Wen \ Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
01. A wise quote for a highly-married woman to manage her marriage
I have a female friend, she is neither beautiful nor in good shape, but she is married to a good husband, to put it simply, she is married, many peers who know her are very envious of her, and think she is not worthy, but the reality is, people are just doing well, what can you do?
For this reality, we should not be jealous, but should learn, this is the correct attitude.
I asked her the secret early on, and all she said was, "I'm thick-skinned." ”
I burst out laughing. She further explained that no matter what my in-laws say about me, I am like that, and no matter what my husband says about me, I am still like that. I don't cry, I don't make trouble, I don't explain, I don't have emotions, life goes on like this, I really didn't expect that it would get better and better.
Hehe, she has some truth in what she said.
Her words reminded me of the words of the poet Yu Xiuhua:
"A woman wants to lie down and win, a good life for a lifetime, there is a secret, that is, mentally weak, no matter who does anything, you will not feel too uncomfortable, you still devote yourself to life and career every day, from the details of a sense of achievement, draw strength and good mood. What is force? When someone says a few bad words, you get blown up, you're in a bad mood, and it affects your thinking and behavior, and that's called force, a woman, but everything who is mentally stressed is miserable, because you're always living in the eyes of others, always embarrassing yourself, consuming yourself. ”
Her words are similar to Yu Xiuhua's words. Too many of our women are glass-hearted, sensitive and emotional, what others say about us, we will dig in our hearts, it is difficult to let go, but if we can do "not force", you will find that the world is really full of blue sea and blue sky.
This "lack of power" is really a secret to spiritual freedom and happiness in life! But this concept sounds simple, but in fact it involves a deep psychological adjustment and the improvement of self-awareness.
Let's start with the concept.
The so-called "powerlessness" means that you can always maintain a calm and independent heart in the face of external evaluation and pressure.
A "powerless" woman, no matter how the surrounding environment changes, she can maintain herself and not be swayed by the outside world's remarks. They are strong and stable at heart, and do not fluctuate greatly in response to a single criticism or praise.
Then someone asked, how did such a woman cultivate?
I'll sort it out for you.
02. First of all, they have a very clear understanding of themselves, and outsiders can't shake them at all.
They know their worth very well and do not need to be affirmed by the affirmation of others. This self-knowledge is the cornerstone of their ability to resist the negative influences of the outside world.
Therefore, other people's words cannot touch the depths of their hearts, so that they will naturally not feel forced.
Let's take the simplest example.
My mother is over 70 years old, although she was very beautiful when she was young, but when she got older, she didn't take care of herself very well, so she had a big belly and a bit of a bucket waist, and of course in a group of 70 old ladies, she was pretty good.
Every time I take her to buy clothes, she is so confident that she doesn't think she's a little fat, even if she rarely gets the right clothes.
Once, she tried several pieces at home, and a young salesman accidentally said, "Auntie, if you lose weight, you can wear our clothes." ”
As a result, my mother smiled and said to her: "Little girl, it's not that I want to lose weight, it's that your family doesn't have the right size for me, you have to improve!"
This sentence made everyone present laugh, and my mother also smiled brightly, not caring that many of us were actually laughing at her.
Yes, my mother is completely unaffected, there has never been a unified standard for this kind of body problem, my mother refuses to be defined by the salesperson, she thinks she is a beautiful woman with a good figure, you say she has always thought so, can you not be happy every day?
03. Secondly, they are particularly good at regulating their emotions.
"Because I'm a Woman" says:
"The lack of love makes one's expectations of love very idealistic, which inevitably leads to the shattering of idealized expectations. Because in the adult world, no partner can give unconditional love to the other. ”
Yes, in life, everyone will face pressure and challenges, and in marriage, you will inevitably have a lot of dissatisfaction with a man when you get along with him.
If you're not good at mediating emotions and getting stressed everywhere, it's a tragedy!
After I worked, I had a girlfriend who was always very good at turning what was already a good intimacy into a war without gunpowder, and then they met each other and ended up breaking up!
As soon as she fell in love, my phone was going to be blown up by her.
