A middle-aged man's "last unemployed"

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2024-04-24 11:26Posted on the official account of Beijing People

What is the 40+ workplace crisis? In the past four years, Shen Maohua has deeply experienced this matter.

Before April 2020, he had two identities, he had worked hard in the Shanghai advertising industry for more than 20 years, he was a professional elite of a foreign company, in charge of three departments, holding hundreds of millions of negotiating amounts every year, and he had never felt a workplace crisis; in another identity, since 2004, he has written columns and book reviews on the Internet and media under the pseudonym "Wei Zhou", writing has provided him with a place to breathe, and a meager income that is not worth mentioning compared to his salary.

On April 14, 2020, at the age of 43, he could not escape the wave of layoffs at the company. After leaving the advertising industry, Shen Maohua had two more jobs as "Wei Zhou", but both ended up unemployed.

After four years of workplace crisis, he was forced to "reinvent himself" and find a new way to live. He re-thought about the relationship between people and work in modern society, and realized that the "value" and "growth" that he believed in in the workplace in the past were just an illusion, and he realized that "a person's sense of security or stability is not something that can be provided for you by just one job".

During the Qingming Festival, the author of "People" met Shen Maohua in a café in Shanghai. At this time, at the age of 47, he decided not to look for a job anymore and no longer rely on "the availability of jobs to affirm himself". About how a former industry elite faced the 40+ workplace crisis, how to rebuild the sense of security in life in the crisis, how to redefine work and redefine himself, the following is Shen Maohua's narration -

Text: Rebecca

Edited by Jin Shi

Why me?

In February of this year, I lost my job again. Compared to the previous two times, I think it's liberating, free, and it's very quick to figure it out. Unlike when I first lost my job in 2020, when I was still a professional elite in the advertising industry, I have become the general manager of national digital media buying for the past 20 years, and my position has been very high. Although the work is very busy, no matter how tired he is, he is a white-collar worker, with an annual salary of 900,000 yuan before tax and more than 600 after tax. Before that layoff, I didn't have a significant workplace crisis.

The turnover rate in the advertising industry has always been very large, I interned in an advertising agency in 1998, how cruel is this industry? At that time, a customer fell out, and my colleagues came back from a meeting on the customer's side, knowing that the customer was gone, and HR watched this colleague pack up the table and chair and leave. Clean up on the spot, don't look at the computer, don't take anything from the computer. I was shocked to see it, I had never seen anything like it. The HR director is there to watch you pack up, and no documents are allowed to be taken away.

Later, in a company, there was a group of customers who had been in charge for ten years and all 55 people in the group were unemployed. At that time, HR rushed to work overnight and found out some positions within the group to transfer them, but most of them still had to leave, and there was no money to support you if the customer dropped.

But at that time, the advertising industry was on the rise, and if you left, you didn't have to worry about finding a job. I was shocked when I first saw it, and then I realized that people in our industry don't seem to have the shame of being laid off. Let's go and change to another one.

We are too accustomed to liquidity. Anyway, take the compensation and leave, there are a lot of opportunities outside. At that time, the turnover rate in the industry was sometimes as high as 50% over the course of a year. Half of the group changed. There are also many people poached between various companies. Life has been good.

Probably since 2016, because of overcapacity, the price bargaining in the industry has begun to become strong, and the profits are relatively thin. The real crisis came in 2020, when the advertising industry saw a significant decline in sales due to the pandemic, and the client's budget was drastically reduced.

I didn't have a hunch before the company laid off employees. In February 2020, the sales of passenger cars in the country fell by eighty or ninety, and passenger cars are the canaries in the advertising industry. There aren't many obvious options for bosses either, and layoffs are certainly one of them. It's just that I didn't expect it to come so quickly, and I didn't expect it to be my turn.

During the first wave of layoffs, I still helped with the layoffs, like a person buried in a pit. Because of the first wave of layoffs, companies are looking at outdated projects and divesting teams that are no longer competitive, or necessary. For example, print advertising is obviously not good, do you still need so many people? It seems that there is no hurry, but now it is cut down drastically.

