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A few days ago, there was a video on the Internet about "the second child can only do housework" was scolded on the hot search by the whole network, and how many parents' selfish fig leaf was exposed behind it.
Here's how it happened:
This mother gave birth to three daughters, and the personalities and styles of the three daughters are completely different, each with its own advantages and disadvantages.
Eldest daughter: Because she is the eldest and more mature and stable, although her academic performance is average, she is good at drawing;
Second daughter: sensible, well-behaved and obedient since she was a child, she never let her parents worry about what she does, and she will do whatever she is told to do;
The youngest daughter: she is naughty, troublesome, lazy, but she is good at learning.
Therefore, among the three daughters, she prefers the youngest daughter the most, and then the eldest daughter, and the second daughter is average.
Usually, the housework at home is basically done by the second child, because the second child is more obedient and will not refuse.
So that day, when the family finished dinner, she asked the eldest to mop the land as soon as possible, but she was refused.
After being rejected by the boss, she called her younger daughter again, but the younger daughter didn't want to mop the floor.
Seeing that they were all reluctant to mop the floor, she had to call the sensible and well-behaved dick to mop them.
The second child did not refuse, but obeyed his mother's command and slowly mopped the floor by himself.
Then, she watched the eldest and second child sitting on the sofa and playing with their mobile phones, only the second child was seriously mopping the floor, and said hypocritically for a while:
"The old ambassador doesn't move, the third one is sneaking and tricking, and only the second one can still move. So, sometimes I feel that what I like may not be suitable for me, and this sentence is not wrong at all. ”
Therefore, many netizens ridiculed when they saw this video:
"It's not that you can move her, it's that she feels sorry for you"
"Look, it's not that I'm evil-minded, even parents will bully their children"
"You're wrong, because you don't love her the most, and she will only let you see if she learns to be sensible and please you"
"When a bowl of water is uneven, only by sacrificing the kindest can the wind be calm, and once the kindest person is unwilling to sacrifice anymore, he will be labeled as a hat that destroys harmony. If the family suddenly becomes unclose, it may be that the person who has been suffering is unwilling to suffer anymore. ”
Yes, it is never that you can call the child, but because the child feels sorry for your hard work, dedication, and his own not being favored.
Because she is not favored by her parents, she can only seek her parents' approval in this way.
It is said that sensible children have candy to eat, but in fact, you are more sensible, and the more you pay, the far less than those children who are clamoring for candy!
As the saying goes:
"If you don't know how to refuse, accepting against your own will will will not bring much harmonious interpersonal relationships, and will only make others think that you are very good."
Being too sensible is not a very beautiful thing, it makes us lose our individuality and bind our hands.
When I was a child, my parents always told us to be sensible and let our younger brothers and sisters, and we were blindly humble, but in the end, do we really have candy to eat?
No, instead of being treated as equals, we have made our character even more cowardly.
In "Please Answer 1988", there is a line:
"Sensible children just don't make trouble, they just adapt to the environment that should behave maturely, and get used to the misleading eyes of others. ”
Sensible children are just children, and they live more aggrieved.
See a video like this:
In the video, it is obvious that the elder brother is celebrating his birthday, and the younger brother at this moment seems to be the protagonist.
On my brother's birthday, my mother came back with a birthday cake that was customized according to my brother's preferences, intending to let my brother and brother celebrate their birthday together.
In the evening, when it was time to eat the cake, my mother first asked my brother to light a candle, and then asked my brother to make a birthday wish.
And the elder brother sitting on the side could only watch his brother's every move with a bewildered face, and he couldn't say that he was suffering in his heart.
Another girl said:
Her mother was traveling to Hong Kong with a few girlfriends, and before returning, her mother asked her and her sister what gifts they wanted.
Then, the girl told her mother everything she wanted.
As a result, when my mother came back, she only brought her a pack of small snacks and no exquisite gifts.
At that time, the girl didn't think much about it, thinking that the small snacks were also her mother's "love", and it was enough to have "love".
Until one day, when she went to her sister's house to play with her sister, she found that she would always be the one who was not loved.
At her sister's house, she accidentally saw a relatively expensive shower gel, so she said casually:
"I remember this brand, isn't it very expensive? Did you buy it yourself?"
The younger sister replied with a puzzled expression:
"No, this is what my mother brought back from Hong Kong, don't you?"
The girl smiled bitterly and said that she did not receive the gift, but only a small packet of snacks.
When she got home in the evening, she told her mother about it, and she said:
"This thing is too heavy, I only bought a bottle for your sister, if you like it, you can also go to the Internet and buy one, don't think so much, mom loves you." ”
You see, some parents say that they like both big and two treasures, but they always do eccentric things in action.
This kind of "invisible" second-child family is popular, and sometimes it is more terrible than overt partiality.
It's not explicitly expressed, but it jumps out like a thorn and stabs you every now and then. Let you once again recognize the fact that you are "not favored by your parents".
As psychologist Jean Piaget said:
"The more sensible and obedient a child is when he is a child, the more psychological problems he will have when he grows up. Because they have learned to forbear since childhood, they have learned to please others, and all the grievances and unhappiness can only be borne silently by themselves.
Frost once said:
"When you have only one child, you are the parent, but when you have two or more children, you unconsciously act as a referee. ”
Of course, being a referee is not an easy task, but you can't treat the two children with your own opinion, but from the perspective of the two children.
So, how can parents in families with many children avoid partiality?
There is a couple in Shanghai who are dealing with a two-child family, and they handle it like this:
In order to make their children's lives more fulfilling, in order to improve their children's self-awareness and self-worth, they cultivate their sons and daughters' interests and hobbies from an early age.
For example, if you let your son go to taekwondo, the tuition fee is more than 10,000 yuan a year, and the tuition fee for her daughter is learning piano, and the tuition fee is about 8 or 9 thousand a year.
Then my son goes to a public school, does not have to pay tuition, and there is no private car to pick him up every day, and he goes home from school by himself.
But my daughter is studying in a private kindergarten, and the tuition fee for a year is 52,000 yuan, and she has to take her daughter to and from school by private car every day.
Seeing this, many people will think that they are more partial to their daughters and treat their sons badly at all.
But in fact, they treat their two children like a bowl of water, and everything is fair, the elder brother has it, and the younger sister will have it.
Because the needs of sons and daughters are different, the practices must be different, and two perspectives look at the same problem.
Therefore, they are to make the children feel that a bowl of water is level, rather than the feelings of their parents, so that the children do not have any experience such as "why doesn't my brother practice" and "why does my sister have someone to pick up".
Susan, a well-known psychotherapist, said:
"Wise, mature parents take into account the feelings and needs of each member of the family. ”
It is important to know that the impartial treatment of every child by parents is the foundation of family harmony.
A harmonious family atmosphere is the beginning of a prosperous family.
A happy childhood can heal a lifetime, and an unhappy childhood needs a lifetime to heal.
For children, no matter how much they have, they can't compare to a love full of understanding, tolerance and care.
Because the child's childhood is only about ten years, it can be described as fleeting. And raising children never starts over, the past is over, the hurt is hurt, and it is difficult to make up for it.
Children are the mirror of their parents, and their hearts will honestly reflect the love of their parents.
A preference brings a heavy sense of satisfaction in the heart, which is the greatest wealth in the process of children's growth.
Therefore, I hope that every parent can treat their children well and accompany them to grow up together.
Welcome to express your high opinions in the comment area below!
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