Before reading this article, I sincerely invite you to click the "Follow" button, so that you can continue to push such articles in the future, and it is also convenient for you to discuss and share, your support is the driving force for us to insist on creating~
Marriage - women are dizzy for "marriage", and women are imprisoned for "marriage".
From the point of view of word splitting, marriage is not a woman-friendly thing in any way.
However, an interview some time ago reflected the heart-piercing reality.
In the camera, the reporter asked two different men separately: a 27-year-old divorced woman, and a 35-year-old woman who is not married, who would you prefer to marry as a partner?
Almost all of the men who participated in the responses bypassed age, focusing on the word "divorce", saying that they would definitely not consider a 27-year-old girl.
Their answers reflect the view of a significant number of people that as long as they get divorced, they will be stained for the rest of their lives.
But is marriage really that important, and what does divorce mean?
What marriage brings to men
Statistics show that women account for more than 70 percent of divorce plaintiffs.
When women can no longer tolerate the status quo and finally choose to separate, this is actually a full indication that most men are the beneficiaries of the marriage relationship.
(Men are more profitable in marriage)
Lao Xiang, a 36-year-old male lawyer, raised this common phenomenon in his own practice.
"In marriage, men, as vested interests, tend to settle for the status quo," he said. ”
After many husbands see their wives filing for divorce, they will use intimidation, violence and other means to force the other party to withdraw the lawsuit.
Lao Xiang cited the extreme cases he encountered:
What's more, it is the husband who is doing business abroad and has a lot of debts to be shared by his wife. If he doesn't mention divorce, he will operate normally and won't burst out, and once he files for divorce, he will take out his debts and add a lot of burden to his wife's life. ”
As East Asian women, many people are busy working and taking care of their families at the same time. For the husband, someone is helping him share the financial pressure and at the same time helping him with almost all the labor responsibilities.
So, what exactly do women get in a marital relationship?
In a marital structure, especially in East Asia, the wife assumes some of the responsibilities of the "mother" while being a partner.
The mess left behind by men needs different women to help them clean up. Either it's a wife, or it's a mother.
It's hard to find something in a marriage that isn't friendly to men. Men who enter marriage are able to receive care and emotional support.
Including the society's perception of him has also brought a halo to a certain extent: a man who has a family, a man who is responsible, and a man who is a father.
What does divorce represent
A woman, Minmin (not her real name), spoke out in an interview about her thoughts on divorce.
Based on his own personal experience, Minmin says that the process from the first time you have a separate idea to the actual implementation is quite long.
For Minmin, this process took about three years. Among them, she persuaded herself countless times in her heart that maybe she could try again.
As for how exactly Minmin refuted this voice, she confessed: "It takes some impulse to get married, and the same is true for divorce. ”
Faced with an uncertain future, Minmin made a lot of assumptions.
For example, "Can I accept the rest of my life alone", "Can I accept a person as the entire breadwinner of my children", or "Can I accept not relying on others to improve all my life course".
In the interview, Minmin specifically emphasized that you must not choose to divorce because you have illusions about your future or a partner outside of marriage.
It must be that you can't tolerate something so that even if it's blank on the outside, it's better for you to be separated.
Minmin believes that divorce is a matter that needs to be calculated. That is, which part of you is unbearable and which part is more important to you.
From the source, divorce is a process of seeing the heart and self-confirming the prophecy.
She clearly felt her discomfort in the marriage relationship from an early age, and she adjusted while planning the day she would leave.
Difficult divorce process
Minmin uses her own personal experience to persuade women to admit that divorce is not a cool article or a cool drama, and there is a lot of pain in it that requires emotional support from her family.
Luckily, she has a mom who loves her very much. On the night Minmin decided to divorce, she called her mom and the first thing she said was, "Do you need money?"
Of course, Minmin doesn't think that her luck will be reflected in all women, so she calls on everyone to be cautious about divorce.
Once you have decided that you want to divorce, you always have to make concessions in many aspects, and this negotiation process is ugly and cruel.
(Divorce is a process of bargaining)
Divorce will affect the lives of at least three people. It belongs to a thing that needs to be peeled.
In our imagination, it contains both the powerlessness and anger of bargaining and pulling, as well as the great fear of losing a child.
There is also a part of divorce, which will bring invisible destruction.
Loss of an intimate relationship, loss of a social state and a part of self-identity. It takes courage to face it.
But in fact, Minmin gave a different view of divorce in the conversation.
"It's not that you have a problem, it's not that your partner has a problem," she said. It's that something goes wrong with the relationship you have with this person. ”
In fact, there is no template for intimacy. As long as you feel everything yourself, and you don't grieve yourself because of the rules of the outside world, there is no "what if".
One person does things by himself, all decisions are made by himself, and the consequences must be borne by himself, not complaining, not caring for others.
Self-worth does not require proof of marriage
Of course, even if you get divorced, it's not a mistake or a failure.
On the contrary, it is a rather important journey. Marriage comes at a particular stage in your life, when you are in great need of emotional support.
In general, marriage still gives a lot of support and encouragement to both men and women.
Getting married, leaving, leaving a child, maybe this is the best choice that life can experience and make at this moment.
At the same time, there is no need to be disappointed in intimacy because of divorce, it is just a process of growth and transformation.
(Learn to be independent)
Many people feel that they have figured it out, but when they really start a new chapter in marriage, they will slowly understand: it turns out that there are some things in the marriage relationship that they cannot accept and give in even if they understand it.
What do we take away from a marriage? Not a lesson, but more likely an experience. It will help you do better in the next stage and help you choose more carefully.
"Choice" is not easy, women who want to divorce, they need to repeatedly ask themselves: "Do you want to leave, can you leave." ”
Even if you can make the choice to leave, you must deal with and deal with the subsequent unbearable and broken. Even to give up a lot of important things.
However, at the same time as the destruction, reconstruction is also taking place.
Minmin said that divorce is to do it yourself, let the current "me" die immediately, and then resurrect with full blood.
Such women are bold. They are great because they believe in themselves – that a woman's worth doesn't have to be shown through marriage.
epilogue
In today's increasingly progressive society, divorce is not something that people are ashamed to talk about.
After all, in life, the important thing is how to improve one's life course, not to follow the rules and follow the lineage step by step.
This is the transformation and growth of women.
Resources:
"The Modern Concept of Marriage and Love is More and More Realistic". People's Daily Online, 2021, 2, 19