In married life, quarrels between husband and wife seem to be unavoidable.
However, quarrels are not always negative, and the key is how we deal with these differences.
Below, we will explore some clever ways to resolve the "war of words" between couples in order to sweeten love.
01
Next, I will use a student story to talk about the "war of words" between husband and wife: how to skillfully resolve a quarrel.
Student Xiaoyu and her husband Xiaosheng are a couple who have been married for four years, but recently there has been a fierce "war of words" between them.
One night, her husband came home late and exhausted due to overtime at the company, and the trainee was alone at home preparing dinner, looking forward to having dinner with her husband. However, when the husband came home, his words lit the fuse of the quarrel.
After a busy day at home, the student first cleaned the room, carefully selected fresh ingredients, and prepared a warm dinner for her husband who returned late.
The kitchen is filled with the aroma of braised pork, and the sound of knives cutting vegetables is crisp and pleasant. Her heart was full of anticipation, imagining the beautiful picture of her husband coming home and enjoying dinner together.
However, when the husband walked into the house tiredly, a casual sentence instantly shattered this expectation.
"Why haven't you cooked yet?" There was obvious dissatisfaction in the husband's tone, as if the fatigue of the day had found an outlet.
Hearing this, the spatula in the student's hand instantly stiffened in the air, and a trace of consternation flashed across her face, followed by deep disappointment and anger.
She turned sharply and walked out of the kitchen, looking her husband in the eye, her voice filled with irrepressible anger: "What do you mean? I've worked so hard to prepare dinner, busy from the morning to now, in order to surprise you, and you say this about me? ”
The husband was shocked by his wife's anger, and he stared at his wife with wide eyes, as if unable to understand her reaction. "I'm just casually asking, why are you so sensitive?" He tried to argue, but there was no initial displeasure in his tone, replaced by a hint of panic.
"Sensitive? Am I sensitive? The student's voice raised a few points, her chest rose and fell violently, obviously completely irritated by her husband's attitude, "How much effort I have put in for this family and for you, but you don't even look at it, you have denied all my hard work!" Why do you say that about me? ”
The husband was caught off guard by his wife's accusations, and he tried to explain, but found that his language seemed so pale and weak. "I ...... That's not what I meant......" he stammered, trying to find his ground, "I just...... It's just that I'm too tired to speak. ”
However, the trainee did not want to listen to her husband's explanation.
She felt that her heart was deeply hurt, and all the grievances and anger completely exploded at this moment. "You're so selfish! You only think about yourself and never think about my feelings! I have paid so much for this family, but you don't even have a word of thanks, but blame me! I was so blind to marry someone like you! ”
The husband was pricked in the heart by his wife's words, and he also began to feel angry and resentful. "How can you say that? Isn't it just for this family that I work hard outside every day? Do you think I want to come home so late? I also want to eat with you and enjoy the warmth of family together! But what can I do? I want to make money to support my family! ”
The sound of the two arguing echoed through the room, as if it was about to tear the roof over.
They accuse each other, complain, and yell at each other to express their dissatisfaction and grievances.
At this moment, they seemed to have turned into two hedgehogs, stabbing each other's hearts with sharp words.
After a heated argument, both the trainee and her husband fell silent. The atmosphere in the home becomes heavy and oppressive, and both realize that such an argument not only does not solve the problem, but only makes the relationship more tense between the husband and wife. So, they decided to seek professional help.
The trainee picked up his phone, messaged me, and made an appointment for an offline consultation. And briefly described the quarrels and communication problems between their couples, and after I saw it, I quickly replied to her and expressed my willingness to help them solve the problem.
So, we made an appointment for a face-to-face consultation in my consultation room. Before the counseling began, I asked them to write down their thoughts and feelings about the argument to better understand their problems.
At the beginning of the consultation, I asked them to state their opinions and feelings. The trainee said that she felt very aggrieved and angry, and felt that she had done a lot for the family, but she was not understood and appreciated by her husband.
The husband said that he felt tired and helpless, he understood his wife's hard work, but because of the pressure of work, he hoped to get some relaxation and comfort when he came home, instead of blaming and arguing.
After understanding their problems, I guided them to in-depth communication.
I ask them to try to empathize and understand each other's feelings and needs.
At the same time, I also taught them some effective communication skills, such as listening, expressing feelings and needs, and avoiding accusations and attacks.
In the process of communication, both the trainee and her husband gradually calmed down and began to analyze the problem rationally. They realize that misunderstandings and miscommunication with each other are the source of the quarrels and decide to work together to improve the relationship as a couple.
The trainee made it clear that she hoped that her husband would be more caring and considerate of her, and that he would try to adjust his working hours, spend more time with his family, and share household chores together. Later, the trainees also indicated that they would try to understand their husband's work pressure.
When the two parties reached a consensus, they gave positive feedback to each other, expressing their trust and support for each other.
In the end, the husband learns to apologize for his impulsiveness, and the student forgives him, and the two hug and cry, deciding to work together to preserve this wonderful marriage.
Finally, I gave them some homework, including spending 20 minutes a day as a couple communicating and recording each other's feelings and needs. At the same time, I also encourage them to pay more attention to each other's strengths and contributions, so as to enhance the sense of intimacy and trust between couples.
If they had been more understanding and tolerant, perhaps such a quarrel would not have happened.
Through this consultation, both the trainee and her husband said that they had gained a lot and had a deeper knowledge and understanding of the relationship between husband and wife. They decided to face their future lives with a more positive and rational attitude.
Although this "war of words" was short, it made them cherish each other even more.
02
In the whirlpool of quarrels, listening and understanding become the lifesaver of the relationship.
In the midst of a great wave of emotions, we must first learn to calm down and sincerely listen to the other person's point of view and deep feelings.
Don't interrupt in a hurry, don't rush to refute, but let the other person have enough time and space to share their thoughts and thoughts.
Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and feel their position and emotional fluctuations.
And emotion is undoubtedly a booster for quarrels, which can make a small flame ignite in an instant.
Therefore, when the heat of the argument rises, what we need to do is to take a deep breath, keep a cool head, and absolutely not let emotions lead the way.
Once you feel that you are about to lose control, you may want to take a break from the quarrel environment, let your mood return to calm, and then come back, and seek a solution to the problem with a more rational attitude.
Clear, unambiguous communication is the bridge to reduce misunderstandings.
We should use precise and unambiguous language to express our claims and opinions, and avoid using sharp or offensive words, so that the other party can more easily capture our true intentions.
In a quarrel, finding common ground is like lighting a lamp in the dark, which can illuminate the path to reconciliation between the two parties.
These commonalities can ease tensions and create a platform for dialogue and cooperation.
After gaining a deeper understanding of the other party's needs, we need to brainstorm and try to come up with a solution that will satisfy both parties.
While this may require some concessions and adjustments, it is well worth the investment for long-term relationship harmony.
Timely positive feedback is like a seed of encouragement sown in the soil of the relationship.
When the other person shows understanding and cooperation, we should not hesitate to praise and reinforce this constructive solution with positive words and actions.
And when we accidentally lose control in an argument, or the other party shows remorse, it is especially important to learn to apologize and forgive. This is not only a personal redemption, but also a healing of relationships, so that we can work together to carry out the sweetness of love to the end.