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01 The boy lost his mother
The saddest thing that a person can experience in his life is the loss of his mother at a young age.
The wings are not stiff, the wings are not full, but they have lost their mother who sheltered them.
Cai Xiaoguang's mother died of illness when he was in middle school, and in Cai Xiaoguang's mind, his mother was a great person, she was a hygienist to resist US aggression and aid Korea when she was young, and she was injured and won a medal.
A woman with a heroic posture and a woman who does not let her eyebrows be shaved is so fragile that an illness will kill her.
When his mother died, Cai Xiaoguang had just entered middle school, and when his mother was sick, he told Cai Xiaoguang to grow up well and be a useful person to society.
A seriously ill mother faces her young child, her eyes are full of reluctance and worry, Cai Xiaoguang's father is a colonel, usually busy with work, Cai Xiaoguang's life is taken care of by his mother.
After the death of his mother, Cai Xiaoguang's life changed dramatically.
A teenager, when he came home from school, he could no longer see his mother, who was busy with him, and he could not hear his mother's words of concern for him, and suddenly he felt that his home was empty, and the sky had fallen.
However, his father soon remarried, and his stepmother was a confidential cadre in his father's army, much younger than his father.
After remarrying, his father soon had another daughter, Cai Xiaoguang had an extra sister, and he also became a special person in this family.
My father and stepmother often spent time with my young sister, while I was alone in my room and miserable.
He couldn't figure out why his father was so forgetful, he was able to come out of the pain of his mother's death so quickly, and he couldn't get out for a long time, is it like this for men?
After his mother died, although his father cared for him a few words, he left Cai Xiaoguang behind as soon as he remarried.
This is the most painful place for Cai Xiaoguang when he was a teenager.
Later, he relieved his inner depression by making friends, and it was during this period that he met Zhou Rong and became very close to several children of the Zhou family.
They have similar interests, love to read, have ideals, and talk very well together.
Especially Zhou Rong is not only good at studying, good looking, but also very righteous, she is very similar to Cai Xiaoguang, that is, they are both people who put love first.
It's a pity that Zhou Rong fell in love with Feng Huacheng, and Cai Xiaoguang fell in love with Zhou Rong.
Although he could only become friends with Zhou Rong, for Cai Xiaoguang at that time, he was already very satisfied, after all, it was Zhou Rong who took him out of the shadow of his mother's death and the pain of his father's remarriage.
Zweig once said:
"It is difficult for one person to cope with the boundless suffering of life. Therefore, if you need help from others, you should also help others. ”
Cai Xiaoguang admired the righteousness of the children of the Zhou family, so he volunteered to be Zhou Rong's flower messenger back then.
Speaking of which, Zhou Rong is also kind to him, at least it was a ray of light that took him out of the darkness when he was a teenager.
02 I fell in love with one person in my life, but I found 4 lovers
Cai Xiaoguang has been in love with Zhou Rong since he was a teenager, and he was not fortunate enough to become husband and wife with Zhou Rong until middle age.
But Zhou Rong only gave him a short period of happiness, and left him for France.
When Zhou Rong decided to leave him to find his daughter in France, Cai Xiaoguang was very heartbroken.
Bai Yueguang, who had been waiting for so many years, "abandoned" himself so easily.
For the next 12 years, he suffered from insomnia, pain, and alcohol.
In his life, in addition to the death of his mother, it was Zhou Rong's departure that made him the most sad.
At that time, he had no relatives, his father had died a long time ago, his stepmother had also gone, and his half-sister had become a small literary soldier in the army, and they had not been close since childhood.
In the days when Cai Xiaoguang was helpless, without the company of his relatives and the company of his lover, he could only go to the light to enlighten himself.
The bitterness in a man's heart is always not good at confiding in the people around him.
The bright Buddhism enlightened Cai Xiaoguang, and Cai Xiaoguang quickly got up from the pain again, and he wanted to do his own business.
When his father was beaten as a villain, he was also implicated, and he no longer wanted to follow his father's old path, but turned to literature and art.
Cai Xiaoguang, who is a director, is surrounded by many women.
If he wants to have children, there are a lot of women who are willing to give birth to him.
But he is principled, he knows the virtues of the women around him, and he doesn't want to have children casually.
If a woman leaves herself after giving birth to a child, won't this child become her own self back then?
Besides, what he loves is Zhou Rong, and what he needs is the crystallization of love, not the child born to any woman.
In Cai Xiaoguang's view, only when parents have love can children grow up healthily.
Although in the 12 years he waited for Zhou Rong to return from France, he had found 4 women, one of whom was a one-night stand, and the other three were not married women, this is his principle.
For his love with Zhou Rong, he is loyal and unkeeping.
After Zhou Rong returned to China, she was already past the childbearing age, and Cai Xiaoguang was willing to have no children for the rest of her life.
He is attracted by the charm and righteousness of Zhou Rong, who is the only one who saves the pain of his soul, and he would rather not have children than protect this marriage.
Cai Xiaoguang's life is too bitter, he lost his mother at a young age, lost his father at a young age, separated from his lover in middle age, and only the happiness of old age was what he insisted on waiting for for half his life.
He hated his father's strange thoughts, liked the new and hated the old, and hated his father's neglect of him.
So he would rather be lonely than keep a lover, he doesn't give birth to children casually, and he can be regarded as healing his young self.
Liang Xiaosheng has a passage in "The World", which is very moving: "The farther you go, the more you see, and the more people you know, the more you can realize: In this life, the people you really care about, and at the same time are in your people, just a few, these few people, are your whole world."
Three or two confidants, lovers by the side, healthy parents, sounds unremarkable, but it is already an upper-average life answer. ”
Therefore, even if Cai Xiaoguang has no children in his life, he can gain a lover like Zhou Rong and a friend like Bingkun, which can be regarded as a blessing in life.
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