Text/Lan's mother talks about parenting
A good education should be produced in a relatively relaxed atmosphere
If you feel that raising a baby is too hard, it means that the method is not working correctly, and finding the most suitable education method for your child as soon as possible can make raising a child easier
Accompanying my mother Zhou Zhou, I have a first-grade son at home, and I can't stop talking every weekend, and I keep mouting
The reason is, of course, that the child is disobedient
Since entering primary school, Zhou Zhou seems to be more anxious and harder than other parents
Take, for example, the fact that breakfast is eaten every morning at school
The other students were able to obey the discipline and line up to eat and line up to go back to the classroom, but Zhou Zhou's son had to walk at the back, either taking the opportunity to go to see his big brother play basketball, or go to other grades to chat with acquaintances
Even when eating, he is picky, others are really eating, but he is really picky eater, he likes to eat a bite of food, and the food he doesn't like is picked out and put on the table in a regular manner
Finally, when the rest of the class lined up to go back to the classroom for morning reading, he put the food in his mouth unhurriedly
Eating is so grinding and perfunctory, so there is no need to say anything about studying, and the teacher often finds my mother to criticize because of these problems
Because of this, Zhou Zhou is more anxious and irritable than other parents
Whenever she met her son who was naughty, she also helplessly asked for help and said:
Is there a "low cost" that can raise a child without losing his temper?
In fact, it is not about the cost of raising a baby easily, but about whether it is suitable for children, just like you said, it can restore children's self-confidence, which is simple and effortless low cost
But this process requires methods and patience
Therefore, Lan Ma will share 10 "low-cost" and emotionally consuming ways to raise a baby today, hoping to help everyone:
01
Don't compare
Discover as much as you can about your child's progress
The advantages of the child need to be discovered and encouraged, if you always stare at the shortcomings, and love to compare the child with others, then the mentality collapses, what is there to talk about learning
There is a mother of two children, the eldest daughter has a stubborn personality and loves to talk back, and the second daughter knows how to please when she sees the wind
For example, every time I talk about the eldest daughter's playfulness and lack of study, the younger daughter either runs over and sticks to her face, or takes a pen and a book to start practicing calligraphy, and then tells her mother:
"I like to study, Mom, you can teach me to read"
"Mom, do you see if my handwriting is good?"
…
In this contrast, my mother will always like to say: "Whether you learn well or not, how well you write, as long as you have the attitude of reading and writing, you will be excellent sooner or later, and it is also worthy of praise."
Looking back at the eldest daughter, she directly criticized and said: "You have to learn more from your sister, you see that she is so much younger than you, and people love to learn more."
In fact, where is the youngest daughter who loves to learn, but when she saw her mother educating her sister, she was too fierce, so in order not to become the next target of criticism, she made the illusion of active learning
Usually, as long as my mother is not around and I don't criticize my sister, I am no longer active and studious
And many years later, the two daughters' evaluation of their mother was: "too fierce" and "afraid to talk to her"
In terms of learning, I was still thinking seriously, but when I heard the criticism, I immediately became irritable, especially every time I was compared with it, I was more frustrated, and my resistance to learning would be more serious
As mentioned in the book Raising Children:
Smart parents should realize that the secret to raising a good child is to make them feel that "I have improved", not "how much I have failed"
Therefore, the "low cost" of raising excellent children easily is to correct the mentality
Tell the child: "I have made a lot of progress recently, especially in such and such a place, it is simply a surprise, if I can continue to work hard, I will definitely do better next time than this time"
Patience, carefulness, and positive language are the ways to raise excellent children at a "low cost".
02
Don't be stereotypical
Be gentle with others, and even more so with your children
For a while, my daughter was so disgusted with me that even a shallow suggestion would cause her to lose her temper
At the beginning, I always blamed her: "My temper is too bad", and when I was in a hurry, I would even say angry words: "You can do what you like, and I don't owe you"
Until another quarrel broke out, the daughter told the reason in anger
She said to me, "Mom, why are you so gentle when you talk to others outside, and you are impatient with me when you come home, don't you love me and hate me?"
