My name is Li Ming, and I am an ordinary office worker. He is 27 years old this year, single, and has a relatively outgoing and lively personality. Through a friend's introduction, I met the girl Xiaomei. Xiaomei is sweet and about the same age as me, but her personality is very introverted and shy, giving people a cold feeling that is difficult to get close to.
It was a gathering of friends and we met in a lively bar. At that time, everyone was chatting enthusiastically, and the atmosphere was very cheerful. Only Xiaomei sat there quietly, bowing her head and playing with her phone, as if she was out of step with the world. I took the initiative to strike up a conversation and tried to pull her into the group, but she bluntly refused.
"Hi, hello, I'm Mingming, nice to meet you. I smiled and held out my hand.
Xiaomei glanced up at me and said expressionlessly, "Hello." Then he lowered his head and continued to play with his phone.
I was overwhelmed by her cold attitude, so I withdrew my hand and walked away with a sense of humor. My friends shook their heads and sighed at me, as if to say that she was the kind of person.
From that party, I became interested in Mei, a girl with a strange personality. I found that she was not only cold in front of strangers, but also often did not say a word to acquaintances, giving people a feeling of cold and alienation. Probably due to low self-esteem or introverted personality, she is always stage frightened in social situations and has the difficulty of being speechless.
"Xiaomei, why are you so quiet? I finally couldn't help but ask her.
Xiaomei shook her head, her eyes still staring at the screen, and replied dryly: "No, I'm fine." "
Just a few simple words, but it made me feel the indifference and rejection in her heart. I shrugged my shoulders helplessly, just thinking that she was the kind of person who didn't talk much.
Xiaomei's character left a deep impression on me. Sometimes I have the illusion that she doesn't care too much about our group of friends, as if our presence is dispensable to her. It may be as she usually feels, cold, withdrawn, and indifferent to everything around her.
Once I plucked up the courage to ask her out for coffee alone, hoping to have a good chat and figure out her attitude towards us. But when I made the offer, she simply refused.
"No, I don't have much to say. She replied coldly, with a sense of detachment in her tone.
I was so heartbroken by her attitude that I felt as if there was an invisible wall between us, and I couldn't get close to her inner world. I started to feel anxious, not understanding what we were doing wrong and how we were going to repair our friendship.
Although Xiaomei gives people a cold and alienated feeling on weekdays, occasionally on some special occasions, she will suddenly become active again, become talkative and straightforward, and judge two people. Once a few of our friends went to sing, everyone sang a song for you and me, and the atmosphere was very lively. When it was Xiaomei's turn, she hesitated for a while, and then took the initiative to ask for the microphone to be brought over.
"Come, let me sing one!" She said confidently.
We were all stunned by her active appearance. As soon as Xiaomei opened her mouth, she was so engaged and energetic, and she couldn't see her usual cold appearance at all. She sings passionately, her voice is sweet and beautiful, she is simply a brand new person!
After singing, she seemed to release some kind of inner strength, became extremely talkative, and took the initiative to chat with us. She was originally shy and introverted, but at this moment she is shining and dazzling, like a long-dormant butterfly finally spreading its wings and flying high.
I couldn't figure it out, so when she was happy, I mustered up the courage to ask her, "Xiaomei, why are you like two people today than usual? Do you also have an enthusiastic personality?"
Xiaomei smiled and shook her head: "No, I'm just in a very good mood today." "
I could hear a hint of ambiguity in her words, which seemed to imply something, but I couldn't figure out what she meant. I had no choice but to give up, but my doubts deepened.
In the subsequent relationship, I gradually found that Xiaomei has more than one "weird" trait. Sometimes she would suddenly take a keen interest in something and go on and on; But after a while, she would lose all enthusiasm for it and ignore it again.
For a while, she was fascinated by flowering plants, and spent the whole day studying planting knowledge and buying a lot of flower pots to go home. But after only a few months, she gave up the hobby altogether, and let the poor little plants wither at home.
Xiaomei also has some small habits that are difficult for others to understand. For example, she will repeatedly check whether the doors and windows of the house are locked, and she is meticulous about this, which is almost like obsessive-compulsive disorder. But when you turn around, you will throw things around the house in a mess, and there is no organization at all.
These contradictory behaviors made me even more confused about her character. I began to realize that Mei's inner world seemed to be much more complicated than I had imagined, and that her behavior might not be due to introversion but to some deeper reason.
Once, I mustered up the courage to ask Xiaomei to meet her alone, hoping to find out the reason behind her strange behavior. But when I made this request, she again rejected me with a cold attitude.
"Don't bother, I don't have much to say. She said stiffly, her eyes full of resistance.
I finally couldn't hold back the anger in my heart, and I couldn't help but raise my voice: "But why are you always like this? Why are you so cold to us? Did we do something wrong?"