Because she will make a lot of trouble at any time and anywhere, everyone knows it! He and her boyfriend are separated and combined, even the neighbors near their house know all the details, and every time she cries and tears to me to denounce her boyfriend's various bad deeds, I suspect that the dogs in their community are very clear.
At the beginning, I always felt that she might be too simple, kind, or unladylike, in short, maybe mature, the next one will be better, however, she has never been able to fall in love, the next one, the next boyfriend, the situation is the same, it has never changed!
So ha, in fact, the biggest problem is not the man at all, but herself, she is too sensitive, too serious, and overly emotional, how can this manage love well?
For example, if you just get a new hairstyle, but your boyfriend doesn't notice it, you get angry, you buy clothes, no matter which outfit you wear, your boyfriend just perfunctory you say that you look good, and you immediately feel that he doesn't care about you, you send him a message, and he doesn't reply in time, you think he is in love with someone else.
No matter what the situation, you can hook up with "he doesn't love you" and come to the conclusion that you are not loved, you say that you are not tired of living!
Some people say that this kind of emotionality, the worst result is just a breakup, but in fact, if you get more and more intense, you will really have to worry about your life.
The story of Du Shi Niang's angry sinking treasure chest is an example. After Du Siniang was betrayed by Li Jia, if she was good at regulating her emotions, she would take her gold, silver and jewelry away to live a good life, but she was emotionally exploded for a while, sank into the treasure chest angrily, and jumped down and committed suicide by throwing herself into the river. What an extremely emotional tragedy!
There are also those women who break up with men and look for death and life, which is not uncommon in the news every year, do you say that the problem is all in men? It is because we don't love ourselves enough, and we always rely on others for our feelings!
Li Xiaoyi said in "Make a Living First and Then Seek Love":
Over the years, I have seen unhappy women, most of the reasons for unhappiness are two categories: one is to set the "happy" point very high, and their own world is too small, in the "small world" to find "big happiness", of course, it is a very difficult thing; the second is that there are too many external causes of "happiness" and too few internal factors, but personal happiness requires the cooperation of many people, and it is naturally difficult to do things that cannot be done by oneself. ”
That's right, why do you always feel unhappy because of a man's every move?
If you look closely, you will find that those women who have a good life are without exception not masters of regulating their emotions.
A woman who can control her emotions well will never be entangled in whether he loves me or not, and doesn't care about me. Because their sense of security never comes from a man's love, but from themselves, and any attitude of a man will not really set off any waves in their hearts.
Thinking of my other best friend, she and her husband have always had a good relationship. When she quarrels with her husband, she often has her own opinions, no one can convince anyone, and ordinary women will definitely cry and cry, looking forward to being coaxed by her husband, she never looks forward to it.
Once they had a quarrel at night, and before things could come to an end, the two of them fell into a cold war.
As a result, that night, her husband was so angry that she didn't fall asleep, but she fell asleep, and her husband couldn't see it, so he woke her up, and she said: "I'll talk about it tomorrow!"
Such women have a lot of security in their hearts, and they are also very loving, so they don't care so much about men's feelings, they don't feel that men don't recognize themselves, that is, they don't be loved, they always feel that they are worthy of love, because without this man, they will love themselves.
In this way, maybe the ability to regulate emotions really has a threshold, we don't have to blame the original family, the important thing is to let yourself love yourself more, so that you don't have to rely so much on men's love, when your heart is really no longer dependent, you won't be affected by his force, then his every move will really not affect you anything.
04. Mei Niang said
To become an "unpowered" woman, you need to practice and practice in your daily life. Enhancing self-awareness and the ability to think independently are the foundations.
At the same time, it is also very important to cultivate the ability to regulate one's emotions, continuously strengthen psychological toughness, and learn to love oneself.
These cultivations are not achieved overnight.
But we can enrich our inner world through reading, traveling, working, hobbies and other ways, when we learn to love ourselves and satisfy ourselves, it can also help us better resist the negative influence of the outside world and maintain a healthy and positive attitude towards life.
In short, being a "weak" woman can not only bring personal mental health and emotional stability, but also effectively improve the quality and depth of life. This inner strength and independence is what every woman who pursues a better life should strive to achieve.
Encourage you!