I was surprised and asked her, "Why?" and "Is there any?"
The daughter replied, "Yes, you like to yell at me every time."
After that, she also deliberately cleared her throat to imitate the tone of my previous speech:
"Hurry up, what time is it, is there a little concept of time?"
"I can't do such a simple question, what else can I do?"
"What are you doing, don't bother me"
…
After listening to this, I suddenly realized: "Human nature is to only see the shortcomings of others, and not realize your own problems"
Luckily, my daughter still "dared" to say this to me
And since I let go of the stereotype and the unified standard of being gentle to others and being more gentle to my children, my daughter's attitude towards me has also changed
She will no longer be angry and crying at every turn, and will take the initiative to come to me to help her with advice
03
Don't be slow
Playfulness and laziness are the growing nature of children
Every child has their own pace of growth, playfulness does not mean bad, and lazy children are not necessarily scumbags
I have a friend who recently broke her heart for her daughter's studies
In order to better tutor children's learning, they also bring teaching materials to the company every day and work overtime during the lunch break
In her words, only when you learn the knowledge first, can you easily teach your children
But as a result, my friend learned all the knowledge thoroughly with the diligent efforts of taking time to study, and her daughter still stopped in place, and she didn't even understand the knowledge points taught last week
This made my friend feel very frustrated, and I always thought: "If you can't learn, you are greedy for play and don't listen carefully, and if you don't understand, you are lazy, and you don't do the exercises well in private."
For such an evaluation, the girl felt very aggrieved, crying and venting: "Yes, I'm just stupid and lazy, I don't learn things as fast as you, are you satisfied?"
Yes, how can a child's receptivity be compared to that of an adult?
Even if children are playful and lazy, this is their growth nature, and we may not have done well when we were young
Therefore, the "low-cost" needs of raising children also need to be patient and not annoying
Say to your child: "I have made great progress recently, and my parents didn't perform as well as you when I was a child", this "visible advantage" is the inner strength that motivates children to study harder and actively challenge
04
Don't criticize
Children love challenges, but they are also afraid of failure
Everyone wants to be better on the way to becoming better, and children are no exception, but they love challenges and are afraid of failure
My daughter, who is in the fourth grade, has been asking since the second semester of the second grade: "I don't need to pick up and drop-off", and she can go to and from school independently every day
The reason is that many classmates are independent on their own, and everyone laughs at her: "It's so big, and I have to pick up my mother every day, it's a shame."
It is precisely because of this experience that my daughter refuses to go to school every day: "I don't let my parents pick me up again"
This habit lasts for two years
But this semester, my daughter suddenly said to me with tears in her eyes one day: "Mom, can you pick me up every day when you go to school in the future?"
When asked about the reason, it turned out that it was a friend who went to school with her every day and had a conflict with her
Afraid of being lonely and worried that others would laugh at her for having no friends, she insisted on picking her up every day
Grandma was worried that the good habits she had finally developed would fall short because of this, so she criticized: "If your friend breaks up with you, make a new friend, what's the big deal"
However, I thought, "This is the frustration of the friendship boat that will overturn", and in order to help my daughter overcome the psychological pressure, I always respect her opinion
She was always on call when she needed me to pick her up, and when she didn't need me to pick him up, she would say a few words like "stay safe" and then watch her leave
This is a "low-cost" way of raising a baby that respects, understands and responds to your child, and what your child needs most to tell you about his grievances is to get help, not criticism
05
不要谦虚
A word of praise will make the child happy for a long time
Don't be stingy with praise for your child, and don't be humble when your child is excellent
A daughter of a relative's family, when she was in the fourth grade, the head teacher was transferred out of her new position, and a new teacher came to the class
In the first class of the new teacher, after a brief introduction of himself, he or she began to select the class leader
The girl was sitting at the first table in the first row, and her well-behaved and serious appearance attracted the attention of the teacher, and she was elected as the new class president
And when the girl learned that she had become the class president, she choked up with joy
In the face of the teacher's concern and inquiry, he also spoke out about the inferiority complex that had been hidden in his heart for a long time
It turned out that the girl had worked hard in everything she did since she was a child, but she was not recognized by her parents at home, and she was never selected for running for class leaders at school, or in any competitions and stage activities
Obviously trying hard but never being discovered, this makes the girl feel frustrated, aggrieved and lost
Being selected for the position of class president this time is a new starting point for the girl to learn to the next level
As mentioned in the book "How to Raise Confident Children": "Growing children have strong self-esteem and need encouragement and recognition"
