How much is the bride price?47.1% of the respondents agreed that it depends on the economic conditions of both parties
Nearly half of the respondents supported the return of the bride price to the small family in the form of a dowry
When marriageable men and women talk about marriage, "bride price" is an unavoidable topic. A few days ago, a survey of 1,001 respondents conducted by the Social Survey Center of the China Youth Daily, in conjunction with the questionnaire network (wenjuan.com), showed that 47.1 percent of the respondents believed that the bride price should be determined according to the economic conditions of both parties, 37.4 percent of the respondents believed that a good bride price was sufficient, and 48.6 percent of the respondents supported the woman in returning the bride price to the small family in the form of a dowry.
"In most areas, there is still a custom of bride price when talking about marriage, and the specific amount can be negotiated by both parties, and if the woman values it more, the man should also pay attention to it. Wang Gang, a married employee of a company in Nanjing after 95, believes that the bride price should also consider the economic situation of both parties, if the man's economic situation is not very good, and the woman is really ready for the two to go down, then the other party's situation should be considered, after all, the bride price is only a part of the marriage, and it is more important for both people to manage the marriage with their hearts.
In the survey, 47.1 percent of the respondents believed that it should be determined according to the economic conditions of both parties, 37.4 percent of the respondents believed that it was enough to have a good bride price, and it did not need to be too high, 6.4 percent of the respondents believed that it should be determined according to local customs, 5.4 percent of the respondents thought that "zero bride price" was the best, 2.3 percent of the respondents were not easy to say, and only 1.5 percent of the respondents thought that the more the bride price, the better.
Wu You, a self-media worker in Beijing, believes that the bride price can be determined according to local etiquette and customs, and if the customs of men and women are different, they must discuss with each other. Usually the woman values the bride price, mainly hoping that she and her parents can be valued, but the respect for the woman is not necessarily reflected in the amount of the bride price, and the man can make the woman's family feel his sincerity through other ways.
In recent years, in some places, not only the amount of gift money has risen, but the types of gifts have also increased, and some places require the man to have a marriage house, which has made the wedding burden even heavier.
Wu You said that compared with the amount of the bride price, he values meaningful items more. "When a colleague got married, she received a bracelet from her mother-in-law, which was passed down by the groom's grandmother, and the colleague plans to pass it on to the next generation in the future. I think this kind of gift is very meaningful. ”
In the survey, 48.6 percent of the respondents supported the return of the bride to the small family in the form of dowry, 37.9 percent suggested that it should become the bride's personal property, and 11.7 percent believed that it could be given to the woman's parents and other family members.
Ma Chen, a post-00s graduate student at a university in Beijing, feels that young people should have their own thoughts and thoughts when facing marriage, and should not be bound by the amount of bride price. While young people accept the custom of bride price, they should also recognize the ceremonial meaning of bride price, seriously consider the use of bride price, and let it become a catalyst for emotional warming. Ma Chen thinks that the best way to use the bride price is to return part or all of it to the small family.
Wang Gang feels that the current existence of "high-priced bride price" is a relatively thorny problem, bride price has a long history, and now it has derived economic demand, the governance of "high-priced bride price", mandatory requirements may not be effective, it is necessary to try to publicize the "low bride price" or even "zero bride price" cases, guide influential families to take the lead, and at the same time give full play to the influence of film and television dramas, literary and artistic works, short videos, etc., from the perspective of ordinary people, with a way close to everyone's life, step by step, to help everyone change their concepts.
"Changing perceptions requires a change in the entire social environment. If only a few people emphasize the 'low bride price', there will be relatively large resistance in reality. When more and more people around them no longer value the amount of the bride price, it is easier for individuals to practice civilized marriage customs in their lives. In the final analysis, it is necessary to change the atmosphere of the whole society. Ma Chen said.
Among the respondents, 38.3 per cent were men and 61.7 per cent were women. The post-00s accounted for 22.3%, the post-95s accounted for 22.7%, the post-90s accounted for 33.4%, the post-85s accounted for 12.6%, and the post-80s accounted for 9.0%. 30.2% of first-tier cities, 39.0% of second-tier cities, 22.0% of third- and fourth-tier cities, 4.6% of county towns, and 4.2% of rural cities.
