"Although the second child is not likable, she can work": the most filial child can't get the love of his parents 

Mi Li's mother loves to share

2024-04-26 12:01Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Text | Mi Li's mother

If you see this video before bed, you won't have to sleep tonight!

In the picture, a little girl dragged the floor carefully with her waist a little bit, originally thought it was another dazzling baby video, but when she saw the accompanying text, Mi Li's mother's blood pressure instantly increased:

The old ambassador doesn't move, the third one steals and plays tricks, only the second one can still move, sometimes I feel that what I like may not be suitable for me, this sentence is not wrong at all.

Hey, the eldest and the third are not good, and they still like it, and the second child does 10,000 things, but he can only get a sentence of "can move", and this heart is biased to the sky.

Let's take a look at this mother's "objective evaluation" of the eldest and third.

Although the boss can draw, she doesn't care about people;

Although the third child has good grades, she is lazy.

Speaking of the advantages and disadvantages of the second child, Mi Li's mother can't imagine how sad her child will be if she sees it:

Although the second child is usually unpleasant, she can work.

The mother can't see any of the child's strengths, but praises the dedication of "being able to work" as an advantage.

What's even more infuriating is that even if the second daughter is well-behaved and sensible, in the eyes of her mother, she can still be summed up in three words - unpleasant.

The comments of the melon-eating masses are not wrong at all: she feels sorry for you, but you think she is so good.

Mi Li's mother is really puzzled, why can't parents see the child who works hard, why can't the more sensible the child is, but can't get more love?

Eccentric parents

I never felt partial

Seeing the girl in the video, Mi Li's mother immediately remembered Deshan in "Please Answer 1988".

As the second daughter in the family, Deshan has an older sister with excellent grades and a younger brother who is much favored, so she has become the most irrelevant person in the family.

While eating breakfast, my sister and brother both wanted to eat poached eggs, and my mother opened the refrigerator and saw that there were only two eggs left, and turned her head to look at Deshan beside her.

In order not to embarrass his mother, the sensible Deshan seemed to tell his mother "It's okay if I don't eat", but in exchange, my mother said fairly at the dinner table:

We Deshan like to eat black beans the most.

Which one is delicious, black beans or eggs, whether Deshan doesn't know, or my mother doesn't know, is it really that difficult to make a scrambled egg to share?

The neighbor's uncle felt sorry for Deshan, gave her a fried chicken, and specially instructed "you eat it yourself", but he still couldn't escape from sharing it with the family.

The most infuriating thing is that the parents tore off two chicken legs while chatting casually.

One was handed to his sister and the other was handed to his younger brother, Deshan could only watch from the sidelines, and then took the chicken wings handed by his mother with a forced smile.

However, that chicken is obviously for Deshan, why can't he bear not to leave her even a chicken leg?

Because it is only three days later than his sister's birthday, Deshan will always accommodate his sister, put candles on his sister's birthday cake, and make wishes with his sister's light.

In order to celebrate the 18-year-old adult birthday alone, Deshan emphasized too many times in advance that he wanted to celebrate his birthday alone, and his parents first perfunctory and then pretended to agree.

But when it came to her sister's birthday, she still forcibly celebrated her second daughter's birthday after celebrating her sister's birthday despite Deshan's wishes.

But just let her sit in the farthest position from the cake like that, watching her sister who is holding the moon with stars, even if she celebrates her birthday together, she has to divide the protagonist and supporting roles, is it really to celebrate her birth?

After Deshan finally couldn't help but erupt in grievances, his parents still wanted to fool the people: "I'll give you a separate life next year." ”

But this sentence has been said too many times, and Deshan will never believe it again.

Just like Deshan said when he cried and questioned his parents:

Why don't you listen to me every time? I said I don't want to celebrate my birthday with my sister anymore.

Why don't you give me poached eggs? I also like poached eggs, and I always make me eat black beans, and I hate black beans too.

Why fried chicken drumsticks for my sister and younger brother, I also want to eat chicken thighs.

Seeing her parents speechless on the side, Mi Li's mother really felt sad for Deshan.

You see, they all know.

knows that he has always ignored Deshan, knows that Deshan is kind and doesn't care, so even at such a critical moment as the soot leakage at home, his father carries his younger brother and his mother carries his sister.