Next, consider that the middle and high-level people should cut some. But in the process, I always feel that some people seem to be not doing as well as me, and I am still safe. At that time, I was the general manager of three departments, and I knew everything about digital marketing. I think experience is still quite valuable, whether it is management experience or customer experience. At the time, I thought I was still valuable to the company.

In mid-April 2020, I received a layoff notice, and my first reaction was, why me? The company gave me a choice, you can stay, look among the 25 companies in the group, where is there a suitable position for you, but if you can't find a suitable position within half a year, then your compensation will be worse than now.

In fact, if you think about it, it will still be the same after 6 months, so why bother to be so dead-faced. My boss at the time was one round older than me, she was 55 years old, and she should have been laid off, but the group actually gave her a face, after the epidemic started in February, she flew back to the United States to accompany her family, I thought she would come back after a while, but the day I received the layoff notice, she sent an email saying goodbye, saying that now looking at the epidemic, I will not come back. But we all know she's just looking for a staircase.

After losing his job, Wei Zhou returned to his hometown in Chongming to rest for a while. Photo courtesy of the interviewee

hallucination

Luckily for losing my job, I had been thinking about it for a long time. Our industry has always been full of young people, and there used to be a joke, "the advertising circle can't see the elderly". Because the depreciation of advertising skills is very fast, what is the use of learning TV after so many years?

Therefore, the people of the advertising agency are always in crisis, and they all have a contradictory anxiety mentality, which is too busy, and you will feel very painful, and too idle will also be painful, because you will feel that you will not be competitive in two years.

At first, I thought that when I was about 35 years old, I would do what I loved, writing, or doing academics to go to graduate school or something. I've been writing for so many years, and I've been writing for the media. In 2012, I had another job-hopping, and when I encountered an incident, I thought that I could do this job anyway, and if I couldn't do it, I would have a source of income for my writing. So I've been thinking about this day all along.

But later I found that at the age of 35, I was still relatively young and strong in the company, and my career was booming, and it was time to be alone. Up and down is still a key force. If I become the deputy general manager, I may have four or five hundred thousand a year. At that time, I was also thinking that the academic circle is not easy to mix, and writing is also very hard, and if you have to take the exam, you may not be able to pass it. Coupled with this income, think about it. For the sake of the family or whatever, it dragged down year by year. Ten years have passed.

I sometimes think that the company made a decision for me by laying me off anyway. Originally, advertising was an "ageless advertisement", and I couldn't do it for the rest of my life, so I had to face this problem sooner or later. I just took the initiative to resign, I was reluctant to pay this salary, and it was difficult to make a decision.

So, after being laid off, I was also a little relieved that the day had finally come.

Frankly speaking, the compensation given by the company at that time was quite satisfactory, and I was more optimistic. I thought, okay, in that case, I'll see if there's any other option, and I'm not afraid of the high turnover rate in the industry anyway. There is still a little way out of the manuscript fee or something. I haven't rested much before, so it's good to stop and think about it even if it's a gap year. So I wasn't in a hurry at first, and I felt that I finally had time to read and write, and I had time to take a walk.

At that time, I was mentally prepared for about half a year, but I didn't expect the impact of the epidemic on the economy to be so big. Later, I came into contact with some headhunters, and I found that it was not optimistic. They don't ask of you anymore. They will think, you're 43 years old, you have a lot of experience, but can you really do it? Or can you achieve the 1 million target this year? Can you bring a team over? Because he pays you a high salary, he wants to make more money for the company. But if I have the resources and I can still pull the team, I might as well start my own company.

Another one said that this is a more challenging job, and I need to turn it around in one year, and I thought to myself, this is only one year, and if I can't do it in the second year, I will have to find another job. There is also a company in Beijing that asked me if I could go to Beijing, and I said yes, but what kind of work is the problem? They said that the relationship has actually been done, and there needs to be someone to lead the team to write a plan, not too bad, and go through a formality. I was also a little tsundere at the time, and I didn't think there was any sense of accomplishment in this job, just to make money. It's not worth it to go to Beijing to abandon your wife and children for this.

