01
On Zhihu, discussions about divorced women always tug at the heartstrings of countless people.
I once read a question: "What is the worst outcome for a woman who is divorced with children?" "It reminds me of a counselor I once came in contact with, and her story made me think more deeply about this issue.
The counselor never seemed to really get along with her husband's marriage.
Her husband, a Scorpio man, behaves paranoidly and perversely, and doesn't have much love for her. She knew that her husband didn't like her, but she didn't expect his dislike of her to reach such a level.
Separation, quarrels, divorce, these words seem to have become the norm in their marriage. She told me that she had tried to redeem herself, but her husband's coldness and ruthlessness made her despair.
"Why don't you get a divorce?" I asked. She was silent for a moment, then spoke slowly: "I'm afraid of being a divorced woman. ”
She was afraid of being sympathetic, afraid of being trapped by prejudice. She fears that once she gets divorced, her life will be a mess. This worry made her struggle in pain and did not dare to take that step.
However, I told her that the divorce was not as bad as she thought it would be.
"What will be the worst outcome for a woman who is divorced and has children?" I asked her rhetorically. She thought for a moment and said, "I may be financially miserable, with no one to help me take care of my children, and I have to face the discussion and prejudice of the people around me." ”
I told her that these concerns, while present, are not unsolvable. Financially, if she could be independent, her life after divorce would not be worse than it is now.
As for raising children, she can choose to seek the help of relatives and friends or find a suitable childcare center.
As for the discussions and prejudices of the people around her, she should understand that life is her own, and she does not need to grieve herself in order to meet the expectations of others.
I'm reminded of the saying, "Go your own way and let others tell you to go." "Everyone has the right to choose their own life, and divorce is not a loser's label.
On the contrary, for those who have suffered and suffered in their marriage, divorce may be a relief and a rebirth.
02
I once came into contact with a divorced woman, and her story struck me deeply. She lives alone with her three-year-old child after the divorce, and her ex-husband and in-laws are unwilling to take on the responsibility of raising them.
She left her hometown alone with her children and set up a stall to make ends meet. Although her life was hard, she never complained.
"Do you regret your divorce?" I asked her. She smiled and said, "I don't regret it. Although it will be a little more financially difficult after the divorce, I will at least be free to choose my own life.
In the past, in my marriage, I was abused by my husband and coldly looked down upon by my in-laws. Although it was difficult after the divorce, I could create a better future for myself and my children. ”
I was deeply moved by her words. I am reminded of the saying: "Life is like a journey, I don't care about the destination, I only care about the scenery and mood along the way." ”
Although she faced many difficulties after the divorce, she remained optimistic and strong. She proved with her actions that divorce is not the end of life, but a new beginning.
03
Going back to the counselor at the beginning, if she were my friend, I would firmly tell her, "You should get a divorce." "Because her marriage doesn't mean anything anymore.
Her husband has no sense of responsibility to her or her children, and such a marriage will only make her more miserable and constrained.
"Divorce is not a loser's label, it's a brave man's choice." I told her. Divorce does not mean that her life will get worse, but it will give her a fresh start.
She can make new choices about her lifestyle and partner, and she can also create a healthier and happier environment for her children to grow up.
"If you are a woman with a desire for self-growth, if your heart is soft enough, but your backbone is hard enough, then whether you divorce or not, your future will not be too bad."
I remembered Yan Lingyang's sentence in the book "I'm Divorced".
Divorce is not the end, but a new beginning, as long as women have enough courage and determination, they can find their own happiness and joy again.
So let's stop seeing divorce as a terrible thing, and face it with a more open and inclusive mind.
Everyone has the right to choose their own life, whether they choose to continue their marriage or choose to divorce, we should respect their choice and bless them to be able to live happily in the future.