#单亲妈妈##姐弟恋##瑞士生活##人物故事##跨国婚姻#
This is the 3,840th real story we have told
In June 2013, despite my family's objections, I came to Sweden with my boyfriend and got married. My boyfriend is 4 years younger than me, we love each other very much, and his family is very nice to me, but we don't have any financial foundation. To make a living, my first job in Sweden was as a cleaner in a hotel.
I thought that life would continue happily and smoothly, but I didn't expect that after the baby was born, our lives began to have constant contradictions, and even reached the point of divorce.
The changes in my marriage made me feel disappointed in myself and each other for a long time. But I can't fall, no matter how difficult it is, I have to go on bravely and create good living conditions for my son, and at the same time create a good future for myself.
(I accompanied my son to his first football game)
I am Serene and I was born in 1988 in Zhangzhou, Fujian Province. It's a small city with a very high happiness index, and it's a foodie paradise for me. There are countless snack bars on the street, and every evening it is bustling, and the smell of bean curd vermicelli, lo mein, salt chicken, and barbecue comes to the face, attracting people who take a stroll.
I love the food in my hometown and the atmosphere even more. The pace of life in Zhangzhou is very slow, people will sit together to drink tea and chat after work, there is no fierce competition and noise in the big cities, people feel very relaxed, very happy, and full of security.
Some people say that childhood is the cornerstone of a person's life, and it is also the starting point of life. My childhood was one without my parents, and when I was very young, my parents separated and I followed my mother. But my mother is a strong woman in business, and she is very busy every day and has no time to take care of me.
So, I grew up in my aunt's house. My aunt has an older brother and an older sister at home, and I am the youngest child, so I get a lot of pampering.
(Walk through the old city of Stockholm, the capital of Sweden)
I am one of those very well-behaved and quiet children, my older brothers and sisters are very kind to me, and my aunt and uncle are also very protective of me. My aunt was a delicate housewife, she kept the house in good order and cooked delicious meals for us every day. Under her care, the family feels very warm.
When I was a kid, the house we lived in had a rooftop terrace, and we would always climb to the roof to cool off, and the breeze was cool, and under the pink and orange sunset, there was a flock of lively birds flying by, and they were perched on the telephone poles, which was very beautiful.
I remember that every morning when I got up, my aunt would dress me very gently and play with me. My uncle will grow some fruits and vegetables, and he is also very good at coaxing children to be happy. He picked me up from school on his bicycle every day, humming songs as he rode his bike. My happiest memory is walking home with my uncle singing songs.
Although my aunt's family background is very ordinary, she is very warm every day. My aunt's house has a very homely taste, and this warmth has also laid a certain foundation for my future life.
Although my aunt's family was my childhood dependence, they gave me meticulous care, but after all, they could not replace the love of my parents. I've been sensitive, well-behaved, and want to be likable. That's why my mouth is very sweet and my temper is soft, because then I can get more attention and love.
(I'm in Stockholm)
For this, I also made some bad decisions. When I was in the first grade of elementary school, in order to prove my ability and get the recognition of my classmates, I secretly took 500 yuan from my mother's bag and bought some small gifts for my classmates. Then he hid the rest of the money in an underground garage.
During that time, my classmates were very enthusiastic about me, and I instantly became the focus of the class. The feeling of being sought after and loved gives me a lot of joy and satisfaction. But because I was too young at the time and my knowledge was very limited, I didn't realize the seriousness of the matter.
When my mother found out about me taking the money, she was very angry and punished me severely. In the eyes of adults, a child taking something without permission is an act of "stealing". I also learned a lesson from this incident and understood for the first time what shame is.
Although my mother punished me and hurt my self-esteem a little, she also thought about my motives for taking money privately. So from then on, my mother would give me a corresponding pocket money every month. And now that I have the money at my disposal, I seem to have become more confident.
(I'm fishing at the lake in Dalarna)
Actually, there are two sides to my personality. On the surface, I seem to be gentle and well-behaved, but under the influence of my mother, I am also very resolute and strong on the inside. This is a very contradictory personality because I am very empathetic and sympathetic to other people's feelings, but on the other hand, I am very stubborn and I don't easily change what I decide and do it according to my own wishes.
My mother was very demanding of my studies, and she hoped that I could succeed in my studies and have a place in society in the future. When I didn't want to do my homework, my mother would discipline me very harshly. I used to be very incomprehensible to her, but as I grew older, I slowly understood my mother's good intentions.
Although I studied hard, my math grades were consistently poor. However, I learn English very quickly, and I am especially willing to take the initiative to learn English. I like to listen to English tapes over and over again with a tape recorder and practice tirelessly. I didn't feel any boredom or pain in the process of learning English.
(My hometown, Zhangzhou, Fujian)
I thought, maybe I have a little flair for learning languages. I was ranked in the top 10 in my English in the college entrance examination, and I am happy to help my classmates with their English.
That's why I chose to major in Business English when I went to university. When I was in college, I especially liked to go to the English corner, where I could meet people who were better at English than me, and although I sometimes felt a little inferior, it made me realize my shortcomings and study harder.