People still want their abilities to be affirmed and continue to grow. Even if you can't grow, you have to bring a few subordinates from the team over, then they have to grow - in this industry for 20 years, I have been told by others that personal growth is the most important, and the company's performance is not eternal, but the skills I have learned are real, and they can be exchanged for money and positions.

But it turns out that these things may be hallucinations. This is also the biggest shock to me from the job loss.

I read a book a while ago, "One-Person Company: High-tech Workers in the Wave of Unemployment". The author talks about how about 20 years ago, during the neoliberal dot-com bubble in the United States, there was a large number of high-tech workers who were laid off. After they were laid off, they didn't get frustrated, but regarded themselves as a "one-man company", saying that they continued to grow, but they didn't find a good job for the time being, I was still very good, and I still wanted to work hard to realize my value.

What this author means is that this is actually an illusion as well. The premise is that you believe that as long as you perform well enough, you will find a job sooner or later. Build your own personal brand and still be able to live well. Maybe some people succeeded, but most people found that it was still the same after three or five years.

He said that the neoliberal economy implies a promise that as long as you work hard and excel as a person, you can manage your personal brand well. But in fact, I don't know whether this promise can be fulfilled, and many things change with the changes in the general environment. Many of people's values and achievements are actually given by the times and the general environment, rather than being the result of personal efforts.

Just like I just graduated in 1999, there were only more than 800,000 college graduates in the country that year, and there were many jobs. Foreign-funded enterprises are still in the period of expansion and vigorous development, and the housing prices are low, so I feel that as long as you work hard, you will definitely be able to buy a house and settle down in this city. You don't need to worry about anything else, you just have to work hard. Even before 2020, I still felt that I was valuable to the company, and my resume and experience were valuable and cashable. But eventually, I realized that it was really an illusion.

Photo source movie "Tokyo Sonata"

Head

Almost a year after losing my job, I wrote an article on my official account, talking about some of my feelings about the year I didn't work, and at that time, I felt a little sad and felt that my career in the advertising circle was likely to come to an end.

The article was widely disseminated at the time. But my wife told me why I had to write. My mom would also call me and tell me that some people among relatives and friends would ask why you were unemployed, some would be comforted, but some might laugh at you behind your back. My parents-in-law are also worried that others will laugh at me behind my back, and they inevitably care about other people's evaluations.

I find the pursuit of work a bit pathological in our culture because it involves social prestige. Many people still care about this, they originally thought that you had a head and a face, but now you don't have a job, and the first reaction of ordinary people will not say that you are free, which is good. Usually some people will think that is quite pitiful.

I have a former friend who left a foreign company and started his own business in a foreign trade company, and later became very successful, earning at least several million yuan a year, but his father always felt that he had no face in running a small private business by himself. In the past, it sounded much better to say in foreign companies.

There is also an industry senior, whose monthly income may be about 100,000 yuan, when the entire Chinese region of his company was shut down, and of course he was unemployed as the general manager. It doesn't matter at the beginning, the elites in the workplace are used to it, and they are also young and ambitious, and they have never suffered any setbacks. I am also very confident that I will definitely find a job again, so I am not worried at all. As a result, he stayed at home for half a year, and his parents-in-law lived with him, and they kept saying, you can't be depressed like this, and it's not a matter to stay at home all day.

When it comes to the back, it's hard to hear, and I feel that he doesn't deserve what their daughter is. Of course, he also felt that he was born to be useful, and he was very impatient with these nagging, and often quarreled, and then did not give in to each other, and got divorced.

We were shocked to hear it in the industry at the time, because both husbands and wives are very successful in their careers, and the family is really not short of money at all. The man is unemployed, and the wife still has a high income, but they still need the husband to have a job, and they feel that the job is a symbol of his status.

