The less capable parents are, the stronger the desire to control. I wonder how you feel when you see this line of text?
Regarding control, the force is just right, and it can correct a child, but if the force is too great, it will directly destroy a child.
Some parents may have a strong desire to control their children for a variety of reasons. This desire to control may be for the good of the child in the eyes of the parents, but it may cause a lot of pressure in the child's heart. This kind of pressure, like an invisible hand, quietly affects the growth and future of children.
I remember a story last year that touched me deeply. A 30-year-old doctor was diagnosed with cancer. At the end of his life, his last words were: "I can finally be free." ”
As a parent, when I hear such last words, my heart must be mixed and painful.
But if you look at it from my son's point of view, maybe you can find something different.
This doctor, in the eyes of outsiders, is a young man with excellent grades and a bright future. However, his heart has been manipulated and suppressed by his parents for a long time.
From childhood to adulthood, his every little movement was strictly monitored by his parents. When eating, he would be told that he held chopsticks too high or too low, that he could only choose black, white and gray when buying clothes and shoes, and that after graduating from university, he wanted to move out, but his mother scolded him for four hours and did not say a word to him for five days.
It's not that he hasn't tried to resist, but whenever he speaks, his parents will start complaining, saying how difficult it is to raise him and how hard he lives.
In such an environment, he felt suffocated every day. While accumulating resentment towards his parents, he struggled to suppress his emotions until his body was finally overwhelmed and surrendered.
It's an extreme story, but such parents are not uncommon in life. They may not do it intentionally, but they are invisibly draining their children's energy and enthusiasm.
For example, if you are constantly urged to get up in the morning and get up a little later, you will be labeled as lazy and unproductive, for example, you will be reprimanded for frequent name calls and arranged to do various things, and you will be reprimanded for the slightest negligence, and for example, no matter how good your child is, he can always pick out his shortcomings and problems to preach and criticize.
Of course, we can't deny that most parents in life are good parents who have fulfilled their responsibilities. They use their experience and wisdom to give advice to their children in the hope that they will have a better life. But sometimes, their excessive intervention and control can bring a lifetime of grievances and pain to their children.
So, let's care for our children while also giving them some freedom and space. Let them live and grow according to their own wishes and interests, and we can supervise, assist and guide them. Only then can they truly feel loved and cared for, and can maintain a healthy and happy mindset in this competitive and stressful society.
Imagine that each of us lives like a unique river, with our source being our birth and the distant sea being the unknown future. This river, which is the trajectory of our life, is unique and full of countless twists and surprises.
So, who is at the helm of this river? Is it ourselves, or our parents? In fact, the real answer may be much more complicated than we think.
Like those gently flowing streams, at first, our parents may be on the sidelines to patiently guide us and help us avoid those seemingly dangerous reefs. But as we grew up and we learned to be independent, our creek began to become turbulent and empowering.
At this point, the role of parents becomes delicate. They no longer try to correct our course because they know that only when we experience and take risks can we truly find our own course. They learn to let go and give us the freedom to explore and follow our dreams.
Of course, letting go doesn't mean letting go. When our river encounters insurmountable obstacles, parents still reach out and use their wisdom and experience to help us find a way out.
Just like that brave stream, with the blessing and protection of our parents, we finally found our own channel and created our own wonderful life.
Finally, I hope that every family can be full of love and understanding, and I hope that every child can grow up freely under the sun.