#头条创作挑战赛#
Text: Tang Tang (rich book columnist)
Writer Li Xiaoyi said in the book "What is Emotional Intelligence": "Emotional intelligence refers to a person's ability to feel, understand, control, use and express their own emotions and those of others. ”
In life, every word and deed in the process of getting along with others is releasing their own relevant information, whether they are popular and whether they make people retreat, all of which have a great relationship with their own emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is an indispensable ability for people to survive in society, and people with high emotional intelligence will always get along with people like a spring breeze.
People with low emotional intelligence will always feel embarrassed to get along with others, and such people always like to do the following 4 things, especially the last one, which is extremely disgusting.
Say things that embarrass people in public
In the Speech, Kipling said, "Words are the most effective remedy ever used." ”
People who really have the way to speak in life are often able to perceive people's hearts and have high emotional intelligence for the sake of others.
Netizen @小李 shared the story of colleague Xiao Yang who was not welcome in the unit.
Once, when Xiao Li's department had a dinner, Xiao Yang happened to sit next to Xiao Li, and the two chatted.
While chatting, Xiao Yang pointed to Xiao Li's wrinkles and said, "You are really a little old, you have to know how to take care of these wrinkles and white hair." ”
Hearing this, Xiao Li's face turned red all of a sudden, and the atmosphere instantly became embarrassing.
Everyone chatted about the news while eating, Xiao Yang saw that Xiao Shen, a colleague in the department, was still eating, and said in front of everyone: "Xiao Shen, you still eat, look at your double chin, can you still buy clothes if you eat again?"
Fat has always been a heart disease that plagues Xiao Shen, Xiao Yang said a word, Xiao Shen instantly felt embarrassed, and the air on the dinner table instantly froze.
Writer Xiao Xiao Yifan said: "The so-called high emotional intelligence is never as simple as being able to speak, but knowing when to shut up, putting the part of yourself that you see through in your stomach to save other people's face." ”
In life, in fact, everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages, and those with low emotional intelligence say embarrassing things in the name of being good, which is actually very impolite behavior, and is also disgusted by others.
People with high emotional intelligence often know how to be polite when they speak, know how to be polite when they speak, know how to be in a sense of place and proportion, always take into account the feelings of others, will not put others in an embarrassing situation, and know how to save the face of others.
Habitually contradicting others
Writer Li Xiaomo once said: "Always outperforming others in words is the behavior with the lowest emotional intelligence I have ever seen." ”
Words may be able to win a momentary victory, but it is difficult to gain the respect of others.
Blogger Wang Wang shared the story of his colleague Lao Li.
One year, Wang Wang finally got his driver's license through hard work, and then shared his joy in the circle of friends, Lao Li commented: "The driver's license is not so difficult to test, what do you share.....
During the lunch break, colleagues were chatting about their children's situation, and they all said: "Now I am working hard to train them in order to be admitted to a good university and find a good job in the future, so that the task can be completed." ”
Lao Li will retort again: "This is not certain, some children learn a lot, but they all learn stupidly, and some children can still get ahead without going to college." ”
After work, colleagues chatted about snacks and said that there was a chicken chop shop downstairs that was particularly delicious, and Lao Li retorted: "Eat more good things, this chicken steak can be regarded as delicious! ”
No matter what others do or say, Lao Li always has a lot of reasons to refute others, and even feels complacent because he refutes others, and feels that he is well-informed.
Benjamin Franklin once said, "If you argue and refute, you may win, but that victory is short and empty...... You will never get the favor that the other person gives you. ”
Too much refutation of others will not make others look up to you, but it is easy to be disgusted by others, and meaningless refutation is not only low emotional intelligence, but also a kind of self-consumption.
People with high emotional intelligence will try to restrain their desire to refute, know how to respect the views of others, and understand the sense of proportion in getting along with others.
I like to take advantage of small things
In "Aphorisms", it was said: "People's hearts are narrow if they have desires, and wide if they have no desires." ”
There are many people with narrow chests in the center of life, and such people tend to ignore the feelings of others and try their best to fight for their own best interests.
