Hello everyone, I am Sister Dimples, a 40-year-old second-child working mother.
A new colleague came to the unit, a woman, two years younger than me.
But after a careful chat, I found out that she actually had 3 babies!
Looking at our surprised expressions, she smiled and said: I have no mine at home, and I don't have a throne to inherit, but I have in-laws to help me take care of the baby!
I have to say that after having a child, I understand how happy a family is to have an elderly person to help with the baby!
You can eat slowly, catch up on sleep after staying up late, and take a slow bath humming a little song.
A colleague said that the third child in her family was originally an accident, because she had two daughters above, so she wanted to secretly beat it after she became pregnant, but she was discovered by her shrewd mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law said: The child is fate, give birth, while I am still healthy, I can help you take care of it for a few years.
My colleague thought about it, indeed, over the years, her in-laws have not only contributed money and efforts to take care of their family's eating, drinking, and Lazar, but also helped to take care of the baby wholeheartedly, so that she and her husband can go to work and start a business with peace of mind.
With the "guarantee" of her mother-in-law, her colleague gave birth to three children without the slightest concern.
However, there are many families, it is the young parents who take the baby by themselves, or the elderly are old and can't help, and there are many families around the dimple sister who do not have the elderly to "help with the baby", they have encountered a variety of problems, I have summarized that the following three problems are the most common.
01
There is no old man with a baby, and the mother is exhausted
Nowadays, people's lives are more stressful, and after giving birth to a baby, most families are husbands who go out to earn money to support the family, and wives who stay at home to take care of the baby.
If there is no elderly person to help, after a long time, many mothers will be exhausted and depressed.
Recently, I saw such a video, a mother slumped on the sofa, her hands kept fanning herself!
It turned out that this mother usually takes the baby alone, and on this day she coaxed the baby to sleep for 2 hours, and the baby not only did not sleep, but also cried non-stop.
Bao's mother, who was already unwell, suddenly collapsed emotionally at this moment!
I think that only a mother who has had the same experience can understand her helplessness, exhaustion and sadness at this time.
The child is sleepy and looking for his mother, waking up and looking for his mother, looking for his mother when he is hungry, pooping and peeing for his mother, crying for his mother, falling and looking for his mother, and when he is sick, he is looking for his mother······
Mom just gave birth to a child, but she didn't become a superman!
If the husband doesn't give his strength and doesn't share it together, he only knows how to play games and brush his mobile phone every day, as a mother, how desperate and helpless he should be!
In addition, without the help of the elderly, all these hardships and sufferings can only be swallowed silently by themselves.
Don't divorce, you are no different from widowed parenting, divorce, and worry that your children will be bullied if they don't have a father······
02
There is no old man with a baby, and the house is a mess
Two days ago, I went to a friend's house, and when I opened the door, I was stunned!
It's a mess at home!
I don't know, I thought her house was robbed.
There are all kinds of toys and picture books on the ground, and the coffee table is piled up with tableware that the children have not washed after eating supplementary food, and the fruits have rotted and have not been thrown away in time······
I said what happened, and my friend sighed and said, "Don't mention it!" The child's grandfather is sick, isn't this grandma going back to take care of it, it's been a few days, and he hasn't come back yet.
My friend and her husband are very busy with work, but after the mother-in-law left, the two of them could only take turns to take leave to take care of the baby, not to mention cleaning, and it was good that the child did not get sick.
My friend said while tidying up the clothes and pillows on the sofa and making room for me to sit down, she said, I really hope that the child's grandmother can come back soon, or the whole family will be messed up!
When the child's grandmother was there, the home was very tidy, and the floor tiles were clean and could reflect the shadow of people, but now the house is a mountain of garbage;
Before, when they got home, they could immediately sit down at the table and eat a delicious hot meal, but now, they don't fire for days, and sometimes they simply order takeout;
Before, she could also paint exquisite makeup and go shopping with friends to shopping in commercial buildings, watch movies with her husband and enjoy the world of two, now, she has no makeup, her hair is scattered, and she is too lazy to change clothes when she walks the baby downstairs, so she goes out directly in pajamas······
Really, when the old man is here, life is in order, and everything goes on as usual;
When the old man is not there, the hygiene at home is a mess, not to mention, the order of life is messed up!
03
There is no old man with a baby, and the relationship between husband and wife is tense
A mother said, why I am nothing more tired and tired with the baby alone, but after the child's father came home, I watched him slumped on the sofa and swiped his mobile phone, sitting in front of the computer and playing games, I couldn't help but be angry, and immediately wanted to fight?
Actually, I especially understand the feelings of this mother.
Before marriage, some couples love each other, and after marriage, to be precise, after having children, the husband and wife are full of gunpowder, and if they light a match, they will detonate immediately.
The fundamental reason is that the children of two people, but the mother is in charge alone.
Dad was like a sick man, deaf and blind.
My high school classmates had such an experience, and at its worst, the two of them almost divorced.
Her in-laws stayed for 7 days after she gave birth to a baby, and then returned to her hometown in the countryside. Her father and mother also have to help her brother take care of the baby, and her husband's work is very busy, not to mention business trips across the country, and sometimes he flies around in different countries.
The task of bringing the baby really fell on her alone.
She once said something that made me feel distressed, she said: I think I may be sick, sometimes I will be angry with the baby for no reason, and I regret and blame myself after shouting at the baby, but I don't vent it, and I don't know who to confide in.
Because after giving birth to a baby, I have no friends, no socialization, no time to wash my hair, I can't take care of eating, and I have to trot to even go to the toilet, for fear that something will happen to the baby······
And he was in the rising stage of his career, and every night when he came home at nine or ten o'clock, I wanted to talk to him, but he was so tired that he fell asleep, and after a long time, his friends asked themselves, what did marriage bring me? What use do I want my husband to do?
She even had the idea of divorce.
But in the end, considering that he had no job and no income, he had to dismiss this idea.
Therefore, the family with the help of the elderly with the baby is really lucky and happy!
Even if the old man helps to watch the baby for half an hour, so that the mother can relax and eat a meal, take a bath, or lie on the sofa and brush the mobile phone for a while, it will feel that this is a rare luxury.
Therefore, if there are elderly people who can help with the baby, don't care about the old people's bad habits with the baby, and the concept of parenting is backward, understand each other more, blame less, be more grateful, and complain less.
Because life is not easy, behind your ease, it is the old man who is carrying the weight for you.
Hi, I'm Sister Dimple:
A 40-year-old second-child workplace mother, a former TV media reporter, and now a university teacher. Advocate of lifelong learning, advocate raising a baby through emotional guidance, not anxious, not irritable, grow together with the baby, focus on parenting knowledge and women's personal growth sharing.
The challenge day is more than 365 days, and it takes a year to deepen the hard skill of writing.
Nice to meet you.