This article is from the WeChat public account: Zhiqu (ID: liuzhiqu7788), author: Liu Zhiqu, original title: "Life Guide for Unmarried Artists", title source: Visual China
Some people say that the institution of marriage is about to die, and I think this statement may not be accurate, and it would be more accurate to say that the traditional institution of marriage is going downhill.
Today's young generation is more inclined to make rational judgments about marriage based on their own values, life goals and actual situations, rather than being pushed forward by some kind of social discipline in a vague way.
This is especially evident in young people in the more developed first-tier and super-first-tier cities in China
But if you think about it carefully, the reason why more and more people are beginning to disenchant marriage is not difficult to understand.
First, in an era of high socio-economic and ideological civilization, whether it is to meet material needs or spiritual demands, men and women each have more opportunities to be independent, and no longer have to rely on the single path of marriage, and after getting rid of the shackles of a certificate, a person can have more freedom.
The second is that the "security function" that marriage was originally expected to provide is gradually disappearing, and everyone is becoming more and more aware of the absence and powerlessness of this "security" in real life, and even for some women with higher personal development goals, marriage may make a person lose much more than they gain.
Then there are those who have struggled with their marriages and have been utterly disappointed in it, as well as those who have always been cautious about their marriages, or who have held to a certain faith...... A significant number of them will become unmarried, either actively or passively.
It is foreseeable that the group of unmarried people will become larger and less unusual, and will be more and more tolerant and accepted by this society.
But objectively speaking, this is still a path that a few people have traveled in the past. Because of the lack of samples and experience, it is necessary to anticipate and understand as much as possible the potential risks that will occur on this road in the future, so as to better experience this life.
Financial independence and good health are fundamental
Most people look at the most difficult and difficult moments of an unmarried person's life and basically assume that they will appear in old age.
However, in fact, there are only two conditions that determine whether a person can live a decent life in old age: one is whether there is enough money, and the other is whether there is a healthy body.
In addition, there is basically no direct causal relationship with whether the person is married or has children.
If we can look at things from the end to the end, then it is clear that the first thing for unmarried people is to be financially independent and save as much as possible for the future.
When you can't get financial support from your partner, the money in your bank card is the only source of freedom and security when facing social pressures and making decisions about your personal life, and it is also the primary "safe haven" to support your celibacy.
And only when a person is materially independent can he talk about spiritual independence.
The second is to maintain the health of the body. As we get older, physical decline is an inevitable occurrence, and unmarried people need to take the initiative to pay attention to it because they lack the support of their partner in the traditional family structure, and they don't have to be too resistant to buying insurance.
When it comes to staying healthy, we all know that we should actively exercise, eat and rest as regularly as possible, but for many young and middle-aged people, it may not be as easy to operate as imagined.
As a veteran brick mover on the Internet, I have my own cross motto to stay healthy - "Don't think about it, sleep more when you have time".
Have the courage to face not being recognized
We all know that in the perception of the vast majority of traditional families in China, if a person does not get married, he will always be easily labeled as "having his own problems".
Therefore, the vast majority of unmarried people are likely to encounter conflicts and challenges brought about by cultural and traditional concepts, and bear multiple pressures from family and society, which is a great test of a person's psychological quality.
Then, when faced with the pressure brought by this kind of social traditional public opinion, first of all, we need to have a clear understanding and firm belief in our choice not to marry. Understanding why you chose not to marry and believing in your choice is in line with your personal values and life goals.
Second, establish clear boundaries of self. There is no need to "respond to everything" in the face of those who are openly and secretly armed with guns and sticks, and in the face of their doubts and criticisms, there is no need to "respond to everything", and many times physical isolation is one of the most effective ways to protect yourself from negative emotions.
There is such a plot in the Japanese drama "The Courage to Be Hated", that is, a little girl is clamoring to eat strawberry cake, and the heroine Lanzi happens to be in front of this little girl, she does not hesitate to buy the last piece of strawberry cake, which makes the little girl break down and cry, and the eyes of the people around her are full of incomprehension.
However, we may all forget that no one, whether a three-year-old or a thirty-year-old, is born to sacrifice himself or herself for the sake of another person's happiness.
Of course, we can also be more flexible in different social situations, and sometimes selectively not disclose our marital status, which can reduce a lot of unnecessary troubles and avoid shameful but useful.
It is also important to regularly self-reflect and check that your choices are based on your true personal will, and not for some kind of escape and resistance.
Finally, it is to keep growing yourself, devoting your energy to personal development and hobbies, and improving your self-confidence and life satisfaction by getting one result after another.
Establish emotional independence
If the one-child can enjoy the freedom that comes with living alone, they also have to endure great loneliness at certain special moments in their lives.
Freedom and loneliness are two sides of the same coin, and emotional support is a great need that is difficult to avoid in human society.
Fortunately, there is more than one way for human beings to meet their own emotional needs, and the key is how to establish a diversified emotional support system.
On the one hand, we can establish emotional bonds with friends, family, and even pets, from which we can get realistic companionship and spiritual resonance, as well as emotional security and a sense of belonging
On the other hand, it is necessary to learn to better express one's emotions, such as through artistic creation, writing, music or other forms of creative activities to give emotions an outlet to release, so as to deal with emotions and find inner peace;
Of course, emotional independence needs to be practiced deliberately, and we need to try to cope and deal with problems independently, and reduce the demand and dependence on the emotional support of others.
But don't be withdrawn, socialize, and travel to get out and see the world to broaden your horizons and experience different cultures, which also helps to enrich your emotional life and increase your life experience.
In conclusion, maintain a positive and optimistic mindset and allow for all kinds of challenges and changes in life to happen.
Not to marry is a choice in life, not an end in itself
Whatever the reason for us to finally embark on the path of non-marriage, we should always be clear in our hearts that non-marriage is only a life choice and lifestyle, not a purpose of life, and it does not make our personality more independent as a result.
In real life, this road is much more difficult than imagined, on the one hand, it is not bound by the traditional marriage structure, a free and casual lifestyle, and on the other hand, it is a tired struggle with traditional society, the original family, and worldly views, and a lot of preparations for a rainy day for the future life of loneliness
Of course, the other road is not easy, the reefs and gravel in marriage are everywhere, they may not give your life a big wind and waves, but there will always be a small injury from time to time.
As the heroine of the Korean drama "The World of Husband and Wife" said:
"Getting married is not that simple, it's not a game of leaving the game after you finish the bet, it's a very urgent issue that has taken my life and my son's life. ”
This also reminds me of a passage: "In fact, if you don't get married, you will regret it." The cat in the alley is very free but has no home. The dog in the wall has to bow its head for the rest of its life. ”
But no matter how we choose, we should always have only one goal, and that is to bring ourselves closer to happiness.
Of course, the civilization and progress of society and human beings are also reflected in the ability to respect and tolerate different choices.
This article is from the WeChat public account: 知趣學 (ID: liuzhiqu7788), author: Liu Zhiqu
This content is the author's independent view and does not represent the position of Tiger Sniff. May not be reproduced without permission, please contact [email protected] for authorization
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