I've been divorced three times, and it sounds like a drama with twists and turns, and I, the lead actor, have experienced life firsthand.
Some people say that every clutch is a baptism of life, and I, in these three baptisms, summed up a sentence and would like to share it with you.
01
My first marriage, like cherry blossoms in early spring, was beautiful and short. At that time, we loved each other and saw only the good in each other, as if the whole world was blooming for us.
However, the good times did not last long, and his betrayal was like a sudden rainstorm that washed away all my fantasies and beauty.
I lost my love, and in the end I was left with just a little bit of dignity left. Although I still loved him deeply in my heart at that time, I chose to fulfill it in the end.
This marriage made me feel painful, but I also understood a truth in the pain:
Love is not only an appreciation and tolerance for each other, but also an ability to protect oneself. We must have the ability to stay awake in love, and we must also have the ability to stop losses in time when we are hurt.
02
The second marriage, I thought our marriage would be smooth and long-lasting. However, the complexity of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is beyond my imagination.
In the eyes of my mother-in-law, it seems that I will always be an unqualified daughter-in-law, and no matter how hard I try, I will not be able to win her approval.
And he is in a dilemma between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and there will inevitably be bumps and bumps between our husband and wife, but my mother-in-law is making a mess of it, trying to provoke the relationship between our husband and wife.
I felt that I had never been respected in this marriage, and he also felt that it was too tiring to live in this marriage. Gradually, we gave up on repairing our relationships.
During those days, I felt like I was struggling in the mire, feeling more depressed and helpless than I had ever been. I began to reflect on whether I had really done something wrong.
But as time went by, I gradually understood that the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often not a simple personal problem, but a variety of conflicts involving the culture and concepts of the two families.
03
In the third marriage, I thought that we would all be middle-aged, and we would be more mature and stable. However, the cruelty of reality once again gave me a resounding slap in the face.
My third husband was too selfish and too protective of his own interests, especially when it came to money and their children.
Usually, although we each spend our own money, when I buy something for my daughter, I always buy one for his son, which is not the case. Every time he would secretly buy good food for his own son and never bought a snack for my daughter once.
I tried to communicate, tried to understand, but in the end I couldn't stand the indifference and alienation. The end of this marriage made me realize that if you remarry a family with children, if you are always wary of each other and cannot treat each other's children equally, such a marriage cannot continue.
04
After experiencing these three marriages, I deeply feel that love and non-love are all a kind of ability. We need to have the ability to love, to appreciate, to tolerate, to give, and at the same time, we also need to have the ability to learn to let go, to protect ourselves, to insist on ourselves, to seek true happiness.
Every clutch is a re-understanding of oneself. I began to cherish myself more and understand my needs and bottom line better.
I no longer change myself to cater to others, nor do I compromise for the sake of the so-called "perfect marriage". I learned to be independent and autonomous in love, and I learned to be equal and respectful in marriage.
As the saying goes, the more a man leaves, the more timid he becomes, and the more a woman leaves, the more daring she becomes. I'm probably the bold woman I call so. So, my current partner is what I actively pursue.
Because he is completely in line with my ideal type in every way, I do the same to him. Along the way, despite all kinds of grievances, in the end, it was finally bitter.
Thirteen years into marriage, experienced three marriage breakdowns, and is now experiencing a fourth relationship. After thirteen years of searching in the world, I finally found a happy relationship, and I think it's worth it.
Finally, I would like to summarize my feelings in one sentence: love or non-love is a kind of ability, and we must strive to acquire this ability in order to have true happiness.
Message from the setting moon:
What is happiness in a marriage? I think that under the premise of fairness and reasonableness, you can get everything you want, and being able to get what you want is the greatest happiness.
In fact, only you know best whether you are happy or unhappy in married life, and divorce does not mean that you have failed, because divorce is not the end, but the beginning of a new life.