Wang Guozhen once said: "You reached middle age in a hurry, and your posture, face, eyes, and mood were all stamped with the stamp of middle age. ”
In the hustle and bustle of life, we are like a tireless machine, shuttling through the long river of years.
Especially as we enter middle age, we play a variety of roles in front of others – filial children, conscientious parents, reliable partners, dedicated employees......
We strive to put our best foot forward on the social stage, but we often neglect ourselves.
Ignore your own feelings
I saw a story on Zhihu.
The netizen is a housewife who will give priority to her husband and children in everything.
If there is anything delicious at home, I am reluctant to eat it, so I always have to leave it for my husband and children.
The housework at home, she always bears it silently alone.
She said:
"Because my husband is too busy with work, sometimes he doesn't come back late from overtime, and seeing his tired appearance, I just want him to rest.
The child is too young and just wants to give him a happy childhood. ”
She thought that her efforts would be seen by her family.
Unexpectedly, this year's May Day online store held an event, she bought her husband short sleeves, pants and belts, and bought toys and highlighters for her children that they had wanted for a long time.
By the way, I also bought myself a dress with a discount.
But when the husband saw the courier, he said, "You're not a little girl anymore, why do you still buy a dress?"
The child also chimed in and said, "Yes, Mom, you don't usually go out, so you don't need to dress so well." ”
The words of the father and son instantly made her mood fall into the ice cellar.
never thought that his efforts did not win the gratitude of their father and son, but ignored and unworthy.
Source: Visual China
The least cost-effective behavior in life is that you think that if you give everything, the other person will empathize.
But the more time passes, the more you will find that blindly pleasing may not be able to exchange the other party's sincerity, but will also make the other party feel taken for granted.
In "The Outsider" it says, "If you want to be happy, you must not pay too much attention to others." ”
Living in this world, each of us is the protagonist of life.
You can give for others, but don't forget to learn to take care of your own feelings as well.
Ignoring one's own image
Schopenhauer said: "The appearance of man is a picture of the heart, and the physiognomy expresses and reveals the whole character of man's destiny." ”
Appearance not only reflects the inner world, but also hides a person's spiritual temperament and attitude towards life.
Biographer Walter Isaacson described Steve Jobs as barefoot, with long hair, a hippie-style coat, and the smell of not showering for half a month.
Although Jobs had already shown extraordinary business acumen at the time, he still encountered bumps in the road: when he worked at Atari, he was ostracized by his colleagues because of personal hygiene, and was arranged by the general manager to work a night shift alone;
After starting a business, he was in urgent need of funds, but the way he put his feet on the table scared the investor to turn around and leave;
Regardless of the image, he quarreled with the executives, and was finally swept away by the company he founded.
It wasn't until he joined Pixar that Jobs, under the guidance of CEO Catmoore, gradually understood that raunchy geniuses are closer to the devil, and only by being accepted by others can they bring their talents to the extreme.
Since then, Jobs has lost his scruffy appearance.
He is known for his dashing image with short hair, a T-shirt and jeans.
Russell once said: "Grooming is the appearance of intrinsic value, which hides your understanding of life, and even more so the life you are pursuing." ”
Source: Visual China
In the world of middle-aged people, no one is obliged to understand a person's true inner life through his raunchy appearance.
Although appearance is destined, a person's image, temperament, and dress can more or less show his life attitude, level, and taste.
So no matter what time it is, don't relax your requirements for your image, decent appearance, well-proportioned body, elegant conversation, these will feed back your life.
Psychologist Marie Bean has also concluded through research:
The impression that two people make on each other depends 55% on the external image, 38% on the voice, and only 7% on the content and background of the speech at the time.
People who take themselves seriously can not be let down by life.
Ignore your own shortcomings
In the book "Who Are You Working For", I saw such a story.
Jack works for a trading company, but he always feels that he is not valued by his boss and that his salary is low. So he complained to his friend: "One day, I will slap the table and leave." ”
After listening to his words, his friend asked him: "Do you have a clear understanding of the company's business? Do you know all the stepping stones to international trade?"
Jack said blankly, "I don't know. ”
So his friend suggested that he calm down first, work hard, and wait until he is familiar with the company's business before making the next step, so that he can grow.
Jack listened to his friend's words and felt that it made sense, so he changed his previous laziness and procrastination and began to work seriously.
A year later, he saw his friends again. A friend asked him: "Now that you have learned all the business, when do you plan to slap the table with the boss and leave?"
Jack said with a smile: "Since I looked at my position and worked hard and seriously, my boss and colleagues have looked at me differently, and my boss has given me a promotion and a raise. ”
If you don't know how to reflect on yourself, you will only fall into a vicious circle.
Such people can be seen everywhere:
The salary is not high, so I complain that I don't meet Huaicai, and the sky is unfair;
Life is tortuous, and he sighs that his luck is not good, and the villain is ambitious.
They can never see their own shortcomings, but they can find out the countless faults of others.
Source: Visual China
Only when you really see yourself clearly can you recognize your limitations and face up to your shortcomings.
As Heine said, "Reflection is a mirror that brings our mistakes to light and gives us the opportunity to correct them." ”
Really good people know how to reflect on themselves after making mistakes, because they know that every time they correct a mistake, they can take a step forward.
Only in this way can you turn the tables against the wind and become a better version of yourself.
Ignoring one's own health
Although we all know that the most expensive thing in life is health, and without health is equal to losing everything.
But if the needle doesn't stick to you, you will never feel pain.
Unintentionally, some of your bad habits are devouring you step by step.
Two days ago, I saw a news that a middle-aged man was admitted to the hospital ICU after a nonsensical meal.
At that time, the situation was dangerous, the man's multiple organs throughout his body were dysfunctional, and the upper layers of his blood became milky white, like milk.
The doctor declared him critically ill on the spot and, if necessary, performed plasma exchange.
It is to draw the blood from the middle-aged man's body, filter out the oil impurities, and then transfuse the healthy blood back into the body.
Many people can't figure out how a dinner can put people into the emergency room?
But in fact, it was not only this dinner that allowed this man to be admitted to the intensive care ward, but also every bad living habit.
During the physical examination a few years ago, the man was found to have high blood lipids, but his body did not react much, so he didn't pay much attention to it and continued to maintain his previous lifestyle.
Eating heavy and spicy food, drinking beer, staying up late for a long time, and not liking to exercise, eventually led to the collapse of the body.
Thankfully, after the doctor's hard work, the man was finally out of danger.
The most regrettable and cruel thing in this world is that I could have taken good care of my body, but I squandered it, drank and stayed up late, overeaten, and let my health never return.
Every bit of damage you do to your body now will be repaid at a hundredfold and thousandfold price in the future.
Source: Visual China
I've read a sentence:
"No one goes bankrupt because they take care of their health, but they have nothing because they don't have health. ”
Don't wait for something wrong with your body to remember to be kind.
From now on, nothing can be exchanged for health, only a healthy and good body is the source of joy and the foundation of your happy life.
When people reach middle age, they finally find that the easiest thing for people to ignore is themselves.
In the second half of life, paying attention to your feelings, paying attention to your image, making up for your own shortcomings, and taking care of your body is the best explanation for yourself.
For the rest of your life, the best way to live is to please others less, pay more attention to yourself, and learn to please yourself.
May you and I both live for ourselves and live as we like.
Author: Xiang Cheng, a young woman of literature and art wandering in the world of literature.