Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother
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2024-05-01 12:00Published in Beijing
After the broadcast of "It's a Daughter and a Mother", the relationship between mother and daughter has become a hot topic.
The show presents a lot of sweetness and problems between mother and daughter, Tao Xinran's childhood repayment, Zhao Xiaotang's rebellion, and Wang Luodan's intimate disgust, so that many women more or less see their shadows.
From "Daming Palace Ci" to "Know" and "Dark Glory", more and more TV series have begun to depict the real mother-daughter relationship.
Similarly, from Eileen Chang to Chizuruko Ueno and Ferrante, many great female writers have inevitably talked about the influence of mother-daughter relationships on them.
Tao Xinran in the show, on the one hand, wanted to accuse her mother of being too strong, and on the other hand, she was subconsciously worried about her injury.
knew that it was her mother's will to impose it, but when she broke free, she found that it was still her mother who trapped her.
And from the performance of Ouyang Nana's family in the show, keen netizens also discovered the source of her own "fake feeling".
Today, I want to use these to sort out the changes in the aesthetic psychology of the mother-daughter relationship from an aesthetic point of view, and see what kind of influence the mother has on the beauty and intellectual shaping of her daughter, and what kind of mother-daughter relationship we can get a glimpse of.
Why does a daughter always inevitably copy her mother, and how do she "raise herself all over again"?
A mother's intellectual shaping of her daughter
Some people may think that it is too superficial to talk about "love beauty" when discussing the relationship between mother and daughter, in fact, the wrestling between daughters and mothers starts from how to define the image of women.
The love of beauty has become a secret that needs to be quietly hidden before turning to independence, from shallow to deep, seeing the subtleties, and even the shaping of beauty is linked to value judgment.
The woman's own personality traits are magnified in the mother-daughter relationship, causing the mother to shift from self-examination to her daughter.
The most manifest behavior is to start picking on her daughter's appearance and clothing, limited by traditional thinking, in the eyes of many mothers, seeking beauty is not worth doing, so there is a "boy head" in school days and clothes that do not highlight the figure.
Thus ignoring the fact that many girls start to wear makeup and curly hair in middle school, which is actually an important step to explore and compare the world, and they learn to pursue beauty and appreciate themselves by imitating movies, posters or beautiful teachers.
If she can get her mother's approval at this time, even if she takes a detour or matches her mother's preferences, she can still get no encouragement, then she is lucky.
Women who have been empowered from the top down in their teenage years, who have formed an aesthetic alliance with their mothers, have a higher level of confidence in beauty.
This requires the mother to complete self-exploration first, have a relatively complete aesthetic intelligence system, and have a high degree of acceptance of different aesthetics.
Correspondingly, the daughter will also get more space for self-exploration, and understand early that labor about beauty is not a necessity in life, but only one of the many options.
It can be deeply cultivated and expanded, but it can be given up and found another way.
It is not easy to take the benefits of beauty as a criterion and regard beauty competition as a shortcut in life.
This stability will also radiate from aesthetics to all aspects.
And extreme laissez-faire and suppression are likely to promote aesthetic blankness, aesthetic confusion, aesthetic overload, and aesthetic rigidity.
If the mother has not demonstrated the correct way to pursue beauty, which is different from short-term benefits, daughters who lack knowledge of beauty are more likely to fall into the aesthetic pursuit of the extreme left or the extreme right.
This is why more and more plastic surgeons are conducting psychological evaluations on patients, fearing that they are just impulsive.
The seemingly simple aesthetic connection is more long-term than we think.
Forward and reverse transmission between mother and daughter
Back to the question at the beginning, in the comparison of other mother-daughter relationships, Ouyang Nana's family seems to be very enviable, without any contradictions, and flawless.
But with their whitewashing and clarification on the show, they were found to be inconsistent in their words and deeds, and netizens found that what they created was the family atmosphere that their mother Fu Juan wanted to present, and the root cause was just to conform to her mother's thinking.
Many women begin to be aware of their mothers, discover their feminine identity, and discover the various difficulties of growing up as women, and the aesthetic establishment and intellectual shaping in this process all originate from their mothers.
Generally speaking, a mother's education of her daughter comes mainly from her own experience and her own desires.
After experiencing trauma, the mother is likely to have the survival anxiety of "must meet the norms" and transfer her mentality and emotions in the face of trauma to her daughter (i.e., cross-generational trauma).
The weight that once pressed on mothers always continues to be passed on to their daughters through their actions.
Many people (as children) try to fit their souls into the framework of a "good girl", with bright hairstyles and sweet clothes to fulfill their mother's expectations.
Lin Yanzhen is like this, and her work as a weather anchor is the result of her mother's dual education of beauty + intelligence.
It doesn't take much effort to gain fame and fortune, and it is easy to be seen by men, which is a shortcut to get a ticket to a wealthy family.
