In the summer of 1995, at the age of 18, I won the female champion in our province with a perfect score.
The whole village was proud of me in the days when the results came out, and I thought it would be a turning point in my life and even in our family, after all, the word future always makes people think about it.
But I forgot that reality is always unexpected, and I didn't even expect that the biggest obstacle would come from the people closest to me.
01
My family is just one of my daughters, and like all parents who want their sons to become dragons and their daughters to become phoenixes, my parents also have high hopes for me.
My father was an ordinary farmer who had been down-to-earth all his life, while my mother had opened a small shop in the village, and she had good intentions in educating me since I was a child.
In the days after the exam, I was busy filling out my application and dreaming of going to a university in Beijing for further study, and in those days I also excitedly told my mother about my plans and hopes, and she always smiled and nodded, and seemed to support my every decision.
However, when the admission results came down, I was stunned.
The system showed that I had been accepted into a second school that I had never filled in, and the result was like a bolt from the blue for me.
If this school has a major that I want, maybe I filled in the wrong one, but this school is a school I haven't paid attention to at all.
So I went to the teacher with doubts to ask why, and when I learned from the system that my wish had been changed, I could barely believe my eyes, and I rushed home, my heart full of confusion and anger.
As soon as I walked in the door, I asked my mother, "Mom, why did my college aspirations change?" I asked if this was not a system error, what happened?"
Even as I tried my best to control the voice, it trembled with an emotion that I couldn't hide.
At this time, my mother looked a little cramped, she avoided my gaze, and was silent for a while before saying: "Luo Fang, my mother is for your own good, how can we rest assured that you go to such a far place alone? ”
Hearing this, I felt a kind of pain of betrayal.
"For my own good, Mom, how can you decide my future like this? I study hard and get into a good university for my own dreams, and you are depriving me of the right to choose my own future by doing so!" I said, my voice getting louder and louder, unable to suppress the anger in my heart.
Looking back on so many years, I have never quarreled with my mother like this, basically from childhood to adulthood, what she says is what, whether it is love or hobbies, as long as my mother says a word, I will stop immediately.
Hearing my roar of collapse, my mother finally looked up at me, and said with some tears in her eyes: "I know you will be angry, but there are some things you don't understand when you are still young, be closer to home, be good to you and us, and you will understand me in the future." ”
"Understand, I need you to understand now, Mom, understand that I have my own ideas and choices, how can I still trust you if you do this?" I almost shouted, my heart full of pain and helplessness.
The atmosphere became very tense for a while, I took a deep breath to try to calm down, but the tears were already flowing uncontrollably, and I turned and rushed out of the house, leaving my mother alone in the living room crying.
I have no way of accepting the fact that this is not only a deprivation of my future, but also a betrayal of my trust.
In a fit of rage, I packed up a few clothes and decided to leave the place that was suffocating me.
02
On the day I ran away from home, I had almost no destination, just instinctively walked towards the station.
I bought a ticket to the farthest city and wanted to get as far away from it all as possible, and the scenery outside the car window flashed by, and my heart was full of confusion and loneliness.
In an unfamiliar city, without the support of friends and loved ones, I started a new life.
At first, I just worked in a small restaurant to earn a small living expenses, and every time in the dead of night, loneliness and self-blame invaded my heart, I would doubt my choice, but every time I thought about what my mother was doing behind my back, my heart was full of determination.
As time went on, I started working part-time in the library, and I was exposed to more books and knowledge, and in the world of books, I found solace and space to grow.
I decided to apply to the Open University to continue my studies, and although the environment was difficult, I gradually felt a strong motivation to make my own life choices.
At the same time, relatives in the village began to call me about the situation at home, that the people in the village were talking about my unfilial piety, and that my mother was getting more and more emaciated because of my departure.
The news cut me like a knife and kept me awake at night, and I knew that my decision had caused pain to my family, but on the other hand, the hurt that my loved ones had done to me was always there.
A few years passed, and I gradually adapted to life in the city and even achieved good grades at the Open University.
However, my heart has never been able to calm down, and the bonds of my hometown and the images of my mother often come to my dreams, and every time I feel an unspeakable pain and struggle.
Just as I was about to finish my studies, I received a call from a relative from my hometown who told me that my mother was seriously ill and wanted me to go back and see her.
The news came like a bolt from the blue, leaving me in deep conflict and struggle, and I knew that if I went back, I might face more blame and pressure, but if I didn't go back, I might never be able to forgive myself.
After a few sleepless nights, I decided to buy a ticket home.
On the way back, I kept thinking about my life over the past few years, thinking about my growth and changes, and I realized that although I was angry at my mother's actions, the experience of these years had also taught me to understand and be tolerant.
When I got home, I saw that my mother was so weak that I could barely recognize it, and looking at her haggard face, all the anger and accusations turned to tears at that moment, I took her hand and whispered, "Mom, I'm back." ”
This time I went home not only to see my mother for the last time, but also to reconcile with the past.
03
We had a long conversation at my mother's bedside, and I expressed my thoughts over the years, and my mother also apologized with tears and explained her helplessness and worries.
In the small ward of the hospital, my mother's voice was faint, but every word pierced my heart clearly.
She told me that she changed her career because she was worried that I would be too far away from home to take care of me, and she was afraid of losing her only daughter, and her tears kept falling, and every drop seemed to melt the cold that had accumulated in my heart for many years.
I couldn't stop crying as I listened.
I told her how painful I had been over the years, how I lived alone outside, but I couldn't let go of the worries of my family, I told her about my struggles and growth in the city, and how I understood my mother's decision step by step.
At that moment I realized that despite my mother's wrong approach, her love and worries were real, and I confessed that I had an impulse in my original decision, and maybe we all needed time and space to understand each other.
Just as our conversation went into the depths, the doctor walked in and told us that my mother's condition had improved, but that it still needed time and care.
I decided without hesitation to stay and take care of her, I don't care so much about what the people in the village think of me anymore, I know I'm doing the right thing.
After a few months, my mother's health stabilized and she began to understand the importance I placed on freedom and pursuing my dreams.
We participated in some activities in the village together, and I used my knowledge to help the children in the village by conducting a series of educational lectures and interest classes.
Gradually, the villagers began to appreciate my efforts and contributions, and still did not understand my behavior of running away from home, but it didn't matter anymore.
Nowadays, I only have the word "relief" in my heart.
Note: This story is purely fictional, the names and events in the story are fictional, and the purpose of using place names is only for the purpose of describing the plot and making it easy to read and understand
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