(Wang Ronghui also contributed to this article.) At the request of the interviewee, Wu You is a pseudonym)
To deal with the "high-priced bride price", sixty percent of the respondents called for the formation of a new trend of civilized marriage
More than half of the respondents believe that the "high-priced bride price" is mainly related to the psychology of comparison and local customs
In recent years, the amount of bride price in some places has been rising, increasing the burden of marriage and love for young people. According to a survey of 1,001 respondents conducted by the Social Survey Center of China Youth Daily in conjunction with the questionnaire network (wenjuan.com), 56.0% of the respondents felt that the bride price was important in the marriage process and was indispensable for marriage etiquette. To deal with the "high-priced bride price", 60.5% of the respondents hope that the whole society will form a new trend of civilized marriage, and 59.3% of the respondents suggest the implementation of solid coming-of-age ceremony education to help young people establish a healthy outlook on marriage and love and life.
Sociologists analyze: the trend of bride price comparison is prevalent, and the due ceremonial significance is ignored
Ma Chen, a post-00s graduate student at a university in Beijing, believes that the bride price is very important in the marriage process and has been a etiquette since ancient times. The amount of the bride price should be determined by the couple under the agreement of both parents, and the method of disposal should also be determined by the couple.
Wang Gang, a married employee of a post-95 generation in a company in Nanjing, feels that the most important thing in marriage is whether the two people are compatible and whether the parents of both parties approve of it.
In the survey, 56.0% of the respondents felt that the bride price was important in the marriage process and was indispensable for marriage etiquette, 27.8% of the respondents felt that it was not important, and the bride price made the marriage threshold higher and higher, and 16.2% of the respondents said that it was difficult to say.
Cai Lei, an associate professor at the School of Sociology of Wuhan University, said that the bride price was known as a dowry and bride price in ancient times, and it refers to the property paid by the man's family to the woman's family in the process of concluding a marriage relationship. "The dowry in traditional society is essentially a marriage etiquette, symbolizing the establishment of the marriage relationship, announcing the legitimacy and validity of the marriage, reflecting the man's attention and commitment to marriage, and also containing the beautiful expectations for marriage. Nowadays, some people attach too much importance to the economic function of the bride price, resulting in the amount of the bride price getting higher and higher, and the trend of comparison is becoming more and more popular, and many young people and even their parents do not understand the ceremonial significance and auspicious meaning of the bride price."
In the pre-Qin period, peppercorns and peaches were used as dowry gifts, implying many sons and blessings, and abundant fruits. Later, Dayan became a dowry for marriage in ancient times because of its loyalty to its partner.
"With the rapid development of social economy, the number of bride prices has gradually increased. From a few hundred yuan in the 90s of the 20th century, to tens of thousands of yuan or hundreds of thousands of yuan now, there are even ultra-high-priced bride prices in some places, which has lost the original meaning of the bride price, and has become a kind of comparison, or even unilateral demand. Ma Chen thinks that the economic strength of each family is different, and it is not worth it to blindly compare, and finally make the two unhappy because of the bride price, or even break up.
In the survey, respondents felt that the "high-priced bride price" was mainly related to the psychology of comparison (52.5%), local customs (51.3%), traditional concepts (51.2%), money worship (50.4%), urban-rural disparity, uneven distribution of resources (48.4%), and imbalance in the sex ratio of the local population (25.8%).
"The imbalance in the gender structure of the marriage market and the relative shortage of female resources have prompted the 'high-priced bride price' to become a competitive resource in the marriage market, which in turn continues to push up the price of the bride price. Cai Lei said that the improvement of women's status and the change in the concept of childcare have increased the cost of raising women, and the bride price paid to repay the cost of raising women has also increased. In addition, the shortage of leisure time among young people has led to the popularity of the blind date love model, giving rise to a utilitarian attitude towards marriage and love, and "high-priced bride price" is sought after.
To deal with the "high-priced bride price", 60.5% of the respondents hope that the whole society will form a new trend of civilized marriage
Ma Chen believes that curbing the "high-priced bride price" requires a change of concept from young people, and young people should become practitioners of abandoning "high-priced bride price". At present, some young people advocate simple weddings, eliminating some cumbersome processes in traditional weddings, but enjoying them and truly enjoying the wedding process.