During my four years of college, I heard many different stories and met many different people in the English Corner. My thinking has also broadened, and my English has improved a lot. I've become more and more fond of having deep conversations with others and enjoying heart-to-heart encounters. I think it's really nice to connect with people in words.
So after graduating, I chose to do adult English training at a private company in Fuzhou. Luckily I met a good supervisor and his efforts were all recognized. I also enjoy interacting with students, listening to their stories and encouraging them to express themselves, which makes me feel fulfilling.
(I'm on the small island of Bornholm in Denmark)
However, there are always many twists and turns in life. The meaning of life may be to explore the unknown and bravely accept all kinds of challenges. At that time, my mother, who had been working outside the home for many years, wanted to stop working and enjoy parent-child time with me. I thought, maybe she's really tired. My mother has been on the road for a living, and she has never stopped.
My mother encouraged me to transfer from Fuzhou back to Xiamen to work, so that I could be closer to her and we could see each other often. I didn't refuse this request, I think I'm still very young, and changing the working environment is not a big problem, but I am reluctant to let my colleagues in Fuzhou go. For the sake of my mother, I quickly applied to be transferred from Fuzhou to the branch in Xiamen, and since then I have started a new stage in my life.
My life in Xiamen was quite peaceful and pleasant. But by chance, I met the man I loved, and my mother strongly opposed it.
I was 24 years old and he was 20 years old from Sweden. We hit it off at first sight, had endless topics to talk about, and we got along very easily. He was very willing to listen to me, very accommodating and made me feel comforted like never before. At that time, I just felt that our love was very pure, as long as we loved each other.
(Swedish Summer Forest)
My mother couldn't accept that I had found a foreign boyfriend, because it meant that I was getting farther and farther away from her. This is undoubtedly a very strong blow to her plans and aspirations.
But even so, I desperately want to be with my Swedish boyfriend, I want to marry him, I want to see the world, I want to take charge of my life. And at that moment, I was a rebel in my mother's eyes.
In fact, every experience in life has a certain impact on the future. Although I have been very well-behaved since I was a child, I have always been looking for love in my heart. In my concept, the appearance of love is to have a home with a family of three with parents, parents and children.
In June 2013, my boyfriend and I came to Sweden and got married. This is the first time in my life that I have been abroad, and I am full of curiosity and anticipation for everything.
Sweden in June is very beautiful, with birds and flowers everywhere. His home is in a very quiet town, the rows of small houses are very neat and beautiful, the apple trees in the yard are blooming, and the sky is very blue, as if people are in a fairy tale.
(Equestrian show at the monuments of Swedish castles)
At that time, I personally felt very happy, my husband loved me very much, and my parents-in-law were very kind and took good care of me. They gave me the warmth of a big family.
However, I still have to face the reality, we have not been working for a long time, we don't have any savings in our hands, and when I first arrived in Sweden, my heart is still a little heavy, because I always feel betrayed by my mother.
Living in Sweden without speaking English is not good because everyone speaks Swedish and English is not commonly spoken, which is a new challenge for me. In order to adapt to life in Sweden as quickly as possible, you need to learn to speak Swedish. So I applied to an adult education institute in Sweden and asked myself to be a native speaker, but it wasn't easy.
At the beginning, because I had a good foundation in English, I quickly passed the most basic stage of Swedish language study, and I also got a scholarship of 12,000 yuan, which was the happiest thing when I first arrived in Sweden. So I continued to study with confidence and continued to explore another world.
(Shooting a furniture commercial with my son)
But I didn't expect that Swedish was easy to get started, but the more I learned, the more difficult it became. But I can't give up, because it's hard to find a suitable job in the town where I live because of my academic qualifications and majors, and there really isn't a good way out except to learn Swedish.
So I need to study hard, get a decent job, and have my own financial resources. I want to gain a foothold in Sweden and don't want to be attached to anyone.
In order to practice listening, speaking, reading and writing, I listened to the news, listened to the radio, read the newspaper every day, interacted with my classmates and teachers every day, and looked for every opportunity to speak Swedish. Eventually, my hard work paid off, and I was able to get my high school grades in Sweden without any problems.
In fact, learning a language is a process of psychological reconstruction for me. I love languages and am willing to overcome all kinds of learning challenges.
I've been in Sweden for 10 years now, and every day is a new one. And my first job in Sweden was as a cleaner in a hotel. At that time, I felt that the first thing to solve was the problem of food and clothing, and then I could have more strength to pursue better things.
(On a summer afternoon, take a break on the other side of the harbor after work)
Although there is a big gap between working as a cleaner and working in China, the salary is 12,000 yuan, which is twice my salary in China. To be honest, it is also a matter of pride for me to be able to get paid for my labor and live independently in a foreign country.
It's just that I have always felt guilty about my mother in my heart, and I always feel sorry for her.
But life in Sweden doesn't allow me to rest for a moment, let alone think wildly. Working in a hotel is a great way to provide me with my daily needs, but it's not a long-term solution because I have very limited room for growth, so I have to focus on self-growth and find new paths.
