Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
In real life, there are many women who focus on career development, and after a certain level of career success, they are usually over 40 years old, and finding the right partner becomes relatively complicated and requires more energy.
Take, for example, the case of Ms. Wang.
She majored in medicine at university and received her diploma after four years of coursework and a year of internship in a hospital. Even so, she still faces difficulties in finding employment.
Against the backdrop of the current poor job market situation, Ms. Wang, a bachelor's degree graduate, struggled to find a job even in a hospital in a small county. Therefore, she decided to spend a year at home preparing for the graduate school entrance examination to improve her academic qualifications.
Ms. Wang's efforts were not in vain, and she was successfully admitted to Central South University to continue her studies, and after completing her three-year postgraduate studies, she is now 26 years old.
Her academic qualifications opened the door to employment, and she successfully became a regular doctor in a tertiary hospital.
The training period lasted for two years, during which time she did not officially go to work and received a lower salary.
During the training period, her clinical skills have been standardized training, and she has gradually mastered the ability of clinical thinking, and is able to be independently responsible for the whole process of patient treatment, from admission to discharge.
Her professionalism has been fully nourished, and she aspires to become an integrated medical staff.
It is necessary to learn not only professional knowledge and clinical skills, but also communication skills, barrier-free communication, and scientific research and innovative thinking.
Therefore, she constantly reads professional literature and books at home and abroad, participates in the training and skills examinations of the department, which makes her have little time to fall in love, and she does not have too many worries about age, and always feels that there is still plenty of time.
However, in the blink of an eye, Ms. Wang is 33 years old, and her parents are anxious, believing that she has missed the best age to have children, and it will be even more difficult if she does not actively look for a partner.
In fact, the parents' concerns are not unfounded, and Ms. Wang does encounter many challenges in her active search for a partner, and the people she admires may not like her, and even if they do, they may hold back because of her age.
As for how long Ms. Wang will have to run on this road to find love, it is not yet known.
Older unmarried women like Ms. Wang are not uncommon in the mainland, and many women are older than her and still single.
Most of them are around 40 years old, facing the blind date dilemma of "older leftover women" - even if the criteria for choosing a mate are lowered during the blind date, age is still an unavoidable obstacle for them.
It is common to hear some mean comments such as:
"Isn't there no menstruation at the age of 40", "40 years old is no longer suitable for motherhood" or "Who would want a wrinkled face at the age of 40"
These remarks hurt them to a greater or lesser extent, and they could only leave with a wry smile.
For men, what kind of women can attract their attention, if analyzed from a psychological point of view, men are usually more inclined to choose those women who rely on them or even worship them as partners.
This also explains why, in a patriarchal social system, there are prevalent standards of beauty. From this perspective, they may be less interested in independent women.
Men usually have a strong desire to protect themselves and tend to show their masculine characteristics in front of women.
In contrast, 40-year-old women tend to have deep social experience and interpersonal skills, and have achieved a certain status through their own efforts in a male-dominated workplace environment.
These traits undoubtedly pose a challenge to men's social status and masculinism, posing a potential threat to their self-confidence.
In this case, the appearance of the woman becomes secondary;
Even if it is highly attractive, men will think twice about it if there is a possibility of destabilizing their family or social status.
As a result, older single women who outperform men in many ways are extremely expensive to gain male "approval" and "dependence", and they are extremely unlikely to become male partners.
Renowned psychologist Sarah Braver Hedy points out that
In the relationship between men and women, it is usually the woman who has the right to decide the choice of mate, and the criteria for choosing a woman's mate can even affect the evolutionary direction of the species to a certain extent.
In nature, females are usually the decision-makers in the choice of mates, whether it is the choice of when to mate, the frequency of mating, etc., it is up to the females to decide, while males mostly obey the female's choice.
Since women have the right to decide when choosing a mate, they tend to be more selective when choosing a mate, giving preference to genetically good men, also taking into account the growth and optimization of offspring.
In addition, our society is prejudiced against "women and men" romances. Many people don't understand or support "sibling love".
We generally tend to choose people who are similar in age (generally within three years of age difference) rather than people of disparity in age (more than 10 years in age) as romantic partners, while it seems more common to choose older men as partners.
Why be suspicious of them?
Do you know their stories?
What makes sense to think that their relationship is inappropriate just because of their age difference?
Finally, we should promote the concept of equality in love:
The concept of love should not be so rigid, the age difference is not an absolute barrier, and whether men are dominant should not be overly important.
Because a healthy and harmonious partnership needs to be maintained by both partners – two separate individuals working together, and independent women should not be seen as mere opponents to challenge men.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: older leftover women, psychology
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