Being bullied by others can make people feel angry and even fight back. However, psychologists have found that many times, the person who "bullies" us in life is often not someone else, but ourselves.
Do you often force yourself to do things you can't achieve?
And will you insult yourself for a small mistake?
When people reach middle age, they must learn to let themselves go.
Don't be a "tyrant" who lashes yourself.
Let go of the "bullying" of yourself and respect yourself as you respect others, so that the sunshine of happiness can be sprinkled on the land.
01.
Lower your expectations and don't push yourself
Many times, we are used to "praising ourselves".
We think that what others can do, we should be able to.
However, we all have different growth environments and different talents, and the goals that are suitable for others may not be suitable for ourselves.
A person's growth begins with giving up "chasing ducks to the shelves" for themselves.
Nina, the protagonist of the movie "Black Swan", has been a girl who pursues perfection since she was a child.
As a ballet dancer, from the moment she started dancing, Nina felt that what other dancers could accomplish, she had to do.
For this reason, Nina's dance path has never been easy.
In her life, she almost never smiled.
When she was finally chosen to be the lead actor in a show, instead of the joy of success, she gained an even more painful collapse.
She was so afraid of failure, she was extremely nervous about her every move, for fear that she would not meet her expectations.
Until one day, the director said to her:
"Perfection doesn't all come from control, it also comes from letting go. ”
At this moment, Nina finally understood that there was no point in pursuing unrealistic goals.
In the end, Nina completed the performance brilliantly and felt the beauty of dancing for the first time.
There is a famous "Locke's Law" in psychology.
It means that when people designate a target, "jump and be able to arrive" is the best scale.
When our expectations are too high, it's like putting our hands on a basin of hot water from a basin of cold water all of a sudden.
A huge gap will destroy our spirit and will.
A person who truly loves himself will not force himself to ascend to a temple higher than the top of a mountain.
Even if it looks so star-studded.
Let yourself go and let yourself stay in your own "time zone".
02.
Rebuild your self-esteem and not devalue yourself
Melissa Dahl, a well-known American science journalist, once said: "Modern people seem to have fallen into 'shame syndrome'. ”
We will always feel worthless and ashamed because of our slightest mistake.
In this world, too many people are always belittling themselves.
When you encounter a good position, you feel that you are not worthy of virtue.
When you meet a good partner, you suspect that the other person has other plans.
As if he didn't deserve any love or appreciation.
Honey, the protagonist of the movie "The Elegance of the Hedgehog", is a person who is always self-deprecating.
She always felt ugly, stupid, and lowly.
Faced with the courtship of Mr. Ozu, a gentleman from Japan, Honey scolded herself for being such a fool that she would fantasize that this attractive man would fall in love with her "disgusting" self.
But in Mr. Ozu's eyes, Ha Ni has never been so unbearable, she is kind-hearted, loves to read, and has a rich spiritual world that others do not have.
Excessive self-deprecation has caused Honey to fall into deep internal friction, so much so that she has missed the opportunity to achieve happiness again and again.
The economist Veblen once conducted an experiment.
He sells two chocolates that are not very different, priced at one dollar and one cent, respectively.
It turned out that people prefer to buy the more expensive one, and they also have a higher opinion of the more expensive chocolate.
Life is like this sometimes, you first have to feel that you are worthy, and the world can see your worth.
No one likes a person with low self-esteem and self-pity.
An indestructible sense of self-worth is a weapon to overcome difficulties.
I once saw such a sentence on the Internet:
"To belittle yourself is to belittle those who respect you and love you. ”
Therefore, don't chill those who believe in yourself.
Go find your own shining spot.
Only in this way can we concentrate on improving ourselves and living an ordinary but not mediocre life.
03.
Respect the need and don't neglect yourself
Some time ago, a hot search called "Mom is in the bathroom, don't disturb Mom" swiped the Internet.
Too many people see their own shadow in this entry.
In life, there are too many middle-aged people who give up everything they once loved for some current practical problems.
Get up early and give late, but are not understood.
I want to make others happy, but I fall into a strange circle that moves me.
People, only by taking care of themselves can we benefit the lives of others.
Carter, the protagonist of the movie "The Bucket List", is a young man who loves history.
He had been a professor intern for two weeks, and he could have spent his life the way he liked.
But the birth of a child disrupted his plans.
For the sake of his family, Carter gave up his history and became an auto mechanic.
After that, he never had the time to belong to him.
In order to be a good husband and father in his mind, Carter worked day and night to carry out maintenance work.
Even though the children have the ability to live on their own, Carter is still desperate to "give".
Later, Carter was accidentally diagnosed with cancer.
The fact that there were only six months left left made him re-examine his life.
With the encouragement of his fellow patients, Carter made his bucket list.
Only then did he realize that wishful thinking about sacrificing himself all his life was often unnecessary.
Ignoring oneself makes oneself lose one's own happiness.
So, he went skydiving, went mountaineering, went drifting.
In the last moments of his life, Carter regained his long-lost happiness.
No matter how kind a person is, he should not sacrifice himself and fulfill others in the relationship.
Everyone has their own cause and effect, and some things should be left to them.
Excessive self-sacrifice can only destroy oneself and impose on others the "unbearable weight of life".
Don't morally kidnap yourself out of love.
True kindness is to make others others and make yourself yourself.
04.
I once saw such a sentence on the Internet:
"We always try to comfort others like wise men, but torture ourselves like fools.
When he comforts others, he is the way, but when he could have been happy, he has nothing to do and abuses himself. ”
The world always tells us to learn to love others, to learn to be tolerant and accepting of others, but it has forgotten to teach us how to get along with ourselves.
All the love and beauty of human beings should be given to themselves first, so that tenderness can blossom in their hearts, so as to cultivate the beauty of the outside world.
For the rest of your life, you don't have to be that all-encompassing, selfless saint.
Don't persecute, don't belittle, don't ignore.
In the sea of life, please be a hero who shelters yourself from the wind and rain.