make people laugh.
There is a good saying, no one wants others to be better than themselves, everyone is jealous, when there is a significant gap in income, the income will be red-eyed, maybe there is some bad idea in the heart to borrow money from you.
Smart parents don't disclose their children's salaries because they know that vanity can cause trouble for their children and affect their relationship with them.
3. Disadvantages of children
Parents who inadvertently reveal their child's shortcomings to their neighbors, or share their child's wrong things with friends, these seemingly inconsequential small talk may become the talk of others after dinner.
If these words reach the ears of children, it is likely to cause them unnecessary distress and affect their mental health.
Some time ago, I was on vacation, I saw that the weather was very good, so I went downstairs to bask in the sun, and when I closed my eyes to recuperate, I heard a few aunts chatting on the side.
One of the aunts said that her daughter was good in everything, but she was too strong, even if it was her parents, she didn't listen to it, and only stood firm in her own ideas.
Other aunts also echoed the voice, and when the children were older, they didn't want to listen to their parents.
said unintentionally, the listener was intentional, this aunt complained that her daughter was strong, and many people were reluctant to tell her daughter about her family.
Although others praise her daughter for her ability and assertiveness on the surface, behind the scenes, they say that her daughter does not know how to honor her parents and often disobeys her parents, and such a daughter cannot marry home.
Smart parents will not treat their children's shortcomings as a topic of small talk, and do not tell their children's shortcomings to outsiders, not only to protect the dignity of their children, but also to avoid other people's prejudice against their children.
As the so-called three people become tigers, a small mistake may be passed around, and it will become a big stain, which will have a very bad impact on the child.
No one is perfect, no one is perfect, and it is precisely because of the coexistence of advantages and disadvantages that each child becomes a unique individual.
In the face of children's shortcomings, you can communicate with your children privately to solve them, rather than telling them to outsiders and seeking their understanding and recognition.
Fourth, the work of children
When we talk about our children, it's always about their studies, work and achievements.
However, in these discussions, we sometimes unconsciously fall into the misconception of showing off, especially about the work of our children, and never tell anyone about it.
Aunt Zhang in the village was recently taken to the town by her son, and her son and daughter-in-law were busy with work and always couldn't take care of the children, so they asked Aunt Zhang to help.
After Aunt Zhang sent her children to kindergarten every day, there was nothing to do, so she went to the nearby square for a walk, came and went, and got to know her peers around her.
The son thought to himself, it was good that his mother knew a few friends, and the old man in the province was alone in the town.
But the son didn't expect that because of this incident, it caused a family war between his wife and mother.
Aunt Zhang's daughter-in-law is a chemistry teacher at a key high school in the town, and has been awarded the title of outstanding teacher for several years because of her good teaching performance.
When Aunt Zhang was chatting with her peers, she bragged about her daughter-in-law's work, and promised them that whoever wants to go to school, as far as my daughter-in-law is concerned, she will be allowed to do it for you.
Aunt Zhang thought that she was just kind words, but she didn't expect someone to take it seriously.
One day, Aunt Sun came to Aunt Zhang with her grandson and gifts, and it happened that her daughter-in-law was also at home off work.
Aunt Sun chatted a few words and cut to the point, hoping that Aunt Zhang's daughter-in-law could find a relationship and let her grandson enter a key high school.
The daughter-in-law said that she was an ordinary teacher, without such connections, and the school had strict requirements for student qualifications, so she could not call the shots.
Aunt Zhang thought that her daughter-in-law just didn't want to help, so she said in front of Aunt Sun that her daughter-in-law didn't give her face.
Aunt Sun was also very angry when she saw this situation, and said that she didn't have that much ability, what kind of bragging, and left with gifts and her grandson after speaking.
Seeing this, Aunt Zhang was even more angry with her daughter-in-law and scolded her daughter-in-law.
Aunt Zhang didn't think she was at fault, but her daughter-in-law deliberately didn't help herself, causing herself to lose face.
The daughter-in-law thinks that the fault lies with the mother-in-law. Mother-in-law should not use her work as a talking point to talk to others, and find herself such a big trouble.
The two had a big quarrel because of this incident, and after the son knew about it, he knew that his mother had done something wrong, and in order to appease his wife's anger, he could only send his mother back to the countryside and hire a nanny to take care of his children.
Children's work can't be used to show off, this is a kind of low-key wisdom, parents don't be stupid to brag to outsiders.
Sometimes showing off your children's work can only bring trouble to your children and destroy your image in the hearts of your children.
Smart parents talk to others and don't talk to others about their children's work, because this is a sign of respect for their children and a responsibility to the family.
Your children's work, whether good or bad, must learn to hide it and rot it in their stomachs.
If you talk about your children's work, you will not be genuinely praised and approved by others, and everyone will say those hypocritical flattery words, but when you turn around, they will laugh at you and be jealous of you.
The life is your own, and the richer you are, the more low-key you are, so that you can live a better life and have a more harmonious relationship with your children.