Author: Insight Yangtuo
Choose sincerity and deal with it, choose goodness and make friends.
Writer Wang Yu said:
"A lot of times, the source of internal friction does not come from yourself, but from the environment you are in.
If you are surrounded by a group of people who ridicule you, ridicule you, and bring you full of negative energy every day, then it is difficult for you not to have internal friction. ”
The success or failure of one's life lies in what it is dyed.
Staying away from bad environments and people who make you miserable is the key to stopping internal friction.
01
I don't know if there is such a person around you:
It's clear that he did something wrong, but he will always blame you.
forgot to bring an umbrella when he went out and was drenched in the rain, but accused you of not reminding him;
You are criticized for not meeting your work standards, but you are blamed for being useless and harming him.
As long as it is unsatisfactory and unsatisfactory, it will throw the blame on you and put the blame on you.
This is the classic "accusatory personality".
In the eyes of the accusatory personality, there is no right or wrong, there is no right or wrong, only oneself is absolutely right.
And once you get close, it's easy to become the target of their condemnation.
After a long time, it is difficult not to be depressed.
Wang Qinglai in the novel "The Legend of Qiu Ju" is such a person.
He and his wife He Xingfu went to the city to work hard.
After entering the city, he found a job driving a motorcycle, but was fined and detained for not having a business license.
As a result, when he got home, he blamed all the faults on his wife:
"If it weren't for you, wouldn't we have to abandon our family and business and come here to see other people's faces?"
Through her hard work, his wife went to work as a cleaner in a law firm, but he repeatedly hit a wall when he found a job after losing his job.
So he pointed the finger at his wife: Aren't you able to, talk to them?
If everything is unpleasant, blame the outside world and blame your wife.
His wife, He Xingfu, washed her face with tears all day long, desperately making money to support her family.
In the end, He Xingfu, who was really breathless, could only choose to divorce.
Psychologist Albert Ellis said: Accusatory personality people can make you so depressed that you can't see your own worth.
Whether it's in the family or in interpersonal interactions.
With the person who accuses you, sooner or later you will fall into the mud of negative emotions such as pain and grievances and cannot extricate yourself.
In the face of such a person, don't be reluctant, don't make do, and stay away as soon as possible, which is the best way to protect yourself.
02
Self-media blogger @汤敏 has a friend.
In the eyes of others, friends are always quiet and calm.
However, in private, my friend is very emotional, and I have to complain to her about everything:
The leader is too harsh, the colleague is too snobbish, the husband has a low salary and no ability, and the children have poor grades but only know how to play......
Every time I made a phone call or sent a message, it was for hours, completely ignoring Tang Min's feelings.
Several times, Tang Min was overwhelmed by her complaints.
Thinking of the difficulties in her work and life, she couldn't help frowning and fell into endless anxiety.
Emotions between people are contagious.
People who habitually complain are like a cancer.
As soon as he is allowed to appear in your world, he will make a mess of your life.
Keeping it out of its influence and consumption is the only way to bring peace to your emotions and mind.
Dr. Tao Yong admits in the book "Vision" that when he first started working, he was easily disturbed by other people's emotions.
As soon as he heard the head nurse complain about the unsatisfactory situation at home, intern Xiao Liu complained that his parents forced him to marry, and the director of the department complained about his worrying future prospects......
He became more and more sad and anxious, and even had no intention of working.
Later, he came up with a solution.
Whenever someone around him complained and complained, he left as soon as possible and went to the corridor outside to be quiet.
Shielded from external distractions, he quickly calmed down and calmly went to work.
Bai Yansong said: "The reason why we live a tired life is not because we live a mean life, but because we are too easily infected by the outside world and swayed by the emotions of others. ”
Those negativists who sigh for a long time can consume you the most.
Never go near them.
Draw a line with it in time, so that you can protect your energy field.
03
In our background, we can receive a lot of messages from friends every day.
Two days ago, a reader asked me in the background, what should I do if my friend is good at everything, but love hits me?
Readers have always had a dream of being a writer, but because of the delay of life, they started writing in their forties.
But whenever she excitedly sent the manuscript to her friend, her friend said:
"You still want to be a great writer at your level? ”
"You better stop writing, it's not for you at all. ”
"You can't learn other people's writings, and you won't succeed. ”
In the beginning, she would argue with her friends, believing that she still had a glimmer of hope with her hard work.
But gradually, you can't, you give up, accept the reality, these negative words began to swirl in her mind.
So much so that for a while, she didn't dare to open the document, didn't dare to start writing, and even unconsciously nervous and scared at the thought of writing.
Zeng Qifeng said: A person who is continuously denied is tantamount to being tried by the court at all times.
People don't feel inferior and have internal friction for no reason.
But the people who suppress you will easily teach you how to devalue yourself to the point where you can no longer build self-confidence.
The best way to love yourself is to stay away from such people.
At a young age, the pianist Chopin showed great piano performance.
But his friends around him are not optimistic about him, some people pour cold water on him, some people think he lacks heat, and some people sarcastically mock him to his face.
He felt disappointed when he found out, but he didn't want to give up his piano dream easily.
So he decided to stay away from this group of friends and began to travel around European countries.
Finally, in Paris, he met Liszt, the pianist of the time.
Liszt was amazed by his performance, not only giving him recognition, but also putting on a show for him at the Paris theater.
Chopin also regained his confidence with his encouragement, and through this performance, he became famous.
Writer 12 says: Stay away from those who deny you, and be with those who approve of you.
Verbal abuse is tantamount to murder of the soul.
Those who deny you will wear out the last faith in your mind.
But those who affirm you will applaud you, give you encouragement, and take you out of the abyss of self-doubt.
Stay away from the former and stay close to the latter, and you will naturally get rid of internal friction and get nourishment.
▽
Writer Li Zhongying said: A bad relationship not only consumes your energy, but also depletes your feelings, your vitality, your motivation, and all kinds of functions of your body.
So, never invite someone into your life who makes you lose yourself.
Take the initiative to screen, choose sincerity, choose goodness and make friends.
When we are in a positive, happy relationship, all good things come unexpectedly.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.