But he forgot that he had a second daughter, and he didn't even go back to take a look.

The moment she watched Deshan climb out of the house by herself, Mi Li's mother was heartbroken.

Even so, as long as Dad Kwaka Deshan is an "angel", and then affectionately tells her that "Dad is also a father for the first time", Deshan will immediately be happy and forget all the hurt.

But Mi Li's mother wants to say, isn't it the first time to be a father to her eldest daughter, how can she be so good to her?

The audience can understand the truth, how can Deshan not understand it, it's just that she is too greedy for that warmth.

Deshan in the TV series finally got Aze's preference and walked out of the pain of being ignored, but many "Deshan" in reality were trapped in the neglect of childhood.

When a girl was a child, she loved to dance, and when she saw her mother recording a video, she happily waved her arms at the camera, and interacted with the camera with confidence, like a little star.

But she never knew that she was only at the edge of the camera, and the center of the picture was always the younger brother who was watching TV with his back to the camera.

But no matter how hard she tries, her mother will only say "You blocked my brother".

She was stunned, went back to her room and cried for a long time, this memory is so deep that she still remembers every detail clearly.

Someone comforted the girl: My eyes are on you.

But at that time, she just wanted to attract her mother's attention.

But this little thing that has trapped her for a long time is just a video for her mother.

Perhaps in the eyes of eccentric parents, as long as they give you a little love, even if it is less, it is not partial.

Filial children are not loved

I don't know if it's a spell, those children who are filial to their parents are often not the children their parents love the most.

is like the second daughter who was called by her mother, and Zhou Bingkun in "The World".

Compared with his brothers and sisters who were born in Peking University and have their own careers, Zhou Bingkun, who graduated from junior high school, seems to be the most unproductive.

Therefore, when the family goes out to pay New Year's greetings together, the father will proudly introduce his excellent eldest son and second daughter to the neighbors.

Showing off their achievements and receiving praise and applause from those around them.

But he never mentioned the youngest son who took care of his mother at home.

His father worked outside the home, his older brothers and sisters pursued his ideals, and he was the only one to accompany his mother.

's mother suddenly fell ill and was paralyzed in bed for her sister's business, and for many years, only Zhou Bingkun and his wife were filial piety in front of bed.

The occasional letter from my brother and sister, and the sentence "You have worked hard" after returning home, seem to be able to offset all of Zhou Bingkun's efforts.

For a long time, Zhou Bingkun has been ignored by his father, he opened a restaurant, engaged in the establishment, changed the family to a big house, and worked hard, just wanting to get his father's affirmation.

But in the end, my father would only say, "You're just unproductive, is it wrong for me to tell the truth?"

But my brother and sister, as long as I go home to take a look, my parents are satisfied, and they tell "don't worry about home".

So, they don't even have to do anything to get that care and love.

You see, the more you are not loved, the more you want to be loved, and because of this, you will take the initiative to give more in order to gain the love of your parents.

This point seems to be more profoundly reflected in middle-aged people.

Once, Mi Li's mother went to visit an elder in the hospital, and there was an aunt in her sixties and seventies living in the adjacent bed.

Mi Li's mother is not exaggerating, since I entered the door to talk to the elders, the aunt's daughter has been busy before and after, fetching water for a while, helping her mother to go to the toilet, and asking the nurse to adjust the hanging needle.

Anyway, I never sat in a chair for 5 minutes straight.

But her mother rarely answered her words, and only called her when something happened, and would blame her if she didn't take advantage of it.

Not long after, my brother came, called "Mom", asked how he felt today, sat down on the chair, and played a game.

At this time, the old mother lying on the hospital bed also had the strength to ask about her son's current condition.

What "lost weight again", "tired or not", the younger brother replied "um" and "ah", and the mother was not dissatisfied.

After only yawning, my mother immediately spoke: "You hurry up and go home and rest, there is your sister here." ”

Hearing this, the younger brother really patted his ass and left without any burden, leaving his sister alone, calmly picking up a fruit knife to peel apples for his mother.

It is said that "there is no fear of being loved", after seeing this mother and daughter, Mi Li's mother feels that this sentence can be applied to any relationship, including parents and children.

When parents become the one who is loved, they can not care about the children who are with them, and he is always pursuing love, so he is tightly bound in a vicious circle.

