The statements in this article are based on reliable sources and are repeated at the end of this article
Peking University professor Hu Yong bluntly said: "How many people are willing to see an elderly woman's nakedness, when she shows her 'true face', no matter who will not be able to accept it", but she is her own mother and has lost her ability to take care of herself.
One person is disabled, the whole family is unbalanced, how many elderly children are "restrained" by the sick at home, and how many elderly people "delay" their children's families due to illness.
Nowadays, many people are the "sandwich generation", which refers to middle-aged people who are old and young, and are at the peak of their careers, or middle-aged people who carry a thousand pounds of heavy burden on their shoulders.
Hu Yong, a 50-year-old professor at Peking University's School of Journalism and Communication, has an older sister and an older brother.
During the epidemic, Hu Yong gave online classes to students at home, in order to avoid his parents being infected, Hu Yong simply did not go out, and the nanny at home was also dismissed.
After the epidemic, Hu Yong pushed his mother downstairs for a walk, and his father followed the two on crutches.
As the days passed, the father began to become fragile, the three sisters and brothers talked about life and death with their father on the bright side, Hu Yong's father was deaf, and several people talked with a pen, and the father meant that everyone should not be sad after his death, and should not engage in any mourning activities.
Father's brain is not confused, when Hu Yong proposed to let the two old people go to the nursing home, his father agreed, but his mother, who was still a little conscious at the time, did not agree, so he gave up.
During the National Day holiday last year, Hu Yong's brothers and sisters took their father to see Beijing for the last time, and in mid-October, the 96-year-old father died, but fortunately, there were no regrets left in his heart before his father died.
Until now, Hu Yong's mother has become a patient with severe Alzheimer's disease, and the smell of is often filled with the sky at home, which many people are unwilling to face, but for Hu Yong, and pee farts are things that deal with him every day.
Hu Yong struggled with his mother's excrement every day, and he had to think about when his mother's next excrement would be, because his mother couldn't control it now, so Hu Yong's only way was to guess.
It is useless to control the diet, Hu Yong will treat his mother to urinate every 4 hours, but he is not sure about the excretion time of the stool, what Hu Yong is most afraid of is that he turns around after being busy with one thing and finds that his mother is playing with.
Chinese have always been associated with traditional implicitness, and most of the discussions about and urine are shy to be discussed in the open, Professor Hu Yong said: "As a creature, human beings begin with and pee fart, and finally end with and urin, and the only difference is conscious and unconscious." ”
Birth, old age, sickness and death, some old people will degenerate all aspects of their body functions when they enter the old age, even if they are conscious, they will also have incontinence, but such old people usually feel ashamed, inferior, and painful about their behavior.
Purely unconscious, the old man did not know anything about excretion, which was the most difficult, and Professor Hu Yong was often incomprehensible and resisted by his mother when he helped his mother dispose of excrement.
The root cause of this is that her mother doesn't know what it means to her, but Hu Yong knows that if she doesn't deal with the excrement in time, it will first make her feel uncomfortable, and secondly, it will add fuel to his care work.
The person concerned will hide everything that causes discomfort, trying to do a good job of superficial work to cover up the unacceptable truth, but this buried fact is well known to everyone.
Professor Hu Yong compares himself to a raw egg, which can be steamed and fried to form a complete egg, but it is very easy to become broken and collapse, the egg falls to the ground, the egg white, egg liquid, and egg shell are broken to pieces, and the place has to be cleaned and rubbed to deal with this place.
But are there any options for eggs?
For a while, all the negative emotions of grievance, anger, and anxiety came to my heart, and now the only solution is to "cultivate" the raw eggs to mature the eggs, even if the cooked eggs fall to the ground, they will not be as embarrassed as the broken raw eggs.
Hu Yong's mother made abnormal noises many times in the middle of the night, and Hu Yong was frightened and difficult to sleep, and in the early hours of the morning, Hu Yong heard the clanging sound of his mother's house, and he ran to see that his mother had thrown items on the floor, and even the toilet paper in the bathroom was ripped everywhere by her.
That time, Hu Yong didn't control his temper, he was like a raw egg thrown to the ground, shouting to his mother about his grievances, bitterness and unwillingness.
Seeing this, his mother replied to him puzzled: "Who made you tired? Who let you take care of you? I'm sorry for you?"
So far, the four big words "control emotions" have been pasted by Hu Yong in the most eye-catching position at home.
Patients with Alzheimer's disease can be said to be rejuvenated, but they are only intellectually rejuvenated, a body in their 70s, only the IQ of a 3-year-old child, as a child, it is impossible to let it go.
Hu Yong said that he never expected that although he had a successful career in middle age, he would become a 24-hour caregiver, which made Hu Yong feel that his life had come to a predicament.
To tell the truth, the elderly who suffer from Alzheimer's disease do not feel pain when they are unconscious, but they are taking care of the children of the elderly who cannot extricate themselves from the pain.
This kind of pain is naturally inseparable, Hu Yong will empathize at this time, think about how many people of marriageable age do not need the help of their parents when they get married, or when they just have children after marriage, how many people do not need their parents to help take care of their children.
When they needed help from their parents in the past, they would help even if they couldn't help, but they couldn't help when they were old and needed help, as a "beneficiary", they could leave it alone.
Alzheimer's disease occasionally flashes of memory, and the patient recalls the past, and then sees that he is devastated everywhere now, and he is more than anyone else.
Everyone has an attachment to "mother's taste", and all his life he feels that his mother's cooking is the most fragrant he has ever tasted, Hu Yong once tentatively put eggplant and chili pepper in front of his mother to see if his mother can remember his favorite dish.
As a result, my mother didn't know what was on the table, and she didn't know what Hu Yong wanted to do, so she could only integrate the memory fragments in her head and ask Hu Yong: "Are you cold? Are you hungry?"
The mainland is now about to usher in the peak of population aging, and there will only be more and more such families, but the current society is not friendly to the elderly, so we must think about how to make the society more suitable for the elderly to live, rather than simply allowing the elderly to adapt to the society.
Alzheimer's patients are inseparable, and it is fine to have siblings at home, but it is difficult to imagine that there is only one child at home.
There is no cure for this disease, some people only take three years to care for, while others take 10 years or more.
A netizen was deeply touched when she saw Professor Hu Yong's article, she now has two elderly people with disabilities and dementia at home, and she is the only one who takes care of the two elderly people every day.
It's been several months, netizens can only sleep for two hours a day, and they can't take care of their own families, and their husbands don't help or understand, and they are about to sacrifice their families for the sake of their parents.
Another netizen took care of her paralyzed parents for 13 years, and in the end her parents died, but the netizen did not get out of the life of being a caretaker, and as soon as her parents left, she suddenly felt that no one needed her.
The issue of old-age care is a problem that deserves the attention of the whole society, everyone will grow old one day, and the country's vulnerable groups should be taken care of by the society, Professor Hu Yong also said, like him, a family with conditions that allow for this situation can still have some free hands, and he can even be said to be lucky.
However, now there are many unconditional, those who cut off their financial income because of taking care of the elderly, those who can't afford to hire professional nurses and delay the condition of the elderly, and the only child generation...
Therefore, it is urgent to speed up the improvement of the pension policy.
Resources:
[1] Hebei News Network: When a Peking University professor becomes a 24-hour caregiver