Tomorrow is Mother's Day.
On this day, everyone will sincerely express their gratitude and gratitude to their mothers.
It is true that a mother's dedication needs to be seen, remembered, and appreciated.
But once the praise changes its taste, it will appear to have "ulterior motives".
A few days ago, at ten o'clock, Jun saw a piece of news and was very angry.
The Mother's Day marketing of a certain brand has caused widespread controversy.
"Make mom's laundry easier, less effortless, and more worry-free."
Copywriting for laundry gift box packaging:
"Mom, you use it first."
The background of the poster is a scene of a mother raising children and doing housework alone.
Excuse me, can my mother really smile when she receives such a gift?
It's like someone expressing gratitude to your mother, and you tell your mother to remember to work on this day.
The ad simply and crudely portrays housework such as laundry as a mother's exclusive chore.
It not only disciplined the mother, but also offended all women.
Don't think it's just a single case, stereotypes like these abound.
Whether on the Internet or in reality, there are too many such language traps, which seem to be sympathetic, but in fact they are a kind of hidden kidnapping.
I've seen such a news.
A girl complained about her mother on the Internet:
Busy chasing stars, I don't care enough about myself.
When I was sick, and when I was in the hardest time in high school, I ignored her.
After learning that her mother's idol had overturned, she gloated and kept sending messages to stimulate her mother.
In the comments on this video, there is no shortage of people who agree:
"It's very pitiful to have such a mother. It's still my mother, and her mind is all on our family. ”
"It's really shameless to chase stars."
It seems that young people should chase stars, and mothers chasing stars is a big disapproval.
This is probably a typical "double standard".
In them, "mother" is the role of taking care of the family and paying for the family, and they need to show a kind of "altruism" at all times.
After becoming a mother, all the actions of a woman must serve the family.
Once you show your "ego" side, not only will you not be allowed by society, but you will even be judged by those closest to you about "perfect mother".
Ordinary people are like this, and celebrities can't escape the "motherhood kidnapping".
After giving birth to a child, Internet celebrity Papi-chan participated in an interview.
During the interview, someone asked her about her parenting experience.
She mentioned that her son, who was 1 year and 3 months old, had been sent to a childcare class.
The reason for this decision is the result of comprehensive consideration.
If you choose to take care of your own children, you either have to sacrifice the career of one of the husband and wife, or you need the help of the elderly on both sides to take care of the baby.
She doesn't want either option, so that's all that's left:
Ask for a babysitter or send a babysitter.
Ask a strange aunt to take the child, and they are not very reassured.
So in the end, I chose a professional custodian agency.
They think that they also went to nursery school when they were young, and they grew up like this.
Nothing is a big problem.
After weighing the situation, the couple unanimously decided to send the child to a custodian institution.
As soon as the interview was broadcast, it caused an uproar on the Internet.
All began a "motherhood trial" against her:
If your child is so young, you send it to a childcare class, and you have not fulfilled your responsibilities as a mother;
Children before the age of 3 need the company of their mothers to establish a sense of security, and you are derelict in your responsibility.
But is that really the case?
First of all, children are not as fragile as they think.
Papi-chan herself is a child who grew up in a nursery class, and her first-hand experience has shown her that this type of parenting is feasible;
Secondly, children do need companionship, but mothers also want to have themselves.
Under the "laurel" of their mothers, they have been constantly ceding their interests, careers and lives.
And constantly accept some almost dogmatic motherhood kidnapping:
The birth of a child must be born naturally, otherwise the child will not be smart enough,
Breastfeeding is a must, otherwise the child's nutrition is not balanced;
If the child is sick, he will also face accountability for "how can you be a mother, you can't even take care of a child".
The expectations of the whole society for the role of "mother" are so high that as long as they do not meet the standard of "high pay, high sacrifice".
You are not a "good mother" in the eyes of the world.
At this time, if the whole society compensates them, it is only a spiritual pill of praise and praise.
Behind the heavy lives of wives and the absence of husbands to escape will be covered up and ignored again and again.
Recently, the 10,000-word long essay "The Death of My Wife" exploded on the Internet, which is suffocating.
The husband in the story is infinitely sorry for his wife's death on the surface.
But when we gradually understand what this wife has experienced in marriage, we understand:
The so-called praise is just a kind of hypocrisy and disguise.
His wife's name was Zhang Min, and she was only 37 years old when she died.
She used to be an out-and-out top student, with an IELTS score of 9, and graduated from Tulane Business School in the United States.
After graduation, Zhang Min originally had a bright future, but in order to live with her husband, she resolutely returned to China.
She gave birth to 3 children, 2 girls and a boy in 7 years.
In order to have a third child, they even moved their family to Canada.