One of the reasons why I have been relatively stable in the matter of unemployment is that I am not so financially stressed. I'm from Shanghai, I don't have a mortgage, and I don't drive until now. The family's material desires are also not strong. The cost of educating two children is not much, we are more free-range, and we are not as anxious as ordinary people. Another point is that my family is more open-minded. My mom was calm when she heard the news, and my parents-in-law didn't tell me anything in person. Our two children don't feel that their father is unemployed, they don't think about Dad failing, they don't think about why Dad hasn't worked recently, what will we do when we eat at home in the future?

My wife doesn't feel like that. She is a freelance illustrator, and now her career is better than mine, although her income is not as high as mine, and her sketches are actually not as good as writing. But she's trending better than me right now.

But there is still a gap in my heart, and there will be confusion about the new life, how to go on, and many things are uncertain. My mom told me about it later, and she said that I wasn't worried that you wouldn't be able to eat, but I was worried that you wouldn't find a better job, and there was a gap in your heart.

Of course, there will always be a little bit of a gap. It turns out that there is a job, which provides a sense of stability at the bottom, but now the income is fluctuating, and the manuscript fee is a piecework salary, which is definitely risky.

I didn't think about making money by writing before, and I also had some income on the official account, but at that time, it would be good to earn 1,000 yuan a month. There is also a manuscript fee for media appointments, but it is a fraction of the income of my own job.

It turns out that no matter what, it is still relatively respected in the industry, and it will be a little emotional, once sitting in the office, a group of 40 of us is in charge of the negotiation volume of 2 billion a year. Of course, it's not our money, it's just some numbers, but after you get used to such a big number as 2 billion, you feel that there are hundreds or thousands of dollars on the official account, of course, this money is your own, but the feeling is completely different.

Later, I went to the community center to receive unemployment benefits, 2,000 yuan a month, and I could receive it for 24 months. At that time, I felt a little ashamed when I decided to go and pick it up. Even if I tell myself that I can bend and stretch, this unemployment benefit is what I deserve, why can't I receive it. My friend told me the same thing, no one will laugh at you, you should take it.

But when I actually went to get it, I might have been disciplined by the culture for too long, and I couldn't help but feel that I had fallen to this point. In the process of waiting for the sign, I really didn't want to stay longer, I just wanted to get it and leave quickly, as if this was not the place I should be. Not long ago, I was a professional elite who operated 2 billion yuan, how could I still get 2,000 yuan in unemployment benefits now? But in fact, thinking about it is a drama in my heart, and no one cares.

Photo source movie "Tokyo Sonata"

refuge

Shortly after I posted that unemployment article, in the second half of 2020, I went to an online education company to do an interview. I was approached by a reader who later became my boss.

I like this job very much, and it doesn't take up too much time, just go one day a week. At this age, I still have to follow my hobby – and that's something I care about when I look for a job again. But after 8 months, the company was facing a listing, my department's budget was cut, the contract was terminated, and I lost my job again.

After that, I went to a media outlet. There, I did a good job, and I was one of two people who got an A grade when I did a performance review. But before the Spring Festival this year, I heard that the company was going to lay off employees, and I was more naïve at that time, thinking that it would not be my turn, but in fact, when I really laid off people, it was not your performance that was considered, but first of all, your price was too high.

I've been unemployed three times in four years, but now I'm calmer. The reason why I am able to be so calm is that I must first face the reality, you must know that the original life is in the past.

I went to Changchun before, and I heard a person say that his mother was laid off that year, and at that time, all those under the age of 45 were laid off, and his mother was haunted by it for more than ten years. felt that she had done a lot, and some people were just two years younger than herself, and they were really bastards, so they could stay, she couldn't figure it out, and she was always indignant. But she couldn't attack the people she was laid off, she just attacked the people in her own family.

At that time, I thought that one of the reasons why they were more difficult was that the environment was too simple, and relatives and friends didn't have any ideas to give him. Unlike some southern places, relatives and friends who work in different industries will gossip about giving him an idea, then you don't want to do business together. If you can't do business, there are still building materials sold over there. There will be different opportunities to introduce you. But if your environment is monolithic, it's hard.