Netizen @老梁 told the story of one of his colleague Xiaodou.
Xiaodou has entered the company since graduation, and after 8 years of precipitation, his work ability is quite good, but he has not been promoted in recent years.
Originally, the boss still valued him more, but later learned that he had a habit of taking advantage of small advantages, and began to dislike him.
If Xiaodou is on a business trip, if the train ticket is 200 yuan, he will go to the finance to reimburse 250 yuan;
If he spends 300 yuan on receiving customers, he will reimburse 350 yuan, and sometimes he will find a way to reimburse some expenses incurred due to personal matters on official grounds.
If you do too much of this kind of thing, you will naturally show your feet, but because the amount is not large, the boss is not too observant.
But because of this, he lost his good impression and didn't want to see him, and in recent years, he has promoted his new colleagues who have only been in the same department for 3 years, but he was not promoted.
Once Lao Liang was ordering takeout, and his colleague asked him to help him order together, on the grounds that he was too old to order, so Lao Liang helped him order together.
But after many days, this colleague did not transfer the money to Lao Liang, although it was a small amount of money, but Lao Liang never ordered takeout for him after that.
As the saying goes: "Not taking advantage of others, not greedy for small profits is a person's upbringing, and it also reflects the level of a person's emotional intelligence." ”
People who like to take advantage of small advantages often have low emotional intelligence, they are short-sighted, and they are often easily confused by the petty profits in front of them.
People with high emotional intelligence often know how to deal with things with kindness, not covet things that they don't get for nothing, and they understand that only by constantly enriching themselves and strengthening themselves can life be better.
Pointing fingers at other people's lives
Someone on Zhihu asked: "What kind of behavior does a person consider to be a sign of low emotional intelligence?"
A high praise answer said: "It doesn't matter if a person talks and does things twice, and if he speaks too straight, the behavior of liking to point fingers at other people's lives is really a behavior with low emotional intelligence." ”
In real life, there are indeed some people who judge the lives of others in the name of those who have come before.
A blogger named @小雅 on Zhihu shared a story about her neighbor's aunt.
Once she dyed her hair yellow, and her aunt couldn't get used to it, so she complained to her mother, saying that she would take care of her, for fear that she would learn badly.
Even when she got home at ten o'clock in the evening, she was seen by the neighbor's aunt and muttered a few words to her, saying that the girl should go home early at night.
When she was not married, her aunt would see her and ask, "Have you talked about friends?" When will you bring your boyfriend back to see, don't get married too late, otherwise no one will want it." ”
Later, when she got married, her aunt began to ask again: "The child should be born early, so that the recovery can be fast, and now the conditions are better to give birth to two, and the child can have company in the future." ”
No matter what happened to her family or other neighbors, the neighbors and aunts had to get involved and give some advice, and because of her behavior, the neighbors were more disgusted with her, and some were even reluctant to talk to her.
A quote from The Great Gatsby: "Whenever you want to comment on someone, you have to remember that not everyone in the world has the same privileged conditions as you." ”
Everyone's own conditions will be different due to their different growth environment, so they have different decisions about different things.
Pointing fingers at other people's lives is not only a behavior with low emotional intelligence, but also easily disliked.
People with high emotional intelligence are often able to understand others from other people's perspectives, take into account other people's feelings, respect differences, and are not in a hurry to become teachers in other people's lives.
There is a saying in "Dream of Red Mansions": "The insight of the world is all knowledge, and the practice of human feelings is the article." ”
I think so.
A person with high emotional intelligence is often able to perceive the facts and see the essence through the phenomenon, and they understand that the most important thing is to get along with each other and be comfortable with each other.
No matter who you get along with, don't say anything embarrassing to others, don't refute others, don't take advantage of others, and don't dictate other people's lives.
You don't have to be cautious when dealing with people, but you must keep your own principles and do less of the above four things.
For the rest of my life, I hope you and I can be a person with high emotional intelligence, illuminate ourselves and warm others.
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