Lead
As soon as I got home today, I was happy and tiptoed over.
"Dad, Dad, do you know? XXX wore a very beautiful skirt when she went to school today, which her mother bought from Japan, and it costs thousands of yuan!" "A lot of people say that the things they use are very expensive. "Dad, do I have anything that is as expensive as XXX?" ......
To tell the truth, Happy Classmate's parents Happy Dad also knew each other, they were not rich and noble, and the two of them opened their own store in a commercial building, selling regular daily necessities such as bed sheets and quilt covers. In daily communication, the two of them live more frugally, but because the child is a little girl, it is very generous in terms of the child's food and clothing. Now I have bought thousands of skirts.
It seems to be just a trivial matter of buying clothes, but it actually reflects the mentality of parents to enrich their children. In fact, there are not a few parents who uphold the concept of enriching their children.
They always feel that it doesn't matter if they eat less, drink less, and wear less, and their children will be different.
Today's children have a wide social spectrum, and they are exposed to partners at all levels, if they are not rich and give them more good things, it is easy to feel inferior in social interactions, which will affect their healthy and happy growth. The phrase "no matter how poor you are, you can't be poor in education, and no matter how hard you are, you can't be bitter for your children", it is still regarded as the truth by the majority of parents.
So is this notion, or the practice of endlessly enriching children, good?
The endless abundance of children is easy to bring about 3 kinds of "problems"
I have seen a psychologist before, in response to the problem of raising children richly, he said: "It is better for children's clothes not to be more expensive than adults'."
As for why, he had this to say:
As a hard-earned adult, what good and expensive things should be bought for yourself and your parents the most.
Buying it for yourself is a reward for your hard work, and buying it for your parents is the most basic filial piety for your children. As for the children, there really isn't much need to buy those expensive clothes.
On the one hand, they are at the age of physical development, and many clothes can not be worn this year and next year, and it is inevitable that it will be a bit wasteful to spend thousands of dollars to buy; on the other hand, they are at an active age, and no matter how expensive the clothes are worn on them, they are no different from a few dozens of stalls, so there is no need to buy too expensive clothes for children, on the contrary, as long as you buy some safe, durable and dirt-resistant, as for too expensive and good, it is not too late to buy them when they grow up to earn their own money.
Moreover, blindly buying too expensive clothes for children, or endless enrichment for children, is also easy to bring the following three "problems".
vanity
As the happy dad said above, many parents cut down on food and clothing, always thinking about giving the best things to their children, as long as they are within their own ability, they always want to give their children the most expensive, thinking that this is good for their children.
Not really. This is not only easy for children to breed the psychology of vanity and comparison, but also easy for children to develop the character of pursuing pleasure and greedy for vanity. After all, in today's society, there is no upper limit to the pursuit of materialism, there will always be new good and more expensive things, there will always be things that children want, want to compare, and want to use to satisfy vanity.
I only know how to ask and I don't want to give
If a child can get what he wants, whether it is difficult to buy or expensive, after a long time, they will become people who only know how to take and are unwilling to give. Even if such a child grows up, he is a giant baby who is lazy and does not know how to be grateful.
Especially in families that are not wealthy, forcibly giving their children a good life will make children feel that everything is taken for granted, and that parents should pay for them regardless of gains and losses. Mom and Dad think that when the child grows up, he will understand everything and will be able to work hard to earn money to meet his needs, but the truth is not at all what they think.
I saw a news story before that a mother tried her best to send her child abroad, hoping that he could return from school and be filial to himself. As a result, the child came back in disgrace after losing 2 million living expenses, not only did he not learn anything, but stayed at home like he did when he was a child, did nothing, and waited for his mother to take care of himself and give him money. And the current situation of the child is actually "spoiled" by the parents.
Wrong view of consumption
For children, it is the right concept of consumption to develop a living within their means and buying things within their own ability.
Children who have been endlessly rich since childhood, and who can meet any out-of-the-ordinary requirements, are easy to develop a consumption concept that does not match their own abilities, thinking that they should use the best for everything, and want to use the most expensive for everything, and when one day their income is not proportional to their needs, it will induce a series of disastrous consequences.
Many times, what parents think is love will harm their children.
To educate children, you should not deliberately be poor, and there is no need to support the rich
As a creator in the field of parenting, Happy Dad feels that many parents have extreme choices in raising their children, either they can be poor or they are forced to support the rich.
I saw such a question on Zhihu before, "What is it like to suddenly find out that your family is very rich?"
The subject said that he lived very poor when he was a child, and other friends had snacks, and when he wanted to eat and ask his parents for money, his mother would say, our family is poor, unlike others, and it is difficult to provide you with enough food just for you to go to school. The implication is that don't mention the idea of snacks or anything, and if you say too much, the subject will slowly become "sensible".
Later, he suddenly discovered that his family was actually very rich, and the life of his parents was actually very nourishing. But it's too late, at this time the subject has become very inferior, friends want to do something together, he is always looking ahead, afraid of spending money and afraid of consumption, and has become very insecure, and he does not dare to take the initiative to fight for the opportunity.
This is actually the harm caused by deliberately poor raising children, although the children of poor families are in charge of the house early, but this is in exchange for sacrificing children's self-confidence and sense of security, poor raising, not only limits children's consumption, but also limits children's imagination of a better life, the impact of this education method will be lifelong.
As for the harm of forcibly supporting wealth, Happy Dad also said above, forcibly giving children a life that does not match the economy, it is easy for children to develop a vain mentality, it is easy for children to become only aware of what they want and do not know how to pay, and it is easy for children to develop a wrong view of consumption.
Mom and Dad are tired, and the children may not have an easy time in the future.
In fact, the material conditions for raising children are really just basic needs, and it is enough to meet the functionality, and there is no need to pursue very expensive and luxurious things. However, the abundance of children's hearts and the perfection of education belong to advanced needs, and they need to be truly "enriched".
Inner abundance represents the correct three views, the right mentality and the correct attitude towards others, these qualities can make children see farther, think more, fly higher, and have a better future.
Like Guo Jingjing's family, it stands to reason that they are definitely a wealthy family, not to mention expensive clothes, even if a child wants an amusement park, it is not a problem. But in the matter of educating children, Guo Jingjing behaved very naturally.
Naturally, she didn't deliberately raise a boy in poverty, she herself wore clothes from roadside stalls, and it was revealed that she had worn a dress for several years and attended many occasions, and she bought dozens of dollars for her children. In an interview, she once said: "Modern technology is developing rapidly, and there are many dazzling choices, but I think that children's needs in daily life are actually very pure, and they don't need very complicated and luxurious things." ”
This is actually the best thing that parents can give their children.
At last
Finally, back to the topic at the beginning, Happy Dad thinks that the best appearance of a family is:
What kind of life parents live, what kind of life the children will follow, do as much as they have the ability, don't let the child deliberately endure hardships, and there is no need to force to meet the child's requirements.
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