Why is 35 years old a watershed moment in a woman's life?
Some women have been smooth sailing since then, and some women have fallen into the quagmire and can't extricate themselves?
After doing tens of thousands of consultations, I found that each of us is like an army.
If your cognitive distribution is dotted and scattered, then no matter what decision you make, either the direction is fundamentally wrong, or you are careless, and a truly powerful woman who has absolute control over men has her own system.
In "The Unbearable Lightness of Life", there is a sentence that says:
"Aside from being sick, the pain you feel is the result of your values, not real. ”
In other words, all your pain is "self-inflicted".
Your cognition determines your joys, sorrows, and sorrows, determines your actions and vision, and determines your destiny.
For example, we often hear a sentence:
After finding out that my husband betrayed, it was a sea shattering, I never thought that my husband would go outside to find someone!
This is "fixed thinking", a concept in fairy tale books, do you think love will never change, as long as you love each other, it will be forever?
I really wanted to leave, but for the sake of the children, I had to endure it.
This is the "weak thinking", the child needs to be protected forever, and if you hurt the child, the child will always be hurt......
But in fact, if the child is not hurt by you, he will be hurt by others, and you can't protect your child, you can only teach the child how to deal with the injury.
If I really leave, won't it be cheaper to have a woman outside?
Is this the "female competition mentality", winning or losing is more important to you, fighting for tone is more important to you, or is it more important to really gain benefits and obtain happiness?
The man said give him time and he would change, so I chose to believe it......
This is "trust thinking", you give your destiny to others, and your life is determined by other people's character. How scary is that?
My girlfriends, my parents have told me that marriages all over the world are like this, men are destined to cheat, and it is the same for another man, it is better to make do with it.
This is the "good child" mentality, all your cognition is told to you by others, and you have never measured your life with your own experience!
Almost all of my wives came to me and tried to prove to me:
- I can't do anything about it
- My husband is King Kong and does not have a bad body, he eats soft and does not eat hard.
- My marriage is no show.
But at the same time, they held the luck psychology of "a dead horse as a live horse doctor", found me, hoping that I would give them a magical spell, and as soon as they said it, my husband changed his mind.
But in fact, we must understand that when a man betrays, the important thing is not to go back to the past, but to change your way of life.
You have to change from "weak thinking" to "strong thinking", and your life can counterattack.
Strong thinking includes the following points.
1. The principle of autonomy
Women must understand that your life must be sat by yourself, and the only sense of security in this world comes from your ability.
Many original partners come to me and like to ask me: Mr. Lu, what do you think of my husband?
I said, what does he want to do with you?
She said: "Knowing what he thinks, I know what I should do."
I said, what if your husband thinks the same way?
I find that you have a trait that you always unconsciously hand over the decision-making power of your own life to others.
Your husband wants you, so you can live well with him.
Your husband doesn't want you, so you can only endure humiliation.
You never seem to have thought about whether I could dominate the situation, whether I could decide what my husband thought?
2. The principle of self-confidence
At this time, the wives would tell me that it was impossible, that it was absolutely impossible for him to change.
Not only is my husband unchangeable, but 2+1 is also a very high rank......
At this time, I made them speechless: Since your husband is so powerful, why did he come back to coax you as soon as you said divorce?
Since your husband doesn't love you so much, why didn't he follow up with the sentence when you said divorce: leave and leave?
Since that woman is so capable of seducing your husband, why hasn't she been on the throne for 5 years?
I have found that the biggest damage to many women who experience betrayal is the loss of basic self-confidence.
She will always overestimate the energy of men and underestimate her own level.
In fact, the values of a truly strong person must be: to be clear about the strengths and weaknesses of oneself and others, and then to do two things.
1) Let your "short board" become a "medium board" and reach 60 points;
Many wives said to me, Mr. Lu, I know that you have a lot of words, can you tell me now how to tell my husband.
I said I can't teach you now.
Because your energy is too low.
It's too easy for your emotions to "get up".
If you can't control your emotions, you can't control your "words".
So first of all, you have to make your emotions stable to the extent that a man stimulates you, a junior provokes you, and you can still face it with a smile, and at this time, the words can work.
In my work with my team, the emotions of the original match actually account for 70% of the entire work, and many wives find that their emotions are adjusted, and many words can be "original" by themselves.
2) Let your "long board" hit the "short board" of men and juniors.
One wife told me that my husband was a bastard, and it was useless for me to use a "big stick" with him, either he said "whatever you want", or he would be rude with me.
I said he was rude with you, and you called the police.
My wife said, "I don't dare."
I said your husband is a salesman, what kind of money does he make?
If he can't control his emotions and can't speak with high emotional intelligence, can he succeed?
So, the real problem is that he thinks you're not a threat to his interests, so he's so unscrupulous.
Later, when her husband was about to commit domestic violence again, she called the police, and her husband has never been "angry" again.
My wife asked me, I know my husband's shortcomings, but what is my longboard?
I said, you are a simple, honest, single-minded woman.
She said, isn't that my shortcoming?
I said, wrong, your husband is such a big carrot, he knows best what kind of woman can be a wife, and what kind of woman can only play.
Your biggest longboard is that he can't lose someone like you who is good to him.
As long as you dare to leave, he will not dare to bother.
We did the consultation for 3 months, and at the end, when she was really going to the Civil Affairs Bureau, my husband cried.
My wife came to me and cried, she said, I have been deceived by my husband so badly over the years, in fact, he is a paper tiger at all.
I said, it's not that he lied to you, it's your perception that deceives you.
3. The principle of self-improvement
Many women can't stand a man saying a word: I will support you.
As soon as the man hits this "sugar-coated cannonball", the woman swallows it without hesitation.
A really smart woman never eats men like this.
Because a man raises you to belittle your value and elevate his status. That way he can keep a firm grip on you.
A woman must have her own job, have her own career, even if you are a housewife, you must have independent financial resources.
For example, there is a wife, her husband is very profitable, but he is also very good at losing money, she will stubbornly hold on to the family's savings, even if her husband is forced by divorce, she will not let go.
Of course, the bottom line of her insistence comes from the understanding of consulting with me.
I said, if a woman has no economic foundation, you can only bow your head in marriage.
Later, her husband lost a lot of money, but his wife was sitting on tens of millions of assets, because she knew how to manage money and made a fortune in the stock market.
At this time, the husband, who has always been arrogant, finally showed a "dog-like" "flattery".
A woman always has to go through a purgatory-like torture of "cramping and peeling", which comes either from society or from your closest lover.
Some women wake up and understand that there has never been a savior or comfort zone in this world, it is a jungle, a battlefield, a world of "survival of the fittest", everything is based on your strength to speak.
Your hard power is the wealth you have.
Your soft power is the influence you have.
What love, love, it's all bubbles.
Without the first two things, nothing will be left for you.
Some women need 5 years to understand, some women need 10 years to understand, some women don't understand until the second half of their lives, and some women will never understand in their lifetime.
At this time, it depends on whether there is a master to wake you up.