#头条创作挑战赛#
On the Zhihu platform, a user asked: "Why do middle-aged people often feel stressed and exhausted in life?"
The most upvoted answer reveals the reason behind this phenomenon: middle-aged people often find it difficult to let go of the past, and they are never able to truly let go of the regrets in life.
In their thoughts, fragments of memories often emerge like rivers and seas, especially when they are physically and mentally exhausted, these memories are like sharp thorns, deeply piercing their hearts and having a significant impact.
In mild cases, these memories may just spoil their mood, but in severe cases, they may even shape the trajectory of their lives.
However, most of those who are able to maintain a comfortable attitude in life have already deeply understood this truth.
They did their best to remove the barbs in their hearts one by one, unload the burden of their hearts, and embark on a long journey of life as if they were wearing light equipment, and walked further and more steadily.
The mess in life often comes from the backlog of "thorns" in the heart
Recently, at a family gathering, I noticed my cousin Xiaoli's abnormal state, and I couldn't help but be surprised. She was radiant in the past, but now she is shrouded in gloom, revealing unprecedented fatigue and depression.
After digging deeper, I realized that she and her husband Xiao He recently had a dispute over daily trivial matters. Just last Saturday, they planned to go out together, but Xiao He didn't fill up the car with gasoline in advance, and he gave his children too much fried food during the play.
Xiao Li thinks that Xiao He is not careful and considerate enough in life, and this is not the first time such a thing has happened. Recalling the past, once Xiao He forgot to refuel the car, which almost delayed her business trip, and in the hot summer, Xiao He let the child drink a lot of cold drinks, which directly caused the child's acute gastroenteritis, and finally had to be hospitalized.
Although the fact is that the business trip was delayed not only because they did not refuel, they also deliberately took a detour to Xiaoli's work unit early in the morning to pick up an important document, as for the time when the child suffered from gastroenteritis, it was during the peak period of the disease, and many children in the child's class were unfortunately infected.
However, in Xiao Li's heart, these incidents were all blamed on Xiao He's negligence. The old things were like barbs, buried deep in her heart, and every time a similar situation reappeared, those memories would be inadvertently awakened and sting her.
In this way, the dissatisfaction and tingling in her heart gradually accumulated, touching her emotions from time to time, making her feel anxious and irritable.
In fact, in our lives, people like Xiaoli are not uncommon, they seem to be bound by a negative life pattern, whether it is the small things of daily life or the big things of social interaction in the workplace, they often fall into a state of chaos.
However, when we really calm down and think about it, we will realize that what really makes life chaotic is not the specific events in the outside world, but the feelings and interpretations of these events in our hearts.
As stated in "Mr. Toad's Counseling": "No one can directly determine how we feel unless someone else is forced to do so."
At the end of the day, it's how we choose how to feel, how we choose anger, and we choose sadness. ”
The ups and downs of life are the norm, and it is inevitable that there will be several painful experiences in everyone's memories. However, the key factor that determines a person's current quality of life is actually their state of mind.
A person with a positive attitude can always maintain an optimistic attitude and embrace life with full enthusiasm even in the face of various difficult challenges in life.
It is futile to be overly entangled, and changing the mentality is the right solution
The English writer Oscar Wilde once said: "For the sake of self-salvation and inner peace, I must forgive certain people, for no one can endure for a long time the serpent entrenched in his heart, or rise up night and night to sow thorns in the garden of the soul." ”
In life, if some buried memories are chewed repeatedly, they will continue to touch our nerves like thorns.
However, once we choose to face these memories with a fresh perspective and attitude, it is possible to change everything.
In the case of blogger Manman, she has not been able to let go of that experience for nearly a decade after her divorce. The reason is that her ex-husband betrayed her during the marriage and wantonly slandered her image in front of others.
Judging from the chat logs exposed by her ex-husband, Manman is described as having a mediocre appearance, poor taste in clothes, and a boring personality, all in all, it seems that there is no merit in all aspects. And their marriage, in his opinion, is just a task to meet the pressure of his parents to force marriage.
After the divorce, those harsh words were like sharp thorns, stabbing Manman's heart whenever and wherever they were, especially in the silence of the night, making it difficult for her to sleep.
