Throughout April, my circle of friends was flooded by one name: Hayao Miyazaki.
The film "What Life Do You Want to Live", which he spent 7 years working on, was released, and it is probably the most discussed film in recent times.
His "last movie in my life" left me with a huge sense of loss.
This sense of loss is very similar to a simple and cruel fact that I realized when I rewatched "My Neighbor Totoro" when I grew up:
I'm an adult. My eyes can't see Totoro.
When I fall, there will never be a chinchilla's belly to catch me again.
When I'm scared in the rain, my chinchilla will never stand by my side again.
I've slipped through long hedges, and I'll never stumble into the mysterious cave where youkai sleep again.
That brisk, romantic, colorful, child-only world has closed its doors to me for good.
And in my world, only boring reality remains. Like a discouraging scam.
So today, I want to talk about My Neighbor Totoro in particular. This may be the earliest film that many people know Hayao Miyazaki, and it is also the one with the deepest feelings.
But I want to express more than just discouragement.
The reason why the movie "My Neighbor Totoro" has been released for 36 years is still healing generations of boring adults, not only because Totoro is cute, My Neighbor Totoro figure is cute, and My Neighbor Totoro theme song is cute.
It's because, in this simple, fruit-candy-like story, there is a way to face the cruel world that a person will only know when he grows up.
It is a consistent method in Miyazaki's story, and it is the reason why the male protagonist chooses to leave the other world and return to the devastated real world at the end of "What kind of life do you want to live".
It is the words of Hayao Miyazaki who praised his apprentice, the animation master Hideaki Anno: "It is a portrayal of a contemporary who is trying to survive while being injured." ”
Adults will always find a way to find the energy to survive in the midst of trauma.
We can't see Totoro. But we can create our own Totoro.
The story of "My Neighbor Totoro" can be summed up in one sentence:
Tatsuro Kusakabe, a university professor, moved to the countryside with his two daughters in order to facilitate his wife's recuperation, and the daughters came across Totoro by chance.
The whole movie grows and the warbler flies, laughs and laughs, and has few troubles.
But I don't know if you have suffered a huge change when you were growing up, like the two girls in the story:
For example, moving a family, such as transferring schools, such as a serious illness in a family member.
If you've experienced it, you'll know that it's not an easy and fun process.
You need to face the unhappiness of your new life. You will know that having a secure place to live is not a matter of course.
You need to face sudden malice. You will know that the kindness of strangers is not taken for granted.
There are a lot of dilemmas that you need to solve on your own. You will know that a life of shelter is not a matter of course.
You need to be forced to learn to be sensible and be a good child who can make your elders feel at ease.
Also be a good boy who is praised by outsiders.
After all this, you know that people will grow more quickly in the midst of turmoil. It's a reward, and it's a trauma.
And when we shift the perspective to the father in the story, Tatsuro Kusakabe, the adult who can't see Totoro like us, you will find that it is almost a bleak story -
moved from the city to a dilapidated "haunted house" where the pillars were decayed,
My wife can't come home because she is sick,
Alone in hospitals, schools, and homes,
Busy with work day and night,
Even though he took care of his two daughters very carefully, he still couldn't avoid the loss of his daughter because she missed her mother too much.
36 years ago, how many times did we laugh at the innocence of Mei and Satsuki, and 36 years later, how many tears have been shed because of Tatsuro Kusakabe's embarrassment.
Tatsuro Kusakabe doesn't have many scenes, so I carefully took a look at the scenes where he appeared in the movie.
On a long walk.
Lifting heavy loads.
Cooking.
Take my daughter to the hospital to see her mother.
Always buried in a desk full of books to work, sitting all day long.
Frequent inability to wake up.
Came home late.
In "My Neighbor Totoro", it is said that only children can see Totoro, and if you look at Tatsuro Kusakabe's schedule, you will find that there are completely traces to follow.
Mei was working overtime when he was running around chasing Totoro around the yard.
My Neighbor Totoro and his daughters perform a mystical ritual under the moon, and he works overtime late at night as he watches the seeds break through the ground and become big trees.
The two sisters flew across the field in Totoro's arms, and when they played the ocarina at the top of the tree, he only raised his head in the wind and paused for a second, and then continued to work overtime.
He is like most adults trapped in work and life, wearing heavy glasses, but his eyes are tired and he can't see anything.
I remember a very deep clip, Satsuki received a telegram that her mother was seriously ill and could not be discharged from the hospital, and when she called her father, Tatsuro Kusakabe, who was at work, comforted Satsuki who was about to cry, and rushed to the hospital non-stop to take care of his wife.
A lot of times, it's not that adults really get bored, it's not that they lose their eyes on Totoro.
It's life stuck in the middle, like a barrier.
Will a tired adult necessarily become a boring adult?
I think, here at Tatsuro Kusakabe, the answer is: no.
I don't know if you found a single detail.
When the two sisters are frightened by the briquettes in the dark, it is Tatsuro Kusakabe who is the first to tell Satsuki and Mei that those black, scary little things are "dust elves".
It was also Tatsuro Kusakabe who told them that living in a "haunted house" is a dream for many people.
There is a line in "My Neighbor Totoro" that is loved by many people:
"Laugh out loud and you won't be afraid. ”
This sentence was said by Tatsuro Kusakabe.
On the first day of living in the "haunted house", the wind blew the whole house and made strange noises.