In 2017, my son was born, he is the crystallization of our love and the driving force of my life. In the year of the child's birth, I felt that Sweden's fertility system was particularly good, not only with 480 days of parental leave, but also with a salary of more than 10,000 yuan per month.
At the same time, I was also keenly aware that the quality of Swedish maternal and infant mouths is very high, and the experience is also very good, so I thought of doing purchasing agents.
(My son and I hiked on a sunny island in Denmark)
Because I don't have any financial pressure after giving birth, I concentrate on accompanying my child to grow up while doing daigou. Unexpectedly, the daigou did very well, and the products and services were recognized by everyone, so I set up my own company and quit my job in the hotel. It gives me a great sense of accomplishment.
But I have a strong need to build my own social network. Because the daigou job has limitations, it doesn't really allow me to integrate into this society, and all my social interaction is limited to my family. I need to find a decent job in Sweden to create a better life for my children.
So, when my child turned one year old, I sent him to kindergarten and then applied to a Swedish university to study children's education.
Because my job in China is to be a teacher, and I also like the education industry very much. Especially after having children, I also hope to be a professional mother.
(Autumn view of Sweden, forest exclusive cottage)
I would love to get to know my children better and educate my children. At the same time, I would like to know what the Nordic education system has to offer.
I think my purchasing agent is also a product for mother and child, and if the two can be combined, I will definitely be able to make a difference in my career. I've been working in this direction, but I didn't expect that the conflict between me and the father of the child would get bigger and bigger.
The major of children's education has very high requirements for academic learning, because there are many highly professional papers to be written, so the language level requirements are very demanding. As a result, I was very stressed.
At that time, the child was very young and needed a lot of company from his mother, although I could understand that he would have a lot of discomfort as a new father, but in the process of raising the child, I very much hoped that he could give me some support. But I found that no matter how much I did or said, he never responded to me.
So I don't like to communicate with him more and more, and in the end, I don't communicate at all, and my heart gradually builds a high wall for him, and the temperature of my feelings has dropped to zero.
As a result, there was more and more friction in our lives, and I really couldn't stand the life centered on him, so I proposed to break up.
The change in my marriage once again brought me back to square one, because my life had to be reshuffled. It can be said that how strong the willingness to come out at the beginning is, how high my expectations for this marriage will be. Because when I was a child, I always had a wish to have a happy family, with a father, a mother, and children, but I didn't manage it well.
(I'm in Stockholm)
During the time I had just divorced, I had a lot of disappointment with myself and my ex-husband. And I suddenly felt that I didn't have a home in Sweden anymore, and at the same time I had a sense of wandering. I also realized that I would have to rely on myself for the rest of the day, and it would be a very hard journey.
I took my 2-year-old son to a smaller town where I worked as a substitute teacher in kindergarten. I'd love to link with locals, but it's hard. People in this part of Northern Europe don't like to open their hearts very much, unless they are particularly close friends. Although Sweden is very inclusive, on the whole people are very far apart, everyone is very independent, and it is difficult to make close and true friends.
So the first lesson I had to face was loneliness. I miss my family in China very much, I cook my own hometown food when I am homesick, and after so many years of precipitation, the rift between me and my mother has also reunited, so I talk to her on the phone twice a week, which is also the only comfort I have emotionally.
Sweden was a turning point in my life and a new journey for me. Although there are loneliness and sadness, there are also moments of happiness and joy. Whenever I feel close to nature, I feel so relaxed that I can truly enjoy my life in the moment.
(Autumn view of Sweden)
The Swedish diet is like the minimalist style of Northern Europe, where the food is cooked in a very simple way, and they try to preserve the natural taste of the food as much as possible.
In the summer, people here go to the outdoor barbecue, and the grilled steak, grilled asparagus, and vegetable salad are all delicious. In addition, Sweden has a variety of music festivals, rainbow festivals, and food festivals, which are very lively.
Actually, I really want to have a better connection with the world and live in peace and beauty with the people around me. At the same time, I need to broaden my horizons and grow quickly. Although I have been traumatized by my marriage, I still believe that everyone deserves to be loved, and I still have the ability to love others.
In 2024, I plan to teach myself self-media and share my experience of life in the Nordics on social platforms. I think I graduated with an English major and am very interested in languages, so I try to improve my English and plan to interview 100 Swedes or foreigners living in Sweden.
I really learned a lot from doing English interviews. In the process of interviewing and exchanging, I had a deep connection with them, and at the same time, I also saw all kinds of things in the world. The sincere words of each interviewee gave me a unique life experience, and the interview is a process of interacting with life and an opportunity for self-exploration.
It can be said that self-media has opened up another world for me, and while building a future for me and my son, I will also look forward to what kind of gifts life will give me. No matter what life experience, whether it is suffering or happiness, it is a part of life, and there are sorrows and joys to be a complete life. No matter what the future holds, I will face it sincerely and bravely.
(Welcome to follow me "Nordic 0 Distance")
【口述：Serene】
[Editor: Xiaomo]
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