My name is Zhang Lihua, I am 52 years old, and I am an ordinary housewife. From an early age, he was taught to be industrious and frugal and to respect his elders. The personality is more introverted and steady, and he is cautious and organized. Since the birth of my daughter, I have put all my thoughts on her, and I regard her as a pearl in my palm, which is the only pride of my age.
My daughter's name is Li Xue, 28 years old this year, and she is a civil servant in a public institution. Since she was a child, her husband and I have high hopes for her. Last year, she was admitted to the civil service, and I was so happy that I could finally hold my heart high. However, her personality is a little impatient, her love is more serious, and her style of doing things is relatively strong, which gives me a lot of headaches. However, I still admire her independent personality and ability.
"Mom, are you going to rest at home or go on a trip this year?" Li Xue asked me.
"Ah, how can I have that spare time to travel, just stay at home with your father." Without raising my head, I said, "What are you going to do for the Spring Festival?"
"My boyfriend and I are going to his house for the New Year, do you think it's okay?"
"How long have you been together? Do you know your family?" I frowned.
"Don't worry about it, we've been around for almost 3 years, and I've seen his family, so it's very easy to get along with. Li Xue said as a matter of course.
"That's fine, but you have to remember that you have to ...... when you go to someone's house."
"You know, I'm 28 years old, so don't worry about it all the time. She interrupted me.
With only a week to go until the Spring Festival, I started to be busy shopping for New Year's goods and cleaning. Li Xue is also preparing her luggage, and she plans to leave for her boyfriend's house in the second year of junior high school.
"Mom, you help me pack these things up, I have to bring some food. Li Xue threw a bunch of things in front of me.
"What are you bringing? Drinks, drinks, snacks, why are there so many?" I asked in surprise.
"Even if you go to relatives, you always have to bring some gifts, the drinks are for the occasion, and the snacks are for the children. "
"Then you have to be careful, don't cause trouble to others. "
Early in the morning of the second year of junior high school, we set off. Li Xue and her boyfriend Xiaogang were in the car, and my husband and I were sitting in the back seat. Along the way, the little couple is like a couple in love, you and I are talking and laughing, and I am also relieved to look at it. But I always feel a little uneasy, and I hope she can be more sensible.
After a 5-hour drive, we finally arrived in the small town where Xiaogang's family is located. As soon as I got out of the car, I was enveloped by a strong smell of the New Year. The red gate, with big red lanterns hanging at the door, and couplets pasted in the courtyard, is full of festive atmosphere. Xiao Gang's parents were already waiting at the door and greeted us warmly when they saw us.
Xiaogang's parents are both in their early sixties, typical of the older generation in China. My father was tall and muscular, with dark skin and thick palms, and he seemed to be accustomed to manual work. The mother was short, ruddy, and her warm eyes revealed kindness and friendliness.
"Please come in, please come in, don't stand outside. "Xiaogang's mother greeted us warmly.
As soon as we entered, we were attracted by the warm and lively scene in the house. In the hall was an oversized round table, on which a row of dishes and chopsticks had been arranged. Next to the stove is a large worktop with a variety of dishes and condiments. Xiao Gang's sister and sister-in-law are busy there.
"Ouch, Sister Xue, you're here, leave your things here. Sister Xiaogang greeted warmly.
"Mom, Sister Xue, they're here, come out and say hello. Xiao Gang shouted.
"Come on, come on, Sister Xue, come in and sit. A woman in her fifties came out of the back room, and it seemed to be Xiao Gang's aunt.
Everyone, you say a word to me, and the atmosphere is lively. I looked at Li Xue, and I was quite surprised by the way she and Xiaogang got along. Xiao Gang was obedient to her and spoke politely, but Li Xue took him for granted, pointing fingers at him as if he was the master at home.
"Hurry up and get everything out, I brought these drinks and snacks with me. "
"Okay, I'll take it out. Xiao Gang hurriedly opened the suitcase.
"Mom, do you think this wine is to your liking? Li Xue asked me with a bottle of wine.
"Well, don't bother, just drink a little. I hurriedly said.
The next step is to divide the room, and the small couple naturally lives in one room. But Xiao Gang's mother said: "Sister Xue, you and Sister Lihua live in my room, and Xiao Gang lives opposite his father, this is the rule." "
"Huh, but ......" Li Xue seemed to want to refute something.
"Listen to my mother, the new daughter-in-law still has to learn the rules first. Xiaogang's mother said categorically.
Li Xue had no choice but to give up, but I could see that she was a little unhappy.
"Sister Xue, you can rest for a while, just leave the work in the kitchen to us. Xiaogang's sister said to Li Xue.
"But I want to help. Li Xue said and was about to go inside.
"Don't come in and make a mess, and leave the housework to the skilled hands. Xiaogang's mother blocked Li Xue from the door as she spoke.