While he was taking a bath, he took Satsuki and Mei and laughed.
At that moment, Hisaishi's music sounded, and the dust elves flew down the eaves towards the forest.
I'm still touched by this scene.
Later, for a long time, I even thought that the fantasy world where Totoro stood on the top of a tree overlooking the village, and the dust elves moved en masse at night, was created by Tatsuro Kusakabe.
Xiaomei, who fell into the tree hole, used My Chinchilla's belly as a trampoline, and she used to lie on her father's belly so happily.
My Neighbor Totoro took them into the sky, and Satsuki shouted excitedly, "We have become the wind." ”
They also felt the wind when they rode their father's bicycle through the fields.
The most touching and tearful thing is the "mysterious ceremony", Xiaomei and Xiaoyue stand in a row, dancing with Totoro in the moonlight, and the acorns break through the soil and grow into towering trees.
When I see this, I always think of them and their father standing in front of Tsukamori's huge camphor tree and "standing upright" to thank the invisible elves in the forest.
At that moment, a certain fantasy world must have sprouted from their hearts.
It was also the last time I watched it that I noticed that every time Tatsuro Kusakabe went to see his wife, the flowers in front of the hospital bed would change.
Sometimes it's roses, sometimes daisies, and last time it's a blooming lily of the valley. The chandelier of the hospital will be hung with a thousand paper cranes.
This is the magic of Tatsuro Kusagabe, the magic that belongs to us adults.
I especially liked the ending of My Neighbor Totoro, where Mr. and Mrs. Tatsuro Kusakabe receive corn from their children at the hospital and look out the window at the tree.
"I seem to see Satsuki and Mei sitting on that pine tree and smiling at us. ”
"Maybe it's really them. ”
Until the end, they didn't see the cat bus hiding in the trees.
But they created their own Totoro.
I gradually realized that My Neighbor Totoro is a movie about "believing".
Believe in the existence of romance,
Believe that there is a road ahead,
Believing that the human spirit can dispel panic and fear,
I believe that outside of order, reason, and rules, there is a secret door in this world that allows you to escape temporarily.
And I know that you have grown up, just like Tatsuro Kusakabe, just like Mei and Satsuki who will eventually grow up.
You've lost the eyes that saw Totoro, you've lost your sheltered childhood, and you've lost the privilege of not having to face the cruel truth of the world.
But you don't have to lose your heart for believing in Totoro's existence.
So, whenever I fall into internal friction, into self-disgust and doubt, I look back at My Neighbor Totoro and return to the cruel and gentle world of Hayao Miyazaki.
It doesn't matter if you are worn out by your livelihood and become an adult who can't see Totoro.
You'll look out the window on a windy night and create your very own Totoro.
It doesn't matter if you are alienated by your work and become an adult who has lost your name and self.
Someday, you'll remember, "My name is Lord Amber Relief."
It doesn't matter if you are discouraged by reality and become an adult who strives for fame and fortune and is willing to be a "bounty hunter".
One day, you will have a blue nose and a swollen face and take back your dignity and honor.
You may have noticed that in Miyazaki's world, although he praises innocence, praises the purity of heart, and praises the ability to see Totoro's eyes, he never criticizes adults.
He understands the exhaustion of adults, and understands that courage and curiosity will fade.
He understands the reality and withdrawal of adults.
He understands that the reason why adults sometimes make "dishonorable" deals is because they know too well what kind of life they want to live.
Or maybe they want to protect more children and not lose themselves until they grow up.
So, I also ask for your understanding, every adult who can't see Totoro:
You're dealing with a world full of holes.
What you have walked voluntarily or compulsively is such a road full of holes.
What you forged in the midst of the dangers of growing up is such a self full of holes.
It doesn't matter.
I ask you to remember:
You've had eyes that can see Totoro. The memories you cherish will not disappear and will always shelter you.
I would also like to ask you to remember:
You'll lose the eyes that can see Totoro. But that's just the beginning, and you'll grow new eyes, new abilities, new powers to shelter yourself.
Finally, what I want to share is that the sad story of moving and his mother's illness in "My Neighbor Totoro" is actually Miyazaki's own experience.
At the age of 6, his mother contracted tuberculosis and spent nine years in bed. For the first few years of my illness, I was in the hospital.
He moved frequently as a child. The love and security of his childhood did not happen to him.
He became an adult prematurely, but "deep down, there was a self full of extreme trepidation and fear." ”
It's just that the spells that real life put on him have been gently unraveled by him in the movie world.
He allows the mother in "My Neighbor Totoro" to recover at the end of the story and reunite the family.
He allows every protagonist in the movie to receive a rare hug for subtle Orientals.
(Ponyo on the Cliff)
(My Neighbor Totoro)
(Princess Mononoke)
("Witch's Delivery Service")
(Castle in the Sky)
And in the last movie "What kind of life do you want to live", he let the male protagonist, who lost his mother at a young age, enter a different world and embrace his mother as a teenager in a parallel universe.
You see, it's going to be fine, there's always going to be.
You will take a long detour and suffer a lot. But what growth takes away from you, one day, you will get it back.
Written by: Pierced Ear Liang Ke
Editor-in-charge: Liang Ke
"If at the station on a rainy day
I saw a wet youkai
Then lend him your umbrella
Get a pass to the forest
Open the doors of magic. ”