Sadly, he is the only one who can't get out, and he is the only one who knows the existence of this cycle.

Neglected children

Don't fall into the trap of paranoia

Previously, a male idol in South Korea recorded a variety show with his amateur sister.

In the show, my brother is ready to cook instant noodles.

Chatting and chatting, the brother and sister argued about the question of "whether to put eggs in instant noodles".

The elder brother insisted on putting eggs, and said that his mother kept putting eggs, and his sister said that she couldn't put eggs in boiled instant noodles, and her mother never put them.

The two who couldn't argue decided to call their mother for verification, and her mother calmly replied, "Put the eggs, you have to beat an egg to cook noodles to be delicious." ”

The brother here won, and said proudly: "I said that my mother has been putting eggs." ”

My sister was so surprised that she couldn't even keep her smile: "Then why did you never let me go? ”

Mom immediately changed the topic and hung up the phone, and my brother also said goodbye, only my sister was alone, as if she hadn't reacted yet, lost and helpless.

At this time, not only Mi Li's mother was speechless, but the entire Korean network began to be angry, because no family was only short of an egg.

Under the partiality of the mother, the elder brother, as a vested interest, not only acquiesced in this differential treatment, but also did not feel any guilt.

At this time, my brother's reputation plummeted, and a large number of fans boycotted, and my mother was also accused of being patriarchal.

In the end, my sister stood up and apologized, saying that she caused the controversy, and the reason why my mother did this was because she and her brother had different tastes, not partiality.

Mi Li's mother is really sad, in order not to affect the beneficiary, she also wants her sister to apologize for the eccentric victim.

Some people say that she was not forced, but Mi Li's mother thinks that this is most likely her sister's heart.

Children who are not loved at home, although they can feel the difference between themselves and their siblings, they often comfort themselves in their hearts and find reasons for their parents.

Then in the next experience, try to prove that you can be loved, even if you are only certified once, and you will be happy enough for a long time.

Because, in everyone's heart, there are children who want to be loved, even multimillionaires can't avoid it.

reminds me of a scene in the documentary "Rich Brother, Poor Brother".

The elder brother who is a rich man seems to be educated and temperamental, and the impoverished younger brother is a scoundrel and has no quality.

The elder brother provides his mother with a good life, but his mother only wants his brother to give everything to his younger brother, and this preference for his younger brother always makes him jealous.

The younger brother came to his brother's house for the first time, and talked to his brother about the small suit on his body as his mother's reward for going to the book club.

My brother, who had always been personable, suddenly smiled and asked, "Do you want to take a shower or something?" Have you taken a shower this week?"

This question suddenly embarrassed the younger brother, and after asking, the elder brother didn't seem to need an answer, so he left with the child in his arms, leaving the younger brother alone in this loneliness.

Mi Li's mother didn't understand at first, how could such a gentlemanly brother say such embarrassing words.

At the end of the show, the elder brother only said: "He shows off his little suit everywhere." ”

Mi Li's mother burst into tears instantly, even though he already had so much wealth and had become a father, he would childishly stab his younger brother to dispel the jealousy in his heart.

It turned out that since he was a child, he has always envied his younger brother, even if his younger brother is not as good as him, just because his younger brother has the most love from his mother.

However, Mi Li's mother really wants to tell him that if he is not chosen in small things, he will definitely be given up in big things.

Instead of struggling with that hard-to-get love, it is better to generously admit that you are not loved.

During the Spring Festival this year, Mi Li's mother saw a topic: celebrating the New Year in a rental house.

One girl said she was afraid that her mother would let her pay to help her brother, so she didn't go home.

The comment area was sad, but she could see it.

Her mother didn't care about her, and occasionally WeChat told her to wear more clothes, or send a little susurrel, and she also sent money to her parents on time every month.

In her opinion, although there is no strong love between herself and her parents, there is still responsibility.

As long as you fulfill your responsibilities, even if you are still hurt by your parents' partiality sometimes, at least your heart will always be free.

Yes, it is not a shame to admit that your parents don't love you, but it is a relief.

Because there will be no bottomless giving because of the desire for love, and there is no need to prove yourself desperately.

Reconciling with the unloved self when you were a child allows you to embrace freedom and have the right to pursue happiness when you have grown up.

Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.

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