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Pan Hong, who is 63 years old, sits upright in the Buddhist temple, wearing a bright and dazzling red robe, his hands folded reverently, his eyes closed, and his mouth reciting words. Although the years have left a deep mark on her face, it still can't hide the beauty of her youth.
Pan Hong slowly opened her deep and story-filled eyes, revealing a faint sadness and deep pain in her eyes, as if recalling those unforgettable pasts.
Indeed, after a long and bumpy life journey, Pan Hong has learned how to face the ups and downs of life. However, she never imagined that she would choose such a way to spend the rest of her life in the end—alone, voluntarily escaping into the empty door, away from the hustle and bustle of the world.
In her mind, Pan Hong couldn't help but recall the most heartbreaking scene when she was ten years old. At that time, she was young and carried her father's ashes in her arms and traveled alone from bustling Shanghai to her snow-covered hometown of Harbin.
That long train journey, my heart was full of endless longing and loneliness. When she finally arrived at home and saw her mother's haggard figure, Pan Hong truly felt the grief of losing her loved one.
From that day on, Pan Hong could never go back to that carefree childhood. She had to take on the responsibilities of the family early, carrying the heavy burdens that she could not solve without her father.
Later, her mother remarried, and Pan Hong also changed her surname to Pan with her mother. Although the stepfather cared for their sisters, he could not get rid of the strangeness. Even if her mother gave birth to another son later, she tried her best not to make other children feel neglected, but the loss in Pan Hong's heart can never be made up.
Looking back, Pan Hong's eyes flashed with tears. She once longed for a warm and happy family, and made countless efforts to achieve this, but fate always played tricks on people. However, she did not regret her decision to escape into the void and become a Buddhist, perhaps a liberation beyond the mundane.
Pan Hong has been a sensible and obedient girl since she was a child, and her melancholy appearance hides an incomparably strong inner world. In her childhood memories, Pan Hong's father was an outstanding and promising tax official, and her mother worked as an accountant in a hospital, and the family lived a comfortable and comfortable life.
However, what is embarrassing is that in 1964, Pan Hong's dear father suffered unswerving injuries and was mistaken for a "rightist" element and was wildly criticized. After being mentally devastated, he finally chose to end his life by poisoning himself.
The mother who lost her husband, with her three young daughters, was forced to start a new life with deep grief. She chose to remarry without hesitation, and although her stepfather cared for them, she was never as devoted as she was to her own son.
The atmosphere in the home has become less warm due to the departure of his father, and occasionally disputes arise over trivial matters. Pan Hong often feels endless loneliness and lack of love in such contradictory situations, and is full of longing for a warm home and reliance in her heart.
Although her mother always tried her best to hide her sadness in front of Pan Hong and her younger sisters, and distributed all her love and energy equally, Pan Hong, as the eldest daughter, could clearly feel her mother's bitterness. She watched her mother take care of the household every day and take on the responsibility of raising the child on her own, and she had mixed feelings.
Looking back on the past, Pan Hong couldn't help but burst into tears. She always told herself that her mother was the only pillar of the family, and she had to be well-behaved and sensible, and never let her mother worry about her. However, her mother's haggard and tired figure was forever imprinted in her heart and became the deepest pain in her heart.
Pan Hong, who has experienced family changes since she was a child, has only one firm belief in her heart - to change her destiny through diligent study. She secretly determined that in the future, she must use her own hands to create wealth, and no longer rely on the protection and gifts of others.
When she left home, Pan Hong was just an ordinary rural girl who once lived a simple farming life on Chongming Island. However, the wonderful thing about fate is that it made Pan Hong an outstanding student of the Shanghai Theater Academy.
Recalling the time when she first stepped on campus, Pan Hong is still excited. For this girl from a poor background, everything seemed so new and unfamiliar. With its elegant architecture, its book-filled library, and well-dressed teachers and students, Pan Hong was fascinated by everything it had to offer.
Especially when she stepped into the rehearsal hall for the first time and saw her seniors devote themselves to the performance, her heart seemed to be ignited, and she developed an indescribable love for the performing arts.
Since that moment, Pan Hong has devoted all her spare time to rehearsals without reservation. She always has a humble heart, and is keen to learn from those senior seniors about their rich performance experience and unique insights, and carefully understand the deeper meaning of their every expression and movement.
At the same time, she is eager to watch and study a wide range of performances, hoping to inject the essence of these artistic treasures into her own blood and turn them into inner strength.
Soon after, Pan Hong's hard work and outstanding talent were greatly appreciated by her mentors, and she was given the rare opportunity to play the leading role in many films. Although some of the early works were not released as scheduled for various reasons, this has brought Pan Hong an extremely firm confidence and a full sense of achievement.
Her unique and melancholy temperament and outstanding appearance quickly caused a sensation on campus, and countless suitors flocked to her like fanatical bees and butterflies. However, Pan Hong's independent and strong personality makes her definitely not easily fall into the whirlpool of love.
It wasn't until she met Mi Jiashan, a mature and stable man, that everything changed dramatically.
Mi Jiashan is seven years older than Pan Hong, with a thick beard, giving people a warm and reliable impression. For Pan Hong, who has lacked fatherly love since she was a child, he is like a warm current from the sun, giving her an unprecedented sense of security and protection.
The encounter between the two was dramatic. In 1976, as a well-known director, Mi Jiashan was unexpectedly attracted by Pan Hong's melancholy and unique temperament when selecting actors for the movie "The Slave's Daughter".