The post-90s Qi Xia and her boyfriend's hometown are far away, and the parents of the two sides don't have many opportunities to meet, so they did a lot of work before the parents of both sides met. "I first asked my family about the bride price, and my mother told me a certain amount according to local customs, which is a medium level in the local area, and I also inquired about the situation in my boyfriend's hometown in advance, and felt that this amount was not much different from the situation in my boyfriend's hometown, so I talked to my boyfriend and then asked my boyfriend to discuss it with his parents. Sure enough, there was no contradiction on the issue of the bride price, and when the parents of the two sides met, their family came directly with the bride price, and my parents had no objections. ”
Cai Lei believes that young people should have a rational understanding of the meaning and value of the bride price, and should fully realize the ceremonial function and cultural significance of the bride price, regard it as a solemn commitment and good wishes for marriage, and weaken the economic compensation and funding value of the bride price. The price of the bride price is not directly proportional to the happiness of the marriage, and the truly meaningful and valuable pre-marital preparation is to learn the knowledge and skills of managing the marriage and cultivate the ability to live a happy life, rather than simply pursuing the "high-priced bride price". The price of the bride price should be negotiated according to the actual situation of the families of both parties, and it should not be blindly compared.
To deal with "high-priced bride price", 60.5% of the respondents hope that the whole society will form a new trend of civilized marriage, 59.3% of the respondents suggest the implementation of solid coming-of-age ceremony education to help young people establish a healthy outlook on marriage and love and life, 55.9% of the respondents suggest to publicize gender equality, change the traditional ideas such as preference for sons over women, 44.7% of the respondents suggest special treatment of social problems such as "high-priced bride price", 33.4% of the respondents suggest to improve the rural old-age security system, 31.9% of respondents suggested accelerating rural revitalization and narrowing the gap between urban and rural areas.
Ma Chen suggested reducing the psychology of comparison and showing off and promoting good social customs. Strengthen communication among young people and make low-cost bride prices a new social custom.
"I have a good friend whose husband has been chasing her since she was in school, chasing her for many years, and finally got married. She is very confident in this relationship, she doesn't care about the bride price at all, it is all set by the man's family, but the man's family doesn't want the girl to be wronged, and all kinds of etiquette are very thoughtful. Qi Xia feels that on the one hand, women should have confidence in the upcoming marriage, consider each other and the family as a whole, and don't care too much about the details;
Wang Gang believes that the management of "high-priced bride price" should guide young people to change their concepts. At the same time, both men and women can create more rituals in addition to the bride price, such as traveling together and doing something more impressive.
Cai Lei said that as a traditional marriage custom, the essential meaning of the bride price is a solemn commitment to marriage, and if the bride price is completely abolished, it is difficult to find a more effective way to reflect this meaning. Moreover, many female families now regard the bride price as a symbol of their dignity and worth, and it is difficult for them to accept the "zero bride price" form of marriage. He believes that it may be more feasible to set a ceiling on the price of bride price and implement "low bride price", and that "low bride price" has already achieved results in many places, and it is necessary to increase publicity and promotion to create a good and healthy wedding fashion. At the same time, efforts should be made to excavate and publicize the etiquette connotation of traditional bride price, advocate the use of auspicious and festive traditional folk gifts to replace cash bride price, and return the bride price to the use of "etiquette".
Among the respondents, 38.3 per cent were men and 61.7 per cent were women. The post-00s accounted for 22.3%, the post-95s accounted for 22.7%, the post-90s accounted for 33.4%, the post-85s accounted for 12.6%, and the post-80s accounted for 9.0%. 30.2% of first-tier cities, 39.0% of second-tier cities, 22.0% of third- and fourth-tier cities, 4.6% of county towns, and 4.2% of rural cities.
65.3% of the respondents had conflicts over the bride price
In recent years, with the increase in the amount of bride price, some couples have caused conflicts due to "high-priced bride price" and finally parted ways. A few days ago, a survey of 1,001 respondents conducted by the Social Survey Center of China Youth Daily (wenjuan.com) showed that 65.3% of the respondents said that there were conflicts around them due to the bride price, of which 19.1% said that there were many such cases.
65.3% of the respondents had conflicts over the bride price
"My boyfriend and I are basically able to make our own decisions on marriage and love, and my parents respect our wishes. At the stage of marriage discussion, I hope that both parties can communicate peacefully, understand and respect each other. Wu You, a self-media worker in Beijing, feels that once the man and woman bargain over the bride price, it will cause a series of contradictions, and even if the negotiation does not collapse, it will affect the relationship between the two families.