Xiaomei frowned, and her tone became a little stiff: "No, it's just that my personality is like this, and I don't mean to snub you." "
"Then why do you sometimes suddenly become enthusiastic? Your capricious behavior is really incredible!" I couldn't help but continue to ask.
Xiaomei's face finally showed a hint of panic, as if she had been hit by my questioning somewhere. But she still stubbornly shook her head, sticking to her point of view.
Seeing her indifferent appearance, I finally lost my patience and erupted into long-standing dissatisfaction and questioning.
"Are you like that? Cold, withdrawn, blind to the friendship of friends! I'm so blind that I still want to get to know you and get close to you!"
Xiaomei was annoyed by my scolding, and finally had a seizure: "What do you know? You people just don't have the slightest empathy, and always ask others to blindly cater to you! You never try to understand my inner thoughts!"
"But you've never revealed your heart to us! You've always been so cold to us, making it hard for us to get close to you!" I retorted almost hysterically.
And just like that, the two of us got into a tense quarrel. We are like two opponents in a stalemate, you go back and forth,-for-tat, and neither of us wants to take a step back. My heart was filled with anger and disappointment again, and I felt that our friendship might be coming to an end.
We were at a stalemate, and the scene was very ten. Just as I was about to give up and turn to leave, Xiaomei suddenly spoke, her voice choked with a hint of choking.
"I'm sorry, I've been hiding something from you. She lowered her head, her expression gloomy.
I was stunned by her words and looked at her in a daze. Xiaomei took a deep breath and began to slowly tell her inner story.
It turned out that Xiaomei had an introverted and withdrawn personality since she was a child because of some family reasons. Her parents have busy schedules and little time to spend with her, and she always seems out of place at home. After going to school, her classmates rarely took the initiative to approach her, so she gradually developed the habit of keeping a distance from the outside world.
"It's always hard for me to get close to people and to reveal my heart to others. "I know that this kind of personality is bothering you, but I'm trying my best to correct it." "
Sometimes Xiaomei suddenly becomes interested in certain things, such as raising flowers or singing, because she wants to open up her inner world through these ways. It's a pity that she can't last long, and eventually retreats back into her own little world.
"I actually wanted to be a passionate person, but I just couldn't. Xiaomei smiled self-deprecatingly, "My capricious personality is a portrayal of my inner struggle." "
Hearing this, my heart was finally completely moved. It turns out that Xiaomei has been troubled by her character, and she has also desperately wanted to change herself, but she can't do it. We, the friends, never tried to understand her inner struggles, but just blindly asked her to meet our expectations.
Mei's confession made me ashamed of my previous anger and prejudice. I realized that we never really paid attention to and understood her, but instead imposed our own values on her, asking her to live in a way that we were familiar with.
I lowered my head, remembering the bits and pieces between us. Xiaomei has actually been trying to get close to us, but due to her introverted personality, her way seems a little rusty and clumsy. However, we never gave her enough tolerance and love, but instead blamed and disappointed her harshly.
It was we who blamed her, it was our selfishness and lack of empathy. We should try to accept her special personality instead of asking her to change herself completely. It is very difficult to completely reverse a person's character and inner nature, unless it is guided and enlightened with enough love.
I think that those of us who are friends should pay more attention to and tolerate the complexity of Xiaomei's inner world, instead of arbitrarily labeling her unusual behavior as "weird". We should be more tolerant of the diversity of personalities in this world.
As I reflected, I felt a sense of relief that I had never felt before. I realized that I had finally found a way to resolve the contradictions between us.
After this harrowing conflict and Xiaomei's confession, I finally have a new understanding of her "sullen" personality. Sullen is not a demeaning or stigmatizing word, it represents a unique personality trait, an introverted and subtle way of life.
The reason why Xiaomei seems capricious, withdrawn and cold is actually because of her inner struggle. She longs to be understood and accepted by others, but is often unable to express herself because of her introverted personality; She has a zest for life, but her inner inferiority complex prevents her from taking action.
"Sullen" people tend to close their hearts to the outside world, but they are not indifferent to friendship. On the contrary, they are also longing to be understood and approached, but they just lack the right way to express it.
I've come to realize that those of us who are extroverts are prone to prejudice against "sullen" people. We thought they were odd and difficult to get close to, so we simply excluded them. But such an attitude will undoubtedly hurt them and aggravate their low self-esteem and isolation.
"Sullen" is not a flaw, but a unique personality. We should embrace these introverted friends with empathy, rather than asking them to be completely Westernized, because this will only make them more self-denying and more isolated.
After some thought, I finally found a way to resolve the conflict between me and Xiaomei. I took the initiative to apologize to her, acknowledging our previous biases and lack of understanding of her.