From that moment on, he launched a passionate and persistent unrequited love, whether it was inviting Pan Hong to share food or strolling the streets, he was considerate and caring, as if he loved his daughter.
Pan Hong was also moved by his sincere and fiery emotions, so the two quickly entered the marriage hall and opened a new and beautiful chapter of life together.
After marriage, Pan Hong lived a happy life, and she was able to devote herself to her beloved acting career without any worries. With her excellent acting skills and unique temperament, Pan Hong has successfully starred in many classic film and television dramas, and has created unforgettable character images on the screen.
During this period, her husband Mi Jiashan bravely took on the responsibility of taking care of the family and supporting his wife's career, becoming her indestructible and strong backing. Whenever his wife Pan Hong's busy day of filming comes to a successful conclusion, Mi Jiashan always welcomes her home with a smile on his face, and then warmly invites her to a warm dinner moment. They sat hand in hand at the candlelit dining table, exchanging joys and sorrows with each other.
Sometimes, Mijiashan will carefully and thoughtfully prepare some nutritious food for his wife, and pay close attention to her physical condition. Such delicate and nuanced care deeply touched Pan Hong.
Time flies, the years are quiet, and their love is like a bright pearl, which is enviable. In fact, Pan Hong once had the idea of having children. However, the shadow of childhood has never been able to completely dissipate from the bottom of her heart.
She didn't want her children to experience the pain of being raised by their mother alone, and she didn't want to bear the great grief of losing a loved one.
These troubles often haunt Pan Hong like ghosts, making her full of hesitation and fear about marriage and childbirth. Although Mi Jiashan has patiently persuaded her many times, hoping that she can have more children while she is young, Pan Hong still can't devote herself to the process of nurturing a new life.
However, even in the face of various difficulties, their relationship is still as strong as ever, and even in a sudden rainstorm, Mi Jiashan used his actions to interpret his deep love for his wife. On that day, Pan Hong was enduring the pain and torture caused by her menstrual period, helplessly looking for shelter from the rain. At this moment, Mi Jiashan suddenly appeared and did not hesitate to hold up an umbrella for his wife to shelter her from the wind and rain. This touching moment has become an important pillar of their relationship as a couple.
It's a pity that this beautiful marriage, which is envied by everyone, has not lasted long. When the famous director Yang Yanjin was preparing to shoot an important work, he sincerely invited Pan Hong to be the heroine. Pan Hong felt honored and determined to go all out to create the character image that the director expected in the best condition. However, as soon as this news was announced, it immediately aroused widespread attention and heated discussions in all walks of life.
Some people began to question whether Pan Hong's path to success was too smooth, and even accused her of accumulating contacts through improper means. All kinds of malicious rumors came one after another, which eventually had a serious impact on her marriage with Mi Jiashan.
Faced with the relentless hurt of rumors, the two brilliant people could no longer bear it, so in 1986, they decided to part ways to end this marriage story that had attracted the attention of the world.
Although Pan Hong's career is booming like the rising sun, the days of being alone make her feel lonely. In the depths of her heart, those past family traumas linger like shadows, so that she has never been able to completely let go of the burden in her heart about marriage and childbirth.
There was a time when Pan Hong had the idea of having children. However, every time she recalls the time when she lost her father's love and was raised by her mother alone since she was a child, her heart is filled with deep fear.
She couldn't imagine how much pain she would have to endure if she had suffered the same fate one day. Therefore, when Mi Jiashan affectionately advised them to have more children while they were young, Pan Hong hesitated for a short time, but finally firmly refused.
This undoubtedly deepened the conflict between the two, and also laid the groundwork for their future breakup. Pan Hong's solitary life is particularly lonely, she can only devote herself to her career, trying to make up for the emptiness in her heart through work.
After the divorce, Pan Hong's mother tried hard to persuade her many times to find a new partner and start a new life. However, Pan Hong is always vague, and she candidly said: "As long as I am by your side, I can provide you with the care you need." ”
"I've been through a marriage and it's made me feel the heaviness of it. Nowadays, focusing on my career and spending time with my family is what matters most to me. In the face of her mother's ardent expectations, Pan Hong could only choose to remain silent again and again.
Her heart can never forget the trauma of her childhood family, and she is always full of fear of marriage and childbirth. Five years ago, Pan Hong, who had entered the age of sixties, resolutely devoted herself to Buddhism, officially announcing that she would give up her plan to marry and have children, and she would unswervingly pursue the destination of her soul.
In fact, Pan Hong poured all his efforts into his acting career. Although she often portrays a wicked mother-in-law on screen, in real life, she is an extremely compassionate woman.
Perhaps because of this, she has a strong resonance with the living conditions and hardships of the people at the bottom.
In an unforgettable moment, Pan Hong was on the exterior of the crew full of suspicion and vigilance - this is a true portrayal of the slum! However, in the face of this situation, Pan Hong was unpretentious, took the initiative to talk with local residents enthusiastically, and elaborated on the crew's filming intentions. In an instant, the two sides broke the deadlock and became friends, and the local people no longer resisted the arrival of the crew, and even warmly invited them to live in their homes. This scene deeply touched the director and made him full of praise for Pan Hong's character.
Undoubtedly, it is Pan Hong's unique and rich life experience that gives her a deep insight into human nature, so that she can easily shape and interpret a variety of colorful characters. In addition, choosing to become a monk and take refuge in Buddhism has also become a way for her to seek inner sublimation.