Children's sex education requires both parents and schools, and children should not be allowed to explore on their own through the Internet
In recent years, with the vigorous development of the children's book market, some controversial content has appeared in some children's books, such as the recent children's picture book "Sugar in the Drawer", which has caused concern among parents because of the bizarre illustrations, and has also triggered in-depth discussions about when and how to start children's gender education. Sex education is an indispensable part of children's development, which involves children's recognition of their own gender, respect for the gender of others, and understanding and acceptance of gender roles. However, as for when to start cultivating children's gender awareness, this issue of Tencent News "Growing Up Talks" invites Tencent News Knowledge Officer and National Level 2 Psychological Counselor Qingtian Mama, Hu Jiawei, Secretary-General of the Family Sex Education Branch of the Chinese Society of Sexology, and Liu Qintian, Lecturer of Child and Adolescent Sexual Health Education, to discuss in depth how to carry out gender education in a timely manner while respecting children's natural growth.
Sunny Mom: What do you think of the phenomenon of controversial content such as crop bottoms in children's books in recent years?
Hu Jiawei: I think this is a good phenomenon, and parents' awareness of sex education is increasing. Judging whether such content is appropriate or not, in fact, the background is very important, if it is a sex education picture book published by a regular publishing house, then no matter what appears in it, there is an educational attribute behind it, in order to guide children to understand privacy or accept their reproductive organs. If it is not aimed at sex education, there is no content of sex education at all, but there is a problem like a hot topic in the news, then such content may be misleading to teenagers or young children, and increasing moderation can help such content to be published in a more standardized manner. These phenomena will also bring some negative effects, and parents may report some of the better sex education picture books recognized on the market, which will make it much more difficult for those who are serious about sex education to publish.
Liu Qintian: Picture books must meet the level of children's cognitive development, and the level of cognitive development is different at different ages, and the points of understanding are different from those presented in picture books. In addition, there should be no wrong demonstration in picture books, and we have always emphasized that both boys and girls should have an elegant sitting posture to avoid exposing their private parts. Secondly, do not destroy the child's sense of security, some new picture books will be displayed with the "big bad wolf", but it does not conform to the child's conventional cognition at all, and there is a scene beyond the child's normal life, these picture books are not conducive to the child's understanding.
Sunny Mom: What is the potential impact of these controversial content on children's psychological growth and gender perception?
Hu Jiawei: In the Japanese anime "Crayon Shin-chan", I am particularly impressed by the fact that when Crayon Shin-chan is excited, he will suddenly take off his pants to expose his buttocks or directly expose his genitals, so the negative impact of it is that there will be some imitation among children, of course, not all children will imitate, which is closely related to family education. Therefore, we encourage parents to read picture books with their children, and when parents and children see some inappropriate behaviors in picture books, parents can talk to their children and ask them what they think when they see the wrong demonstrations, which is just an opportunity for sex education.
Sunny Mother: When my child was about two or three years old, I once watched a popular science and saw a passage called "Snow Leopard Mother gave birth to a baby from the birth canal", and then he asked me very seriously, did I also come to this world from the birth canal? I was shocked, he said that he saw it in the encyclopedia, I think if we can talk about our nose and eyes normally, why can't we talk about our body with the child normally?
Liu Qintian: I would like to remind you that while considering the level of children's cognitive development, picture books should also consider whether there is a cultural conflict. One child asked his mother where he was from, and the mother showed the child the German picture book she bought, but the child asked his father when he came home from work: "Let me see that machine of yours, is it straight up or bent down?"
Sunny Mother: What are the aspects of the importance of sex education for children's development, and when should we start paying attention to children's sex education?
Liu Qintian: Sex education is not the same as sex education, so let's talk about the three parts of sex education, biological sex education, psychological sex education, and gender role education. In fact, children can feel the difference between gender when they are born, they can feel the difference between father and mother by listening and watching, and when they are about two and a half to three years old, children begin to understand and confirm their gender, which is an important period for the development of children's gender cognition, and children begin to confirm whether they belong to the category of father or mother. Gradually, after the age of four, we must begin to build a concept of privacy for our children, and we must learn to respect their privacy, such as children taking a bath by themselves, no longer being able to look at their parents' bodies casually, and sleeping in separate rooms.
Hu Jiawei: In our philosophy, sex education starts as early as possible, and it is best to start from the birth of the child, and sex education here does not refer to what we say to our children or give them lessons, but refers to the way we raise our children, what kind of toys we buy for our children, and what kind of things we choose for them, all of which are subtly shaping gender concepts for children.
The goal of sex education, the bottom is to solve the problems of children or society, such as the occurrence of various sexual assault cases, gender discrimination, campus bullying, etc., the second layer is to maintain a healthy state, children's physiological health, hygiene, etc., the top level is sex education is not only physical and psychological education, nor just to tell children how to protect themselves, it is also shaping children's personality and values, such as guiding children to realize gender equality and equality between people from an early age.