So, another major reason why I'm calm is that I also have a hobby of writing, which gives me both mental support and a little income.

In fact, when I write now, I started writing unintentionally, completely as an amateur hobby. At that time, I also suggested to my subordinates that you should develop a hobby after work, whether it is dancing or photography, no matter what, there is a hobby that can support you. If you put your heart and soul into a job, then one day you suddenly wake up and find that you have nothing but work, which is terrible, and you hate it.

Imagine if I had no other source of income or hobbies for four years. That's horrible.

I will also say to my children, when do you think you are happier? The eldest said that he was happy when he was doing handicrafts, and the second said that he was happy when he was painting and when he was taking a bath. That's okay, it's good to have a refuge, and once you encounter any failures in life, you won't feel like you're worthless.

I also came across a book called "The Current Situation, Challenges, and the Future of the Age of Great Change", and there was an interesting point in it. He said that there is an important point in the American work ethic, you have to put in a job, you have to have passion, you have to be very committed to doing it well. But he found that under this kind of work ethic, when the work is turbulent, the blow to people is particularly great.

Many people's work is all he has, not only to provide him with remuneration, but even his social circle may be colleagues, and work also provides him with meaning in life. When I didn't have this job, I didn't know what to do, and this kind of thing was terrible.

I have seen middle-aged people in some places in Shenzhen make very extreme moves after losing their jobs, in addition to the objective pressure, he may not be able to find the direction, not used to mobility, and there will be a strong sense of shame after being laid off, he feels that this is a denial of himself, I am not good, so I was laid off. Including I saw a female executive in the news at the time, after being laid off, she was very ashamed and didn't dare to tell her son because she felt as if her mother had failed. Many people will interpret being made redundant as a failure of their own.

Our education has always been about teaching people to succeed, and we have not thought about how to face failure. We were taught that "failure is the mother of success", but I was fine with that, and I knew very well that this was just my job to earn a living, so I wouldn't lose my job, as if the value of the person was denied. I still earn my value by writing articles on my own, or in other ways, such as my family.

Of course, I understand that there are many people who may be forced to live, and even some people don't know what hobbies they have, or this hobby cannot be exchanged for money. But hobbies are still very important, and people should have a little place to breathe. Many middle-aged and elderly men like fishing, that's fine, at least calm down when you go fishing.

There is a man in my hometown who is two years younger than me, who sold his house in Shanghai after losing his job and went home to fish, and he is not married. His parents couldn't accept it, and felt like a shame to the family. Later, when his sister was more enlightened, she said why, my brother doesn't steal or rob, how can this be a shame? His parents have accepted it now, after all, fishing is better than suicide, right?

The study is the refuge of Wei Zhou. Photo courtesy of the interviewee

Rigidity and elasticity

At the end of last month, I wrote another article called "My Last Time Unemployed" because I don't think writing will be unemployed. I feel like I can write for the rest of my life, and I can keep writing as long as I can write.

Now, the company I used to work for still continues to make appointments with me, although the income is not stable, but I can support my family. As for the five insurances and one housing fund or something, I will pay it myself. You will be more immersed in the new character and find some different rhythms and feelings. At least I like it. I also spend a little more time with my children.

We all have to face the reality that in this era, we also have a long lifespan, and it is impossible to have any job that can last a lifetime, so we will have to experience the loss of our job sooner or later. Who doesn't have a risk? The way to do that is to give yourself a little leeway.

I found that many social elites in China live in a relatively rigid state and cannot make mistakes. There are also people around me who provide two or three apartments outside, and use all their salaries to pay off the loan. In this case, not to mention unemployment, even if it is a salary cut, you will find that life is unsustainable. You can't do that, you still have to leave a little leeway for yourself.

After all, life is not just beautiful, but also cruel.