Cai Lei, an associate professor at Wuhan University's School of Sociology, said that with the equality of gender relations, the compensation function of the bride price for the woman's family has been transformed into a subsidy function for the newlyweds, but too much emphasis on the amount of the bride price has caused some families to fall into difficulties due to the bride price and even affect the normal marriage.
"If one party insists on how much bride price is required, and the other party thinks that the bride price is not that important, it means that the two sides do not have the same ideas. If both parties value the relationship, they should have an in-depth conversation to understand what the other person really thinks and make concessions to each other. Wang Gang, a married employee of a post-95 company in Nanjing, said that if two people who are about to enter marriage have conflicts due to the bride price, they should negotiate first.
"Some men borrow money in order to raise a bride price, and they have to work hard to repay it after marriage. Wang Gang said that if you go to the goal of living a good life for the two families, you must think more about the future.
In the survey, 65.3% of the respondents said that there were conflicts around them due to the bride price, and 19.1% of them said that there were many of them. 28.2% of the respondents felt that the people around them could basically reach a consensus on the issue of bride price, and there were few conflicts, and 6.5% of the respondents were unclear.
Wang Gang said that most people around him don't pay much attention to the bride price, and for marriage, the most discussed thing is where to hold the wedding, where to go for the honeymoon, where to take wedding photos, and who will mainly prepare for the wedding. "There are also cases where parents help their children make judgments, after all, children don't have so much experience, but more to give some reference opinions, and the ideas are all taken by ourselves. ”
Wang Gang feels that the relationship between two people should not be affected by the amount of the bride price, whether it is a man or a woman, they should not care too much about other people's opinions, and should consider their own family situation and the wishes of both parties.
54.6% of the respondents were mainly influenced by their family members and relatives regarding the bride price
Wang Gang said that in some places, the higher the bride price, the more valued or the higher the status of women, "I think this is an incorrect view, the status of women in emotional relationships, the degree of attention by men, can not be reflected only through the bride price." Everyone's economic situation is different, and the woman should consider the man comprehensively, not just the bride price, nor should she compare the bride price with each other."
As for the bride price, the respondents mainly influenced their family members, relatives (54.6%), friends, classmates and colleagues (47.0%), as well as neighbors and fellow villagers (41.4%), and 24.8% of the respondents said that no one affected them.
Wang Gang believes that an excessively high bride price is a bad habit that should be abandoned. The bride price should be within a reasonable range, becoming the starting capital of a small family and supporting life after marriage. If the bride price is too high, it becomes a burden on the whole family.
Wu You said that many times the woman is not unable to accept the low bride price, but can not accept the attitude of the man when talking about the bride price, and cannot be treated slowly by the man because the woman does not care about the bride price, "If the two parties can always discuss harmoniously, so that the woman can see the man's sincerity and respect, the bride price does not matter."
Wang Gang feels that young people should pay more attention to whether the two people's attitudes and concepts are the same. For example, in the concept of consumption, some people value the brand, some people care about the cost performance, some people like to eat, drink and have fun, some people pay attention to spiritual enjoyment, if the concept is inconsistent, whether they can tolerate each other.
"It's also important whether the personalities of the two people are compatible. Can you really think about each other in getting along, or is it always one person who gives in and compromises, and the other person keeps asking for this and asking for that. Wang Gang believes that these considerations are more important than the bride price.
Among the respondents, 38.3 per cent were men and 61.7 per cent were women. The post-00s accounted for 22.3%, the post-95s accounted for 22.7%, the post-90s accounted for 33.4%, the post-85s accounted for 12.6%, and the post-80s accounted for 9.0%. 30.2% of first-tier cities, 39.0% of second-tier cities, 22.0% of third- and fourth-tier cities, 4.6% of county towns, and 4.2% of rural cities.
Govern "high-priced bride price" in accordance with the law, and promote the change of customs
The management of "high-priced bride price" has been a succession of chess recently. In 2020, the Ministry of Civil Affairs issued the "Guiding Opinions on Carrying out Pilot Work on the Reform of Marriage Customs", in August 2022, the Ministry of Agriculture and Rural Affairs, the Central Civilization Office, and the Ministry of Civil Affairs jointly issued the "Work Plan for Carrying out Special Governance of Outstanding Problems in Key Areas of Rural Migration and Customs, such as High-priced Bride Prices and Large-scale Operations"; in November 2023, the Supreme People's Court, the Ministry of Civil Affairs, and the All-China Women's Federation jointly held a conference to promote the transformation of customs and customs. On February 1, 2024, the Provisions of the Supreme People's Court on Several Issues Concerning the Application of Law in the Trial of Cases Involving Bride Price Disputes came into effect, which clearly stipulates that "if one party claims property in the name of bride price through marriage, and the other party requests to return it, the people's court shall support it", etc.