Sunny Mother: Aside from sex education, when a child really understands this part of himself as a human being, in fact, he will know more about himself and how to understand others, and then he can know how to cooperate with others.
Sunny Mom: What are some possible ways to conduct sex education?
Hu Jiawei: First of all, parents should relax first, parents have a calm and open-minded state on the topic of sex education is the most important, if parents are very afraid of sex, then no matter how many methods we teach them, we will find that parents can't speak, so parents themselves must first understand and learn sex education. I share a small method, called the three-step method of answering children's sexual questions, the first step is to understand what the child's question is, don't rush to answer him immediately when the child asks a question, the second step is to answer the child's question simply and directly, don't go around, the third step is also the most important step, to share the values of parents.
Sunny Mom: What are the main elements of sex education, and are there any recommended gender education methods or strategies?
Liu Qintian: We have a system tool, there are books for children, there are also books for parents, we read books for children are divided into six sections, the first big plate is gender equality, starting with the beauty of the gender of all things, when walking during the day, take the child to see the beauty of the sex of animals and plants, and you can take the child to read picture books when you go home. The second is to cherish life, starting with picture books in kindergarten and continuing to primary school. The third is self-protection, we have a systematic curriculum, starting from how children construct physical boundaries, including school bullying. The fourth is personal growth, which includes understanding reproductive organs and physical development, among other things. The fifth and sixth sections are family relationships and peer relationships, which contain the content of sexual health education for the whole personality, and the education of healthy gender relations is related to gender education in a broad sense.
Sunny Mom: I have three golden sentences "I don't know, I won't, you help me". In fact, there are four levels of parenthood, the first level is the question that the child asks, you can, you can give the answer, the second level is the child asks you no, but you can give him tools, the third is the child asks you can't, you let the child go with you to find the answer, the fourth is complete inspiration, that is, whether you will not matter, but you can let the child know, as long as he wants to know, curious, he can dig deeper.
Sunny Mom: What roles should the family and the school play in the process of sex education, and how should they cooperate?
Hu Jiawei: Parents are often subtle, and it is very important for children to ask a question related to sex education, whether they choose to avoid it or choose to answer it very calmly. In addition, the process of accompanying the child to explore the answer is also sending a signal to the child that the child can talk to us about such topics. The advantage of the school is that it can provide children with systematic sex education courses, and it is hoped that parents can tolerate and approve of the sex education courses carried out by the school, and if parents have concerns, they can coordinate and communicate with the school.
Liu Qintian: Most of our public welfare courses are from Monday to Friday, Saturday and Sunday are business courses, and business courses are paid for by parents, and different fields give children different support and strength. What I advocate is that children should be educated more by their parents before the age of six, parents should teach their children by word and deed in the family, and the family and school should help children build a healthy sexual value.
Sunny Mother: The first step before the child's adolescence, there is always someone who has to do it first, this person can only be a parent, because it is their own child, we hope they are good, we hope that our children really live a little relaxed, a little happier.
Sunny Mom: What is the impact of the current social environment on children's gender perceptions?
Hu Jiawei: If it is not through formal school sex education and family sex education, but let children explore through the Internet on their own, on the one hand, it will make children overly inferior or overconfident in their own lives, and on the other hand, they may be misogynistic in the process of getting along with the opposite sex.
As adolescents are exposed to the Internet and mobile phones, they are also getting more and more information about sexuality, and both boys and girls may be exposed to pornography in the first grade. Boys may be exposed to some pornographic adult films, and girls will also learn about sex through Tanmei novels, but we all know that the concept of gender in pornography is very distorted, because most pornographic films are mainly filmed for men, and the image of women is to cater to men without a bottom line, but this is not the case with women in real life. If boys learn about sex and women through pornography, they will be discriminated against from the bottom of their bones.
Sunny Mother: I hope you take the time to give yourself and your children a chance, at least we can let your children know that it is not your fault that they meet bad people, and don't let children feel that their aura is not good, and they are all bad people. Let your child know that he is fine, that some behaviors are even if others are just smiling at you, that being uncomfortable is uncomfortable, and that you have to identify that boundary, let alone touch your body.
Liu Qintian: In "Understanding Virginity", it is said that the boundaries of children from an early age are reflected in the boundaries of language, space, body, emotion and interpersonal boundaries. The first language boundary, we will clearly tell children in class that private parts cannot be said casually, and in adolescence we cannot talk about others, saying things like some girls' big breasts, which is very disrespectful. There are also swear words, humiliation and belittling of women, etc., which are all wrong. The second spatial boundary, there is a certain boundary between people, if a stranger gets too close, you feel depressed and leave quickly. The third physical boundary, many children in the first and second grades, still sleep in the same room with their parents, and even touch their mother's breasts when they sleep.
It is very important whether parents can give their children the values of the underlying logic, there is nothing wrong with the child who has been sexually assaulted, it is the perpetrator who is wrong, and parents should give support to their children.
Finishing: Chen Yanbo
Review: Cai Juan
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