Wen \ Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
01. Reflection in one sentence
I read the article today and saw a sentence that I was very touched and wanted to share it with you.
"A lot of women are desperately trying to prove two things: one is that they are beautiful, and the other is that someone loves them. As everyone knows, jumping out of "favoring the opposite sex" and "making the same sex envious" will really relax a lot. Girls should go to study and travel, try all kinds of different things, and not be tormented by their own mental exhaustion. You don't need to prove yourself at all. ”
Yes, but I really understood this truth too late, which is why I made so many detours.
I remember when I was in junior high school, a female classmate in the class came over and was at the same table with me, I was the class president at the time, and the head teacher meant to let me take her, she had a very poor grade foundation in all subjects, but she was very beautiful, a bit like the little dragon girl in "The Legend of the Condor Heroes", Pan Yingzi's version.
I was very innocent at that time, and I didn't fully understand what the head teacher meant, the head teacher must have wanted me to help her make up for the difference on the one hand, and on the other hand, let me "look good" on her and not let her cause trouble (which would cause boys to pursue).
But I was obviously "bewitched" by her beauty, and I only thought about playing with her every day, thinking that I could admire her perfect face, and I was almost led crooked by her.
Later, she suddenly distanced herself from me, and I was quite sad, and I learned from a friend who I knew well with her that she had some misunderstandings about me, and after I knew it, I immediately thought of it: take the initiative to find her to make it clear.
I wrote her a note, she didn't answer, so I went to her house to find her, hoping that she would understand my mind, and when I arrived at her house, she did receive me, but she only listened to my explanation, and did not say anything after listening, and when I left, I repeatedly proved my innocence to her, but ......
When we went back to school the next day, she ignored me.
Fortunately, I am a person with a strong sense of self-esteem, and I did not try to humiliate myself again. After many years, I gradually realized that I am really a person who values other people's opinions of me too much, and I also value feelings too much.
There is really a misunderstanding, take the initiative to write a note, it's enough, she doesn't answer, that's the attitude, there is no need to explain, as the so-called "things gather by like, people by groups", she is not good with you, she has her own reason, the reason for the high probability is that she thinks that your three views do not agree, you have to force it, then it is stupid.
In fact, at that time, I had good grades and good popularity, and I didn't have her as a friend, and there were many people who supported me, so why did I have to ask for this friendship? Didn't I just want to prove that I was "loved"? But this just shows that I am not strong enough psychologically, and I am too weak emotionally.
02 Never prove your innocence, and be stable in your own core
Thinking of the popular Wu Qianyu, he has a mediocre education and a mediocre family background, but he caught up with Shi Boxiong, the third generation of a wealthy family. Why?
She never proved her innocence, and her core was always stable.
Once, the love affair between her and Lin Feng was in an uproar, but because in a very short period of time, her boyfriend Lin Feng bought a lot of big-name bags for Wu Qianyu, so many people began to say that Wu Qianyu was a girl, but Wu Qianyu did not rush to prove herself, nor did she have any anxiety.
Most women are very good at self-reflection, and she will definitely be sad or even collapsed because of other people's misunderstandings. Or, if she were a little more emotional, she might be angry with herself, and then she would marry a very ordinary or poor man to prove her innocence.
But will you prove your innocence if you prove your innocence? Of course not.
Think about it, if Wu Qianyu really marries casually, then the online media may say again, you see, Wu Qianyu will not be able to leave Lin Feng, and the boyfriend she is looking for is getting lower and lower, maybe she should be worthy of such a man, her value is worthy of such a person, or Wu Qianyu's brain is wat, where did the previous level go, how did she become a love brain......
In fact, whether it is in the entertainment industry or in real life, everyone will inevitably evaluate others or be evaluated by others, but what we can control is not only ourselves or ourselves, but we can't stop other people's mouths.
And everyone's statement is based on themselves, all to meet their own psychological needs, if you really listen to it, then you are a fool.
Whenever we are misunderstood, we must ask ourselves: Is this really the case? No, is there any truth in what they say? There is truth but not all of them, and does their statement necessarily apply to us? Of course not.
Then, we still have to make our own decisions in our own lives, don't live up to the most real needs and desires in our hearts, let ourselves go our own way, let others say go, just be happy and happy, this is the good attitude that we women should have.
Learn not to care what others say, not to put any heavy shackles on your body, never to prove your innocence, internal friction yourself, you just need to work hard in the direction you want, and the innocence you want will naturally come soon.
03. Insist on being yourself, your innocence has its own proof
Later, when Wu Qianyu and Shi Boxiong fell in love with a variety show, many people began to change their views of Wu Qianyu.
People found that they were really in tune with each other at the soul and spiritual level, they really went both ways, they needed each other, they were very happy and sweet, Wu Qianyu's reputation was quickly improved, she didn't say anything, so many women began to learn from her.
What did Wu Qianyu do? She didn't do anything, if she had to say and do, she was just doing herself, insisting on being herself, and in the end, slander turned into praise, what a good thing!
So women, it's good that you really stick to being yourself, and when you can't guarantee that everyone will be satisfied, it's good to satisfy yourself.
Only by insisting on being oneself will you be happy, healthy physically and mentally, have the energy to take care of others, and have love to give to others.
It's not easy to be yourself.
There's a good saying:
"It is difficult for a woman with a vague self to have happiness in marriage and love. ”
I think so, because when a woman lacks self, then she will be led by others from body to soul.
And when you are led by the nose by others, you will always want to prove yourself and please others. And when you always want to prove yourself and please others, you pin all your joys and sorrows on that person, and you are not free.
Only by making your heart strong enough can you not be pampered, have a stable core, insist on being yourself, and have no regrets, and you can usher in the respect and long-term love of men.
Wu Qianyu actually doesn't matter if she doesn't marry Shi Boxiong, she is enough to marry any rich boyfriend, because she has a strong heart and is worthy of a man who is higher than her.
04. Mei Niang said
Psychology expert Li Xue once said:
"A woman's self-growth is not to please men, nor to be wronged in order to preserve marriage, but to make herself a more complete and free person. ”
Yes, today we are not talking about how to marry highly, but how to become a more complete and free person.
When you become such a woman, you will be happy no matter who you marry.