The background of the successive introduction of the above-mentioned major measures is the trend of "sky-high bride price" in some places. In recent years, the increase in bride price in some places has continued to rise, which has become an important cause of marital and family conflicts and disputes. In his report on the work of the Supreme People's Court this year, Zhang Jun, president of the Supreme People's Court, bluntly mentioned that "in recent years, disputes involving bride price have increased, and even vicious cases have arisen." According to statistics, in the past five years, there have been more than 20,000 civil cases involving bride price, and the amount of bride price can reach 10 times the per capita income, and 46.26 percent of criminal cases caused by bride price disputes such as intentional injury and intentional homicide have been caused by bride price disputes.
From a historical point of view, the bride price is not original, it is just a traditional folk custom. "Nacai, asking the name, Naji, Nazheng, inviting the period, and welcoming in person", in the "six rites" marriage system established in the Western Zhou Dynasty and followed by all dynasties, the "Nazheng" of giving a dowry is equivalent to the current "bride price". Objectively speaking, the bride price has a certain social and cultural basis in many places, which is a fact that people should face squarely. However, when the bride price is too contaminated with money and materials, and even forms a style of comparison, it will inevitably weaken the attribute of "ceremony" and transform it into a pure economic burden. This kind of change has gradually deviated from the original intention of "Yiqi family" and has become the driving force of conflicts and contradictions, which is not only not conducive to social harmony and stability, but also not conducive to the cultivation and promotion of civilization and fashion.
Specific to the governance level, it is naturally not easy to change customs and completely curb this trend of "high-priced bride price". After all, the "bride price" has the characteristics of folk customs, and it cannot be simply banned. What's more complicated is that, because of the different circumstances, the "bride price" cannot be refunded all at once. Looking at the Interpretation (I) of the Supreme People's Court on the Application of the Marriage and Family Section of the Civil Code of the People's Republic of China, although it clarifies the three returnable circumstances such as "failure to complete marriage registration", it clarifies the principle of resolving bride price disputes to a certain extent. However, in practice, there are still a large number of cases where the marriage has not been registered but the wedding is held in accordance with local customs and lives together, as well as the marriage registration has been completed but the life together is relatively short, etc., which also need to be "unbuckled" and "broken".
To solve these difficult problems, it is necessary to proceed from legislation and prescribe "prescriptions" in light of reality. The Marriage and Family Section of the Civil Code of the Mainland clearly stipulates that "arranged marriages, buying and selling marriages and other acts that interfere with the freedom of marriage" and "prohibiting the solicitation of property under the pretext of marriage". An examination of the typical cases issued by the Supreme People's Court and the relevant judicial interpretations issued by the Supreme People's Court not only affirm the basic principle of strictly prohibiting the extortion of property through marriage, but also fully respect folk customs, reasonably determine the scope of the bride price on the basis of the general recognition of the local people, fully consider the purposeful characteristics of the bride price, consider different factors such as the time spent together, marriage registration, and the conception of children, and reasonably balance the rights and interests of both parties, providing a "blueprint" for governance for judicial organs at all levels It is conducive to resolving the contradictions and disputes caused by the bride price on the legal track and dispersing the profit-seeking impulse that lingers on the bride price.
Those who desire the elders of the wood will consolidate their roots, and those who want to flow far will dredge their springs. The prevalence of "high-priced bride price" violates the original intention of bride price, brings many family and social problems, and urgently needs to be deeply addressed. It is true that it is not easy to change customs, but although the road is far away, it will come, and although it is difficult to do, it will be done. In recent years, from the formulation of guiding opinions, the improvement of work plans, to the release of typical cases and the issuance of judicial interpretations, the wild horse of "high-priced bride price" is being put under the reins of the rule of law step by step. While governing according to law, we should establish a new style with a specific purpose and persevere in the new customs, and finally realize "let marriage begin with love, and let the bride price return to the ceremony".
(Source: China Youth Daily)