It's the same with us raising excellent children at low cost, praising children for their hard work, perseverance, and progress... They can become more and more confident day by day with a full sense of competence
06
Don't let it go
It is necessary to insist on it, and it is necessary to refuse it when it is time to refuse
There are no rules, there is no circle, and a good education needs to be bound by rules, and it is necessary to keep the bottom line of rules
It is common to hear many parents complain that:
"The same class, the same teacher, why do the children taught have the distinction between top students and scumbags"
Obviously, this has nothing to do with the class or the teacher, and the root cause is still in the child himself
has been a cousin of a top student since she was a child, and when she faced everyone's praise and praise for her ability, she frankly told everyone:
"The person I am most grateful for today's achievements is my mother, because all the achievements along the way come from my mother's persistence and cultivation of me."
It turned out that my cousin was in poor health when she was a child, and she often took leave due to illness, and she didn't want to face boring book homework every time she was at home
In order to escape from studying, what I am best at is moaning without illness, obviously it is just an ordinary little cold, but I exaggeratedly shout: "I can't move my hands, and I can't move my legs."
In the face of such a scene, my aunt is also "ginger is still old and spicy", you can ask for leave to rest at home when you are sick, and you can not move your hands and legs, but you can't fall behind in studying
Every time my cousin was lazy and complained, she took her homework to bed, and she could write the answer without using her hands, but she must use her brain to think and use her mouth to say the answer
Over time, my cousin did not miss her homework even if she asked for leave
And thinking back on these things many years later, my cousin also said calmly: "If my mother didn't insist and let me go, then I wouldn't be where I am now."
It can be seen that it is unrealistic to expect children to be self-disciplined, they should insist on it, and refuse when they should refuse
Only when children are allowed to slowly turn their behavior into instinct, habits will naturally form
07
No reminders required
Your child prefers you to accompany him in his studies
has a father with an annual salary of one million, has a successful career, and leads the hundred and ten people in the company, but he can't even "handle his son" at home
At a parent-teacher meeting, he asked in public: "Why is my child's grades still so poor, obviously I and his mother are so serious about tutoring every day"
As a result, the head teacher asked him: "Do you know which subject the child is good at and which subject he is not good at?"
Father shook his head
The teacher then asked, "Then do you know why the child's grades have not improved, have you ever wondered if the pressure is too great?"
Father shook his head
But it was precisely these two questions that made him understand the problem
My understanding of children is so minimal, I don't know children at all, how can I move my mouth to train children at a low cost
Therefore, the low cost of education is to understand the child first, and then influence the child, and treat yourself as "another child" as much as possible
For example, treat your child as your "little teacher" and ask questions they can answer
Or, focusing on parent-child reading, doing chores together, storytelling, role-playing games, and creating small surprises for children when they break through a small goal can all be a great way to boost children's achievement and satisfaction
08
Don't be absent
The role of mom and dad is irreplaceable
The roles of father and mother are irreplaceable in the growth of every child
Mom brings a sense of security, while dad brings responsibility
There is such a family that is on the verge of collapse
Dad was busy with work all day, and he only came home once on weekends, so he hardly participated in the housework at home and his son's study problems
As for the mother, she is a typical stay-at-home mother, who focuses on her children and family every day
But boys, after all, like to be adventurous, active and stubborn, every time they are disobedient, their mothers are beaten and scolded in order to discipline some well
Over time, the child begins to rebel and disobedient
The mother tried to get the father to take the authority to control the child, but the father didn't want to be the bad guy, and was worried that he would be alienated and hated by the child, so he kept silent and watched coldly, and left everything to the mother to deal with
In the end, the mother's mood became more and more irritable, and the son was often impulsive and out of control like a wild horse, and sometimes he would angrily "do something" to his parents
This is a consequence of the absence of parents
If a family does not have the father's involvement, the mother will be easily emotional, and eventually transfer these emotions to the child
The most important thing is that the roles of parents are irreplaceable, and only by keeping their own positions can we run a family and a child better
09
No need to arrive on urgent duty
Children need to set role models as they grow up
It's not that when we have a child, the child will kiss you, love you, and respect you, but all intimate relationships are interdependent
At the school gate, a father is criticizing his son and saying: "Let you know how to play with your mobile phone all day long, and now you only have such a score in the exam, and see how you pay your mother when you go home."
