When it comes to relationships, many people are in a dilemma.
If you give a gift to someone, the other party may not accept it, or the gift is not practical enough, causing the other party to dislike it.
In "Iron Tooth and Bronze Tooth Ji Xiaolan", He Shen accepted many gifts from his subordinates, so he was imprisoned;
If you don't give gifts, just invite people to dinner.
Everyone is very busy with work and may not be there. People who are a little famous are not necessarily suitable for showing up, which leads to the establishment of a dinner party, and they hide as if they are thieves.
The taste of the meal and how to set it up are very testing, and after pondering for a long time, they may not be done right. For people who drink alcohol, you also have to be on guard to avoid getting drunk.
Sun Lian, a powerful minister of the Eastern Wei Dynasty, went to the countryside to investigate and inspect local political achievements, Sima Ziru and Gao Jishi invited him to drink. Unexpectedly, after drinking too much, Sun Lian was drunk and died.
After that, Gao Huan, the leader of the Eastern Wei Dynasty, wanted to hold Sima Ziru and Gao Jishi accountable, which brought a series of troubles.
Zhuangzi said: "The friendship of a gentleman is as light as water, and the friendship of a villain is as sweet as a liquor; ”
There is no doubt that the best relationship is very light, there are not so many routines at all, and there is no problem of eating, drinking, and secretly giving big gifts.
01
If you have too much relationship with people, it will be a disaster.
When the guests come, we have to greet them warmly, for fear that the guests will be left out and unhappy.
But you're so enthusiastic that the guests are at a loss.
If you want to do something, take the initiative to show favor to others and find a way to talk more. But you will find that you have been "awkwardly talking".
What's even more outrageous is that there are too many etiquettes, and others don't know what to do, resulting in ugliness.
In the last years of the Qing Dynasty, Zeng Guofan's younger brother Zeng Guoquan, in the process of leading the Hunan army and exterminating the Taiping army, made great contributions and was recalled to the capital to serve.
On the first day of work in the capital, a company sent documents.
Zeng Guoquan stood up very kindly and took the document with both hands.
Unexpectedly, Ariji pulled the documents back, turned around and went out.
Zeng Guoquan thought to himself, is there a mistake in the cover of the document, or maybe the other party has something to do temporarily? Maybe the document will be changed and sent back.
After a while, he heard Ariji swearing at the door and slapping his secretary.
It turned out that the officials in the capital had a lot of rules, and once the etiquette was not in place, they had to reprimand their subordinates and people around them.
The correct way to accept documents is to stand up, bend over appropriately, and get out of the confines of the desk. And Zeng Guoquan is still standing in the back of the desk.
Faced with complicated etiquette, Zeng Guoquan could only say: "It's my fault, it has nothing to do with the secretary." ”
After some time, he took the initiative to ask to go to the field to work.
will be outside, and etiquette will not be affected. This kind of socialization should be what Zeng Guoquan prefers.
Actor Chen Daoming said: "Passion is easy to deform a person, and when a person is full of enthusiasm to do something, the action is easy to deform." Of course, passion is a primordial motivator, and the reason why it is primitive is that it is biased. ”
You're so enthusiastic, like a fire, that people have to accept your way of socializing. And the original intention of others is not so, and the heart is disgusted.
You interact with someone frequently, and the other person feels that you are difficult to strengthen, and maybe you have lost the relationship.
If you suggest too much, but you don't have the edges, it becomes nagging, self-selling and boasting.
Not all people like to drink high alcohol, strong tea, smell strong fragrance, eat fragrant and spicy food.
02
The relationship is to the extreme, that is, "light".
In "Aphorisms", it is said: "Halal and indifferent behavior becomes more and more meaningful over time." ”
Being cold to others can give a better impression to the other person and maintain the due sense of relaxation in the relationship.
Qian Liangchen, the prime minister of the Southern Song Dynasty, was very taboo for others to call his name, and when outsiders saw him, they were hesitant. His children called him "Daddy".
One day, the youngest son endorsed a book and recited a sentence in "Mencius" - the so-called "good minister" today, and the so-called people and thieves in ancient times.
The son did not hesitate to change his words, saying, "The so-called 'father' of today, and the so-called thief of the ancients." Isn't this scolding? When Qian Liangchen heard this, he became furious.
After that, he let go of his taboo about names.
Zeng Guofan in the late Qing Dynasty, after being promoted to the capital as an official, still sat in the sedan chair of an ordinary official.
In the alley, other officials crowded with him, and Zeng Guofan was neither angry nor bullying. Left a good name.
To put it bluntly, a good relationship is "everyone is equal". Don't turn yourself into a humble person, and don't think of the other person as a saint.
Be a person, be easy-going, and don't need too much etiquette at all. If you get any etiquette wrong, you can laugh it off with each other.
Specifically, we need to be cold and follow the "7/38/55 law" - when dealing with people, treat time and affection as 100. About 7% of the conversation, gestures and tone of voice accounted for 38%, and body movements accounted for 55%.
There is a scale for speaking, and the point is up to the point, plus your own smile, peaceful tone, affirmation of people, praise, etc.
Be positive, let your grades speak for themselves, and make a good impression.
If you want to interact with people, you must have social capital - interests, values. Those who can't stick to the wall with mud are useless even if they are worn out.
To be more specific, getting along lightly is to simplify the relationship and avoid complications.
Keep a certain distance from everyone and don't interfere in other people's lives. For other people's work, put forward reliable suggestions, but do not force others to accept.
Some people who are very familiar with each other, don't contact anytime and anywhere, just be able to greet them during the New Year's holidays.
People in your own family can get together often, and don't stay together every day.
03
Su Dongpo, a poet of the Northern Song Dynasty, traveled to Nanshan with his friend Uncle Liu Qian.
Uncle Liu Qian treated guests with wild vegetables, and Su Dongpo said happily: "The taste of the world is refreshing." ”
Too strong a taste is not good for the body, and too hot for socializing is not good for relationships.
Don't easily use the routine of "eating people with short mouths and short hands" to calculate others and kidnap feelings.
Usually, when you are not far away, you will be watching, and when you encounter something, you will reach out to help, and the relationship will be retained.
The light wind, the light heart, the light spring, the beauty is breathtaking.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.