Attaching herself to a man (family) has become a compulsory course for her, dressing sexy because men like it, and going out to work because Ha Doyoung hates women for doing nothing.
Long-term economic constraints and psychological dependence have made Yeon-jin lose her core judgment of self-worth, and she has not learned how to get along healthily from her mother, nor does she know how to face her daughter, so she can only succumb to a low position to please her, and use beautiful clothes and meet all needs to build a "beautiful" mother image.
The life plan for her daughter Yishu can only reproduce her own path and (again) fulfill her mother's wishes.
"My Genius Girlfriend" also expresses this relationship implicitly.
Elena, who excels in learning, gets rid of the shackles of her original family through diligent study and literary and artistic expertise, and begins an exciting adventure, but she defects all her life but sees in herself the appearance of a mother who has struggled to escape.
Physically, she inherited the mother's fertility pains, and psychologically she was the same as her mother, and she was unwilling to be dragged down by the family and not get better.
The author Ferrante is even more straightforward in "The Daughter in the Shadows", the mother will subconsciously compare her daughter with others, and see her daughter with a young and beautiful woman, and will have complex feelings of jealousy.
Attack Achilles' Heel with precision
Zhang Ailing wrote about her mother's memories when she was a child in "Leifeng Pagoda": pinning jade brooches on her green short jacket, and the house was full of dresses, perfumes, sandalwood fans and antiques, revealing her admiration for her mother everywhere.
It is not difficult to understand that the female characters portrayed by Zhang Ailing are all like mothers, as slender as wicker, with beige triangular faces, big eyes like half a sun exposed to the horizon, and the light emitted is eyelashes. In today's parlance, beauty to another layer.
And it is precisely this fear of looking up to her mother and not being able to satisfy her throughout her life.
After the aura of worship faded and there was a certain distance from the mother, he began to revise his memories and beautify the image of his mother.
Like all other relationships, there is jealousy, unwillingness, and selfishness in the relationship between mother and daughter, but we are only now gradually coming to face it.
It must be admitted that perfect, well-distanced motherly love is hard to come by.
Tao Xinran complained that her mother was too strict, and Tao's mother said that she also grew up under her grandmother's strict education, and this tracing game of blaming the blame can go on forever.
So much so that after her small achievements in filming "The Legend of Zhen Huan", she showed that all this had nothing to do with her mother, which was no less heroic than deboning and returning her mother at that time.
Similarly, Zhao Xiaotang failed to make his mother realize in that phone call that his mother did not stand firmly behind him when he was a child, and how much effort he needed to spend to repair himself when he grew up.
Learning to slowly reduce the projection of "motherhood" and understanding that our definition of "motherhood" naturally carries a lot of traditional concepts and constraints, which is a new lesson.
Elena Ferrante, a writer who has written about women's relationships all her life, once said that the secret rope that binds us to our mothers cannot be broken, and attempts to cut them are always futile, at least I have never succeeded.
Ever since I realized that to find myself is to find my mother, to accept her and love her as I did when I was a child, I have started to become peaceful.
On the other hand, gradually establishing self-order, perhaps finding ways to strengthen and repair.
Also in "Dark Glory", Moon Dong-eun's mother barely grew up with her, and all her values were built through self-learning and getting along with others.
Therefore, she has few crippled bad habits, and is even much healthier than Li Sara, whose mother is weak but infinitely doting, and Lin Yanzhen, whose mother is strong but can provide financial support.
Unlike her mother's crazy image, she is always calm and restrained in a short-haired black suit.
This is also difficult for Cui Huiting to figure out, obviously his appearance is superior, why does the "mother-in-law" prefer Dong Eun.
Fan Shengmei and Su Mingyu are the same.
They barely received true equal maternal love at an early age (because their mothers did not have either), but in adulthood, they worked hard to break free from the shackles and stay away from oppression.
As Chizuruko Ueno said, the mother uses her love and wisdom to trap her daughter from self-awareness, and the daughter, in turn, is able to attack the Achilles' heel with precision.
To a large extent, it is because the daughter and the mother are always in a misplaced growth, and the mother's young self, love of beauty and pride are difficult for the daughter to see.
Source: @Chole Yi
When my daughter can remember, she sees a housekeeper and nagging, so when she was a student, she was disgusted with her mother's subtle care, and after she really established her self-awareness, she often hated her mother's backwardness.
It is difficult for us to give any definition and conclusion to the mother-daughter relationship, but after constantly turning in circles, compromising and resisting, we begin to understand that the disappointment, regret, possession and breaking free between mother and daughter is the first step to open the exit of self-strength.
As Amihai said, "Build the harbor long after the ship has sunk." ”
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Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother -
Ouyang Nana's sense of falsehood, I finally found the answer in her mother