It wasn't until the appearance of her current husband that Manman gradually got rid of the haze brought by her previous marriage. She realized that if she had been dwelling on the pain of the past, she might have wasted the rest of her precious life.
In fact, the state of an individual's life depends entirely on his or her inner choices.
In The Meaning of Life, the main character, Frankl, is subjected to the tragedy of his family being sent to a Nazi concentration camp overnight, and his parents, wife, and brother are not spared.
However, instead of being overwhelmed by grief, he did his best to live a positive life during those difficult years.
In the end, Frankl not only managed to escape the clutches of the concentration camp, but also made remarkable achievements in the academic field. This is as the famous saying reveals: "A person's truest freedom comes from the freedom of choice." ”
When we continue to dwell on events that bring pain and anger, the shadows of life will not dissipate. On the contrary, once we adjust our mentality and regain our strengths, our horizons in life will be broadened in an instant.
Understand that nothing can truly bind your life, and only by accepting the impermanence of the world and doing our best to cherish and enrich our present life can we truly grasp the course of life.
People who are truly sober are masters of "mind control".
Mr. Yang Jiang once elaborated on life as follows: "The essence of life lies in the interweaving of ordinary and magnificent, half of which carries the daily trivial firewood, rice, oil and salt, and the other half yearns for the vast sea of stars."
Add a little salt, life will show saltiness, add a touch of sweetness, life will become luscious immediately, and into poetry, can make life in the hearts of others into a distant ideal picture.
How to mix the flavor of life depends entirely on the choices and choices of the individual's heart. ”
In real life, twists and turns are the norm, and the key lies in how we shape our lifestyle, which largely depends on whether a person is sufficiently conscious and can effectively control the inner choices.
So, how can we act in order to cultivate into a master of "mind control" who is good at controlling one's own heart?
- Knowing how to let go of the past at the right time
Someone once said: "Letting go of the past at the right time is a characteristic of a wise man." They are well aware that life is not just confined to the trivial hardships in front of them, but encompasses the vast world of poetry and distance. ”
The degree to which a person is affected by an event essentially depends on how often he recalls it.
Whatever your experience, it's important to remind yourself that now that the outcome is too big to be reversed, you don't need to dwell on it anymore and focus on the present, because the future is full of possibilities.
Saying goodbye to the past with an open mind and calmly dealing with the present is the best way to live in life.
- Forging tenacity and mental qualities
Festinger's Law states that only 10% of things in life are determined by the events that actually happen themselves, and the remaining 90% depends on how we react to them.
No matter what the challenge, the first priority is not to complain or blame yourself, but to calmly sort out the causes and consequences of the matter, and then explore effective ways to solve the problem.
The state of mind determines the environment, and when your heart is strong enough, the difficulties you face will also seem insignificant.
- Enhance the critical thinking dimension
Robert Anthony once said, "Changing your mindset is like opening a new window into life." ”
When the road is blocked, know how to take a detour, and when your mind is stuck, try to change your perspective.
We should look at problems more from a positive point of view that helps things develop and progress.
When the realm of thinking is broadened, there will naturally be a lot less troubles in life.
In the journey of life, the best attitude towards life is to be tenacious in the face of adversity, bravely and fearlessly face the challenges of wind and rain, break free from the shackles of pain, and stride forward leisurely;
The wisest sense of life is not to be overly entangled in yesterday's gains and losses, to face the past with an indifferent and free attitude, to get rid of the burden of memories, and to set off easily.
As we enter middle age, everyone's daily life is hectic, but when you put it all in the grand picture of your whole life, they are just a small episode in the long journey.
How we perceive these experiences depends entirely on our state of mind.
If we can accept our present self, know how to let the past pass away with the wind, and refine wisdom from it to continuously improve ourselves, then many of the troubles that plague us in life are likely to be greatly reduced.
After all, no one can always be smooth sailing, and the only thing we can control is our perspective and mindset towards things.
Here, I sincerely invite you to like and share, and I hope that each of us can remove the thorns and thorns in our hearts, sow the seeds of peace and firmness, and bloom our own spiritual flowers!