"Xiaomei, we blamed you wrong. We should respect your personality and not ask you to change yourself completely. I said sincerely.
Xiaomei looked a little surprised, but quickly nodded in relief. It seems that my words have finally touched her heart.
So, I propose that we work together to embrace each other's qualities. I will try my best to understand and pay attention to the complexity of Xiaomei's inner world, and not criticize her "abnormal" behavior. At the same time, Xiaomei should also be brave and communicate with us more, so that we can understand her inner struggles and desires.
"I know that changing a person's personality is not an easy task. But as long as we guide with love, I believe that one day you will relax and open your heart. I said to Xiaomei sincerely.
Xiaomei nodded, and finally a smile appeared on her face. It seems that the gap between us is finally beginning to be bridged.
After a period of mutual understanding and tolerance, the friendship between Xiaomei and I finally entered a new stage. We have all learned to look at each other more tolerantly, rather than arbitrarily demanding that the other person change themselves.
Xiaomei began to take the initiative to tell us her inner thoughts and troubles. At one point, she confided in me about her fear and anxiety about socializing. It turned out that she had been withdrawn and introverted since she was a child because of family reasons, and lacked intimate interpersonal communication for a long time, so she was always at a loss in an unfamiliar environment.
"Whenever I have to talk to strangers, I feel uncomfortable and speechless. "I know it's going to bother you, but I'm really trying my best to fix it." "
Hearing this sincere explanation, I felt very cordial. It turns out that the reason why Xiaomei is often cold to us is not because she is deliberately distant, but because of her inner obstacles. Those of us who are extroverts often find it difficult to understand this kind of distress from her.
So, I offered to start with small things and gradually guide Xiaomei out of her comfort zone. For example, when I get together with friends, I take the initiative to invite her to say a few more words, instead of letting her sit there alone.
Gradually, with our encouragement and tolerance, Xiaomei did become more active and talkative. Sometimes she would even be like a "sullen man", suddenly gushing out her inner story, which stunned us all.
And I also learned to pay more attention to the complexity of Xiaomei's inner world. Instead of blaming her for her "perverse" behavior, I tried to understand why. For example, when she suddenly becomes interested in something and gives up completely after a while, I will take the initiative to ask her what she thinks, instead of blindly scolding her for being capricious.
"Is this hobby not so much in line with your expectations?" That's what I'll ask her.
Mei would tell me honestly what she thought, and not be vague anymore. Slowly, a new level of mutual trust and understanding was built between us.
On the basis of this mutual understanding and acceptance, Xiaomei has also undergone a gratifying change. She began to become more outgoing and sunny, no longer closing her heart to the outside world as she used to.
Once, a few of our friends went hiking together. The scenery along the way is beautiful, Xiaomei is particularly excited, and she takes the initiative to share her love and yearning for nature with everyone. In the past, it was absolutely impossible for her to take the initiative to communicate with others like this.
"You see how beautiful nature is! Xiaomei said excitedly.
And in this free and open environment, Xiaomei finally opened her heart and released the energy in her heart. She is no longer the "weird girl" who closes herself off and doesn't fit in with the world, but instead she is a sunny and positive girl who loves life.
Seeing this transformation of Xiaomei, I am sincerely happy for her. I realized that our friendship catalyzed her inner metamorphosis, which in turn strengthened our friendship. This positive cycle fills me with great expectations for the future.
Xiaomei's transformation made me deeply appreciate the power of friendship. A sincere friendship can not only bring us joy and comfort, but also help us recognize ourselves, change ourselves, and become a better person.
In my time with Xiaomei, I have learned to look at others with a more inclusive and empathetic eye. I realized that everyone's inner world is unique, and we are not in a position to be demanding that others fully meet our own expectations. On the contrary, we should respect the unique personality of each person and accept them with an open and inclusive mind.
For the introverted and shy Xiaomei, our friendship is undoubtedly a powerful driving force, pushing her to constantly break through herself and move towards a new stage of life. With our encouragement and support, she finally let go of the shackles in her heart and bravely showed her truest and most sunny side.
I often wonder if we had been prejudiced and impatient with Xiaomei, would her spiritual world stop there, and live forever in a self-enclosed cage? Fortunately, we chose to understand and tolerate, and finally achieved a precious friendship.
In this way, a friendship that was once on the verge of breaking due to misunderstanding finally crossed many barriers and turned into a silent warm current that nourishes the hearts of each of us. I realized that the power of friendship is so powerful and magical, it can make people break through themselves, surpass themselves, and achieve a better future.
As long as there is enough tolerance and patience, with enough empathy and kindness, any friendship can be continued in understanding and sublimated in acceptance. Just like Xiaomei's transformation from a "weird girl" to a "shining girl", as long as we use the power of friendship to guide, everyone will eventually let go of themselves and bloom with unique brilliance.