There is a movie called "Achilles and the Turtle", which was made by Takeshi Kitano. This movie is very cruel, just about a painter who has lived in a relatively wealthy family environment since he was a child, and he has no interest in anything, just painting. His family was also relatively wealthy, and he was provided with good enough conditions to paint every year or two. In the end, my parents grew old, my father seemed to be bankrupt, and my mother died. But no matter how his family changes, he doesn't seem to care at all, just painting by himself. Despite this, he painted all his life and did not succeed until he was old.

I watched this movie at the time, and I thought to myself, it's too cruel. But such an outcome is also possible. There are times in our culture that there is a little hope, and if we don't forget it, there will be an echo. But the reality is, what if there is no repercussion after remembering it?

I later thought of another version of Ang Lee's story. Everyone knows that after Ang Lee graduated from the New York Film School, he didn't make a movie for 6 years, and he once thought about doing something else, but his wife was very powerful, raised him for six years, and finally really succeeded, so this thing was later called a good story. The first time I heard this story, I was also very moved. But one day I suddenly realized, what if Ang Lee didn't succeed? If he continued like this for six or ten years, it might be scrapped. And that's probably the end for most people.

In our culture, many people think about their lives as if they are looking for a certain and permanent relationship. If you get married, you won't get divorced, and if you're in the workplace, it's best to work for the rest of your life. Chinese people all want stability, but what everyone does not realize is how much they have actually paid for this stability.

But the ups and downs of life are very normal, and you always have to give yourself one more choice. So, life still has to find a way to be more diverse, no matter what, you have to be a little flexible.

At this point, my wife also gave me a lot of inspiration and support.

In 2014, my best friend died suddenly, and I had never thought about death before, it felt so far away. But as soon as he died, I suddenly realized that life is limited. I later told my wife, "What would you do if I left like him one day?" She was also very practical, and she wouldn't comfort me and told me not to think about it, so she said what can I do? I might take the child back to my mother's house in Fuzhou. Indeed, if I were gone, their lives would go on.

In 2020, when I was unemployed for the first time, I went home and told her, she was also very calm, she just felt that there was a poor way to live. Late that night, she also said to me, "Thank you, I have been so willful thanks to your hard work all these years. 」

She hadn't been out to work for many years and was working as a freelance illustrator from home. Later, after giving birth, she didn't paint for almost 8 years, and her personality was very free, and she didn't want to work for a certain plan. I have a stable income, so I won't push her.

Around 2017, when both children were in kindergarten, she started to have a little free time, and she also felt that she wanted to find something to do for herself, so she went bird watching, did some nature observations, and started painting again. Some people like her paintings, and naturally some people ask her for manuscripts. She also slowly began to make illustrated picture books and children's books.

Last year, she published a book called "Walking Slowly with the Four Seasons", which sold well. Although she didn't make much money from the manuscript fee, she was also famous, and she also won a prize with a bonus of 10,000 yuan, which is not too much, but she is very happy. After that, the publishing house also asked her to come out with a sequel, and there were quite a lot of manuscripts, I think she enjoyed it, she was in good shape, better than me, and I felt that she was going up.

I don't think there's just one job that can provide you with a sense of security or stability, and you don't have to be too obsessed with work.

I'm 47 years old, and I feel at least a little more open-minded about my work, and I've seen through it, and I'm not afraid, and I think I'm luckier than many people. Many people may not have thought it through, or they may not know how long they can do what they are doing when they are middle-aged, or even this thing is not what they really like. I'm already good, I've found something I want to do that will give me an income and be able to do it for the rest of my life.

As for any other suggestions, I had a friend tell me that he also has a Plan B, but it's just too much worse than Plan A. It turns out that he makes chips with a monthly salary of 100,000 yuan, and Plan B is to bake bread, and his income may only be a few thousand yuan a month, and he has to start a business and take risks. He said that unless Plan A fails completely, he will not seriously think about Plan B. But I suggest that no matter what, if you think about it, even if you don't seriously implement it, as long as you think about it, I believe it will be a little better than never thinking about it.

Wei Zhou often goes to the riverside for a walk. Photo courtesy of the interviewee

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