In a show, someone asked cross talk actor Yu Qian: "What are you most afraid of your son telling you?"
Yu Qian's answer resonated with many parents:
"I'm most afraid that he won't say anything. ”
In life, we can often see such scenes:
No matter what you talk to your child, he always responds with a perfunctory tone of "um, oh, got it, okay";
Others, as soon as they get home, go straight to the bedroom and slam the door shut, as if they have nothing to say to their parents forever.
Why is it that the older our children get, the more they "can't talk" to us?
An education expert's analysis has made countless parents think deeply:
There is a great possibility that there is nothing to say about the parent-child relationship, because the parents are always saying the right and "useful" things.
Source: Visual China
Families who "can't chat" can't raise caring children
There is a highly concerned Q&A on Zhihu:
"Since when did you stop sharing everything with your parents?"
A netizen's answer attracted countless likes.
Netizens said that when they were in elementary school, they were particularly envious of having a beautiful fountain pen at the same table.
In order to buy this pen, she saved up two months of pocket money, and finally scraped together enough.
When she excitedly bought her favorite fountain pen and went to share the joy with her mother for the first time, her mother asked her with a cheeky face:
Don't you have two pens, and what are you going to do with one of them?
There's a lot of money and there's nowhere to spend it, right?
Love these fancy and useless things for a day!
……
Mother's "soul triple question" is like a big basin of ice water rushing to the face, which instantly poured the joy of netizens into their hearts.
Only then did she realize that her mother's focus was only on whether what she was doing was "useful", and she didn't care whether she was happy or sad.
From then on, she no longer had the desire to share anything with her mother.
Many parents are lamenting that they have "nothing to say" with their children, but few parents realize that it is their "too correct and too useful" way of communication that cuts off the "talking channel" with their children.
Source: Visual China
A "National Survey Report on Family Education" was published on the Internet, which contained several sets of data, which embarrassed countless parents:
25.1% of fourth-grade parents and 21.8% of eighth-grade parents never or barely spend time talking to their children;
22.5% of fourth-grade parents and 21.2% of eighth-grade parents never or barely ask their children about what is happening at school or in class;
Parents in grades 4 and 8 who never discuss movies and TV shows with their children accounted for 34% and 34.8% respectively.
You see, as soon as parents open their mouths, they talk about learning, grades, and reasoning;
never really see the thoughts, joys, sorrows, and sorrows of the child;
It is not surprising that such a parent-child relationship is not only indifferent but complaining.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: What Chinese parents lack most is the ability to talk "nonsense" with their children.
The child complained to him, and he said that the child was suffering from all kinds;
The child shared happiness with him, but he poured cold water on his head;
Anything a child says to him, he will learn about it, and then he will tell him a lot of truths.....
How can parents like this, who are accustomed to "talking to death" as soon as they talk, raise children who are intimate with them?
Source: Visual China
Excellent parents know how to "talk nonsense" with their children
There is a mother in the community, and her daughter who is in the first year of junior high school often has endless words:
Baby, I heard that the buns at the newly opened breakfast shop on the side of the road are particularly delicious, let's try them tomorrow?
Mom, ×× didn't finish his homework today, and he was punished by the teacher again......
Mom, today I was selected as the group leader, responsible for supervising classroom discipline, and I feel that managing people is quite enjoyable, hehe......
These chattering and seemingly unnutritious "nonsense" have made the relationship between mother and daughter closer and closer.
There is a study on the Internet that says that if more than 90% of the small talk is nonsense, it means that each other is relaxed and happy;
And if a person speaks less than 50% of the nonsense, it is easy to have a low sense of happiness.
You see, children often only have the desire to gossip when they feel safe and relaxed;
At this time, whether we can talk "nonsense" with him will directly affect the child's attitude towards us.
Talk less about the "correct" truth, and more about the small bits and pieces of daily life, so that the child can really unload his defense;
A little less "useful" persistence and more "I understand you" understanding can hear the real voice of the child.
If you look closely, you can see that families who can often talk "nonsense" with their children not only have a more harmonious parent-child relationship, but also have better children.
Nobel laureate in physics Richard Feynman once recalled in his autobiography that his father would often accompany him to chat during his childhood.
For example, when father and son saw dinosaurs in a picture book, Dad would compare and say:
If it stands in the front yard of our house, at its height, it can easily stick its head through the window;
However, its head is a bit wider than the window, so if it does stick in, it will break the window.
It is this relaxed atmosphere of reading and chatting that makes Feynman unconsciously imprint all kinds of knowledge points in his mind.
Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) have discovered through brain imaging that they are:
The more small talk between parents and children, the more active the white matter tracts in the child's brain will be, the more efficient the transmission of information will be, and the more agile the thinking will be.
So you see, those seemingly meaningless "nonsense" are actually the "high-quality nutrition" that children's brains need most, and they are also the most powerful driving force to promote children's growth.
And those really good parents are usually very good at talking "nonsense" with their children.
Source: Visual China
5 "nonsense" to make the parent-child relationship better and better,
Parents should always say
Since there are so many benefits for parents to "talk nonsense" to their children, how should we make small talk with our children in our lives?
Let's try to say these 5 sentences:
1. Did you have any fun/unhappy things about today?
Talking about the happy things of the day can make the child relive the happy moment, and one happiness will become two;
In the process of retelling the story, the child will also organize the language to express it accurately in order to make it more interesting and funny;
This also invisibly exercised his language skills.
Talking about the unhappy things of the day can help you understand the difficulties encountered by your child in learning and socializing in real time, and help your child sort out solutions in time to relieve negative emotions.
2. I think you're right!
When a child is in a happy mood, real-time affirmation of his language and behavior will make him more eager to talk, so that we can grasp more details of the child's life and learning;
Appreciating your child's specific words and actions when he is depressed can boost his mood and inject more positive energy into his heart.
3. Is there anything I need help with? Mom (Dad) is always there!
When children encounter difficulties and setbacks in socializing and learning, parents' emotional comfort and detailed support for children are the warmest and most powerful strength.
Only by understanding the child's needs in real time, telling the child that you are always his most solid backing, and giving him timely advice and practical help, can we truly let the child open up to us
4. Who do you admire the most? and why?
Understanding the idols and role models in children's hearts is the most intuitive way to understand children's three views.
What do children like most about their idols, is it their appearance, upbringing, or a shining point?
Only by understanding the child's interests can we guide him to pay attention to the excellent qualities of idols and gain positive power.
5. You don't need everyone to like you, finding a compatible friend is the most important thing.
This quote is especially important for children with a docile disposition.
Such children are often in a situation of "being accepted and selected" in interpersonal communication, so they often pay special attention to their friends' attitudes towards them.
This sentence is often said to let children understand that no one can satisfy and like everyone;
Learning to take the initiative to choose like-minded friends is also a great wisdom.
Source: Visual China
Zhu Ziqing said: "If you talk and write all your life, if you are reasonable, how can there be so much truth? ”
The same applies to parent-child education.
The best way to educate children is actually a process of "moisturizing things silently".
Every small talk we have with our children hides a huge opportunity to guide their growth.
Instead of always keeping a straight face and telling children the truth seriously, it is better to integrate real education into every "nonsense".
Let these little by little, subtle interactions, give children a huge influence quietly.
And this is the simplest and most simple truth of family education.
Author: Mo Fei;Source: WeChat public account ten o'clock reading (ID: duhaoshu).