After hearing this, the boy replied angrily with an unconvinced face: "I know that I am not the same, every day when I get home from work, I lie on the sofa, play with my mobile phone like an uncle, and laugh like a fool."
Then, the father and son did not give in to each other:
Dad said, "I'm an adult, you're a child, can this be the same?"
The boy said: "What's wrong with adults, adults also need to set a good example, mom swallows melon seeds, you play with your mobile phone, and I'm studying, is this fair?"
Obviously, the best way for parents to educate their children is to set an example for them as they grow up
What parents do in front, children will learn in the back
Until the age of 6, parents are the object of imitation in their children
Before the age of 12, parents are role models for their children
Around puberty, parents are again a challenge for their children and beyond their goals
By accompanying children and leading by example when they need them, they can inspire their fighting spirit in more subtle ways and strive for higher and farther goals positively
On the road of children's excellence, parents accompany them attentively, raise children first, and set an example for children, becoming a template for children's good learning and habit formation, so that children will have the support of the spiritual world on the road to growth
What parents show now will also be what their children will develop in the future
10
不要内讧
Only by the united front of the family can the rules be established
Parents and children are still a common road for each other to grow up together, and only a united front can establish good rules and grow better
There is a 9-year-old girl who has strong self-esteem and likes to compare since she was a child
As long as she sees other classmates in the class and other friends around her, then she must have it too
When she was in the third grade, her mother bought her a phone watch that could only make and receive calls
After she brought it to school to compare with her classmates, she couldn't add friends, couldn't take photos, and couldn't chat on WeChat, so she went home and asked her mother to change her to a watch that was the same as her classmates
Mom refused, so she found her grandfather to grind and soak hard, and finally deliberately soaked the old watch in water, and grandpa had to agree to buy a new one after seeing that it could not be used at all
When I was in the fourth grade, I saw that other students had ordered the monthly magazine, and when I got home, I asked my mother to order it too
In order to frustrate the character of "buy what you want, buy it and don't cherish it", her mother asked her to write a letter of guarantee
For example, what are your plans after you get the book, how many pages you plan to read each day, and if you don't have a satisfactory response, you won't buy it
As a result, the girl cried and complained to her grandmother
Grandma also complained about her mother: "It's a good thing to buy books, why don't you buy them?" I don't know how many things I buy, but now I can't even spend dozens of yuan."
Hearing this, the mother was very aggrieved, and for a while she ignored her daughter, and looked for her grandparents for what she ate, what she used, and what she wanted
But it didn't take long for the grandparents to be overwhelmed, knowing that the child's comparison and vanity were strong and they were afraid of offending them by saying heavy things, so they called their mother to come back and take care of the child quickly
This is the educational infighting of the family, which is obviously to discipline the child, but the result is the concept between adults, and the dispute between offsides, and the child does not know what to do in the end, let alone who to listen to
Therefore, low-cost advice for raising children well also needs to maintain the harmony and stability of the family united front
Mom and dad are not lacking, grandparents are not offside, everyone should do their best first, and then influence the children
This journey may be relatively long, and it is not so easy, but as long as we do not give up and do not get discouraged, one day, I believe we will see the day when the child breaks out of the cocoon and becomes a butterfly
So, what are the different suggestions and opinions on some low-cost suggestions for raising children? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!