Li Xue's face changed suddenly, and I could see that she seemed to be a little angry.
By noon, everyone was sitting around the table and ready to eat. Li Xue saw Xiao Gang coming in with a plate, so she said to him, "Quickly bring all the plates to the table, let's go." "
"Slowly, slowly, the dishes and chopsticks on the table have to be cleaned before eating. Xiaogang's mother said.
"Isn't that a man's job?" Li Xue seemed a little surprised.
"What's the case with you, in our house, both men and women, young and old, have to help wash the dishes. "
"But ......" Li Xue seemed to want to refute something.
"Hurry up, I brought the dishes and chopsticks and washed them to eat. Xiaogang's mother commanded.
Everyone obediently took the dishes and chopsticks to the pool. Li Xue saw that Xiao Gang was also washing dishes there, and her face became even more stinky.
"You guys wash first, I'll go to the toilet. Li Xue dropped the plate and left.
When Li Xue came back, everyone had already washed the dishes and chopsticks and was about to start eating. When she saw this scene, the expression on her face became even more gloomy.
"Why, even someone else did the dishwashing, and you are so idle?" I couldn't stand it anymore and said to her.
"Mom, don't talk about it. I'm not a nanny, so why should I wash the dishes for someone else?" Li Xue replied.
"What's the matter? Under someone's roof, you have to obey other people's rules. Look at Xiaogang and them, do they have any dishes that don't wash dishes?" I said a little angrily.
"That's their rule, what's my business? Besides, I'm not from their family, why should I follow their rules?"
"You kid, that's this kind of attitude, what should you do if you marry into someone else's family in the future?" I said annoyedly.
"Who said I have to marry into his family? I'm not a married girl, I have my own career and life. Li Xue's tone became very stiff.
"You ......" I wanted to say something more, but Xiaogang's mother interjected at the right time.
"Alright, okay, stop arguing. Sister Xue, you have to abide by the rules of the host as a guest, it's not a big deal. Don't be too stubborn, and washing dishes is not a difficult task. "
"But......" Li Xue seemed to want to argue about something.
"Okay, don't talk about it, let's eat quickly, the dishes will be cold for a while. Xiaogang's father said in a round.
Everyone looked at each other, and the atmosphere was a little bit for a while. Li Xue's face was pale, and she sat there without saying a word. I could see the resentment in her heart, but there was nothing she could do.
After eating, I went back to my room alone with mixed feelings. As a mother, I certainly want my daughter to be tactful and follow the rules of etiquette. But on the other hand, I also understand her thoughts. In modern society, the concept of equality between men and women has become deeply entrenched, and many old customs are indeed outdated. As an independent and self-reliant professional woman, Li Xue naturally does not want to be constrained too much.
Just as I was deep in thought, Li Xue pushed the door and walked in, and I was startled. I saw that her eyes were a little red, and it seemed that she had cried. My heart suddenly tugged up, and my mother's love came spontaneously.
"Snow, what's wrong with you?" I asked with concern.
"Mom, I'm sorry, I was too impulsive just now. Li Xue lowered her head and spoke in a low tone.
Seeing my daughter like this, my heart softened all of a sudden. I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.
"Silly girl, it's all my mother's bad and I didn't guide you well. I whispered.
"No, I'm too stubborn and have no respect for other people's house rules and customs. Li Xue whispered, "I reflected on myself in the toilet just now, and I felt that my behavior was too much." "
"You are still young, you don't have a lot of knowledge, and you need to keep learning and experiencing many things. "Every family has its own way of life, and we, as guests, should respect the host." Although washing dishes is a small thing, it represents a kind of etiquette and norms behind it. "
"But Mom, I think some of the old customs are too conservative, aren't they? Isn't equality between men and women a basic value in modern society?" Li Xue seems to be a little stubborn.
"You're right, equality between men and women is the trend of the times. However, equality does not mean complete discrimination. In family life, there is still a certain division of labor and rules that need to be followed, which is to maintain family harmony. I patiently explained, "Look at Xiaogang, men, women and children, there is no difference between each other, and everyone does their part, isn't this the best embodiment?"
Li Xue was silent, as if pondering my words. After a long time, she finally spoke: "Mom, I understand." I was too complacent and ignored the differences in the circumstances of different families. In the future, I will definitely be more humble and respectful of other people's lifestyles. "
Seeing my daughter finally admit her mistakes and repent, I finally let go of a big stone in my heart. I put my arms around her and was overwhelmed with emotion. The generation gap between mother and daughter has finally been bridged, and she has finally grown up.
This incident made me deeply appreciate the generation gap caused by generational differences. My daughter and I grew up in two different environments, so naturally we have different ideas. Our generation is more conservative and advocates traditional rituals, while theirs is more in pursuit of individual emancipation and equality and freedom.