In this process, the husband could not find a job because he did not have a driver's license and did not speak English well, so he became a "househusband" as a matter of course.
And this does not mean the division of labor in the family of "outside the female protagonist, male protagonist in".
In fact, the wife not only has to study and work at the same time to earn money, but also has to work part-time to support the family.
At the same time, they also have to cook for the family, mow the lawn, shovel snow, and grow vegetables......
Since the husband has neither a driver's license nor English, he needs help with daily communication.
Once his son had a fever, he couldn't even take his son to the doctor alone, and needed his eldest daughter to accompany him as a translator all the time.
Although he is at home with children, he only cooks three dishes, so he mainly relies on his wife to cook.
Seeing this, I can't imagine what kind of tired life Zhang Min had when he was alive.
Zhang Min's death was sudden and swift:
He was diagnosed with cancer on the 17th and passed away on the 30th.
It was as if I was tired of life, and I was finally able to rest.
After the death of his wife, the husband began to write eulogies and hold memorial services for his wife, praising his wife's dedication during her lifetime and setting up a "loving wife" for himself.
But if you are not well loved during your lifetime, what is the use of singing praises after death.
However, if he shared more family responsibilities during his wife's lifetime, his wife might not be tired and die at a young age.
In real life, people often call their mothers "great", but behind these "greatness" are huge dedication and self-sacrifice.
We need to be wary of the sugar-coated shells of this language.
What seems like a beautiful compliment is actually a dark trap.
Due to the difference in the division of labor between men and women and the natural advantages of body structure, the real mother does take on a lot of work within the family.
However, with the development of the economy and the increase in the labor force participation rate of women, childcare has gradually become a family responsibility in which both men and women participate.
Most people's stereotype that men are a species that is not good at parenting is, in fact:
As long as you put your mind to it, you can do it well even if you are not good at it.
Parenting blogger @曹琦 posted a video of her husband taking the baby.
Since his wife gave birth, her husband has taken the initiative to take on the work of childcare.
In order to allow her to sleep well, her husband did not choose to breastfeed, but got up in the middle of the night every day to make milk powder and feed the child;
After pregnancy, my wife has been suffering from back pain, in order to allow her to recover well, bend over to change diapers, which can be a husband or a confinement wife, but never a wife;
Many women in confinement will have pain in their arms because of the breastfeeding of their children, so he simply took over the work of holding the children, and let his daughter-in-law take more care of her body when he freed up time.
After a few months, the daughter-in-law quickly returned to her pre-pregnancy figure, but her husband suffered from the so-called confinement disease: headache, back pain, and arm pain.
You see, it's not that the husband can't take care of the children, it's just that he wants to.
Many people often use the division of labor in the family and the provision of bread as an excuse to evade their childcare responsibilities.
As a result, many wives spend a lot of time running the family, and when these trivial things occupy their main energy, they also limit the possibility of taking a step forward in their careers.
However, motherhood should not always be a limitation in their lives.
They should find the possibility of realizing life in the division of labor in the family.
The movie "The Girl on the Bus" tells the story of several working women.
Grace is an experienced journalist who has been working in the industry for many years, and her long-term industry experience puts her at the top of the industry.
At the same time, she is also a mother.
The busyness of work greatly compresses the time between mother and daughter, and the two can only communicate by phone.
Even so, Grace often misses her daughter's calls.
Sometimes the call has just been connected, and Grace has to cut off the call due to an emergency.
The daughter complained about her mother, and it was always her father who took her to ballet lessons, took her to study for points, and sent her to learn to drive.
Dad even bought tampons for her.
In the face of her daughter's questioning, Grace's answer was very sober:
"Do you want a stay-at-home mom?
I'm busy making money and spending most of my adult life building a portfolio, not to make people remember that I'm a mom.
I've won three Pulitzer Prizes with my team, and my career will be the beginning of my obituary.
My dear, your life is yours and you don't have to meet my expectations. ”
Before becoming mothers, mothers are themselves first.
In the movie, Grace is indeed not a perfect mother.
But being a mom doesn't mean giving your whole selves.
Parents who fully realize the value of life are not a kind of strength and encouragement for their children.
People sing the praises of the greatness of maternal love, but great maternal love must not be reversed to become a shackle to kidnap mothers;
They are willing to bond for love, but everyone should not take all the mother's efforts for granted.
As mothers, they can choose to cook for their loved ones in the house, and they also have the right to have their own lives in the vast world.
The point is that they are willing, not morally kidnapped.
Tomorrow Mother's Day, I wish all mothers a happy holiday in advance.
I also hope that all mothers will not be kidnapped by morality, do not have to bear heavy shackles, and live a free life outside the role of "mother".