This difference is not irreconcilable, the key is mutual understanding and tolerance. We, the elders, should change our mindset and respect the independent personality of young people; Young people should also be humble in their studies and not rest on their laurels. It is only through communication and mutual understanding of each other's ways of life that the gap between generations can be truly bridged.
Through this incident, I also deeply understood the true meaning of family harmony. Family harmony does not mean that everything is the same, but that everyone can do their part and respect, understand and tolerate each other.
Although Xiaogang's family maintains some old customs, they do not have rigid gender discrimination, and they treat men and women equally from young and old. On the other hand, although our family is relatively open-minded, we lack the wisdom to understand each other when dealing with conflicts. This is exactly what we need to learn and correct.
A harmonious family requires everyone to have an inclusive and open mind. Respect for others as well as for yourself; Maintain the principle, but also know what to advance and retreat. Only by looking at each other's differences with an understanding of each other can the family be truly harmonious and stable. That's the biggest lesson I learned from this experience.
The Spring Festival holiday was spent at Xiaogang's house. Despite a few hiccups in between, overall, we all had a great time. Xiaogang's family is hospitable, and although there are some old customs, there is nothing bad about it. On the contrary, their way of doing things is exactly what we modern people should learn from.
The night before parting, I found Li Xue alone, hoping to give her some guidance and enlightenment in life.
"Snow, you'll be back to work in a few days. I took her hand and said earnestly.
"Well, it's time to go back. But this time, I was able to stay at Xiaogang's house for a few days, and I gained a lot. Li Xue nodded.
"And what's your biggest takeaway?" I asked her.
"You have a point. I nodded approvingly, "It's normal for different people to have different attitudes to life. The key is to understand and accept differences with an open and inclusive mind, rather than arbitrarily denying or judging. "
"Yes, Mom, I used to be too stubborn and like to hold others to the test of my own. This is a kind of narrow-mindedness and arrogance, and I will definitely correct it in the future. Li Xue said sincerely.
"The most important thing in being a person is to be humble and courteous. "No matter what the environment, you must be humble and respectful of others." Only with a broad mind can one truly become a cultivated person. "
"Mom, I will definitely keep in mind your teachings and be a polite and quality person. Li Xue said solemnly.
I looked at my daughter's sincere appearance, and I was extremely relieved. This experience was a valuable life lesson for her, and she finally began to learn the true meaning of being a human being.
"Snow, is this experience an important life revelation for you?" I asked her suddenly.
"Of course, Mom. Li Xue said seriously, "This experience has made me truly understand what tolerance and humility are. I used to be too self-absorbed and complacent, which was a big flaw. "
"Yes, the most taboo thing to be a human being is narrow-mindedness and stubbornness. We need to learn to appreciate different ways of life with an open and inclusive mind. I agreed.
"You have a point. In the future, no matter what environment I am in, I will learn with an open mind and respect the customs of others. Li Xue said sincerely, "I will also use a broader mind to tolerate different voices and views." Only in this way can I truly grow into an insightful and cultivated person. "
I listened to Li Xue's words, and I was extremely relieved. That's the true meaning of life that I've always wanted her to understand. It seems that this experience touched her a lot, and she finally began to understand the truth of being a human being.
"That's great, Mom is happy for you. I hugged her and said, "You're not a little girl anymore, it's time to learn to be on your own." No matter where you go in the future or what kind of environment you encounter, you must maintain a humble and courteous character, and tolerate the differences in the world with a broad mind. Only in this way can you achieve steady progress and achieve your life step by step. "
"Mom, I will definitely keep your teachings in mind and always remind myself to be a humble and prudent person. Li Xue said solemnly, "With your guidance, I will definitely be able to stride forward on this road of self-cultivation." "
This experience has taught me a lot of lessons and insights. As a mother, I realized that I still have some conservative and rigid mindsets in the process of educating my daughter. I always want my daughter to follow the traditional way of life, and there is a lack of respect and tolerance for her independent personality. This incident made me realize that the existence of the generation gap is objective, and the key lies in how to resolve differences with an open mind.
I also realized that the most important thing in life is to be humble, courteous, generous and tolerant. No matter what the environment, we must learn with an open mind and respect customs, instead of resting on our laurels and judging arbitrarily. Only with a broad mind can we truly become a knowledgeable and high-quality person. That's what I want my daughter to be able to grasp.
More importantly, family members should be considerate and understanding of each other. Family harmony does not mean that everything is the same, but that everyone can do their duty and appreciate each other's differences with an inclusive and open mind. Only by looking at each individual with an understanding can the family be truly harmonious and stable. This is the biggest lesson I learned from this experience.
Although the road of life is tortuous, as long as we have a humble and learning heart, we will continue to gain inspiration and growth. I hope that my daughter can firmly remember this lesson, embrace the life of the world with a broad mind, and achieve her own beautiful life.